Belladonna was a fitting name as any. The woman she use to be was dead. A dead woman could become anybody she wanted. This name suited her for now. The plant from which it came from held a witchy reputation. Also known as deadly nightshade, causing paralysis and death in its victims. It was fitting really.

She doubted anyone who knew her before would even recognize her after the transformation she had put her body through. Skin covered with extensive tattooing to hide the scars that only she could see. Her body was now lean and muscular, built for what she planned to do. Bella had been following her first victim over the course of the last month, learning her routine, waiting for this exact moment. When she wasn't obsessed with stalking the woman she would kill, she spent sleepless hours transforming her body.

Bella repressed all human compassion. It was only a matter of time before Katie Pauling would die. She planned to settle the score sooner than later. Maybe even become someone else afterwards. Someone kinder and gentler. More like the way she use to be.

Katie Pauling's last drink was the day she was released on a technicality after killing a man while driving intoxicated. She had just come face to face with Alexis, twin sister and lover of the man she killed. Bella watched Katie take drink after drink that was offered to her at the bar. Katie was hunting too. Hunting for then next person she would fuck. Bella approached the barmaid.

"You see that woman there. Her drinks are on me." Bella instructed, pushing $200 across the bar. "If she doesn't drink it all, consider the remainder a tip."

"Should I tell her who is showing her a good time?"

"There is no need for that." Bella said behind a wicked smile.

The bar was empty except for the drunks and trolls bidding the time before honing in on the now intoxicated Katie Pauling. Bella knew Katie would need to be home soon to check in with her wealthy father. He to had been keeping tabs on his precious daughter and her where-a-bouts since the accident. Knowing it was only a matter of time before she needed saving again. Bella would release him of that burden.

Bella watched Katie talking to an older man, confirming Katie's daddy issues. Bella waited outside from her motorcycle when Katie emerged intoxicated an hour later, stumbling towards the new Audi daddy had boughten her. Adrenalin surged through Bella's body when her prey approached.

Katie was fumbling in her handbag for keys when Bella collided with her.

"Watch where your going bitch!" Katie slurred, righting herself awkwardly and looking to Bella for an apology.

"What the fuck do you want?" Katie laughed.

"I am not good enough for you to fuck?" Bella teased sweetly, pushing Katie back against her car. Katie watched as Bella slipped her hand down the front of her skin tight, black stretch pants. Her muscular legs shaped nicely beneath the fabric. Her fingers teased her clit. Katie gasped watching Bella pleasure herself. Bella's other hand pulled up her matching tank top, exposing her muscular abdomen and freshly applied tattoos that transformed her body from what its previously state. Bella's tits bounced free of the constricting top. Katie cooed as Bella pushed a breast up, and suckeled the pink nipple into her mouth.

"I've never been with a woman before?" Katie said.

Katie's hands groped Bella's body, leaning into kiss her. Bella pushed her away, repulsed. She smelt of alcohol, nearly causing Bella to retch.

"I thought you wanted to fuck? Katie said, Bella holding her at a distance.

"You didn't think I would let you touch me here, this is not a suitable setting for your first time. Your taking me back to your place." Bella persuaded.

Katie's keys were not in her bag. Bella had watched her place them in her pocket when she got out of her car earlier. Bella reached inside Katie's pant pocket and fished out the keys.

"Your in no state to drive." Bella said coldly holding the passenger door open for Katie, who reluctantly slid inside. Bella donned her leather jacket and gloves before slipping behind the wheel.

"Hold this." She instructed Katie, handing her a motorcycle helmet, and fastening her seat belt. Bella sped threw the deserted down town streets, knowing in a few hours time, they would be flooded with professionals getting off from work.

"What is this? Katie slurred, pulling the HANS device from the helmet.

Bella pulled onto a deserted street. The same street Jason had died tragically.

"That is a Head and Neck Support. It is used in racing sports. Let me show you."

Bella's secured the deceive around her own neck.

"Helmet please." Bella asked.

"You see Katie, when a car traveling at high speeds and collides with something solid, like that concert utility pole in the distance. This device will protect the wearer from devastating neck injuries. You see that light on the dash?" Bella pointed out.

"That indicates that the airbags are not functioning correctly. Maybe a loose plug or something, you should have that looked at before you get in an accident."

"Why do you have a neck thingy?" Katie asked confused.

Bella smiled and donned the helmet before Katie's body was thrust back into the seat.

"Your scaring me." Katie yelped.

Bella looked over at her coldly before unbuckling Katie's seat belt and lowering the visor on the helmet. The car struck the concrete pool at 90 miles an hour, Katie's body, violently thrust through the windshield. Her skull shattering, splattering Bella with blood. Like a tomato thrown against a solid surface.

Katie's mauled body lay limp in the street, 100 feet in front of the mangled car. The people who came to the aide of the woman who laid lifeless in a pool of blood, never noticed the leather clad woman walking away.

 

Another entry into for KAW 5 @stex

I wanted to point out that this is an exert from a much larger follow up to my "Embracing Darkness" entry and runner up for the KAW 4.

Once the KAW 5 is compete. I will post the story in its entirety - "Embracing Darkness (Part 2) - Wretchedness"

@stex - I am not sure this is allowed since it is part of a much larger story. I think this one can stand on its own, as it only mentions a few of the characters from the previous story. I leave it to you to make the decision whether it should be considered or labeled as a Non-Entry.

 

The Good: This held my interest and had enough detail to be pleasing. It is by all rights a valid entry.

The Bad: There were a few flow breaking grammar mistakes that bothered the flow.

