Limericks

[freethinker]

Well, we got Naughty Nursery Rhymes and Haikus, maybe we shoud try Limericks...you know, those little poems where the first two lines rhyme with each other, then the next two lines rhyme, then the last line rhymes with the first two. I'm sure we've all seen a version about the girl from Nantucket:

There once was a girl from Nantucket.
Her boyfriend was about to up-chuck it.
She said with a grin,
"Wipe that cum from your chin.
I told you it's my job to suck it!"

Ah, well, not the best example perhaps, but the first I came across.

Here's one to start us off:

There was an old man named Tucker
Whose wife said he never would fuck her
Despite all her urgin'
She was always a virgin
Because he was strictly a cock sucker.

[nopanties]

I just met a boy on the isle
who flashed me his best "fuck me" smile
so i pulled down my skirt
and i gave him a squirt
and now i'm first on his speed-dial!

[Stimson]

There once was a man from Kent
whose dick was so long that it bent
to save himself trouble
he folded it double
so instead of cumming, he went!

not mine unfortunately (the limerick or the dick :P )

[nopanties]

I once let a girl eat my cunt out
By the time she was done I had no doubt
That when given a choice
'Tween the girls or the boys
I would let either one make my juice spout!

[freethinker]

Years ago, in the days of my youth
I was fingering a snatch in a booth
At the local drive in
As I went to dive in
I hit the table and chipped a front tooth.

[joe blobb]

Women you've got to adore 'em
Sometimes you're tempted to score 'em
But nothings so good
As the sight of her hood
Spread out for us all on the forum

[freethinker]

The sun is up, the day has broke
Been thinking of you since I awoke
Got a raging piece of morning wood
Been lying here and stroking it good
Getting closer to cumming with every stroke.

[nopanties]

Put your morning wood in me
I'd love to climb your big hard tree
Know just how I'd make you come
I'd wiggle fingers up your bum
Hope the camera's ready- what a sexy sight to see!

[freethinker]

Would love to plant my cock in the woman above
And give her a dose of my sweet sticky love
Grind my cock inside her twat
Fill her mouth with what I've got
Then enter her ass with a gentle shove.

[nopanties]

Twat is wet and ass is waiting
Just ask all the guys I'm dating
Grind, fill, shove, but don't be gentle
A manly man is instrumental
To make my grin illuminating

[freethinker]

I ram my cock into her ass
And stretch her sphincter hard and fast
And as I release my cum
Deep inside her gorgeous bum
I make her mine, this sweet young lass.

[freethinker]

Fresh from her ass, so slick and wet
Straight to her lips, she's not done yet
I make her give my cock a cleaning
And fuck her mouth 'til it is gleaming
So thankful for the day we met.

[SkoolGirl]

There was a young lady from Dallas
Who used a stick of dynamite for a phallus
Well, they found her Virgina in South Carolina
And part of her anus in New Jersey

Dam..I can never remember that last word..

[nopanties]

There once was a guy on the forum
Who always used proper decorum
He'd stroke on his cock
Make it hard as a rock
So nopanties could come and ride on him!

[nopanties]

There was a young lady from Dallas
Who used a stick of dynamite for a phallus
Well, they found her Virgina in South Carolina
And part of her anus in New Jersey

Dam..I can never remember that last word..


LOL! (So THAT'S why Jersey smells so bad!) Mind if I help out with the rhymes a bit??

There was a young lady from Dallas
Who used dynamite as a phallus
But she let out a fart
And her ass blew apart
And that was the end of poor Alice.

[joe blobb]

No panties was quick with a rhyme
Not that it counts as some crime
With this little verse
I'd love to rehearse
My lines with her time after time.

[freethinker]

There was a young lady named Alice
Who cheered for the Cowboys from Dallas
The Redskin fans still like her
'Cause she lets them spike her
With her mouth, ass and cunt full of phallus.

[joe blobb]

There was a young lady named Alice
Who cheered for the Cowboys from Dallas
The Redskin fans still like her
'Cause she lets them spike her
With her mouth, ass and cunt full of phallus.

O.K I'll add a variation

There was a young lady named Alice
Who cheered for the Cowboys from Dallas
Her tits sang like Bing
Her arse like the King
And her snatch like Maria Callas.

[nopanties]

Football I am not a fan of
I’d rather my man would just make love
But he’s glued to the tube
So I get out my lube
And in goes the vibe with a shove

[freethinker]

I'd gladly forgo my favorite team
Your willing twat my cock to ream
I'd make you all antsy
And tickle your fancy
And fuck you so hard you'd cream.

[nopanties]

You just said WHAT
about my twat?
Did u forget
that we just met?
O Lord, I'm feeling horny/hot!

[nopanties]

(Inspired by the lovely :rolleyes: “lady” with the ratty wig who is sitting across from me at the train station)
There is no finer sport known to man
Than to thrust his cock hard as he can
Up the butt of a beauty
He thinks is a cutie
Until he learns “her” name is Stan!

[freethinker]

Stan was a surprise, to be sure
His ass all sexy and demure
But who cares, 'cause I am bi
I just don't see the reason why
His ass would be less fun than yours.

[joe blobb]

You just said WHAT
about my twat?
Did u forget
that we just met?
O Lord, I'm feeling horny/hot!

No panties a poet with pride
Never a woman to hide
I decided to ask
In your glory I bask
Do you a fancy a bit on the side?:)

[nopanties]

Stan was a surprise, to be sure
His ass all sexy and demure
But who cares, 'cause I am bi
I just don't see the reason why
His ass would be less fun than yours.

:excited::excited::excited: esp. luv "sure" & demure"!


I almost called the forest ranger
Thinking my life was in danger
Instead I found the bear quite nice
He fucked me hard and I came twice
Do fantasies come any stranger?

