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  1. Samuel Smith

    Samuel Smith Sex Lover

    Joined:
    Jan 14, 2013
    Messages:
    131
    Thoughts

    “Will she come today?(The Silver haired Woman)” wondered the Guy in the Mask.

    “Maybe she won't… I hope she doesn't… I shouldn't have come here in the first place” ran the thoughts of the masked man as he waited on the roof of a building. He had been there many times before, always for the same purpose. He knew it was wrong but he couldn't help it.

    He thought of the woman who was waiting for him at home (The Red haired Lady). Their marriage was only a few years old but the even the golden rings had started to rust.

    “Do I still love her?”

    He liked to think that he still loved her, but the choice he had made today argued otherwise.

    “Does she still love me?”

    He had loved her once with all his heart, and she had loved him back. But getting married had taken its toll and bittered their sweet love.

    “Did I make the mistake? Is it all my fault?”

    She had told him that it was his fault; that he was never there for her. “I've made so many sacrifices for you, but you are never there when I need you” she had told him when they had had a fight few days back.

    “I had loved her”

    He still remembered the first day he had set eyes on her.

    “She had the most perfect figure”.

    She was, ironically, his girlfriend's (The Golden haired Girl) best friend. His girlfriend had unfortunately passed away in an accident and his wife had become his partner in misery.

    “We only had each other”.

    And eventually, they had fallen in love.
    He thought of his girlfriend - his first true love. Her deep blue eyes haunted him everyday because he had failed to save her from that dreadful fall.

    “I should have caught her”.

    He closed his eyes and imagined her standing in front of him. He held her waist and pulled her closed.

    “I won't let go of you this time”.

    Their eyes met. He caught her with both hands and lifted her off the ground. The wind blew and her straight golden hair formed a canopy over them. And they closed their eyes and kissed… and kissed till they were out of breath. He opened his eyes to find himself alone on the roof. His mask covered the tear that ran down his cheek.

    He didn't want to wait for the silver haired woman anymore. As he turned to leave a cat ran past him. The smooth black fur of the cat made him stop and renew his decision. She always came dressed in black and the cloth was always smooth, just like the cat's fur. She had bright silvery hair that provided a striking contrast to her black attire. Her eyes were a dark green, shining almost like emeralds. She almost had the perfect figure of his wife. Unlike his wife, she had a mischievous and seductive nature. Everything about her - the way she walked, the way she talked - could make any man excited. But, she had chosen him. He knew why. But he didn't know why he had succumbed to her advances. She was no prettier than his wife. But there was something about her that he couldn't let go of. For the time that he usually spent with her, he forgot about everything else. Did he love her?

    “I don't think I love her. Then why do I wait for her every time?”

    She made him forget about everyone else. It was just him and her.

    “Am I running from not keeping my wife happy?”
    “Am I running from not having saved my girlfriend?”

    He wasn't sure

    “Is it just lust?”

    He heard a sound behind him. “Hey there.” He turned to see her walking towards him. Her hair was shining even brighter today. Her clothes were held tight against her body. The low v-shaped neck showed off her breasts just the right amount. The curve of her hip moved side to side as she walked closer. He could she that she had used lipstick. But the rest of her face was hidden by a mask.

    He didn't care if it was lust. He didn't care what it was anymore. He caught her, held her tight against himself. “Hi Cat” he said.

    “You seem in a hurry.” She reached out to uncover the lower half of his mask.

    “Sorry I kept you waiting Spidey.”

    The End... or... The Beginning
     
    • Like Like x 2
    #1
  2. Brootforce

    Brootforce Porn Star

    Joined:
    Jan 21, 2013
    Messages:
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    The Good: This actually had a surprise at the end I did not see coming. Very well done.

    The Bad: There are quite a few grammar and word errors in this. They were enough to be distracting. Be sure and get someone else to proofread for you. Little errors like; "He could she that she had used lipstick." break up the flow and make people scratch there head.