The Ugly: This doesn't quite make a story. It is very close but is missing one of the Ws. THere are five single word W questions that need to be answered by a story; who, why, where, when, and what. This has the who, there is enough description of action to identify the people. It has the where, some town somewhere, that is enough. The when is determined by the tense of the wording. It happened in the past. That is all we need to fulfill that. We also know very clearly what happened. That is defined as your plot, this has a lot of that. The only one missing is the why. Why was she scarred, why was she killing, why was she dead, why, why, why. This question had no answer anywhere. There were hints. but no definite link.

Overall this is a class A entry and well worthy of votes. I give my critiques with the hopes that people see them for what they are. Suggested areas for improvement. In this story a couple solid links to why answers and it would have it all.

 

Thanks for the comments and feedback @Brootforce

As for the "why" she was killing. That will be revealed in the full story soon. Didn't really want to give it away yet since this is just a teaser to a much larger story. I wanted to let the readers ponder the motive of the killing and thought it only fitting to enter it into the KAW 5 since the story evolved from the story "Embracing Darkness" writen for the KAW 4.

 

I didn't think it suffered from being excised from a longer work. I thought it was a good little tale of retribution, but it was a bit let down by the mechanism.

Not that I want to get excessively technical (so that's exactly what I'll do.) I don't think a 90mph crash into concrete (pool?) is survivable, HANS or no HANS. You might get away with it in a race car which is designed with impacts like that in mind, where you have a rigid roll cage to protect the driver, race seats and 6 point harnesses to go with the HANS. HANS devices don't work with regular seats with regular 3 point belts (they rely on the shoulder straps of a harness to hold them.

I got a bit lost in the scene where they met. It was unclear who the pronouns were referring to. "slipped her hand down the front of her skin tight," It wasn't clear who's jeans. With two protagonists of the same gender, it can get confusing using pronouns like that.

After reading Broot's comments, I agree with his why, I think that was what was left unsaid in being excised from the whole. Having said that, it didn't bother me when I was reading, I may have been carrying something over from the previous story.

Also not wanting to harp, I was distracted by Your/You're mistakes.

 

Welcome to the party, Exile. A few grammar issues such as question marks where periods should have been and missing closing quotation marks for dialog didn't stop me from understanding what the story was about. I really like the concept of this dead woman coming back from her brief afterlife to pursue a new life of ... well, whatever it is she wants to do, like, killing people. Always interesting to see where the author takes the story from there. You chose the dark path because that is the general mojo of your story. Good work.

 

Thank @Norton X

The darkness carried over from the previous KAW that @Sybil_62 thrust my imagination into.

 

Good revenge tale.

I wasn't phased by the problems the others had with it.

 

Revenge certainly is sweet. I liked how the characters and situation was described. And the fact that this was a sequel (right?) didn't bother me even though I haven't read the previous tale.
I did notice a few typos that made me reread a sentence. And as stex said it isn't clear whose pants Bella put her hand into.
From the story point of view, that was a complex method of murder. And I don't understand who Alexis is.

 

And interesting sequel that stands well on its own. I enjoyed reading this tale and I am looking forward to when all of it will be told.

 

It's an interesting piece this. There are quite a few errors in spelling, punctuation and grammar which a proofreader could have eliminated, so perhaps before the full tale needs someone else to have a read-through before you post it, author - this would be a big improvement, as I was already feeling critical before I'd finished the first paragraph, even the title contains a spelling mistake.

However, this dragged me in and held my interest - intitially I suspected that Bella was some kind of enhanced human being and we were in for a complicated sci-fi tale but in fact that was not the case, it was a much more human story of lust and revenge. Quite a substantial suspension of disbelief was required, partly for the brevity of the intial encounter leading to sexual contact but mostly for the fact that anyone, even someone who had 'spent sleepless hours transforming their body' could walk away from a 90mph crash but nevertheless I enjoyed this. Good work, I will look forward to reading the full, complete story, especially if the author takes on board some of the suggestions for improvement that have been offered by a number of accomplished writers here.

 

If you liked this story, please consider voting for it in the KAW competition. The voting instructions are in the thread: https://forum.xnxx.com/threads/kaw-5-gone-in-a-flash-reading-voting-phase.395123/

 

I was totally distracted by the why? It has a couple of errors but it was the reason behind the killing that put me off. I have said this before and its just my opinion, see no point in entering a story that doesn't stand alone, nor the point of writing something for another reason than for the competition that you are entering I.E. a chapter from the last one you did, this creates problems for the readers who have not read the previous story or have bad memory.

 

I think this story was good. But I have a few complaints.

There were some grammar mistakes, but I could live with those. A spelling mistake in the title itself is bad, but still forgivable...

My problem comes from posting an excerpt of a larger work for consideration into a competition. So Far 1 other entry has done this, but at least in that one it was a "complete" story. I felt this one left too much out.

Please don't take this all bad. I did enjoy the writing. However next competition why not try to have an original entry that does not rely on previous or future stories.

This was a good read Exile.

 

What I read was really good, grammatical errors aside. But it did seem incomplete, which leaves me disappointed. Good start.

 

Using an excerpt from a larger work as a stand-alone story didn't work well here, since there were unanswered questions. Crash physics and survival aside, there were missing details that hurt the flow. This may work much better in context. As others have said, proofreading and editing will help make this easier for readers to understand.

This was a tough competition theme. It's hard to compress a complete story or vignette into a thousand words or less. The effort put into this is obvious, but it deserves to be more complete.