[nopanties]

No panties a poet with pride
Never a woman to hide
I decided to ask
In your glory I bask
Do you a fancy a bit on the side?:)

the word "bask" just makes me happy!:kiss:
(..on THE side???? ..on ALL sides, dear!);)

I knew a gent across the pond
And of his prick I grew quite fond
His prick grew too
Guess how I knew
He posted great pics of his wand :eek:

[joe blobb]

No panties complexion turns russet
Every time she allows me to fuss it
But it doesn't take long
With neither Kamis nor thong
To drench the contents of her gusset















Apologies:)

[nopanties]

The last time I spoke to Joe Blobb
He was eagerly rubbing his knob
He thought I might run
And he said "Please stay, Hon"
So I knelt down and did a good job.

[joe blobb]

The last time I spoke to Joe Blobb
He was eagerly rubbing his knob
He thought I might run
And he said "Please stay, Hon"
So I knelt down and did a good job.


Quality:)

These limericks sure take some crafting
As tricky as white water rafting
But if Nopanties was here
I'd grab hold of each ear
And give her a serious shafting.



These ditties have a sexual theme

[nopanties]

These ditties have a sexual theme



Lets see- here’s a rhyme with no sex
(Just like those last months with my ex!)
Think I’ll talk about food
Puts me in a good mood
And I might just go out for Tex-Mex

[freethinker]

That Tex-Mex idea got me started
Thinking sex shouldn't always be imparted
So I pulled on my jeans
And had some refried beans
And blew the seat out of 'em when I farted.

[nopanties]

1026225:eek:

Well, the restaurant, it started to smell
Seems like the bear dropped quite a shell
All the diners ran out
But the bear didn’t pout
He just ate their refried beans as well

[joe blobb]

After beans what the hell can one do?
I'm convinced I did not want to poo
But once the roar started
I thought I just farted
How could I know I'd followed through?

[nopanties]

I hope you have not had the thought
That I would be washing your shorts
I don't want to be mean
But if you want them clean
You should wash them or burn them for sport

[joe blobb]

I admit to be being a liar
I would not throw my keks on the fire
If you were my wife
With a sharp butter knife
You could scrape them, then into the drier.

[nopanties]

I admit to be being a liar
I would not throw my keks on the fire
If you were my wife
With a sharp butter knife
You could scrape them, then into the drier.

:laughing::laughing::laughing::laughing::laughing::laughing::laughing::laughing::laughing::laughing::laughing::laughing::laughing::laughing::laughing:
but
:mad: almost lost my breakfast

[joe blobb]

Nopanties felt she was hurling
As the the previous rhyme was unfurling
If she's gonna chuck it
I suggest a bucket
And clogs to stop her toes curling.

[nopanties]

I’m feeling well, I’m feeling great
Another rhyme, can hardly wait
But words won’t come
I guess I’m dumb
Or else I went to bed too late

[nopanties]

Inspired by my cousin’s homemade Irish soda bread. She made it Sunday & Ive been eating it nonstop ever since:

I’m afraid that the reason is lame
Why “no panties” is my chosen name
There just isn’t a kind
I was able to find
For my six-hundred-fifty-pound frame!:eek:

[joe blobb]

Inspired by my cousin’s homemade Irish soda bread. She made it Sunday & Ive been eating it nonstop ever since:

I’m afraid that the reason is lame
Why “no panties” is my chosen name
There just isn’t a kind
I was able to find
For my six-hundred-fifty-pound frame!:eek:

Brilliant!

I have soda bread every week. makes great toast too.

at 650 lbs you're well fed
But never let it be said
Despite your great size
And huge thunder thighs
It came just from mmmm soda bread

[nopanties]

Too much bread, Too much tea
Will work it off? I guess we'll see
Ate for days
Drank with craze
Gotta go - I have to pee!

[joe blobb]

Having a pee, yes that's good
Keep it away from your hood
But don't drink to excess
And cause such a mess
By producing a terrible flood.

[nopanties]

It’s you blokes that go making a mess
Even with girls to impress
Had to scrub up my floor
With ammonia and more
From guys whose aim gives me stress

[joe blobb]

I'd do anything to make you happy
I'm just a considerate chappy
I won't need the loo
If I visit you
Cos I will be wearing a nappy.

[nopanties]

I'd do anything to make you happy
I'm just a considerate chappy
I won't need the loo
If I visit you
Cos I will be wearing a nappy.

:excited::excited::excited::excited::excited::excited::excited:
[good thing I spent some time over there so I know what a nappy is!]

Glad I met you on this thread
When you come, will you bring soda bread?:)
I'm so glad you are neat
Bet you'll lower the seat
So I don't fall in, drown, and get dead.

[joe blobb]

Not easy to rhyme diaper:excited:


How long can we keep up these rhymes

[nopanties]

Not easy to rhyme diaper:excited:

The baby was wearing a diaper
But I still needed something to wipe her
So with one hand I'll reach
For the bottle of bleach
So this smell doesn't get any riper

[joe blobb]

The baby was wearing a diaper
But I still needed something to wipe her
So with one hand I'll reach
For the bottle of bleach
So this smell doesn't get any riper

I sit corrected

[joe blobb]

No panties was trying to diet
Soda bread, toast it or fry it
But the truth that's emergin'
Just like a virgin
Really she's is dying to try it.

[nopanties]

You know I’m not happy to diet
But my exercise plan, you should try it
I just fuck every day
Every possible way
‘Til once again all of my clothes fit

[nopanties]

Inspired by all the damned “infomercials” on TV at this hour!

I don’t need this crap on TV
But you buy one and get one more free
So I took out a loan
And I picked up the phone
And I ordered not just one but three

So now I’ve got ShamWows and Space Bags
And a Snuggie that’s really a big rag
I shouldn’t have looked
And my goose is now cooked
On my credit card bill I will gag

[joe blobb]

Yeah adverts on telly are dull
Most of it oodles of bull
But all this poor spin
I can't take it in
My brain is decidedly full

[joe blobb]

You know I’m not happy to diet
But my exercise plan, you should try it
I just fuck every day
Every possible way
‘Til once again all of my clothes fit


My minds eye was greedily looking
At the image of nopanties fucking
I know it sounds corny
but it makes me so horny
I'm thinking of making a booking

(smutty ones are so much easier:))

[nopanties]

I'm thinking of making a booking:))



Cash only, handsome! ;)
[Mom listens to country music from years ago, and this just reminded me of one of those songs. The lyrics (and I think it’s the title, too) are: “If you’ve got the money, honey, I’ve got the time”!]:)

I met a man in a strip joint
His logic, you see, made a point
He carried some ones
But the best tits and buns
With a fiver he’d always anoint

[joe blobb]

Which reminds me of an oldie posted in a different form on here


There was an old man from Gargrave
Who found a dead whore in a cave
He said it may sound disgusting
But she only needs dusting
And think of the money I'll save.

