Naughty Nursery Rhymes

[anon y mouse]

I want to start this thread and see how far it goes. Can you sex up nursery rhymes. I will start to give you an example.

The king was in the counting house counting all his money,

The queen was in the parlour eating bread and honey,

The maid was in the garden trying to pick a rose,

When along came the gardner and ripped of all her clothes

Now dear reader it is up to you.

[Tightcuntlover]

Humpty Dumpty.....


sat on a face!! :excited:

[cijababe]

Mary had a little lamb
She also had a duck
She put them on the mantlepiece
To see if they would ffffffffffffall off!

[richief]

Tom Tom the pipers son
fucked a pig
and off he run

[oldiegoody]

Jack be nimble,
Jack be quick,
Jack jump over the candle stick,
"Goodness gracious,
Great balls afire."

[anon y mouse]

Jack n Jill went up the hill
to fetch a pail of water
Jack saw jill had no panties on
and now they have a daughter

[richief]

Jack n Jill went up the hill
to fetch a pail of water
Jack saw jill had no panties on
and now they have a daughter



Simple Simon met a pie man going to the fair.
Said Simple Simon to the Pie man,
"What have you got there?"
Said the Pie man unto Simon,
"Pies, you dumb fuck

[richief]

There was a little girl who had a little curl
Right in the middle of her forehead.
When she was good, she was very, very good.
But when she was bad........
She got a fur coat, jewels, a waterfront condo, and a sports car

[cijababe]

There was a little girl who had a little curl
Right in the middle of her forehead.
When she was good, she was very, very good.
But when she was bad........
She decomposed very quickly

[EeVa!]

Old Mother Hubbard
Went to the cupboard
to fetch her poor dog a bone.
When she bent over
Rover took over,
And gave her a bone of his own.

[Empress Lainie]

Mistress Mary
Quite Contrary,
How does your garden grow?
With curly hairs
and slippery goo
a place for your pole to go!

[Empress Lainie]

Sing a Song of Sixpence
Pocketful of Rye
Fuck'em Fuck'em
In and Out!

[anon y mouse]

Marry has a little lamb
She also has a bear
I have seen her little lamb
Never seen her Buck naked

[lor280465]

Mary had a little bike
she rode it back to front
everytime the wheels when round
the spokes when up her cunt

[SweetCheex]

If u go down 2 the woods today ur sure4a big suprise,
mum n dad r havin a shag,
unlce bobs swallowed his nob,
and aunty flo is havin a go on grandad.

x sweet x

[freethinker]

Little Willie Winkie
Stuck her with his 'pinky'
And took Mary's cherry away.

Her parents heard the story
And cried, "Rape! Statutory!"
Now Willie's serving life, plus a day.

(an original)

[TomConCon]

Naughty Miss Muffet
Sat on her tuffet
sucking her lovers cock
When home came her husband
and caught them at it
and frightened the lover away

[anon y mouse]

Little Willie Winkie
Stuck her with his 'pinky'
And took Mary's cherry away.

Her parents heard the story
And cried, "Rape! Statutory!"
Now Willie's serving life, plus a day.

(an original)


like the originality

[freethinker]

another original - used to dabble in poetry and verse

Sing a song of hitmen
Pockets full of bullets
Four and twenty dead men
Poured into cement.

And when the hit was over
Big Frank was heard to say,
"Wasn't that a lot of stiffs
To dump into the bay?"

[burbotbreath]

Jack and Jill went up the hill, but never made it there.
Under a bush, they made love till Jill came up for air.
Jack and Jill came down the hill, their new love knew no bounds.
They got married, and would be still, but Jill packed on the pounds.
Now Jack's buried by the hill, a hatchet in his head.
Just memories remain for Jill, how good Jack was in bed.

BB

[rcarson13@yahoo.com]

The doctor fainted.
And the ram passed out cigars.

[Empress Lainie]

Little Jack Horner
Sat in a Corner
Wacking himself all day
Along came Bo Peep
Said stick it in my sheep
and your cum will all go away

[burbotbreath]

The Dog and The Cat

"This is my house," said the cat.
as with the dog she had a chat
and that's my bowl, and that's my food
I let you stay, 'cause that's my mood.