    The Ugly: Using quotes to distinguish thoughts and spoken words leads to confusion. One of the tricks I have leaned is to put thoughts inside quotes and italicized. "Spoken words look like this", "Thoughts look like this". It does break them up.
     
    • Like Like x 3
    #2
  3. stex

    stex Porn Star

    Joined:
    Jan 7, 2015
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    I found this confusing. I suspect I need to know something about Spiderman to understand it.
     
    • Like Like x 2
    #3
  4. Norton X

    Norton X Oddball

    Joined:
    Dec 30, 2013
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    17,092
    The thoughts of Spider-man. Interesting and absorbing. Action-wise, almost nothing happened in the story, despite being based on one of the most agile, gymnastic, acrobatic, and adventurous comic book characters ever. But for flash fiction, there was an adequate amount of other stuff going on here. Spidey's deep train of thought substituted for the action and did well for this story under 1,000 words. Maybe this is what they mean when they say "brooding Marvel heroes". Good stuff. Hey, Sam. Nice to see you again.
     
    • Like Like x 3
    #4
  5. Samuel Smith

    Samuel Smith Sex Lover

    Joined:
    Jan 14, 2013
    Messages:
    131
    Thanks @Brootforce . I hope you enjoyed the story. The grammar and spelling errors are mainly the result of the story typing on a phone. As you said, I should have got a second person to read it before posting.
    Coming to the quotes, they aren't used to distinguish between thought and spoken words. Actually the stuff in quotes is what He thinks and the other stuff is narration by the narrator(me).

    Thanks again for your review.
     
    • Like Like x 1
    1. Brootforce
      The last three sentences contain spoken words. but unless you pay close attention you don't realize that.
       
      Brootforce, Nov 17, 2015
      wantsomefun and luvsalik like this.
    2. Samuel Smith
      You're right. I guess even I didn't pay close attention.
       
      Samuel Smith, Nov 18, 2015
      wantsomefun and luvsalik like this.
    #5
  6. Samuel Smith

    Samuel Smith Sex Lover

    Joined:
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    Messages:
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    Thanks @Norton X . I'm surprised that you remember me.
    Any action would have given away the surprise and I avoided any sexual action I still need to improve on that.
    I'm glad you liked my story.
     
    • Like Like x 2
    #6
  7. Samuel Smith

    Samuel Smith Sex Lover

    Joined:
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    You do need to know a bit about spiderman. But try ignoring the last line and this will become a normal story with no confusion. I just wanted to describe the thoughts of a man having an affair. The man just happened to be spidey.
     
    • Like Like x 3
    #7
  8. pars001

    pars001 #1. Knight Writer

    Joined:
    Jan 26, 2014
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    22,126
    well never a fan of Marvel I am not the one to really judge that part of it. The story was written well Broot seems rather cranky lately, I liked it if for the mystery that held me 'til the end, and your descriptions were well written also.
     
    • Like Like x 4
    1. Brootforce
      Cranky!!! I will give you cranky!!!
       
      Brootforce, Nov 17, 2015
      wantsomefun and luvsalik like this.
    #8
  9. ChaoticDreamer26

    ChaoticDreamer26 Porn Surfer

    Joined:
    Sep 30, 2015
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    I liked this story :D i genuinely had no clue it was about spider man and cat woman! When i reached the surprise ending and found out i went back and had a lightbulb moment!
    Well done @Samuel Smith a nice edition to the comp.
     
    • Like Like x 3
    1. Samuel Smith
      Thanks You. Just so you know, it's about Black Cat (Marvel Comics). Not Catwoman (DC Comics). The other two women are Mary Jane Watson(Redhead) and Gwen Stacy(Blonde)
       
      Samuel Smith, Nov 17, 2015
      wantsomefun and ChaoticDreamer26 like this.
    #9
  10. luvsalik

    luvsalik Porn Star

    Joined:
    Oct 20, 2013
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    My brother loves "spidey " and it rubbed off .
    I liked the story and grudgingly forgive you for the lack of sexual content :p

    The story flowed well , I didn't notice too many mistakes , but that's probably because I enjoyed the writing .