[nopanties]

Eeeeeeewww!!!!!!!!!!!!

A frigid old biddy expired
When a violent fucking transpired
With her body accosted
Her pussy defrosted
But a corpse was not what he desired

[nopanties]

Inspired by that last (boo-hoo) piece of soda bread I just finished:

I biked, I ran, I swam, and then
I did them, every one, again
Please explain to me
For I cannot see
How a one-pound loaf made me gain ten

[joe blobb]

Quality:laughing::laughing::laughing::laughing:


I understand how you feel pissed
Here's an opportunity not to be missed
You can eat mounds and mounds
And not put on the pounds
if you first eat a ripe tape worm cyst.

Apologies it advance.:eek:

[nopanties]

Quality:laughing::laughing::laughing::laughing:


I understand how you feel pissed
Here's an opportunity not to be missed
You can eat mounds and mounds
And not put on the pounds
if you first eat a ripe tape worm cyst.

Apologies it advance.:eek:

:excited::excited::excited::excited::excited::excited::excited::excited::excited::excited::excited::excited::excited::excited:

[Never apologize for genius… even when it’s EVIL :twisted: genius!]

Can’t find the waist I once had
And my hips used to drive the boys mad
But I ate all that bread
And the hips turned to lead
Now I can’t seem to keep a good lad

[joe blobb]

I know that this may sound real bad
But if you want to keep a good lad
Wear no knickers or bra
Let him drive the car
And chain him when you leave the pad.

[nopanties]

Oh, no, she’s been baking again
And I just don’t know when to say “when”
Whatever she makes
Be it cookies or cakes
Have to let out my pants yet again

[nopanties]

By request:
(Good luck, but keep it LEGAL - I only approve of violence :( as a form of poetic license. This took me about ten minutes, but I‘m charging you for the full hour!);)

There was a young woman called Suzie
Who, sadly, was merely a floozy
She ran off with some dude
Dumped her hubby - so rude!
But he learned how to be far more choosy

Now Suzie’s ex has a new bride
From the old one he just wants to hide
But she won’t go away
So he drowned her today
‘Cause he couldn’t afford cyanide

So, what did he do with her body?
The state it was in was quite shoddy
He cut off her twat
Flushing it down the pot
And then sat himself down with a toddy

His new wife said “That wasn’t nice
Your behavior has made me think twice
You will only wind up
With your balls in a cup
If you think my cunt you’ll ever slice”

He assured her he wasn’t the kind
To ever put her in a bind
But he just couldn’t stand
Suzie’s constant demand
To put up with her shit and not mind

Now, the moral of this nasty story
Is avoiding a death that is gory
So don’t cheat on your mate
Or you’ll meet the same fate
Or you’ll wind up before a grand jury

[nopanties]

It’s a bank holiday in UK
And our friends ‘cross the pond just might say
“I’ve one more day for playing
No, I shan’t spend it praying
I’ll be fekking me lassie all day“!

[freethinker]

I see nopanties has been busy
Sending Joe into a tizzy
Posting all of her rhymes
Using just five short lines
On subjects to make one feel dizzy.

[twofeathers]

Thinking of a rhyme
takes time
but want to peep
need to sleep
but need to go and by some thyme

[joe blobb]

It’s a bank holiday in UK
And our friends ‘cross the pond just might say
“I’ve one more day for playing
No, I shan’t spend it praying
I’ll be fekking me lassie all day“!


Fecking yer lassie yer say
Bet that will sure make her day
Am I right to think
You love kissing the pink
And todgers are not in your play

[nopanties]

I see nopanties has been busy
Sending Joe into a tizzy
Posting all of her rhymes
Using just five short lines
On subjects to make one feel dizzy.

I hope you’re not too dizzy, there,
Could be dangerous for an armed bear
If you fell to the ground
I might “shoot off a round”
Sucking hard ’til I’ve had my fair share;)

[nopanties]

Thinking of a rhyme
takes time
but want to peep
need to sleep
but need to go and by some thyme

I’m glad you went out to buy thyme
I might need it to spice up this rhyme
If I can’t make you hard
I might not be a bard
And might need to try being a mime

[nopanties]

Fecking yer lassie yer say
Bet that will sure make her day
Am I right to think
You love kissing the pink
And todgers are not in your play

Think you might need to translate
There are things here I just don't get, mate!
Still I'm thinking you know
There are two ways I'll go
When I'm looking to have a hot date!

[joe blobb]

Sorry for causing confusion
I'm often subject to delusion
I'd be in clover
If I could turn you over
Assuming I had your collusion

[nopanties]

Why do you think I might mind?
Do you think you might not be my kind?
We can roll in that clover
Then you’ll put me over
The first bed or chair you can find

[twofeathers]

bend you over a chair
joined in a pair
grabbing your bust
lost in my lost
better then the fair

[nopanties]

bend you over a chair
joined in a pair
grabbing your bust
lost in my lost
better then the fair

The rides that they have at the fair
Simply just cannot compare
To a ride on a man
Who gives all that he can
When he knows what I'm willing to share

[twofeathers]

The rides that they have at the fair
Simply just cannot compare
To a ride on a man
Who gives all that he can
When he knows what I'm willing to share


A angel speads her wings as she sours
a man holds a glass of wine he pours
dancing a special beat
reminds me of a kiss on the street
The princess gets in the boat for a ride, I grab te oars

