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  1. tonybs

    tonybs Porn Star

    Joined:
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    Nov 23, 2015
    Thanks @luvsalik These are the parents, this is the prequel to Darkness Incorporated.
     
    • Like Like x 2
    1. luvsalik
      Thanks for confirming Tony , sometimes I may read things that aren't there :p Hopefully looking forward to more from their adventures . X
       
      luvsalik, Nov 23, 2015
      #link
      wantsomefun and Norton X like this.
    #21
  2. stex

    stex Porn Star

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    Nov 23, 2015
    • Like Like x 2
    #22
  3. 1 Toy Maker

    1 Toy Maker Kuns og Kram Smukke Love once found never lost

    Joined:
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    28,256
    Nov 25, 2015
    Its good but seems oddly disjointed. I like the way you based Magnus on a hells angels smurf.
     
    • Like Like x 2
    #23
  4. tonybs

    tonybs Porn Star

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    Nov 25, 2015
    Thanks @1 Toy Maker. Maybe disjointed because I missed bits and skimmed others due to the thousand words.

    Hell's Angel Smurf, good description.
     
    • Like Like x 1
    #24
  5. ejls

    ejls Siren of the Seaway

    Joined:
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    Nov 28, 2015
    I loved the authentic dialogue, which added so much to the feel of the story.
     
    • Like Like x 2
    #25
  6. tonybs

    tonybs Porn Star

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    Nov 28, 2015
    Thanks @ejls The dialog was fun. Finding out there's a whole new language out there, which is (maybe) almost mutually intelligible with English was interesting.
     
    • Like Like x 1
    1. ejls
      Having been to Scotland and witnessed a conversation spoken in Gaelic, it made me smile.
       
      ejls, Nov 28, 2015
      #link
      wantsomefun and stex like this.
    2. stex
      Gaelic is a totally different language, one of the Celtic ones as intelligible as Welsh. Scots is the one closely related to English, which is just about intelligible to English speakers.
       
      stex, Nov 28, 2015
      #link
      wantsomefun likes this.
    #26
  7. Little Miss K

    Little Miss K Porn Star

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    Nov 29, 2015
    Interesting.;)

    This was a fun read, but a little weird too. ( not to say bad, just weird,:) ) The accent wasn't too hard, but I kept reading it in my Great grandfather's Irish brogue, and that was a little creepy!:facepalm: I feel like I should go read Darkness Incorporated so that I can understand a little better.

    I commented on another story already... I would have liked a stand alone story written expressly for the competition. It isn't against the rules, but just my personal preference.:rolleyes:

    Thank you for an entertaining read Tony.:woot:
     
    • Like Like x 2
    #27
  8. tonybs

    tonybs Porn Star

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    Nov 29, 2015
    Thanks @Little Miss K Please do read Darkeness Incorporated, I like it. It was a bit out of place in KAW 4.

    I agree about stories standing on their own. I've made that comment myself. This was the story I had.
     
    • Like Like x 2
    #28
  9. wantsomefun

    wantsomefun Storyteller and Lover In XNXX Heaven

    Joined:
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    Nov 29, 2015
    My criticism, if I have to make one, is the strong point mentioned earlier. There's almost too much here for the scope of a one thousand word story. You have an epic tale here (part of a larger work, in fact) that DOES stand on its own, but hints at much more. I liked it. The accent did, in fact, make it harder to read, but it added a feel to the story that would have taken excess verbiage to produce any other way.

    Overall, a very solid effort.
     
    • Like Like x 1
    #29
  10. tonybs

    tonybs Porn Star

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    Nov 29, 2015
    Thanks @wantssomefun This will be expanded to be only two scenes from a larger story.
     
    #30
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