    I was interested in finding the reasons for his cheating and until he last few lines , I thought he was going to throw himself off the roof, (suicide) . Then I realised he already does that several times a day !

    Fine story ,well done thanks for the effort and time . Luvs x
     
    • Like Like x 3
    1. Samuel Smith
      Thanks a lot. I'm glad you liked it.
       
      Samuel Smith, Nov 19, 2015
      wantsomefun likes this.
    #10
  11. tonybs

    tonybs Porn Star

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    Sad when love dies. Something's missing, a focus maybe.
     
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    #11
  12. stex

    stex Porn Star

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    • Like Like x 1
    #12
  13. 1 Toy Maker

    1 Toy Maker Kuns og Kram Smukke Love once found never lost

    Joined:
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    A few mistakes but an engaging enough story. Different.
     
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    #13
  14. ejls

    ejls Siren of the Seaway

    Joined:
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    Not at all up on any "Spidey" facts, so I read this as new and fresh. I caught on at the end. Do yourself a favor, never write on your cell phone. If you do, transfer it into a word doc before submitting.
     
    • Like Like x 2
    1. Samuel Smith
      I shall definitely write on my laptop from next time. Thanks for the advice.
       
      Samuel Smith, Nov 29, 2015
      wantsomefun, Norton X and ejls like this.
    #14
  15. JayneyRedd

    JayneyRedd Porn Star

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    Oh, the irony! Was this deliberate, Brooty?

    *their* *heads*

    :p;):D:kiss:


    This is a clever story, some very good ideas. I had thought of superheroes early on, but as I haven't seen any of the Spiderman films I didn't know it was him. Well-written in places but confusing and disjointed in others. A number of errors which a decent proofreader could have ironed out, this is a good entry but could have been a lot better with more attention to detail.
     
    • Like Like x 4
    1. Samuel Smith
      Samuel Smith, Nov 29, 2015
      JayneyRedd and wantsomefun like this.
    2. Brootforce
      Actually it was on purpose. It was my way of pointing out; none of us are perfect. While I do critique others, and sometimes I can be considered tough with them, all of it is with one thought in mind; improving my own skill as a writer. Yes, my skill. The more I can see mistakes, the less likely I am to make them myself.
       
      Brootforce, Nov 30, 2015
      JayneyRedd likes this.
    #15
  16. wantsomefun

    wantsomefun Storyteller and Lover In XNXX Heaven

    Joined:
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    The cellphone will be the death of writing!

    ** grumpy old technophobe rant over **

    Stream-of-consciousness writing precludes action, so I had no problem with that at all. When I realized Spidey was the protagonist I re-read it, and it all made perfect sense.

    Nice, brooding, little piece. It called for no action or sex, so it seemed correct to not include any. This was a novel approach to telling a story.
     
    • Like Like x 4
    1. Samuel Smith
      Samuel Smith, Nov 29, 2015
      wantsomefun likes this.
    #16
  17. Little Miss K

    Little Miss K Porn Star

    Joined:
    Apr 23, 2015
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    Interesting way to use a superhero in a tale with no action.:wideyed:

    It was a good story about a man's internal struggle going through an affair. The fact that this man is also a superhero makes little difference in the scheme of life.

    Some small errors, but nothing a good proofreading wouldn't fix. I look forward to reading more of your works.:)

    Good entry... Now tell Peter to get back to Mary Jane where he belongs!!!:mad:
     
    • Like Like x 4
    1. Samuel Smith
      Thanks @Little Miss K. I like the fact that you prefer Peter to be with Mary Jane.
       
      Samuel Smith, Nov 30, 2015
      wantsomefun likes this.
    2. Little Miss K
      Well... I actually prefer Gwen Stacy, but...:bawling::cry::(
       
      Little Miss K, Nov 30, 2015
      Samuel Smith and wantsomefun like this.
    3. Samuel Smith
      Oh god! I cried so much. :cry:
       
      Samuel Smith, Nov 30, 2015
      Little Miss K likes this.
    #17