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  1. #1
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    Default My loving six year old, FICTION

    My Loving Six Year Old Fiction
    First story I wrote in a while, title from the other thread where I first posted it.



    HAVING NOT WRITTEN FOR A WHILE I WILL TRY MY HAND. HOPE YOU LIKE IT.

    Her name is Gloria, she was born on Feb 29, 1992, so even tho she has only had six birthdays, in terms of years she is TWENTY-FOUR.

    We met at the local bus stop last month and started making small talk with each other.
    I saw her again the next day and asked her if she rode the bus every day. She told me she did, and so I said that when I get my car back from garage, if she would like I will be happy to give her a ride every day.

    The next week I got my Maserati back from the dealer and after paying a 3890 dollar bill for a tuneup and a minor repair, it was like new again.

    So at the regular time I got to the bus stop 5 minutes early and invited her to ride when she showed up a few minutes later. I dropped her at her office and asked her what time she gets off. I also asked her if she wanted a ride home everyday also. She told me that would be wonderful.

    We went to a local bar and grille nearby and had a drink and some dinner. She had salmon and I had steak and potatoes with a salad.

    We got to know each other more over the meal, and she said, I really like you and I am lonely, would you mind coming over to my place for a while?

    Since she seemed like such a nice person and very good looking too, I was more than happy to agree. So we went and talked and talked, then she moved over by me and began by putting her arm over my shoulder and kissing me. I was a little surprised since I didn't really expect this. But obviously I responded, who wouldn't. A lovely lady throwing herself (almost) at me.

    I asked her about her work and she told me that she is 2nd in command of all the computer work at her office. I told her that was interesting because I own a company that specializes in computer systems for offices and governmental agencies. (Hey--we did NOT do the social security system.)

    We made out a little and then things got a little more serious, she started rubbing me all over and breathing hard, so I suggested we go to her bedroom if that was ok with her.

    She readily agreed and so we marched into her bedroom in lockstep, arms around each other and kissing on the way. When we arrived, she said to me, why don't we get more comfortable and drop all these troublesome clothes? I wsa more than willing by now to get naked with her, but I told her I wanted to do the honors for her. She complied with grace.

    So I stood behind her and rubbing against her lifted her lacy white blouse over her head, carefully folding it and placing it on a nearby chair. Next I unzipped her blue skirt with white flowers on it and lowered it so she could step out of it.After she did, I folded it neatly and placed it on top of her blouse.

    I leaned over and blew in her ear, she giggled and turned and kissed me with her pink wet tongue exploring every tooth and crevice and ridge withing my yearning mouth.

    By then I was starting to breathe hard and fast and so was she. But I didn't want to rush her.
    (Author's note, if you are bored, please leave)

    So very slowly and gently I carefully unfastened the first top catch on her brassiere, a very pretty white one with little flowers and lace trim on it. Then continued for the rest. And SLOWLY removing it from her boobs, oh what a lovely sight they were, too. Nice top curves like a ski slope, and what a lovely lower curve too. Size I would guess about a D. Then I sneaked a peak to her bra and it was 38D, I was right.

    I put her bra on her skirt and placed my hands under her boobs and began massaging them lightly, and tickling the lovely pinkish nipples that by now were hard as rocks and projecting proudly from the snow white bases, and the lovely little rosy aereolas were peaked to them like little hills. What a glorious sight.

    I leaned over her shoulder and kissed the front of her shoulder as far down as I could on each side, then kissed her again after lightly flicking her ears. What a kiss, like I never experienced before. Afterwords, I began kissing her neck. At this point she turned around.

    I kissed every inch of her from her shoulders to the bottom side of her boobs. I stroked the sides of her with my hands, then moved to the elastic of her panties. They were light blue with white butterflies all over them. And I noticed the crotch as very wet., I pulled the elastic out and lowered them until she stepped out of them. I placed them to my face and inhaled the sexy aromatic effluvia from the crotch. Heavenly. Then I put them on the clothing stack with her brassiere. I laid her back on the bed with her legs on the floor on the side of the bed, and placed pillows under her head. Her flaming red hair that was down to the small of her back was spread out around her head like an angel's halo.

    Her pubic hair with the sun shining through the 2nd story window on it made it glow like it was on fire, what a beautiful sight.

    I began stroking her sides and lower belly with light touches, and then kisses. I slowly spread her legs lightly rubbing them from her calves to her crotch, and as as I did she spread them apart wider and moaned. Then I go down on my knees and kissed all over her legs and up to her crotch, then licked all over the same areas, putting my nose then tightly into her vulva and maybe entering her vagina. What a lovely fragrance. Now I had to taste the sweet juice she was making for me. I took a lick from the top of her so pretty light pink rosebud to her sweet pink clitoris. So godd. Again one more time. Then I started bathing the shaved labia majora vigorously with my tongue, resulting in loud moaning from her.
    After a few minutes of that I took her clit and inner folds into my mouth sucking them all in as much as I could and lashing them lovingly with my tongue, she immediately had a huge shaking and screaming orgasm. At that time after she calmed back down a little, I placed my still clothed body on top of her and kissed her some more with mutually aggresive tongue attacks. What heaven. She is the most beautiful woman I have ever seen.

