Things Not to say during Sex

[KnightLover1]

Where's your mom, She's Hot

[hardoneforgirl]

daddy want's more

[KnightLover1]

Why's your dad taking pics??

[Glitterbug2212]

you know (insert guys best friends name here) does this way better

[KnightLover1]

I thought i flossed before i showed up..

[Glitterbug2212]

(during any form of sexual play) *sound of silence as you lay there asleep*

[KnightLover1]

Whose up for a game of twister

[Glitterbug2212]

Whose up for a game of twister

oh i dont know...that could lead to some interesting positions...

oh dont mind him, hes just gonna watch

[KnightLover1]

oh i dont know...that could lead to some interesting positions...

oh dont mind him, hes just gonna watch


Well I'm up for where that could lead too ;) :rose:

Oh i'm not worried, But your dad may be.. lol

[Glitterbug2212]

*laughing* you call that 7 inches?

[KnightLover1]

Lol Are those breasts Or speed bumps..

[Glitterbug2212]

Lol Are those breasts Or speed bumps..

*giggles* thats harsh


dont worry...ive read all about this online...

[KnightLover1]

*giggles* thats harsh


dont worry...ive read all about this online...


Lol And yours wasn't

(I think this goes here if I'm correct)

[Glitterbug2212]

im sure it will grow back...

[KnightLover1]

Hey we got ourselves a voyuer

[Glitterbug2212]

this is something your dad taught me

[KnightLover1]

Lol Yes well your mom gives good head

[Glitterbug2212]

its just a coldsore

[KnightLover1]

That's not a pimple, Is it??

[Glitterbug2212]

OMG we're cousins...

[KnightLover1]

OMG we're cousins...

That would be super lol

Wow i didn't know your dad taught you that..

[Glitterbug2212]

omg i just sharted (ewww if someone actually ever said this)

[KnightLover1]

Lol Wow.. that would ruin any moment..

I think you need to check that :excited:

[Glitterbug2212]

maybe you should see a doctor...

[KnightLover1]

Wow look at the time, Has it been that long already lol

[Glitterbug2212]

im sure its just a little cold in here...

[KnightLover1]

Ohh look i can see myself in your nipples :excited:

[Glitterbug2212]

omg your tits are bigger than mine

[KnightLover1]

We got company

[Glitterbug2212]

done already?

[KnightLover1]

I didn't know your parents liked to watch

[Eastend ray]

I'm really a Martian

[hardoneforgirl]

Do you mind if my son tapes this?

[flirtyandy]

christ, what's been up there b4 me? a tree stump?

[minerva_x]

Your dog is better -- LOL

[KnightLover1]

(Lol nice one) :p

Damn and i thought you gave good head, But your bestfriend beat you to it - lol ;)

[flirtyandy]

Can we ask ur sister to join us, she knows how to keep me hard

[KnightLover1]

While were at it, Lets get her cousin in on it too ;)

[hardoneforgirl]

I'm gonna hurl

[KnightLover1]

Lol Hey I my gf just called..

[hardoneforgirl]

is that menstrual blood?

[KnightLover1]

You look fat lol

[Glitterbug2212]

oops my bad

[KnightLover1]

I think you dropped something

[hardoneforgirl]

Why is your dog looking at us?

[KnightLover1]

I think he's seen this before lol

[hardoneforgirl]

you dog better not mount me

[m21]

I'm going home.

[hardoneforgirl]

does this look infected?

[m21]

So how do you like my blue waffle ? :eek:

[hardoneforgirl]

Why are your nipples different colors?

[stiffsteel]

you are better than my gran

[KnightLover1]

Someone forgot to douche

[MrFors]

zzz...

[KnightLover1]

Wow i bet your dad taught you that

[Tia Mariah]

Do you think I'm good at doing this even though I'm only thirteen ? :eek:

:excited:

[Olwen]

Who are you? :)

[KnightLover1]

Was i drunk ?

[armivilla28]

this will be one boring night *sighs*

[bigbird]

ummm chakka ummmmm chakka ummmmmm chakkka aaahhhhhh - can you tell what it is yet? (thats a terrible rolf harris impression - sorry !)

[KnightLover1]

Oh wait i went home with the wrong girl.. lol

[hardoneforgirl]

Can your sister join us?

[Tia Mariah]

Mom :eek:

[KnightLover1]

No pictures dad lol

[hardoneforgirl]

I wonder whats on sportscenter

[Olwen]

I love you Cath, oh... I know, I was joking Alexandra... you are Stephanie? Damnit :O

[hardoneforgirl]

Your sister swallows

[minerva_x]

Your dog swallows....! LOLOLOLOL

[Tia Mariah]

I thought you said you'd done this before ?

