Hush,

Again, thank you for sharing intimate and painful chapters of your life.

This thread has gone WAY off the original topic, so I will keep this short and to the point.

I respectfully disagree with some of your statements.

Adults usually behave the way they learned as children. My strong suspicion is that the man who sired you was treated by his own parents not much differently than he treated you. Such behavior almost never occurs spontaneously, even with sociopaths. It must first be learned. Sociopathology can add to it and modify it, but virtually never create it. I am not defending such behavior; I am seeking to better understand it in order to better avoid it.

Culture has a very strong influence on the members of its society, for the very reason you stated in a post above. When we are learning our particular society's cultural values we are ignorant of everything else. We believe everyone has the same values. But as we learn and mature, we realize that others live in other cultures with different value sets. Some cultures strongly encourage young men to prove their manliness by consuming large amounts of alcohol. Other cultures just as strongly discourage the consumption of alcohol. Some cultures promote chastity for its young women while simultaneously promoting promiscuity for its young men. Other cultures leave sexual activity decisions to the individual. Some cultures treat children as treasures because it recognizes that they are the future of that society. Other cultures have a more laissez-faire attitude towards the care and raising of its children. There is a wide variation in the behavior of individuals regarding rape, incest, and violent abuse both across cultures and even within a culture. I think the best example for the US of this type of variation is attitudes towards guns.

I do agree with the last statement in your prior post (#20). Such abuse is still (too) common today.

 

Hi Hush, I just read all of your writing on this thread with rapt fascination. I have even more questions than I did before, and feel a slightly increased kinship with you for reasons I would rather express in a pm. I need time to gather my thoughts before attempting that, and you may not have the slightest interest in reading them! My early life was one of elite luxury compared to yours, although the singularity of your early life experience is one of few that exceeds my own. (In terms of my average neighborhood peers). I can't relate at all to physical torture, imprisonment, prostitution, combat, drug abuse, and your pure independance and self reliance in walking across continents by yourself. What I do share to a much lesser degree, is the experience of living in another part of our globe as a young child. A lot of your photographs here, remind me of trips I have taken in this country, and remember fondly.
One of the things that intrigues me about you, aside from the miracle of your survival, is the arc of your intellectual growth. How and when did you learn how to read? You seem to cover a lot of ground on this site, I expect you became a voracious general reader when you learned how! That you have a husband is almost surprising to me given such brutality by men for so long. How did you meet him? Do you have any memories of any kind men from before age 30?

 

First off, I'd really rather not discuss things in PM. Though it may not make sense to some, I'd rather not discuss my personal life in a personal format. Keeping it impersonal is much more comfortable to me.

In any case, I began learning to read and write at 31 (approx. '95/96) and by late 1998 was comfortable enough to begin limited communications on the internet wherein I practiced through doing. That I have a husband is not surprising in that a good person is a good person. Until I met him however I not only hated men, but also women. In reality however I simply hated myself. Once I was inspired to finally build relationships (though I limit them as to number and degree except with those I love), and given the capacity to see people and things for what they are, then that is what makes the difference. Though we formally met in a bar wherein he asked me to dance, it turns out that I had met him once when young before I was taken to the Philippines, then again in Central America when he was a part of a raid of a prison of sorts used to oppress the populace.

As to kind men, I met many when working (and many bad) once back to the U.S., yet no matter how kind someone may be, the fact that they employed me instantly tarnished it. Not in that I thought less of them for it, but to be able to work well I had to remain detached. As to kind men before that however (and in contrast to what I just said, any kind men that interacted with me on an intimate level during that time I immediately discount, though in the same breath some would try to help in that it simply is a kinder form of abuse), it would be a Mr. Carter of Johnson City, Tn., most of the men of Hak Nam (Hong Kong), including a number of Triads, the old man & woman (never knew their names) who lived in the Typhoon Harbor I stayed at in Hong Kong, Lung a street person in Hong Kong who showed me how to survive on the streets, Jose (my age) and many other men in Rocinha, Rio de Janeiro, Brazil, and "The Captain" who helped me escape the gold camp deep in the Amazon. Other than that, circumstances made it difficult to impossible to form relationships to know how truly good or bad someone was.

Hush....an alias

 

Thank you for being so forthright. Since you don't feel comfortable sharing personal details in pm, I will refrain from using that. (My motive was to preserve my own anonymity regarding specific geographic locations and personal details of my life.)
Back to you, was your learning to read mostly self taught, or did you seek out, or simply cross paths, with anybody to help you?

 

My Husband left it up to me to pursue it. Once I did with his help, and then struggled a bit on my own, he then introduced me to Kathy (as a potential "lifestyle choice" slave). Once we sorted that out, she was able to devote as much time as I desired. That said, I preferred learning it on my own for the most part. The greatest help oddly being, teaching Kathy my own unique language which made it significantly easier for us to converse, and ultimately for me to learn.

Hush....an alias

 

I understand you learned a lot through experimenting on the internet, it just seems that it would be very difficult to even start, without any understanding of the written word!

 

You answered so quickly! You can ignore my follow up!

 

I am tired tonight, and need to sleep, so I will stop pestering you with questions! I do believe your autobiography would be a bestseller, if you are ever inclined to write and publish it!

 

When I was younger I tried diverting attention from an abusive person by cutting my hair and dressing in boys clothing, hoping he would not want me. It sort of worked and I kept doing it up into college. That was when I first started attracting guys with a certain sexual persuasion and I became obsessed with using strap ons and the role reversal.

 

A couple of points here Hush!

Firstly, I love the new attention whore look!

Secondly, how much of the tarnish was to do with your background rather than the kindness of the men??

Thirdly, I thought the 24 hours were up??

thinskin