Slobbered the dog, "I so thank you!"
"Is there any thing that I can do?"
"Yes staying here's my favorite thing!"
"Here are my toys, to you I bring!"

"A sunny spot, over there I see,
Your slobbery toys don't interest me,
And since right now there's no warm lap
I'll flop right there, and take a nap."

"Oh, but there's so much to do!
so many things on which to chew!
So many butts to sniff anew,
How is it this can't interest you?"

"Because I'm not now hungry see,
and you're just wasting energy,
before I sleep, my fur I clean
leave me alone, or I'll get mean."

"Well I must go, and dig some holes!
then piss on some more telephone poles,
and find a place to take a crap,
I hope that you enjoy your nap!"

[freethinker]

I was riding down the road
Doing ninety miles an hour
When the chain on my motorcycle broke

I went sliding through the grass
With the sprocket up my ass
And my balls playing 'Dixie' on the spokes

(Not original, just old)

[anon y mouse]

Jack spratt wud eat no fat
and his wife wud eat no lean
and so between them both u see
they licked each other clean

[Empress Lainie]

Jack be nimble
Jack be quick
Jack jump over the candlestick

Too bad he slipped and now
it is:

Jack's not nimble
Jack's really not quick
The candle is in his ass,
Now light the wick!

[Empress Lainie]

Ring around the rosie,...................referring to the plague in the 1600's?
pocketfull of posies...............................thought that flowers would protect
forgot the line here
All fall down........................................dead.

Now the porn version:

Ring around your rosie
Pushing in my posie
Harder, Farther,
All squirts out!

[anon y mouse]

Ring around the rosie,...................referring to the plague in the 1600's?
pocketfull of posies...............................thought that flowers would protect
forgot the line here
All fall down........................................dead.

Now the porn version:

Ring around your rosie
Pushing in my posie
Harder, Farther,
All squirts out!

the line is atishho atishho all fall down

and love your version

[Empress Lainie]

the line is atishho atishho all fall down

and love your version

Hey thanks Anon. What is that word supposed to mean in the original if you know. (It sounds Japanese!)

[Igor]

Little Miss Muffet
Sat on a tuffet
Her knickers all tattered and torn
It wasn't a spider
that sat down beside her
but Little Boy Blue with the horn

[burbotbreath]

I fucked her low, I fucked her high
I fucked her wet, I fucked her dry
And when she's dead, and long forgotton
I'll dig her up, and fuck her rotten.

[prtndr]

Ring around the rosie,...................referring to the plague in the 1600's?
pocketfull of posies...............................thought that flowers would protect
forgot the line here
All fall down........................................dead.



Pocket full of posies refers to carrying flowers to mask the smell of the dead. Related to the term "nosegay" for a flower carried to mask the smell of a medieval city.
Next line is "Ashes, Ashes", referring to the burning of bodies, bedding, clothing, etc, to stop the disease.

[prtndr]

Mary had a little sheep
With whom she always slept.
The sheep turned out to be a ram,
and Mary had a little lamb.

[Incubus]

A-tisket a-tasket
Show her some green and you can have it
I sent it in without a glove
And her cherry i popped it
i popped it, i popped it
Yes, all the way i popped it
the little girlie licked it up
when I came like a rocket
She was truckin' on down the avenue,
Without a single thing to do
She was peck-peck-peckin all around
When she spied it on the ground
She took it she took it
my skicky cum faucet
And if she doesn't bring it back
I think that I shall die
(Was it brown?) no, no,no, no,
(Was it red?) no, no,no, no,
(Was it blue?) no, no,no, no,
Just some white cum from my faucet

[WickedGame]

Doesn't Jack & Jill already have a sexual reference? I read it in a newspaper years ago

[Pioneer!]

Little boy blew
Hey! he needed the money

[pornlover2112]

Mary had another lamb,
It ran into a Pylon,
10,000 Volts went up its ass,
and turned it's wool into Nylon.

[cijababe]

Mary had a little lamb
Her father shot it dead
And now it goes to school with her
Between two hunks of bread

[richief]

Hey thanks Anon. What is that word supposed to mean in the original if you know. (It sounds Japanese!)

atishoo is the sound you make when you sneeze.

