The Space Pirate Story​

“Kepler-522?” Lohvahn Zemajas’s hair stood on end. “Which city are we raiding?” he asked.

“Cap’n says Duratocus. We’re low on supplies and that’s the closest city.”

Lohvahn’s heart skipped a beat. “Duratocus? No! Not there. Aren’t there any other cities on K-522?”

“The other cities are too far away.”

Lohvahn knew this, but he was desperately trying to avoid going to Duratocus.

“I must speak with the captain” said Lohvahn and rushed away toward the cockpit.

As first mate, he hoped to dissuade the captain from steering a course to Duratocus.

As he walked towards the cockpit of the mothership “The Varenzver”, an old memory flickered across his mind. So old that he could only see parts of it; still images, a word here, a tear there. But, one image remained undamaged, her image. Long black hair that went till her hips, a face adorned with a sharp nose and full lips. Eyes that looked like black diamonds encrusted in white pearls sat on either side of her face. Her voluptuous figure and long legs were a result of many years of dancing. Lohvahn shook his head to make the image dissappear. “Not Duratocus” he heard himself saying.

Gar Starson had only become captain a few months ago. He despised Lohvahn because he was better. But most of the crew were Gar’s friends owing to which he was captain. Gar was now in the cockpit of the Varenzver planning the raid on Duratocus.

Lohvahn entered. “Gar, I need to talk to you.”

“Ah! Lohvahn, you’ve come at the right time. We need to discuss this plan.”

“Hold on Gar.” he said, lowering his voice “Not Duratocus Gar. Any other city is fine.”

“What do you mean? We are low on supplies Lohvahn. We need to land soon. This is the closest city.”

Gar seemed rather confused. He had never seen Lohvahn overreact.

Lohvahn couldn’t argue. He knew that they had to land, he calmed down “She lives in the north” he thought and then he replied “Let’s just keep away from the north part of the city. Ok?”

“Ok. Cool down. Let me show you the plan.” said Gar trying to calm him down.

Soon the plans were discussed. They were supposed to land using the multiple pods from the ship and not the Verenzver herself. Duratocus was a big city with a cold climate and low population, therefore not much security. So a small group of pirates raiding the south side of the city isn’t going to call for much attention.

Lohvahn led his group of men to his ship“The Serensethu”, it wasn’t a pod, it was a small ship. The Verenzver was soon in orbit around K-522 and all the pods were on their way towards Duratocus. They landed the pods and entered the city on land vehicles. The looting happened swiftly, house by house, shop by shop. As they collected more and more loot, the men’s interests diverted towards the women of the city. After all, they hadn’t seen good pussy for ages.

Lohvahn saw that a small group had broken off and was going towards a large building.

He jumped of his vehicle and shouted “Hey, why are you all going that way?”

One of the men replied “It seems there’s a dance performance going on, that means rich people and pussy.”

“Dance performance?” his stomach did a double flip. He immediately started sprinting towards the building.

As he entered the building, he saw big hall filled with many people. They were all panic stricken. Many pirates had already started their work. They weren’t Lohvahn’s concern. He turned his attention to the stage and saw that some men had already lined up the dancers and started teasing them. He immediately found her. Gar seemed to be talking to her. Lohvahn sprinted towards the stage.

“Dawn… Dawnymf” he shouted. Dawnymf Stellapuer looked up. She knew that voice. “Loh?”

Lohvahn got onto to the stage and ran up to her. “Dawn” out of breath, he just hugged her. Dawn was too dumbstruck to say anything.

“She’s mine Lohvahn. Go find your own” said Gar with a grin.

“Gar please. I beg you. I love her.” pleaded Lohvahn.

“I’m sorry Lohvahn. I am your captain and I’m going to do her right here, right now.” saying this Gar snatched Dawn from Lohvahn’s grip and ripped open her dress with one swift move.

Lohvahn looked around, only a few pirates were there. Lohvahn immediately unsheathed his knife, put it against Gar’s neck and cut his throat. Blood splurted all over Dawns naked breasts. Dawn could barely stop herself from screaming. No one had noticed. Lohvahn removed his shirt and gave it to Dawn who covered herself up.

“Is there a back door?” he asked.

“This way” she said running to the back of the stage.They got out of the back door and started running towards one of the pirate vehicles. I was empty. They got into it, Lohvahn started it and drove off towards the pods.

Dawn stared at Lohvahn unable to believe what was happening. “Loh I…”

“Not now Dawn. Let us get to safety first.”

They reached the Serensethu, got in and took off. “Why don’t you go get cleaned up” said Lohvahn as he set course to a nearby planet.

Dawn had washed herself and put on a clean shirt when Lohvahn came in. “I’m so sorry Dawn. I tried...”

Dawn silenced him with her lips.Soon she felt his hands reach out to remove her clean shirt. She opened her mouth slightly as his hand cupped her breast. Suddenly Lohvahn just stopped kissing and looked at her. “Are you all right Loh?” asked Dawn.


“I love you Dawn.”

The End​

 

Fitting this in 1000 words was really tough. Hopefully I did a good job.

 

Excellent work, Mr Smith.

 

Ahh. I liked it. Probably could do with a bit more of the back story. And what's with the bolded words they were distracting.

 

The Good: I liked this as a story. It had a plot and a some action.

The Bad: There were a few grammar and spelling mistakes that pushed the limits on non interupting.

The Ugly: This has a broken feeling to it. The story jumps from scene to scene wit no segue between. This causes confusion and is very distracting as you try to track the action.

Overall I enjoyed it. It is very different from other stories in this competition.

 

The thousand word restraint hurts this particular story. Maybe more can be added to it at a later time. I am interested is seeing what might happen next to these two.

 

Good swashbuckling tale. I liked it. Rescued and got the girl, always a good line.

Why can a city be too far away when you're in a spaceship? You should be able to get just about anywhere planetside in one orbital period.

I didn't have @Brootforce's problem with the scene changing. It flowed well for me.

 

If you liked this story, please consider voting for it in the KAW competition. The voting instructions are in the thread: https://forum.xnxx.com/threads/kaw-5-gone-in-a-flash-reading-voting-phase.395123/

 

The only thing missing was the rope swinging.

 

Reminded me of Firefly!

I thought the writing was good, but think this would work as a longer story better. The writing was good, I just wanted more story.

Thank you for the entry Samuel!

 

This story needed to be longer. Great idea, but not ideal for the 1000 word limitation. Take it and make a true short out of it.

 

As others have said this suffers from being too short. The bold names were distracting, and there are a few errors but overall this is a jolly scf-fi swashbuckling tale.

 

Writing to a word limit can be damn near impossible with some ideas. This might be one of them.

A suggestion, if I may be so bold -- flesh this story out the way you wanted to tell it. Add the things that are in your head but didn't make it to the screen. Use that document as a first draft, and proofread and edit the living hell out of it. Put it away until you stop thinking about it all the time, and then go over it ruthlessly again. Then send it to someone and have them do the same thing. As another amateur writer said to me, "kill your darlings". Find the extraneous bits and remove them. "Darlings" include things like boldface for your place names and maybe some other words and phrases. Paring down a larger work is sometimes easier than being concise in the first draft.

I see a lot of potential with all your entries.

 

I have to agree with the others. This is good writing but doesn't suit the 1k format. You need to take this as the basis for a novel-length story. You seem to have the talent necessary to bring this project to fruition so I can but suggest that you try it out. I took fright at the idea of trying to write a full-scale novel but it is remarkably easy when you try.