Things Not to say during Sex

[pornlover2112]

Very Simple game...We keep going with things you should say during sex, No repeats. Lets see how many we can come up with


I will go first

1.You weren't that bad but your Mom was better.

[catrina604]

you aren't as good as Daddy

[pornlover2112]

3.You woke me up for that!

[JayneyRedd]

Darling, do you know that you've got a bigger cock than all your friends?

[pornlover2112]

Did I mention the video Camera

[hungt99]

ZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzz

[JayneyRedd]

That reminds me - Chipolatas! I knew there was something I'd forgotten when I did the shopping.....

[freethinker]

Dayumn, that was a good rip! Bet that's gonna stink....

[pornlover2112]

What Condom?

[JayneyRedd]

Er.....what did you say your name was again?

[Formerly Yak]

Is it in yet?

[hungt99]

Can you hand me the remote?

[pornlover2112]

Sorry You just not as Tempting as Family Guy

[Formerly Yak]

I have to quote one from Textsfromlastnight.com

"during anal sex he kept yelling his room-mate's name"

[JayneyRedd]

Darling, I'm sure I told you the ceiling needed repainting in here....

[pornlover2112]

I haven't had this much fun since your mom was here earlier

[JayneyRedd]

Answer the phone, will ya? It's at your end.

[dominatemeplease]

Thanks for the ride, but I gotta go. Forgot my Valtrex at home.

[freethinker]

Is that your dad in the closet?

[dominatemeplease]

Nope, it's yours.

[Formerly Yak]

It's ok, it must be something I ate today.

[freethinker]

How'd you get your panties to stick to the wall like that?

[dominatemeplease]

ROFL

Does it EVER get completely hard?

[pornlover2112]

So Have you heard of a thing called a razor at all?

[Formerly Yak]

Partner One: huh. I thought it'd be ... different.

Partner Two: As in better?

Partner One: .... No. Just different.

[freethinker]

Should there be skidmarks on the sheets before we start?

[freethinker]

Am I in the right wrinkle?

[dominatemeplease]

*tears rolling down her face*

Is two minutes all you're good for?

[freethinker]

Did that genital wart just wink at me?

[dominatemeplease]

Just clean it off when you're done.

[freethinker]

Did you cum yet?

[dominatemeplease]

What's that smell?

[freethinker]

Did you cut the cheese?

[dominatemeplease]

No, it's more like...sardines.

[freethinker]

Pull my finger...

[dominatemeplease]

Not there you idiot.

[Formerly Yak]

they're just razor bumps

[D.Evil]

"Can I get you something to read?"

[dominatemeplease]

Is there an echo in here?

[freethinker]

Is that cottage cheese in your panties?

[Formerly Yak]

.... "and that's the SECOND time I caught crabs"

(Mac from the movies 'Super Troopers')

[D.Evil]

WTF!!!

[Katie Unleashed]

If you feel something sharp in there it's probably my wrist watch.

[D.Evil]

Im not carressing your neck, I'm checking for a pulse.

[hitoshura]

You're even tighter than my goat.

[umpire2]

"Shit! I just remembered I need to refill my HIV meds!"

[Fordawake]

"The doctor said as long once it stipped itching, it isn't contagious."

[umpire2]

"I want to fuck you since the first time I saw you.....did I tell you that you remind me of my Mom?"

[freethinker]

I save money by rinsing condoms out and reusing them.

[umpire2]

"Doesn't that grafted-on monkey dick look natural?"

[JayneyRedd]

Just pull my nightie down when you finish, will you?

[toni88]

I am thinking of your sexy mother naked

[richief]

*after she farts during oral sex*

Fuck it I aint hanging around for another 68 of those.

[umpire2]

"I love sucking your cock! Let's get naked and you can suck mine!"

















Oh, wait! That's "Things you don't want to HEAR during sex...."

[richief]

Funny as fuck Ump:excited::excited:


Goooaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaal!

[JayneyRedd]

"Ohhhh Martyn!" (when you're in bed with David :oops: ) p.s. true one

[SkoolGirl]

What do you mean ..its been swollen like that for six weeks now?? Its only an inch long???

[dominatemeplease]

It is not THAT cold!

[Katie Unleashed]

You do know this isn't free, right?

[cijababe]

LOL how did I miss this? And I'm guilty of one of them - Yak's 'Is it in yet?' First time having sex after childbirth :oops:

'Hi son'

[sullygom]

OMG, you must pass out when that gets fully erect !!;)

[Pericles]

Hold on a sec babe... I want to catch Letterman's Top Ten.

[ladysingsblue]

what are you doing?

[D.Evil]

You want to speed this up? There's other people waiting, you know.