    She then told me that she never had anyone else and did not imagine in her wildest dreams that anything could be this wonderful. She said she wanted to know if I was attached. I said no my dear I am not but if you want me I am yours forever more. I though to myself, am I going too fast, but myself answered HELL NO, you may never have such a chance again, TAKE IT.

    So I told her again, I am yours forever, and I want you to come home with me now, and close out your apartment. I would also like you to quit your job and come to work for me. I can use a talented beautiful intelligent woman like you as my 2nd in command, and could not stand to ever be away from you again. She nearly fainted then said to me, you are the best thing that ever happened to me, I could never leave you for a moment.

    She said to me, dont you want to get undressed now? I told her, my love, we have the rest of our lifetimes to love each other in all the ways we can and will, I just want you to come home with me and by mine forever.

    She kissed me again and told me she was ready to go as soon as she got some stuff together. So I helped her pack what she needed, and we left for my place. A modest 15 room stone bungalow on a hilltop with 10 acres of semi wooded area around it. She gasped when we turned in the driveway. I asked her what was the matter. She said I never in my life thought a place could be so lovely. We are going to be so happy here.

    So as the tale goes, we got her stuff out of the car and into the house. Had a drink and some coffee, got her settled in to her 20 x 20 home bedroom, of course she was sharing mine for sleeping and other good stuff. Next morning I took the day off. She called her office and quit. We drove down and got her last check, then went to the beach for the day, having fun and sex in the surf. The beach was a private beach that was part of my little home base, and there was no one within miles so we played naked in the sand and surf.

    When she saw me for the first time naked that first night, she told me that I was the most beautiful woman she had ever seen and would love me forever.



    Lainie
    REMEMBER THIS IS FICTION
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  2. #2
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    Good story ! :D
    "Religion is the sigh of the oppressed creature, the heart of a heartless world, just as it is the spirit of a spiritless situation. It is the opium of the people."
    - Karl Marx

    "There is as much difference between us and ourselves, as between us and others."
    - Michel de Montaigne, Essays, 1588

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  3. #3
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    This belongs next to the one posted by the original thread maker, glad you wrote the story, its good.
    Really liked the ending.
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  4. #4
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    My Loving Six Year Old (Fiction)


    Her name is Gloria, she was born on Feb 29, 1992, so even though she has only had six birthdays, in terms of years she is TWENTY-FOUR.

    We met at the local bus stop last month and started making small talk with each other.
    I saw her again the next day and asked her if she rode the bus every day. She told me she did, and so I said that when I get my car back from garage, if she would like I will be happy to give her a ride every day.

    The next week I got my Maserati back from the dealer and after paying a 3890 dollar bill for a tuneup and a minor repair, it was like new again.

    So at the regular time I got to the bus stop 5 minutes early and invited her to ride when she showed up a few minutes later. I dropped her at her office and asked her what time she gets off. I also asked her if she wanted a ride home everyday also. She told me that would be wonderful.

    We went to a local bar and grille nearby and had a drink and some dinner. She had salmon and I had steak and potatoes with a salad.

    We got to know each other more over the meal, and she said, I really like you and I am lonely, would you mind coming over to my place for a while?

    Since she seemed like such a nice person and very good looking too, I was more than happy to agree. So we went and talked and talked, then she moved over by me and began by putting her arm over my shoulder and kissing me. I was a little surprised since I didn't really expect this. But obviously I responded, who wouldn't. A lovely lady throwing herself (almost) at me.

    I asked her about her work and she told me that she is 2nd in command of all the computer work at her office. I told her that was interesting because I own a company that specializes in computer systems for offices and governmental agencies. (Hey--we did NOT do the social security system.)

    We made out a little and then things got a little more serious, she started rubbing me all over and breathing hard, so I suggested we go to her bedroom if that was ok with her.

    She readily agreed and so we marched into her bedroom in lockstep, arms around each other and kissing on the way. When we arrived, she said to me, why don't we get more comfortable and drop all these troublesome clothes? I wsa more than willing by now to get naked with her, but I told her I wanted to do the honors for her. She complied with grace.

    So I stood behind her and rubbing against her lifted her lacy white blouse over her head, carefully folding it and placing it on a nearby chair. Next I unzipped her blue skirt with white flowers on it and lowered it so she could step out of it.After she did, I folded it neatly and placed it on top of her blouse.

    I leaned over and blew in her ear, she giggled and turned and kissed me with her pink wet tongue exploring every tooth and crevice and ridge withing my yearning mouth.

    By then I was starting to breathe hard and fast and so was she. But I didn't want to rush her.
    (Author's note, if you are bored, please leave)

    So very slowly and gently I carefully unfastened the first top catch on her brassiere, a very pretty white one with little flowers and lace trim on it. Then continued for the rest. And SLOWLY removing it from her boobs, oh what a lovely sight they were, too. Nice top curves like a ski slope, and what a lovely lower curve too. Size I would guess about a D. Then I sneaked a peak to her bra and it was 38D, I was right.