[joe blobb]

Why do you think I might mind?
Do you think you might not be my kind?
We can roll in that clover
Then you’ll put me over
The first bed or chair you can find

I like to think I can spot 'em
Give me copybooks I'll surely blot em
But with an empty waterbottle
And me on full throttle
We'll enjoy that great bald breezy bottom

[nopanties]

I like to think I can spot 'em
Give me copybooks I'll surely blot em
But with an empty waterbottle
And me on full throttle
We'll enjoy that great bald breezy bottom

When you say that my bottom is "great"
Do you mean by its value or weight?
'Cause if that was a crack
You can throttle it back
And not comment on all that I ate!;)

[nopanties]

A angel speads her wings as she sours
a man holds a glass of wine he pours
dancing a special beat
reminds me of a kiss on the street
The princess gets in the boat for a ride, I grab te oars

Give me wine, kiss me quick
I might dance with your dick
In the boat
We're afloat
Then we're off on a kick

[twofeathers]

Give me wine, kiss me quick
I might dance with your dick
In the boat
We're afloat
Then we're off on a kick


Locked n this dance
Licking you into a trance
bringing on an electric explosion
enjoying the notion
waitng to prance

[joe blobb]

When you say that my bottom is "great"
Do you mean by its value or weight?
'Cause if that was a crack
You can throttle it back
And not comment on all that I ate!;)

The last verse above was a corker
I don't want to seem like a stalker
Let's put paid to this farce
Just show me your arse
And I'll let you know if you're a porker.


(Only joking:))

[nopanties]

The last verse above was a corker
I don't want to seem like a stalker
Let's put paid to this farce
Just show me your arse
And I'll let you know if you're a porker.

(Only joking:))

BRILLIANT!!!:excited::excited::excited:

I think you should ask me to dance
For that might give my hips a good chance
To work off all that bread
And bring you on instead
When I make my way into your pants

I think maybe Joe Blobb just blushed
To both of his heads the blood rushed
But that’s really OK
‘Cause it’s such a good way
To arrive in the place I just gushed:eek:

[joe blobb]

BRILLIANT!!!:excited::excited::excited:

I think you should ask me to dance
For that might give my hips a good chance
To work off all that bread
And bring you on instead
When I make my way into your pants

I think maybe Joe Blobb just blushed
To both of his heads the blood rushed
But that’s really OK
‘Cause it’s such a good way
To arrive in the place I just gushed:eek:


From me you will get no dissension
Despite any small apprehension
With little romance
To come in my pants
I have to first stand to attention.

[joe blobb]

I'm not known for tiresome rushing
And perhaps I seem to be pushing
But is there any chance
To see in your pants
The place that performed all that gushing :excited:

[nopanties]

I'm not known for tiresome rushing
And perhaps I seem to be pushing
But is there any chance
To see in your pants
The place that performed all that gushing :excited:

Do you think I can claim for my own
The avatar already shown?
Because mine's just as pink
And it's got you to think
It's a place to be sinking a bone

[joe blobb]

Do you think I can claim for my own
The avatar already shown?
Because mine's just as pink
And it's got you to think
It's a place to be sinking a bone

Damn you're too good at this

I've pondered your verse for a while
Brilliant on content and style
If the Avvie is you
I'd form part of the queue
To see that sweet lipstick free smile.

[nopanties]

Damn you're too good at this

I've pondered your verse for a while
Brilliant on content and style
If the Avvie is you
I'd form part of the queue
To see that sweet lipstick free smile.

I might bump you up in the line
When I'm needing a cock to be mine
If you work it just right
I won't put up a fight
And I'll put out a grand welcome sign

[twofeathers]

I might bump you up in the line
When I'm needing a cock to be mine
If you work it just right
I won't put up a fight
And I'll put out a grand welcome sign


sorry the ride is out of order
maybe something over the border
roses are red
spread all over the bed
not a bad thing being a boarder

[joe blobb]

I might bump you up in the line
When I'm needing a cock to be mine
If you work it just right
I won't put up a fight
And I'll put out a grand welcome sign

I'll be ready and waiting for sure
Hopefully leaving you panting for more
But when I join the hunt
Do I come in the front
Or would you prefer the back door

[nopanties]

I'll be ready and waiting for sure
Hopefully leaving you panting for more
But when I join the hunt
Do I come in the front
Or would you prefer the back door

Why would you want me to choose?
Here’s the way neither one of us lose
You’ll come first in the front
In my warm and wet cunt
Then the other tight spot you can use

My cunny might think you’re a lout
When she lost you, she’d probably pout
But I’d love it, for sure,
If you used the back door
Just, please, don’t slam it on your way out!

[nopanties]

sorry the ride is out of order
maybe something over the border
roses are red
spread all over the bed
not a bad thing being a boarder

WHY IS THE RIDE OUT OF ORDER???
'Cause I need it RIGHT NOW (I'm a hoarder!)
If I can't get a ride
I will just stay inside
And play with a vibe that is broader

[joe blobb]

My cunny might think you’re a lout
When she lost you, she’d probably pout
But I’d love it, for sure,
If you used the back door
Just, please, don’t slam it on your way out!

Quality:excited::excited::excited::excited::excited::excited::excited::excited::excited:

Either door would be a treat
I'm sure that the scenery's sweet
And you can be sure
Before I knock at your door
I'll make sure that I wipe my feet


Just wondered whilst musing awhile
A thought that has brought me a smile
I'm sure they're not shockers
But how are your doors knockers
I'm sure they're just bouncing with style.

Enough of this entendre double
It's bound to cause nothing but trouble
Let's call it quits
And show me your tits
And a bonus ball peek at your stubble.


(Apologies again for further lowering of the tone and quality)

[nopanties]

And a bonus ball peek at your stubble.
(Apologies again for further lowering of the tone and quality)

:excited::excited::excited: but :mad::mad:what have I told you about apologizing????