[richief]

Pocket full of posies refers to carrying flowers to mask the smell of the dead. Related to the term "nosegay" for a flower carried to mask the smell of a medieval city.
Next line is "Ashes, Ashes", referring to the burning of bodies, bedding, clothing, etc, to stop the disease.

this is not about the plagues of europe to see more follow the link


http://www.phrases.org.uk/meanings/ring-a-ring-of-roses.html link

[naughtygirl666]

Old king cole was a merry old sole and a merry old sole was he.
He called for a light in the middle of the night to go to the WC
The night was cold and stormy, the candle had a fit.
Old king cole fell down the hole and landed in a pile of sh*t!

[freethinker]

Mary had a little lamb
It had a little peter
'Tweren't enough to stuff her muff
But she was happy to just let it eat her.

[freethinker]

Jack be nimble, Jack be quick
Jack jumped over the candlestick
He singed his balls and burned his dick
Now Jack ain't moving quite so quick.

[Pioneer!]

The hart, he loves the hard wood;
The hare, she loves the thrill;
The knight, he loves his long sword;
The lady loves her fill.

[rcarson13@yahoo.com]

Hickory Dickory Dock
The mouse ran up a cock.
The cock found a hole
Making the mouse a mole
And tickling the whore in a smock.

[pussyseeker]

Twinkle twinkle little star
How I wander what you are
Up above the world so high
Like a diamond in the sky
Twinkle twinkle all the night.

[deidre79]

jack and jill went up that hill.....
to play...have sex and just chill
jill was a thrill to be on the pill
but jack would kill, when he got that bill
for going up that hill, with Jill :)......:confused:

[rcarson13@yahoo.com]

Cute little Deidre sat on a wall.
Cute little Deidra had a great fall.
Deidre didn't fall from the wall;
She just fell for me and my big cock!

[deidre79]

Cute little Deidre sat on a wall.
Cute little Deidra had a great fall.
Deidre didn't fall from the wall;
She just fell for me and my big cock!


what? :excited: that silly licorice stick of yours doesn't even rhyme :(...... i fell on your cock? ok :) mine was no better

[rcarson13@yahoo.com]

Little Jack Horner sat in a corner
Eating Miss Muffet's hair pie.
He stick in his thumb and pulled out a plum,
Some fruit's been here, Aye!

[sexylexie]

Jack and Jill went up the hill,
to fetch a pale of water.
Jack fucked Jill, but left for Lil,
'Cause damn that bitch was hotter.:excited:

[iwant2bcuckolded]

Jack and Jill went up the hill,
to fetch a pale of water.
They stripped and shagged,
and nine months later
Jill gave Jack a daughter.

(oops, just read Anon's post on the 1st page, they're bit similar! sorry)

[Andreamedis]

This is the house that Jack built.

These are the rooms of the house that Jack built.

These are the beds that sit in the rooms of the house that Jack built.

These are the lovely young girls who lie on the beds in the rooms of the house that Jack built.

These are the gentlemen who have come to call on the lovely young girls who lie on the beds in the rooms of the house that Jack built.

This is the doctor who delivers the babies fathered by the gentlemen who have come to call on the lovely young girls who lie on the beds in the rooms of the house that Jack built.

[naughtygirl666]

Hey diddle diddle, the cat had a piddle
all over the kitchen mat.
The little dog laughed to see such fun
and piddled all over the cat.

[rcarson13@yahoo.com]

Little Boy Blue, come blow your horn;
The shepherd's in his sheep,
And the farmer's
In the hired hand's cornhole.

[natashaborzova]

hate this

[rcarson13@yahoo.com]

Old King Cole
Was a Gay old Soul
And a gay old soul was he.
He smoked his hashish pipe
And ate from his bowl.
And ass-fucked his fiddlers three.

[rattymcrat99]

little miss muffet sat on her lover
who ate her muff all day

[rcarson13@yahoo.com]

Hickory, dickory, dock;
The mouse ran up the cock.
The cock, it blew.
The mouse, it flew.
Hickory, dickory, dock!

[freethinker]

In days of old, when knights were bold
And rubbers weren't invented
The men wore socks upon their cocks
And babies were prevented.

