i have finally my life back, but not completely.
i have now not touched myself in a week and a half, already a new record since about some time in 2008 after my four or five straight years of abstinence. the thing about this whole deal is that it has just happened without me even being aware of it beforehand, of me wanting this to happen. the secret has been exercise.
i own a treadmill and exercise every day to keep my weight down but what doing this has also done is taken my desire away for constant sex. i love to exercise, always have, probably always will.
my house is almost as clean as can be, i now shave myself, brush my teeth, use about three deodorants, shower once or twice a day and use bodywash and shampoo. i have been buying pictures to hang on the hooks in my house, buying kitchen things, garden things, living room things, bedroom things... i plan to redecorate my house inside and out and have already undertaken doing this. i also want to buy up to three new cars, one of each type of car (sedan, wagon... etc...). i can now leave the house whenever i want to go somewhere else without the pain i used to experience that was inflicted on me by a higher power.
i have been experimenting with satanism, but the satanism of anton lavey (death october 29th, 199 of which is actually very tame and not what i was expecting. i am mainly doing this because i believe of a god, not in a god, and so i would probably have to believe in his nemesis, satan. i want to set myself free from all the questioning about our heavenly father and believe in the dark side. i'm experimenting, i'm doing this for me.
all this might have not have needed to have happened if it weren't for who i consider to be trolls, but not on a computer, but still trolls (offline) because they want to provoke a reaction from what they say or do to you.
it is tough when you live in a world, a changed world, that when all you need to do to get a higher quality of life from and for yourself and just common courtesy from people who you talk to is just not touch yourself, abstaining from all sex... now this is most probably in line with catholicism and i believe my parents are catholic (however not practicing catholics).
if you have been experiencing raging yourself, exercise on a treadmill for about thirty minutes to an hour a day, it should make all the difference like it has me and like it used to when i would be out there, in the public eye, running in public. then keep your orgasms down to not five times a day, but once a week.
so if anyone was wondering where i went to, i am here and that is what has been happening for about the last two to three months now.