Now what makes you think I have stubble
I use a good razor that's double
I shave every day
'Round the soft spots I pray
That the razor won't run into trouble

And as for my titties, they're fine
They're firm and they're round and they're mine
I did not have them "done"
But I might, just for fun,
And I might let you choose the design

[joe blobb]

:excited::excited::excited: but :mad::mad:what have I told you about apologizing????

Now what makes you think I have stubble
I use a good razor that's double
I shave every day
'Round the soft spots I pray
That the razor won't run into trouble

And as for my titties, they're fine
They're firm and they're round and they're mine
I did not have them "done"
But I might, just for fun,
And I might let you choose the design

Design them I'd sure like to do
If you decided you need a shape new
Though your offer's so kind
The shape I don't mind
I just prefer that you have two.

[twofeathers]

:excited::excited::excited: but :mad::mad:what have I told you about apologizing????

Now what makes you think I have stubble
I use a good razor that's double
I shave every day
'Round the soft spots I pray
That the razor won't run into trouble

And as for my titties, they're fine
They're firm and they're round and they're mine
I did not have them "done"
But I might, just for fun,
And I might let you choose the design


look I am no bum
how can I get some
candy is sweet
you can't be beet
I am going to cum

[nopanties]

look I am no bum
how can I get some
candy is sweet
you can't be beet
I am going to cum

Happy to know you are cumming
Knowing that has set me humming
It's lovely to know
That you love limericks so
Even when getting a drumming

[joe blobb]

Funny you mentioning drumming
Try whistling, singing or humming
But as the song goes
Can I play your bongos
Do you like the new depths I am plumbing?

[twofeathers]

Happy to know you are cumming
Knowing that has set me humming
It's lovely to know
That you love limericks so
Even when getting a drumming


lay you down on a road made of brick
rolling sleaves up and began to lick
I feel the rising heat
licking to the rythm of a magical beat
let my tongue offer you anther flick

[joe blobb]

My favourite poster can't sleep
No slumber, not even a peep
To solve this sad muddle
I'd give her a cuddle
Till her dreams were both happy and deep

[twofeathers]

I sit and ponder
look up yonder
is a plane
o' don't be vain
I will just wonder

[nopanties]

lay you down on a road made of brick
rolling sleaves up and began to lick
I feel the rising heat
licking to the rythm of a magical beat
let my tongue offer you anther flick

In the middle of the road
I was flattened like a toad
Seems the driver couldn’t tell
We laid down to fuck a spell
Not so well did it unfold!:eek:

[nopanties]

I sit and ponder
look up yonder
is a plane
o' don't be vain
I will just wonder

Keep your chin way up high
Watch that plane in the sky
Where's it headed, which way
Where's it landing today
Are you thinking you might learn to fly?

[nopanties]

My favourite poster can't sleep
No slumber, not even a peep
To solve this sad muddle
I'd give her a cuddle
Till her dreams were both happy and deep

Mmmm....:rose:



You think that you know me so well
If you did, you’d be able to tell
I could not fall asleep
‘Cause I knew you would peep
and be taking some pictures to sell

In my dreams you looked just like George Clooney
(Bet in real life, more like Andy Rooney!)
But don’t care either way
‘Cause you brighten my day
And you don’t seem to mind that I’m loony

[joe blobb]

Mmmm....:rose:



You think that you know me so well
If you did, you’d be able to tell
I could not fall asleep
‘Cause I knew you would peep
and be taking some pictures to sell

In my dreams you looked just like George Clooney
(Bet in real life, more like Andy Rooney!)
But don’t care either way
‘Cause you brighten my day
And you don’t seem to mind that I’m loony


:kiss::):):)


I have to admit you're not wrong
I feel I should burst into song
I resemble from afar
A celluloid star
Not Clooney I'm afraid but King Kong

[nopanties]

:kiss::):):)


I have to admit you're not wrong
I feel I should burst into song
I resemble from afar
A celluloid star
Not Clooney I'm afraid but King Kong
:excited::excited::excited::excited::excited::excited::excited::excited::excited::excited::excited::excited::excited:

You're good, then - I don't mind them hairy
Big apes, though, can make me feel wary
The last one I knew
Caused a problem or two
His prick was so large it was scary!

[joe blobb]

So he had a stupendous schlong
On all levels that is so wrong
His prowess is famed
I'm sure he is named
That famous porn actor King Dong

[nopanties]

So he had a stupendous schlong
On all levels that is so wrong
His prowess is famed
I'm sure he is named
That famous porn actor King Dong

Now, don't think that I mind them large
But, by God, this ape gave me a charge
He pushed and he thrusted
My cherry he busted
But he didn't fit In my garage

[joe blobb]

All that may sound very neat
Although I prefer things petite
I must admit though
I wouldn't say no
The chase is best part of the treat.

[nopanties]

All that may sound very neat
Although I prefer things petite
I must admit though
I wouldn't say no
The chase is best part of the treat.


You prefer it when things are petite
So my titties you won’t want to meet
I’m no Dolly Parton
But I get most cocks startin’
When I whip out a round rosy treat

If you want something smaller, to wit,
I suggest that you start with my clit
I know that sounds selfish
(and it might smell like shellfish!):eek:
but it doesn’t grow large ‘til it’s bit

[joe blobb]

You prefer it when things are petite

If you want something smaller, to wit,
I suggest that you start with my clit
I know that sounds selfish
(and it might smell like shellfish!):eek:
but it doesn’t grow large ‘til it’s bit

Your best yet:excited::excited::excited::excited::excited::excited::excited:

I don't really mind at all
If your titties are massive or small
And as for your clit
That's one little bit
I want to meet, when shall I call?

[nopanties]

Your best yet:excited::excited::excited::excited::excited::excited::excited:

Why, thank you....... I thought points might be deducted for rhyming "selfish" and "shellfish", as well as for the odiferous visual imagery!!:twisted:

[joe blobb]

Why, thank you....... I thought points might be deducted for rhyming "selfish" and "shellfish", as well as for the odiferous visual imagery!!:twisted:

Definitely not:eek:. The visual was great;)

[nopanties]

Your best yet:excited::excited::excited::excited::excited::excited::excited:

I don't really mind at all
If your titties are massive or small
And as for your clit
That's one little bit
I want to meet, when shall I call?