[Lioness]

NEXT!!!

[Lioness]

Well...your brother screams my name when *he* cums...*pouts*

[Lioness]

:Zz zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

[sullygom]

RAWRRRRRRRH:eek:

[D.Evil]

Done. I win!

[sullygom]

If ever you become a Mummy, can I have one of your puppies ?:eek:

[Lioness]

Here, let me see if I can braid your asshair...

[Lioness]

I see dead people...

[catrina604]

Do you have any Kaopectate

[Lioness]

OMG! There's a fucking spider crawling on you!!!! :eek:





Just kidding!!!

[luv2Blicked]

Does it get bigger?

[freethinker]

Hey, I think I see headlights in there...

[sullygom]

:rose:

[MrFors]

Ok ok, I know that you said you weren't into bondage, but maybe the thirty third whip will be different?

Or a more simple one...

Damn! Now I know where your sister gets it!

[umpire2]

Hell, I thought I was stiff!

[umpire2]

There's more cheese in your pussy than Loews stocks in its dairy department!

[freethinker]

You got some critters crawling through the forest down there...

[toughfuck]

ooo, the carpets don't match the drapes

[Lioness]

Did you know Smc wants to be a ballerina?

[umpire2]

Oh, my! What a cute little cock you have!

[freethinker]

What is that, a button mushroom?

[umpire2]

Just put this bag over your head and shut up!

[JcIce]

I have not had this much sex since I was a boyscout leader.

[Lioness]

Yeah! I was just released from the State Mental Hospital this morning!

[umpire2]

Do you mind if I keep my clothes on? I have a dinner date in about 15 minutes.....

[cijababe]

and don't forget the classic

'Is that it?'

[JayneyRedd]

Darling, I need you to do me right here in the kitchen, right now!
I want to soft boil these eggs for three minutes, and the timer's bust.

[SkoolGirl]

Oh Fred..oh Fred..oops..I mean oh Bob..

[hookahaulic20]

Just use your finger, its bigger.

[Fordawake]

You know, I haven't been able to find my birth control pills for a week now.

[hungt99]

It's nice being in bed with someone i don't have to inflate.

[SkoolGirl]

Of course you can't be on top, you're too fat, you'll kill me!

[jonm7891]

after this im going to rape your ass then kill you.

[D-Lo]

Don't worry about me re-using condoms. When I'm done, I take it off and shake the fuck out of it.

[freethinker]

heard this joke years ago:

hooker: Is that all you got? Who do you expect to please with that itty bitty thing?

customer: Me, I'm the one paying for it...

[umpire2]

"I haven't seen a hole that big since I drove through the Holland Tunnel!"

[JayneyRedd]

You're not putting that in me! What sort of girl do you think I am?

:eek:












;):laughing::laughing::laughing:

[Lioness]

Oh...are you still here?

[pornlover2112]

On Second thought, Why don't we turn the lights off.

[cijababe]

Oh I just remembered - I lost the keys to this set of cuffs....

[pornlover2112]

Don't Worry Once you get past the smell your pussy is really tasty....

[Durty-Lil-Bitch]

CAN YOU REMIND ME I NEED TO POP DOWN TO THE STD CLINIC ! THANKS HON! :)

[pornlover2112]

You could use a brown paper bag.......

[Formerly Yak]

We'll have to do this at the next family reunion!

[umpire2]

"Why don't you take your fur coat off?........oh.......it IS off......":confused:

[Formerly Yak]

Tell your dog to stop licking me there!

[freethinker]

If I fall asleep before you're done, turn the light out before you leave, 'kay?

[hitoshura]

uh-oh...

[Durty-Lil-Bitch]

Picks up phone dials best friends number ......
OMG girl you gotta come to mine right now !!! ... you gotta see this ** laughing away hestircally**

[freethinker]

I think my dog really likes you...

[lei7272000]

hold on hun, i got to poop

[Katie Unleashed]

Have you ever heard of 'Vagina Dentata'?... Well....:excited:

[freethinker]

Don't worry about those police uniforms in the closet, they're my husband's...

[XxJeremyxX]

Would you pee on me? Or take a shit on me?

[umpire2]

"Oh, that's just my Grandma----she's here to pick up my laundry."

[Katie Unleashed]

I'm going to have a nap ok, just wake me up when your done.

[Katie Unleashed]

My last boyfriend had 10 inches and lasted for hours, but I'm sure you can match that, right?.

[SkoolGirl]

Oprah Winfrey had a show about men like you!

[johnsom4]

Thats not what dr oz said to do!!

[umpire2]

"Man those last four chili dogs are just not settlin' right...."

[freethinker]

Dayumn, did sumpin' crawl up in there and die?

