Sexual orientation :
True story of stuff my dad did with me.
True story stuff I remember about my daddy.
I love my daddy, so please do not judge us, had to write this before I die or something else happens and stuffed.
Anyways as of writing this I am 18-year-old girl from middle of nowhere, petite for my age but also kind of tall.
I am in a really dark place in my life right now, so unsure if I will be homeless, what will happen to me, and looking back over my life it is easy to find weird memories.
So at the risk of only God knows what repercussions of writing this story out will be here goes.
A crucial early childhood memory perhaps my first real strong memory is of being in bathroom with my dad, I was naked and he was rubbing my tiny vagina.
Next strong memory of my dad touching me like that was when I was like 12 again I remember being in the bathroom naked with my dad and he was rubbing my naked vagina.
This time was different though only time he ever showed me his penis he made me stroke his penis while he rubbed my tiny little vagina, he did not come to orgasm though and he has never made me orgasm before.
Other then that just pretty much he spanks me sometimes, well when I was younger, he has touched me less and less over time.
All my dad has sexually done is rub my vagina, gave me full body naked massages, spanked me, grabbed my chest, but think it is my own fault for not resisting?
Is my dad pedophile?
Anyways so more recently on my birthday this year 2012 I thought my dad was done with me he even said he was done with me in those words, but then he tells me that since I would have to work for my birthday he was going to give me a massage so I do not want it.
Nonetheless I prepare myself as if he is going to, at least have me get naked and decide I have to do it to make my dad happy.
Then I begin to want a massage at least someone will touch me, it was like what I was thinking about all day sounded kind of nice.
Guess what my dad did? So I get home and my dad just gives me this little shoulder rub only about 15 minutes and that was it.
I have promised myself that I will resist if he tries anything but seems I cannot even keep promises to myself.
Life sucks my dad does not touch me anymore, he was like my role model for sexual things, so I have this weird complex with orgasms and punishment.
Where was I, right my dad, never asked for my life to be like this, with these memories, the darkest and most painful memory involving my dad was one of his punishments when I was quite young.
My dad he threw me down a flight of stairs, locked me in the basement, he would lock me down there if I did something bad he said, but could never figure out what I was doing that was so bad.
After being thrown down the stairs and locked in basement in room that was called my room…
Hard to share this story, I remember still vividly the smell, scent of mildew, mold, it was pitch-black windowless, black widow spiders would crawl on me in the darkness.
As a child I was terrified of the dark, I can recall crying a lot and my dad would leave me in there for hours sometimes.
From an unemotional standpoint if there is such a thing, what my dad did to me did shape how I later ended up, and I think it is a good thing really.
Maybe and I do not know, but maybe he did it because I was special or something to him and he wanted to help get me ready for how my life would be…
Okay back again to write something that might not make everyone hate my dad, I do have a good memory of once taking a nap in bed with my dad in middle of the day snuggled up with my dad.
Hard to describe just how much my dad has influenced my life, the length to which he has taught me I am nothing, how he has lied, changed his mind, using mental abuse on me as well as physical and sexual abuse.
I am nothing to you?