I'm so glad that you know to call first
If you didn't, I might think the worst
See, my clit needs to know
That you're friend and not foe
Or she'll clam up and then you'll be cursed

[joe blobb]

One thing I assure is right
I am always extremely polite
I know you love charmers
So I'd bring my pajamas
If you let me stay for the night.

[nopanties]

One thing I assure is right
I am always extremely polite
I know you love charmers
So I'd bring my pajamas
If you let me stay for the night.

What makes you think you can stay?
You can fuck me and then go away
Just leave me to my peace
Your name's not on the lease
And I'm not going to take in a stray!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hic1T4mD_f8&feature=related

[joe blobb]

What makes you think you can stay?
You can fuck me and then go away
Just leave me to my peace
Your name's not on the lease
And I'm not going to take in a stray!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hic1T4mD_f8&feature=related


I promise I'm not in a huff
Despite your apparent rebuff
I'll gird up my loins
and spend a few coins
And hope that my charm is enough

[nopanties]

I promise I'm not in a huff
Despite your apparent rebuff
I'll gird up my loins
and spend a few coins
And hope that my charm is enough

{You're too quick 4 me 2day..... I meant it - GET OUT!!};)

How can I get you to see
That my bed doesn't have room for three
Your can leave through the door
Perhaps sleep on the floor
But George Clooney will stay here with me

[joe blobb]

{You're too quick 4 me 2day..... I meant it - GET OUT!!};)

How can I get you to see
That my bed doesn't have room for three
Your can leave through the door
Perhaps sleep on the floor
But George Clooney will stay here with me

And so this sad man had departed
Disillusioned and quite broken hearted
My confidence tore
As you slammed the door
It could not have been worse had I farted.

[nopanties]

And so this sad man had departed
Disillusioned and quite broken hearted
My confidence tore
As you slammed the door
It could not have been worse had I farted.

Now, don't go away in a huff
Come give me a pat on the duff
I like the attention
And did I not mention
Not even George Clooney's enough

[joe blobb]

Now, don't go away in a huff
Come give me a pat on the duff
I like the attention
And did I not mention
Not even George Clooney's enough

I love a kind lady who yields
Whose virtue and appetites shields
Can we get down on the grass
Where I'll play with your ass
I'm experienced in many fields.

[nopanties]

Can we get down on the grass
Where I'll play with your ass
I'm experienced in many fields.

Xcellent:):)

If you’re wanting to play with an ass
I’m afraid that I’m just not your lass
While my bust and hips curve
My ass hasn’t the nerve
And it’s flat as a pancake, alas!

[twofeathers]

Spank that ass
smooth as glass
curves or a moon
licking it soon
it's the power behind the mass

[nopanties]

I wish I was Kim K. or J-Lo
Then my lover might give me a halo
But for now he makes do
With a flat-bottomed shrew
Though he’ll fuck me whenever I say so

[twofeathers]

I wish I was Kim K. or J-Lo
Then my lover might give me a halo
But for now he makes do
With a flat-bottomed shrew
Though he’ll fuck me whenever I say so


Some fuck to the bangles
Hot, hot locked in tangles
I play my card
I push n hard
The moaning of Angels

[nopanties]

Some fuck to the bangles
Hot, hot locked in tangles
I play my card
I push n hard
The moaning of Angels

Don’t need any music to fuck
Just need a big cock I can suck
When I give him a treat
He will bow at my feet
Then into my pussy he’ll duck

[twofeathers]

Don’t need any music to fuck
Just need a big cock I can suck
When I give him a treat
He will bow at my feet
Then into my pussy he’ll duck


duck or suck
makes me want to fuck
harder harder
tossing the garder
oh what kind of luck

[joe blobb]

Don’t need any music to fuck
Just need a big cock I can suck
When I give him a treat
He will bow at my feet
Then into my pussy he’ll duck

I don't want to seem a quitter
Or sound like I'm going all bitter
But does size really matter
Whether short long or fatter
As long as the bugger will fit her?

[nopanties]

Gather ye rosebuds while ye may, and bring them to your mother
For sure, the love you get from her is unlike any other
Give her gifts and flowers
And your time - she loves the hours
Spoil her this day, for none of us are promised another

:rose::rose::rose::rose::rose::rose::rose::rose::rose::rose::rose::rose:

[nopanties]

I know Mother’s Day can be hard
When she’s not here to give her a card
Still you hold bright bouquets
Filled with all of her days
Loving memories that two hearts will guard

[nopanties]

Mom told me “Fucking is bad”
When I told her I already had
Then I just had to sass
Got a smack to my ass
When I said “Aren’t you fucking Dad?"

[joe blobb]

A weekend without a new verse
I can't think of anything worse
I hope nopanties returns
As my body just yearns
To put a few coins in her purse.

[nopanties]

A weekend without a new verse
I can't think of anything worse
I hope nopanties returns
As my body just yearns
To put a few coins in her purse.

...and after I took precious minutes from a very busy day to leave three!! This is the thanks I get?
Well, then, today's limerick is for everyone EXCEPT you! Don't look!