[CanadianBaconJr]

My ex died in this bed last week, i hope that doesnt bother you

[umpire2]

"Hey! When did someone leave a condom in there?"

[jock the cock]

of course im not worried about aids you cant catch it twice

[Old Man]

Damn I forgot that I used my last "day after pill" yesterday. :eek:

[shetyei]

But he's my dad!
We do everything together.......:twisted::twisted:

[freethinker]

Um, no, that's not cottage cheese in my panties...

[Levi76]

Baliff: "Okay, conjugal visit is over"

Inmate: "I'm coming!"

Baliff: "No, it's over. Time is up!"

Inmate: "Oh god! No! Don't stop!"

Baliff: "I SAID visit is OVER!! (over radio calls for reinforcements)
:laughing:

[D.Evil]

"come out with your hands up"
(what does that even mean?)

[freethinker]

Whaddaya mean your name is Lorena Bobbitt?

[countryboy2]

What....what....wait a minute!
Where am I?
How did I get here?
And who the hell are YOU?:eek:

[Katie Unleashed]

'I am become death, destroyer of worlds!'


(also known as the oppenheimer atomic orgasm).

[Formerly Yak]

*In a deep, booming Satanic voice like in the movies* 'I am become death, destroyer of worlds!'


(also known as the oppenheimer atomic orgasm).

See what I did there?

Oh and "Are you finished yet? I'm going to miss Law and Order"

[Katie Unleashed]

Have you ever seen 'Fatal Attraction'?

[Katie Unleashed]

Oh, that wasn't an orgasm, I needed to pee!

[Katie Unleashed]

Is that you, or has somebody left some cheese in here?

[Katie Unleashed]

That leak had better be from the waterbed!

[freethinker]

They don't call me Two Stroke for nothing...

[freethinker]

Am I in the right wrinkle?

[freethinker]

Singing Lynyrd Skynyrd.....

Oo-ooh, that smell
Can't you smell that smell?
Oo-ooh, that smell
That smell of death surrounds you....

[freethinker]

Damn, baby, you been eating three day old collard greens again?

[Katie Unleashed]

Singing Lynyrd Skynyrd.....

Oo-ooh, that smell
Can't you smell that smell?
Oo-ooh, that smell
That smell of death surrounds you....
Haha:excited:

On second thoughts, lets turn OFF the lights.

[freethinker]

Damn, hun, you're a real three bagger...one over your face, a second one in case the first one breaks, and a third one over my face so none of my friends will know I'm with a skank like you...

[joe blobb]

It's probably a piece of carrot. The last guy down there threw up.

[joe blobb]

Where the fuck is that echo coming from?

[joe blobb]

You could have taken your colostomy bag off.

[joe blobb]

Of course I love cunnilingus but you'll have to move your tits out of the way first.

[nopanties]

"Stop, Joe Blobb, stop"!;)

[fantasyalive]

oh shit

["Naughty"]

Whats the fucking time

[quentinthetallone]

i remember this one time at camp...

[gzm1986]

after sex: "hey, who r you and what r you doing here?"

[gzm1986]

oh oh, fart.... i hope ....

[gzm1986]

"ssssshh, i think i heard my wife"

[lei7272000]

your 18 right

[quentinthetallone]

I really gotta take a piss

[D.Evil]

oh, wait i fuckin' remember where i know you from now, are'nt you my ex-girlfriend?

[samvicki]

why is your pubic hair moving?

[freakyjester444]

Mmmh I bet your liver would taste great with a side of Fava Beans *licks lips*.

[DKPeter]

Does it get any bigger?

[Alexsmith2187]

(After Sex)
Hey Baby, I can't find my piercing. It was on when i went in.

[DKPeter]

Is it in the right hole?

[Shaka Zulu]

Eww, I just stepped on a wet condom

[Shaka Zulu]

According to the sex ed video you roll the condom down your fingers..

[Shaka Zulu]

Is that cottage cheese coming out of you?

[<MisterX>]

I want a baby :eek:

[digital_sinnah]

~sniff sniff~

Was fish on the menu this evening?

[aesopstails]

Do you think I should have a doctor look at this?

[freethinker]

Watch the cast!!!!!!

[aesopstails]

Why? Because it's harder than anything you've got??:eek:

[Fanatic55]

nice hair !

[youngandbold]

hey look i found a red jolly rancher!!

[Formerly Yak]

to quote "Anchorman"

"I wanna be on you"- Ron Burgundy

[Xaldin]

is it in yet?

[xedarviper]

damn my foot can really fit in there

[freethinker]

(bumping the thread to bury this turkish spam slinging sumbitch)

[DKPeter]

One minute, I need to log on xnxx.com.