[freethinker]

Hickery dockery dick
A mouse ran up my prick
He bit the head
And now he's dead
Hickory dockery dick

[pornlover2112]

Hickory Dickory dock
I rammed a mouse on my cock
I watched it spin down
then round and round
and then it went into shock

[pornlover2112]

Little miss muffet sat on her tuffet
her clothes all tattered and torn
It wasn't the spider that crept up beside her
But little boy blue and his horn

[freethinker]

Jack and Jill went up the hill
To fetch a pail of water
Jack got hot when Jill flashed her twat
'Twas like leading lambs to the slaughter.

Jack and Jill are together still
More than fifteen years later
Jack has a gun to keep the boys on the run
And his daughter can't find one to date her.

[D.Evil]

Rub a dub dub three men in a tub...fuckin' homos

[freethinker]

Little Jack Horner sat in the corner
Licking his girlfriend's vagina
He licked up the slit and sucked on her clit
And said, "Man, there ain't nothing finer."

[freethinker]

Little Bo Peep sat down to weep
Because she had lost her cherry
Little Jack Tucker was the one to fuck her
And taking it made him feel merry.

Little Bo Peep shuffled her feet
As she waddled to stand by Jack Tucker
Her dad held a gun so poor Jack couldn't run
And he regretted the day he had took her.

[freethinker]

Hey diddle diddle, Bo Peep touched her piddle
And wished Jack would come near
Little Jack Horner sat in the corner
And bemoaned the fact he was queer.

Little Bo Peep sat down next to Jack
And placed his hand on her thigh
Jack got a woody and slipped it to Bo
And realized he actually was bi.

[freethinker]

Sing a song of sixpence, looking for some ass
Jack was really horny, but he didn't have much cash
He settled for a quickie from the cheap whore on the corner
Died from AIDS a few years later, so much for Little Jack Horner.

[freethinker]

Rapunzel, Rapunzel, my lady fair
You have such magnificent pubic hair
Don't ever shave, or wax, or trim that hedge
When you're wearing panties, let it peek out the edge.

[freethinker]

Old King Cole was a merry old soul
And a merry old soul was he
He had a wife with a nice tight hole
That he kept filled continuously.

[freethinker]

Nothing could be finer
than to be in your vagina
in the mooooo-ooorning

Nothing could be sweeter
than for you to suck my peter
in the mooooo-ooorning

[freethinker]

(bumping the thread to bury this turkish spam slinging sumbitch)

[Harold1000]

Mary had a little lamb
She also had a duck
She put them on the mantlepiece
To see if they would ffffffffffffall off!

Fabulous

[Harold1000]

Friends may come, friends may go,
Friends may peter out.
Your a friend without a doubt,
peter in or peter out.

[daddys lil toy]

okay i dont have a rhyme but this thread is soooooo cute!

[Andreamedis]

One, two, I'm ready for you.

Three, four, let's screw on the floor.

Five, six, stick in your dick.

Seven, eight, oh it feels great!

Nine, ten, I'm cumming again!

[Babyangel]

One, two, I'm ready for you.

Three, four, let's screw on the floor.

Five, six, stick in your dick.

Seven, eight, oh it feels great!

Nine, ten, I'm cumming again!
Love that and your sig

:)

This thread is adorable- I wish I could keep it going

[WhaWhaWha]

Hickory Dickory Dock
This chick was sucking on my cock
The clock struck two
I blew my goo
and dropped the whore off at the next block

[Wadshot]

There was a guy from Moline
who made a Jack off machine.
At 32 strokes, the cocksucker broke
and turned his balls into cream.

(Not mine, got it from a Hustler from the 80's)

[freethinker]

Hey diddle diddle
The cat took a piddle
The cow flashed the farmer her ass

He climbed on a stump
And diddled her rump
But fell off when the poor cow passed gas

[Rexxracerr]

little miss mffet sat on her tuffet eating her curds and whey'
along came a spider sat down beside her and said "what's in the bowl bitch"

[KnightLover1]

Jack and Jill went up a hill
To fetch a pale of water
Jill bent down, Jack came behind her
And fucked her for a quarter.