[nopanties]

For my birthday, I got a new dress
So I wore it and hoped to impress
Then a breeze came my way
And the crowd cheered “hooray”
Guess my outfit was quite a success

1038353

[joe blobb]

Two days felt more like two weeks
For a man who your genius seeks
Please don't think I'm being cheesy
But I'm sure when it's breezy
You'll be showing me two perfect cheeks.:)

Something just occurred to me
A sight that I'd sure like to see
If the two of us bickers
I'll pull down your knickers
And put you right over my knee.:eek::)

[nopanties]

Two days felt more like two weeks
For a man who your genius seeks
Please don't think I'm being cheesy
But I'm sure when it's breezy
You'll be showing me two perfect cheeks.:)

Something just occurred to me
A sight that I'd sure like to see
If the two of us bickers
I'll pull down your knickers
And put you right over my knee.:eek::)

I really must find you a hobby!
Perhaps playing with something that's knobby?
You may think that I'm smart
Others think I'm a tart
But at least you don't think that I'm snobby

As for putting me over your knee
Don't expect I'll surrender with glee
For no man gets to slap
When I've over his lap
"Til he's paid the appropriate fee

[joe blobb]

I really must find you a hobby!
Perhaps playing with something that's knobby?
You may think that I'm smart
Others think I'm a tart
But at least you don't think that I'm snobby

As for putting me over your knee
Don't expect I'll surrender with glee
For no man gets to slap
When I've over his lap
"Til he's paid the appropriate fee


Oh so you're wanting a fee
Before you'll get over my knee
If I want it enlarged
will I get overcharged
Have you change, all I've got's 50p

[nopanties]

Oh so you're wanting a fee
Before you'll get over my knee
If I want it enlarged
will I get overcharged
Have you change, all I've got's 50p

If your broke ass has just fiddy pence
You can go sit on that picket fence
With a spoke up your arse
A new rhyme you can parse
While I find me a bloke with some sense

I’m worth every dollar, it’s true
Won’t be wasting my time around you
I’ll go find a rich man
Who’ll pay all that he can
For the things that my body can do

When it’s time that I’m needing some cash
I can pull it right out of my gash
It’s a great hiding spot
The bills just need a blot
Though it’s caused me a terrible rash

[Damn, I'm nasty!]

[joe blobb]

If your broke ass has just fiddy pence
You can go sit on that picket fence
With a spoke up your arse
A new rhyme you can parse
While I find me a bloke with some sense

I’m worth every dollar, it’s true
Won’t be wasting my time around you
I’ll go find a rich man
Who’ll pay all that he can
For the things that my body can do

When it’s time that I’m needing some cash
I can pull it right out of my gash
It’s a great hiding spot
The bills just need a blot
Though it’s caused me a terrible rash

[Damn, I'm nasty!]


O.K my position and rank
Mean I can only afford a quick wank
But if you agree
For some jiggy with me
I'll go out and rob a large bank.


Perhaps you should take some advice
Although what I say aint so nice
Tell me it's not true
NOW we know what you do
that we're only now haggling on price.

[freethinker]

I'm so horny and I love sex, I really really do
I'm so horny and I love sex, love to have it with you
I love it best if you're female
But I don't care if you're a male
Suck your cock or lick your twat, then flip you over and give your ass a screw.

[joe blobb]

O.K. I'm a pedantic man
Always doing the best that I can
But please take your time
When penning a rhyme
And try make the bloody thing scan.

[nopanties]

O.K my position and rank
Mean I can only afford a quick wank
But if you agree
For some jiggy with me
I'll go out and rob a large bank.


Perhaps you should take some advice
Although what I say aint so nice
Tell me it's not true
NOW we know what you do
that we're only now haggling on price.

Dear sir, I’m most highly offended!
For I’m just not the type you’ve contended
I am no common whore
And I offer much more
Than the common tramps you have befriended

If you think you can haggle the price
I suggest you had better think twice
For I’m worth every buck
When you need a good fuck
You’re the type that I just might charge thrice

My fees I’ve outlined on a list
Twenty bucks gets you thoroughly kissed
For fifty, I’ll blow
For a hundred, you’ll go
To a place where your wife won’t be missed

[nopanties]

I'm so horny and I love sex, I really really do
I'm so horny and I love sex, love to have it with you
I love it best if you're female
But I don't care if you're a male
Suck your cock or lick your twat, then flip you over and give your ass a screw.


I see that you like having sex
I suggest you go look up my ex
He behaved like a prick
But he had a fine dick
And a golden retriever named Rex

[joe blobb]

Dear sir, I’m most highly offended!
For I’m just not the type you’ve contended
I am no common whore
And I offer much more
Than the common tramps you have befriended

If you think you can haggle the price
I suggest you had better think twice
For I’m worth every buck
When you need a good fuck
You’re the type that I just might charge thrice

My fees I’ve outlined on a list
Twenty bucks gets you thoroughly kissed
For fifty, I’ll blow
For a hundred, you’ll go
To a place where your wife won’t be missed


O.K I will make you a deal
I'd like to know just how you'd feel
Bout deep penetration
Mutual masturbation
A blow job and then a good meal.

[nopanties]

O.K I will make you a deal
I'd like to know just how you'd feel
Bout deep penetration
Mutual masturbation
A blow job and then a good meal.


Sounds like you’re needing to fuck
And I’m happy to say you’re in luck
For all the above
You’ll be feeling the love
When you learn I’ll charge only a buck

For your rhymes have been making me cum
I imagine your hands on my bum
As I’m riding my vibe
To which I ascribe
These spasms that make my cunt hum

[joe blobb]

Sounds like you’re needing to fuck
And I’m happy to say you’re in luck
For all the above
You’ll be feeling the love
When you learn I’ll charge only a buck

For your rhymes have been making me cum
I imagine your hands on my bum
As I’m riding my vibe
To which I ascribe
These spasms that make my cunt hum

I hear what you say loud and clear
Noises that I hold so dear
On your back or your knees
I aim only to please
Your pleasure I'll make my career

[nopanties]

I hear what you say loud and clear
Noises that I hold so dear
On your back or your knees
I aim only to please
Your pleasure I'll make my career

If you think you’ll be wanting the job
Please submit, for approval, your knob
Does it pump in and out?
Can it cause me to shout?
Will it feed me a great, warm, wet gob?:kiss:

I believe I have just the position
For a man with the proper ambition
It’s just south of my waist
I must fill it with haste
As long as you’ll work on commission

[joe blobb]

If you think you’ll be wanting the job
Please submit, for approval, your knob
Does it pump in and out?
Can it cause me to shout?
Will it feed me a great, warm, wet gob?:kiss:

I believe I have just the position
For a man with the proper ambition
It’s just south of my waist
I must fill it with haste
As long as you’ll work on commission

I admit your suggestion is grand
I'm afraid though I must make a stand
If I see to your gash
I want paying in cash
I will not accept one week in hand

[nopanties]

I admit your suggestion is grand
I'm afraid though I must make a stand
If I see to your gash
I want paying in cash
I will not accept one week in hand



For tending my cunt, I should think
You’d sign on without even a blink
‘Cause it’s not every day
Such a gig comes your way
Keeping you right in the pink

[joe blobb]

O.K the terms are just fine
Your cunny's not yours now it's mine
I'm a reasonable chap
But for sex laid on tap
I'll sign along your dotted line.