[hardoneforgirl]

DAMMMMMMMMMMMMMN your pussy stinks

[KnightLover1]

Did something die in this room ?

[hardoneforgirl]

I'm hungry, go cook me something to eat and it better taste better than your pussy.

[KnightLover1]

When did your mom start liking 3somes

[hardoneforgirl]

Your pussy reeks, did your douche fail?

[shotgun82]

Oops I thought you were your sister?

[KnightLover1]

Your mom must fo shown you that

[shotgun82]

Was that an echo coming from between your legs?

[KnightLover1]

I lost my watch in your pussy

[hardoneforgirl]

why does your pussy smell like wet dog?

[Eastend ray]

I wish you were naughty

[hardoneforgirl]

Shit, i'm having a heart attack.

[thecaptian]

Why does your pussy smell like shit?

[hardoneforgirl]

crap, my viagra isn't working

[flirtyandy]

Christ were u the half time entertainment at a sex addicts meeting?

[thecaptian]

Now what side do I slide this card on so I can pay and we can get started?

[flirtyandy]

You don't charge? christ i just assumed u did

[PandaOrgy]

Oh, no, wait...Aren't you? Oh shit. Where's Myranda?!

[tesalj]

Do you have any idea what you are doing!!

[hardoneforgirl]

I'm bored

[Quixotica]

Can you tell me where the closest VD clinic is?

[KnightLover1]

Why do you have mainly hands..

[hardoneforgirl]

Sasquatch has less hair

[KnightLover1]

Is that an adam's apple ??

[WiTCHBLaDE]

is it in? :excited:

[KnightLover1]

Are you sure your wet ?

[WiTCHBLaDE]

do you mind to push little harder?

[KnightLover1]

Wouldn't mind at all lol How bout moving that would help too

[joeydaniels]

What do you mean your husband the cage fighter should have been here 15 minutes ago?

[KnightLover1]

Wait your married to who? Oh fuck!!

[WiTCHBLaDE]

:yawns: are u done yet?

[KnightLover1]

Your husband pulled up

[Amazon36DD]

You're worse than an egg timer! The fucking egg didn't even make it into the pot!

or

Hurry up and cum like you always do... Walking Dead is on.

[KnightLover1]

Lol Or Wow that was fast, And i wasn't even warmed up

Or

What the hell, You have to go to bathroom now.. ?

[Amazon36DD]

You want to fuck my ass? Alright... just as soon a you take a ten inch cock in yours. Did I mention there is a man in the closet?"

*Is this the wrong way to bring up a threesome?????*

[KnightLover1]

Lol

Wow i didn't know you were down for that, Damn and i should of brought my camcorder..

Or

Oh my friends came over, They want to watch :excited:

[hardoneforgirl]

Why is your mom filming us?

[KnightLover1]

You smell like dog. :p

[Ficus239]

That can't be good

[scottMaster]

wait i thought you were your sister?

[KnightLover1]

hold on did you have surgey, i feel something hard

[Amazon36DD]

At times like this I really miss your little brother

[KnightLover1]

Your tits feel weird, Are you leaking ? :p

[scottMaster]

your best friend said you used to be a guy is that true?

[Lover83]

Well at least you made the top 5...

[KnightLover1]

I could of had the hot girl at the bar.. oh well

[scottMaster]

your Mom is a better fuck

[Amazon36DD]

your Mom is a better fuck

LMAO... unless it actually happened. In a weird way I might be proud of her...

ANYWAY....

Wow... now I know why your friends call you tiny.

[Pussy Shark]

Hello!! Hello!! Hello!!

[Amazon36DD]

Wow, you eat pussy almost as good as your sister!

[Pussy Shark]

I waited in line for this?!

[Amazon36DD]

You know... your cock is.. well... ugly. Cover it up would you!

[Nig Enuf]

hold on dad(mom,boss,etc)

[Amazon36DD]

lol.

The voices are telling me to kill you... where is that knife?

[KnightLover1]

Lol

The people from my planet said you would make a great project for inbreeding lol

[Eastend ray]

Bollocks, I've forgotten dump mad marks body, its still in the boot of the car.

[Quixotica]

I had a sex change.

[DanielaRo]

Is that all?

[Pussy Shark]

If your grandfather is catatonic, why does he have a boner?

[KnightLover1]

Didn't i pick you up before at a different bar ..

[Gentleman friend]

Your sister is much tighter...

[KnightLover1]

Lol

Wow you ever hear of a check up

[Nig Enuf]

i think ur car's getting towed /is that ur alarm?