[freethinker]

such nice hooves you have, my dear...

[crazyazaindian]

oops it broke (the condom)

[Baron Von Spankme]

Hey, move your head a bit so I can see the TV...

[cijababe]

buuuuurp :eek:

[33blacknshym]

Sorry, did that hurt?

[Baron Von Spankme]

Wow! You fuck just like your mom.

[cijababe]

What do you mean, you swallowed the keys to the cuffs?

[Pussy Patrol]

Did I tell you where I come from?

http://whoyoucallingaskeptic.files.wordpress.com/2008/11/reptilian-shapeshifter.gif

[RusHasCock]

Hey, did you think to pick up the dry cleaning today ? :eek:

[cloud str!fe]

u know this is my first date!!:excited:

[jbro]

Sorry babe it's a race not a marathon. ;)

[jbro]

Oops sorry I will get you a towel.

[cloud str!fe]

did u even see my dick??

[Ericj]

Sorry i remember this line from a comedy special i saw awhile ago.

"Lets not turn this rape into a murder"

Cracked me up

[tesalj]

while you're eating her out yell "hello is anyone in their"

[krissy'shot]

go back to bed, you crazy kids.

[Empress Lainie]

Oh Daddy that feels so good

[tesalj]

Is this going to take long

[crazyazaindian]

dam i need to roll you in flour to find the wet spot lol

[GuyRound69]

This isn't working out. I'll finish up and start packing your stuff.

[jbro]

I thought you said you would ease it in like a gentleman

[D-Lo]

to quote "Anchorman"

"I wanna be on you"- Ron Burgundy

Really?!!!

You are going to quote a retarded Will Ferrell movie? That piece of shit should be mugged, molested, beaten, and killed. Nothing he has ever done is funny, he is just really stupid. Anyone who laughs at him should be shot for encouraging this type of "comedy" (a term I use very loosely in this case)

[krissy'shot]

if you don't stop screamin so loud, that stupid bitch downstairs will probably call the cops again...:cool:

["Naughty"]

Is it in....I can't feel it :rolleyes:

[welshwilly]

Fosters is $5 for 12 cans, at wallmart

[naughtygirl666]

Hmmm, your brother was better!;)

[Old Man]

I have had better....:eek:

[welshwilly]

your mom is hot :)

[tesalj]

Think your sister and mom would want to join in and make a 4some

[stoned-monkey]

More!

[Lowlandriders]

Condoms have an expiration date?

[mia299]

:-)

[muffdiveruk]

cant feel you in me :awesome:

[Old Man]

Calling out the wrong name...:eek:

[33blacknshym]

You want me to wear a rubber?

[tesalj]

Your room mate didn't have a problem with that position

[IVA HARDON]

YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S MUCH BETTER.

[stoned-monkey]

your dad has a tighter hole

[HORNYREDDEVIL]

Is that liquid supposed to be green? :eek:

[housewifehunter]

what times hubby home

[HORNYREDDEVIL]

What are those nuts an bolts doing in there?

[welshwilly]

this lube stinks

[HORNYREDDEVIL]

is that supposed to be twisted like that?

[welshwilly]

is that supposed to be twisted like that?

????

[HORNYREDDEVIL]

????


lol i was on about his cock, willy lol :p

[welshwilly]

lol :)

[tesalj]

so did you put it in yet

[welshwilly]

have you farted

[HORNYREDDEVIL]

is that better? Oops....wrong hole :eek:

[tesalj]

(cough cough), sorry must have got a hairball

[dplay]

that was ok but your sister ate better last nite!:kiss::idea:

[welshwilly]

you ever going to cum

[sexywomen]

sien foemr in damn

[bigwhitedude]

A different slant...Never wipe your cock on her curtains!!!!!!!!!:eek::rolleyes:

[welshwilly]

smells fishy down here

[lurver]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY GRANDMA!

[welshwilly]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY GRANDMA!

lol

[tesalj]

you put your left foot in, you take your left foot out, you put your left foot in and shake it all about.....

[XxElitexX]

I really needed to take a piss...ahh I'm good now:excited:

[tesalj]

have you gotten your shots up to date

[leed's 13th child]

not sorough or you'll pop the blister

[leed's 13th child]

"so I was talking to your mom today..."

[leed's 13th child]

"sorry, I dozed off...where were we" that one I think I've said

[tesalj]

can I stretch before we get started

[Xoeleox]

Your sister fucks way better!

[BisexualKinkyGirl]

Ouch it is burning me

[HORNYREDDEVIL]

Hey hey hey!!!....that's not how your mummy and daddy do it with me

[tesalj]

do you know what you are doing

[HORNYREDDEVIL]

Is that meant to go in there?