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  1. #1
    Porn Surfer PascaleGaudet's Avatar
    Join Date : Mar 2012
    Location : Northern Virginia, USA
    Posts : 17

    Question Jennifer; Ch. 1 Camping; Draft 0.7

    I've decided to write a story about my sex life. And would like to get some feed back before I put it in the stories section of xnxx. Constructive criticism would be very much appreciated.
    e.g.
    Are there things you would like to be described more?
    Did I leave something out that you would like to know?
    Is a word repeated too many times?

    Thank you in advance.

    Camping
    She gasped quickly and held it for a few seconds. It was quiet enough in the tent to barely hear the sleeping bag whisper as she vigorously moved her hand beneath it. While she was slowly exhaling as to not disturb anyone, I carefully opened my eyes just enough so I could see through my lashes. Laying on my side, at the foot of her bedding, all I could see was the delta shape of her knees bent with her feet together while on her back. A quick inhale, and her knees would twitch with another slow exhale. Her hips moved in small circles punctuated with shivers out of sync with her movement and breathing. I could hear the smack of her wet flesh change tempo as she switched from rubbing to inserting her finger.

    Knowing she couldn’t see my eyes, I opened them more to make sure the others were still asleep. Assured we were alone, my mind began to wonder. I tried to imagine looking at her from above. Hair strewn on her pillow like flames of passion waving above her head in the wake of her beauty. I pictured her with her eyes gently closed while one hand grasped a breast and the other hand stretching her panties away from her. If only it was warmer, I’d pull back the flap to see her. Inches away, I’d closely watch her finger disappear into her wet mound. When she’d switch to rubbing her clit, I’d kiss her. Gently caress one breast while licking her feminine flower. As she would put her hand behind my head to embrace while we kissed, I would smell her hint of womanly musk on her fingers. Dreaming of the tingle of her skin touching mine I reluctantly fell asleep.

    I awoke to her hair caressing my cheeks.
    ----
    I finally felt a deep sense of relief looking out the window of the plane and seeing the cascades. I've been away for so long, I'd almost forgotten how centered I feel when the horizon is obscured by mountains. Seeing the dense green below the anticipation for the trip grew.

    "Stephen, Mildred is on the phone and wants to know if you want to go camping," my mom asked. Mildred and my mother were in a babysitting co-op when we were kids. "Jennifer is going too. It's for the second weekend you're there. Do you want to go?" “Yeah, sounds good.” Such a simple exchange. I had no idea, I thought I was just going to go camping.

    Jennifer and I were the same age. My mom loved showing off the baby pictures of us together. “Look how cute you guys are! See?!? You couldn’t crawl yet and Jennifer would sit on you.” Yeah, she picked on me all the time. Putting dirt in my shoes, hid my toys, tells me how stupid boys are, painted my nails when I was asleep. But there were times when we got along, and she glowed with happiness. Mostly it was when I had to play house. Of course it wasn’t anything fun like sitting down for a steak dinner, it was doing the dishes together, folding laundry, and dusting. ugh! At least it was worth it to see her smile. It felt good to see her happy.

    We moved away when I was eight. I hadn’t heard much from her until a letter out of the blue seven years later. She was teaching rafting during the summer and included a picture of her and her friends on the river. Jennifer was beautiful. Her hair flowed from her helmet. A cheerful glint in her brown eyes and droplets of water gave texture to her fair and lovely skin. Her nose crinkled from her smile. I’ve stared at that picture for hours and sometimes wished I was there to take it. It wasn’t until after high school that I decided to take a trip back home by myself.
    -----
    I was on my back and quickly opened my eyes. She was studying me. With her long brown hair framing our faces she stared intently, nearly frozen with fear. I didn’t move or speak, just looked back in a mirrored expression. Did she see me watch her? Is she going to tell someone? Did someone else see me watch her? Just as the thoughts passed, she lowered her head and brushed her cheek against mine. Her cheek was soft and as it stroked me, I felt a tingle in my toes. Awash in my desire to embrace her and feel her with my whole body, she raised her head to read my reaction.

    All I could think about was how good that felt. I started to raise my arm to pull her closer when she placed a hand on my shoulder to stop me. Her hair smelled of peaches and flowers. Confident I wasn’t going to reject her, a half smile revealed a dimple. She began to silently kiss my cheeks and closed my eyes with her lips. The collar of her shirt touched my forehead as she moved to my lips. Our first kiss was long, with our lips just touching in silence. I felt her breath on my neck as I sunk into a wave of relief and peace. When our lips separated, I wanted nothing but that feeling to return.

    Reaching into my shirt she began to caress my chest. I raised my head to kiss her again. The feeling nearly returned, I needed more. I wanted to see more. I looked up, and her shirt was already unbuttoned. Her green plaid shirt revealed her red bra with a vine floral pattern. The clasp in the front was also undone. She placed a hand behind my head as she brought her breasts to me. She began to rub her stiff nipple on my forehead, cheeks, and nose. When she put her nipple to my lips I silently kissed and squeezed it with them. A few times when I squeezed she gently moved pulling her nipple. I started to open my mouth for a bite, and she quickly moved it away.

    We stopped when we heard Meagan move. FUCK! Meagan was making a lot of noise. I forgot about her three other friends in the tent with us and was screaming to myself, “Please don’t screw this up for me!” Frozen with fear, I couldn’t even enjoy the feeling of her breasts resting on my cheekbones. When she was settled in we both began to relax.

    She reached further down and was startled by the pre-cum on my belly. She brought it to her face rubbing it between two fingers and smelled it. Without a word she reached down to collect the rest of it. Spreading it in her hand, she reached inside my pajama pants and grasped me. Her soft fingers felt so good, she began to stroke the sensitive strip from my balls to my tip with her fingers.

    While still holding me she lifted herself on top, rocking back and forth to lower her pajama bottoms. While still around her ankles, she slid the bottoms under my head and pulled my head to her. She tasted so good. Extending my tongue, she pressed her flower until her clit found my tongue. It was small and hard, like a candy button. She began to rub it in tiny circles, and every once in awhile would do several strokes all the way down to her hole. A few times I was able to put my tongue inside before she would return to the circles.

    It wasn’t long before I couldn’t hold it. I began to throb in her hands. She sensed I was about to climax and placed the tip in her mouth. With her firmly rubbing her clit with my tongue, I released inside her mouth. I wrapped my arms around her waist and held her tight as she shook. Like she tasted a sour grape or lemon. Her pussy never left my face. Even as she swallowed she continued to use my tongue for her pleasure.

    Her movements became more pronounced as she reached her climax. I could see her lips contract, and her hole would nearly close. Her brown star would pulse and retract into her. Each pulse increased in duration and decreased in frequency. She would occasionally jolt out of sync with each pulse and finished with a deep sigh.

    We laid together in my sleeping bag. Her head resting on my shoulder, I was lost in time while I enveloped her in my arms. She raised a finger as if to hush me, and returned to her own bed.
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  2. #2
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    This was a fantastic, well-written story full of passion and lustful sex. I thought that it was great and encourage you to write more.
    ELaken-Palmer is offline Reply With Quote
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