[KnightLover1]

I think your dad wanted to join in

[realsexkitten256]

ZZZZZZZ

:awesome:

[KnightLover1]

Lol

Your ass is fat :p

[umpire2]

"Could you get your German Shepherd's hairs out of your pussy first before I eat you?"

[umpire2]

"That scar on my inner thigh? That's where your grandfather bit me last night."

[umpire2]

"That smell? Actually I'm experimenting making cottage cheese under my foreskin."

[hardoneforgirl]

get me a beer

[umpire2]

"Did you just piss yourself or is your shower broken again?"

[umpire2]

"I didn't figure you for a real blonde, but gray????"

[umpire2]

"That? Oh, I always get diarrhea when I'm fucking hard."

[umpire2]

"I think your two year old woke up. He's got his finger in my ass."

[umpire2]

"My first time? It was this hot, comatose 10 year old in the ICU....."

[umpire2]

"Don't look now, but you forgot to turn off the Skype on your computer after you were talking to your Mom"

[Julie30]

Man: "No, I cannot kiss you please stop asking"
Woman: "Please?"
Man "I can't kiss you, in-fact as your Doctor I shouldn't even be fucking you at all" :p:excited::p

[KnightLover1]

Lol

Well your doctor told me you have STDs so we can't keep fucking :eek:

[unleash21]

"I'm hungry, can you make me a sandwich?"

[Versed]

"I'm going to pound the farts out of you!"

[JimBill]

You're not as tight as my dog.

By the way could you please bark while i'm fucking you ?

[just a high bitch]

So when are you going to put that paper bag over your face?

[scottMaster]

Damm what is that smell?

[Quixotica]

Is it out?

[scottMaster]

what is that green stuff?

[KnightLover1]

You have a really bad rash

[mrtimmons]

Which hole is it, again?

[umpire2]

"Oh, I forgot to tell you----your husband is coming home early."

[umpire2]

"Oh, crap! That red pus-filled thing on my cock broke again!"

[mrtimmons]

Oh, no.... I just sharted! :eek:

[StickiVicki]

whats your name again?

[KnightLover1]

What is yours ?

[devilblond3]

your ex'es name.lol

[scottMaster]

your 20 ?I fucked your mom 20 years ago

[KnightLover1]

I knew that last burger was not a good idea

[minerva_x]

Are we there yet?

[scottMaster]

damm is that your ass i thought it was a bilboard

[Nig Enuf]

wow, i thought u would have been better at this

[ipscout]

Everything's been said before. He'll eat up monopoly and shit out connect four.

[hardoneforgirl]

do you have any pepto bismol?

[thecaptian]

"I shit when I cum"

"Can that be a problem?"

[KnightLover1]

Wait you mean your not your sister.. well fuck!! where is she then ?

[scottMaster]

hey did you know your sister is a better fuck than you are?

[hardoneforgirl]

Cool, "the Hangover" is on.

[minerva_x]

Where's the pillow? I need to cover your face while we are doing it!

[KnightLover1]

Hold on let me get my asthma pump

[WiTCHBLaDE]

yawn. -.-

[KnightLover1]

this is boring :excited:

[armivilla28]

sit, shake hands, play dead...bark!

[KnightLover1]

Lol

Would you like a treat now ?

[westcoastkid92]

Are you gonna be able to finish?

...not anymore you jerk.

[hardoneforgirl]

For a stripper, your lousy at "lap dancing"

[xnightlessx]

I forgot the safety word!

[KnightLover1]

And I thought you were good.. I want a refund :excited:

[minerva_x]

What did you say?! Your snot tastes better than your cum??:rolleyes:

[armivilla28]

i said ky jelly NOT petroleum jelly on it :rolleyes:

[bigbird]

use some more lube i smell burning

[KnightLover1]

I think your loosing your edge..

[MrFors]

*Yawns*

[Amazon36DD]

I'm guessing your new to this.

[Pussy Shark]

My mom told me I should watch out for girls like you!

[Amazon36DD]

Seriously? you're talking about your mom at a time like this? GET OUT!!! lol

[JadeM]

Your cousin at least lasts more than 30 seconds.

[Tongue_Olympian]

Maybe we should just be friends!!!

[KnightLover1]

You remember me don't you.. We met before at a bar.. :excited:

[OzChick]

Stop for a second, I have to scratch. These crabs are driving me crazy.

[Rexxracerr]

Your sister does that too.

[Joshua.Hart]

*Uhng*... *pant* ... Sweetheart, you're tight! Almost as tight as my secretary. :excited:

[ThatCanadian]

"Hey, that's the same trick your friend Sharon does!"

[OzChick]

You have a nice size cock. When I used to have a cock it was big too.