[nopanties]

O.K the terms are just fine
Your cunny's not yours now it's mine
I'm a reasonable chap
But for sex laid on tap
I'll sign along your dotted line.

If you’re taking my pussy, then I want your cock
Not just for awhile, but all ‘round the clock
You never can tell when I’ll want it to suck
Or to dip in my well, when I need a hot fuck
Will be handy to have when my ass needs a knock

The “dotted line”, your limerick reads
By any chance, the anal beads?
I like toys of all kinds
Meant to fill the behinds
While you see to the rest of my needs

[joe blobb]

We seemed to have hijacked this thread
Has it given us any street cred?
We surely must win
If others join in
There's room for some more in this bed:)

[nopanties]

We seemed to have hijacked this thread
Has it given us any street cred?
We surely must win
If others join in
There's room for some more in this bed:)

So, now, all my charms aren’t enough?!
Well, you know, you are not such hot stuff
Think I’ll head for the thread
With the hot girls instead
Where I’ll dip in to all that warm muff


[Knew those pics were a bad idea.....]

[joe blobb]

So, now, all my charms aren’t enough?!
Well, you know, you are not such hot stuff
Think I’ll head for the thread
With the hot girls instead
Where I’ll dip in to all that warm muff


[Knew those pics were a bad idea.....]

I hope that you know I was joking
More like some fun I was poking
I'm not a rover
No need to turn over
Not when there's your fire needs stoking:)

[nopanties]

I hope that you know I was joking
More like some fun I was poking
I'm not a rover
No need to turn over
Not when there's your fire needs stoking:)



Sorry, you’re simply too late
I’m already in bed with my date
Her snatch tastes like honey
And she just ate my cunny
And the orgasms just won’t abate!

[freethinker]

Her gorgeous ass, to me it beckons
Ah'll have to hang on tight, Ah reckons
Hand on my hat, I grab her mane
She bucks, snorts and begins to strain
But Ah'm gonna stay on my full eight seconds.

[joe blobb]

I just want to end all your fears
Stop the full flowing of tears
We don't have the time
To pen verse and line
It's not we've run out of ideas.:excited:

[nopanties]

Her gorgeous ass, to me it beckons
Ah'll have to hang on tight, Ah reckons
Hand on my hat, I grab her mane
She bucks, snorts and begins to strain
But Ah'm gonna stay on my full eight seconds.


Eight seconds, you say… of this you’re proud?
The protests, I should think, are loud
If you’re in my ass, expect to stay
You’ll find that it’s quite nice that way
I believe both parties will walk away wowed

[nopanties]

I just want to end all your fears
Stop the full flowing of tears
We don't have the time
To pen verse and line
It's not we've run out of ideas.:excited:


I’ve actually had some new thought
Don’t know why in the hell I’m so fraught
But it has to get better
Cause I keep getting wetter
And I’m finding some things I had sought

[joe blobb]

I’ve actually had some new thought
Don’t know why in the hell I’m so fraught
But it has to get better
Cause I keep getting wetter
And I’m finding some things I had sought


Does the new stuff involve any fucking
fingering, fisting or sucking
If you've found all of these
Can I ask you please
Never, just never stop looking.

[nopanties]

My long days of looking are ended
For the sweetest of souls I’ve befriended
He is dear, strong, and smart
With a very kind heart
And treats all of my faults as suspended

I know that he won’t understand
Why the clock swept our time with its hand
But I leave one last kiss
On the dear mouth I’ll miss
As I move on to some other land

[joe blobb]

Our friendship it didn't last long
As we came to our final sad song
But try as I might
When it all seemed so right
How can it always be wrong.

Bye N.P. xx

[joe blobb]

Now that nopanties has left
This thread is now somewhat bereft
Of thoughts and ideas
so come on my dears
I'll take boobs, face, bottom or cleft.

[fantasyalive]

You seem to seem to have an art
If it sold I would put it in the cart
You seem down
Do not frown
Lets go to the pub and throw a dart

[joe blobb]

I admit that the threads not the same
Since nopanties abandoned the game
I miss her quick wit
And her quite naughty bits
It really is quite a damned shame.

[freethinker]

There was a young lady from Texas
Who set off quite a battle of the sexes
All the guys want to fuck her
And some women want to suck her
We'll just have to see where it takes us.

[liltxsmile]

little o' me
busy as a bee
looking into the green ocean
watching the motion
oh what do I see :excited:

[freethinker]

(bumping the thread to bury this turkish spam slinging sumbitch)

[joe blobb]

I'll try to do what I can
To bury this bollocking spam
He is such a jerk
this trouble some turk
Surely now admin can ban?

[Stimson]

The banter 'tween no panties and blobb
Was an amusing and quick witted job
But what was befriended
Has now up and ended
And nearly made this poor fellow sob

[nopanties]

The fantasy wasn’t reality
Couldn’t handle uncommon duality
Now it’s over and done
‘Twas a victory for none
But we both get a shot at normality
　
　



I wish you peace http://www2l.incredimail.com/images/newsletter/061/small_heart.gif

[watchcat]

There was a young lady from Dallas
Who used a stick of dynamite for a phallus
Well, they found her Virgina in South Carolina
And part of her anus in New Jersey

Dam..I can never remember that last word..

A thoughtful young lady named Gail
Wrote on her breasts the price of her tail
And tattoed on her behind for the sake of the blind
Was the same information in Braille