[ThatCanadian]

You have a nice size cock. When I used to have a cock it was big too.

LMAO!!! Priceless... omg!:laughing: Oh damn that actually had me roaring, I scared the dog. Definitely NOT something I would want to hear lol.

"Gee, maybe I should have had more to drink, your not looking so good right now."

[armivilla28]

ur pube's are burning!

[LittleFireCat]

My mom told me I should watch out for girls like you!

i dont know pussyshark that might make me hot.. thinking you are naughty and disobeying momma's orders....;)

[Draegus]

Sign here, here and initial here... now that I'm the beneficiary of your life insurance policy we can fuck.

[ThatCanadian]

Stop moaning... I can't hear the score!

[minerva_x]

Look it's a bird, it's a plane, it's Super Vibrator to the rescue!!!!

[hardoneforgirl]

Your tighter than my daughter

[ThatCanadian]

OH yeah... oh yeah..... your so good whatever the fuck your name is!

[SensualRobin]

Mmm... oh you're not inside yet?

[ThatCanadian]

Um... I think I need to get the weed whacker.

[SensualRobin]

Will you turn the light out when you're done sweetheart?

[ThatCanadian]

Sure honey... right after you make me a sandwich. (that will just get me smacked)

[minerva_x]

I think Im fucking a walrus

[SensualRobin]

(Hehe you'd like it I bet ;)

You need to pull out if I'm going to get you that sandwich... oh... you did already?

[KnightLover1]

MMm thar was hot baby.. ;) But you forgot to wipe earlier.. lol

[SensualRobin]

Oh yeah I'm ready for you.. nice and crusty down there... didn't you like that?

[ThatCanadian]

Don't worry... I will share my prescription... clear you up in no time.

[KnightLover1]

Oh i didn't know you were on your period.. I wasn't paying attention to the extra juiciness of your pussy.. :p

[ThatCanadian]

If you wanted foreplay you should have brought a friend.

[OzChick]

Is aids contagious?

[SensualRobin]

No aids isn't contagious, I swear.

[OzChick]

*just points and laughs*

[thecaptian]

"I can really go for some pancakes right now"

"The sex?"

"eh..."

"But pancakes.....yummm"

[OzChick]

i slipped you something, you'll pass out soon but dont worry;) the dildo i will use is only 10 inches.......wide

[KnightLover1]

You think your neighbor's dog would like to lick peanut butter off your thighs ? :excited:

[OzChick]

No, that was the wrong safety word

[KnightLover1]

Lol

If I tied you up and blindedfolded you, Would you hold it against me, If i wasn't the one doing the teasing.. lol

[OzChick]

My grandmas been lonely lately. Can she join us?

[KnightLover1]

Whens the last time you had an Enema ?

[OzChick]

Ewwwwwwww


Would it distract you if I mooed like a cow? It gets me going.

[KnightLover1]

Lol

So that means I can milk your tits and have a drink :kiss:

[bigbird]

moooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo not at all

Do you mind wearing the sheep outfit though?

[OzChick]

I'm trying to get pregnant.

[KnightLover1]

I came inside you and didn't tell you ? Hope you weren't trying to get pregnant

[OzChick]

Awwww shnookums, does your itty bitty doodle wanna pway?

[bigbird]

4 down - 4 letters - first letter c

[OzChick]

Hurry up and finish. I've got better things to do

[bigbird]

Excuse the carrots - I cant remember eating them - hurlllllllllllllllllllllllllllls

[OzChick]

Omg I didn't mean to let one rip while you were down there

[bigbird]

Did you have sprouts recently?

[OzChick]

If you like blue waffle then have I got a surprise for you!

(if you don't know what I mean, please google)

[bigbird]

If you like blue waffle then have I got a surprise for you!

(if you don't know what I mean, please google)

Unfortunately i do know what you mean

How do you like your eggs?

[sex_addict230]

Did you cum yet?

Heard that one said before by my noisy neighbours lol - class!

[sex_addict230]

Are you awake?

[ThatCanadian]

Wow... that was the single least inspiring foreplay EVER

[Draegus]

Why the fuck does your slit smell like burning rubber?

[ThatCanadian]

Look, I love to eat crab as much as the next guy, but the ones nesting are your pussy are so NOT what I had in mind!

[GamecockGolfer]

**talking to a pussy**
"Hello, hello? Is there anybody in there?" (sung to "Comfortably Numb" - Pink Floyd)

[hardoneforgirl]

your legs seem real damn hairy

[GamecockGolfer]

Smells Like Teen Spirit

[ThatCanadian]

I just ate Taco Bell and drank 5 beers.