    I put her bra on her skirt and placed my hands under her boobs and began massaging them lightly, and tickling the lovely pinkish nipples that by now were hard as rocks and projecting proudly from the snow white bases, and the lovely little rosy areolas were peaked to them like little hills. What a glorious sight.

    I leaned over her shoulder and kissed the front of her shoulder as far down as I could on each side, then kissed her again after lightly flicking her ears. What a kiss, like I never experienced before. Afterwards, I began kissing her neck. At this point she turned around.

    I kissed every inch of her from her shoulders to the bottom side of her boobs. I stroked the sides of her with my hands, then moved to the elastic of her panties. They were light blue with white butterflies all over them. And I noticed the crotch as very wet., I pulled the elastic out and lowered them until she stepped out of them. I placed them to my face and inhaled the sexy aromatic effluvia from the crotch. Heavenly. Then I put them on the clothing stack with her brassiere. I laid her back on the bed with her legs on the floor on the side of the bed, and placed pillows under her head. Her flaming red hair that was down to the small of her back was spread out around her head like an angel's halo.

    Her pubic hair with the sun shining through the 2nd story window on it made it glow like it was on fire, what a beautiful sight.

    I began stroking her sides and lower belly with light touches, and then kisses. I slowly spread her legs lightly rubbing them from her calves to her crotch, and as as I did she spread them apart wider and moaned. Then I go down on my knees and kissed all over her legs and up to her crotch, then licked all over the same areas, putting my nose then tightly into her vulva and maybe entering her vagina. What a lovely fragrance. Now I had to taste the sweet juice she was making for me. I took a lick from the top of her so pretty light pink rosebud to her sweet pink clitoris. So good. Again one more time. Then I started bathing the shaved labia majora vigorously with my tongue, resulting in loud moaning from her.
    After a few minutes of that I took her clit and inner folds into my mouth sucking them all in as much as I could and lashing them lovingly with my tongue, she immediately had a huge shaking and screaming orgasm. At that time after she calmed back down a little, I placed my still clothed body on top of her and kissed her some more with mutually aggressive tongue attacks. What heaven. She is the most beautiful woman I have ever seen.

    She then told me that she never had anyone else and did not imagine in her wildest dreams that anything could be this wonderful. She said she wanted to know if I was attached. I said no my dear I am not but if you want me I am yours forever more. I though to myself, am I going too fast, but myself answered HELL NO, you may never have such a chance again, TAKE IT.

    So I told her again, I am yours forever, and I want you to come home with me now, and close out your apartment. I would also like you to quit your job and come to work for me. I can use a talented beautiful intelligent woman like you as my 2nd in command, and could not stand to ever be away from you again. She nearly fainted then said to me, you are the best thing that ever happened to me, I could never leave you for a moment.

    She said to me, don't you want to get undressed now? I told her, my love, we have the rest of our lifetimes to love each other in all the ways we can and will, I just want you to come home with me and by mine forever.

    She kissed me again and told me she was ready to go as soon as she got some stuff together. So I helped her pack what she needed, and we left for my place. A modest 15 room stone bungalow on a hilltop with 10 acres of semi wooded area around it. She gasped when we turned in the driveway. I asked her what was the matter. She said I never in my life thought a place could be so lovely. We are going to be so happy here.

    So as the tale goes, we got her stuff out of the car and into the house. Had a drink and some coffee, got her settled in to her 20 x 20 home bedroom, of course she was sharing mine for sleeping and other good stuff. Next morning I took the day off. She called her office and quit. We drove down and got her last check, then went to the beach for the day, having fun and sex in the surf. The beach was a private beach that was part of my little home base, and there was no one within miles so we played naked in the sand and surf.

    When she saw me for the first time naked that first night, she told me that I was the most beautiful woman she had ever seen and would love me forever.



    LAINIE
    REMEMBER THIS IS FICTION

    edited: March 4, 2008
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  5. #5
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    The thread I originally posted this one on, Calvo's who was trolling, is getting more hits than this one, where I made it more readable.

    Note to the person who thought trolling was against the rules,
    Maybe it should be but it is not.
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    Andreamedis' forever!
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  6. #6
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    bump
    MODERATOR
    EMPRESS LAINIE OF THE ISLAND AND IRELAND: THE DANCING QUEEN: &
    POPE SHIRLEY OF THE CHURCH OF ORAL SEX
    A'in it harm none do what thou wilt.
    Andreamedis' forever!
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  7. #7
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    This is the version to read, its been made more readable.
    MODERATOR
    EMPRESS LAINIE OF THE ISLAND AND IRELAND: THE DANCING QUEEN: &
    POPE SHIRLEY OF THE CHURCH OF ORAL SEX
    A'in it harm none do what thou wilt.
    Andreamedis' forever!
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    http://www.docbushong.com/pubs/what_is_gender.asp
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  8. #8
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    1092
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    EMPRESS LAINIE OF THE ISLAND AND IRELAND: THE DANCING QUEEN: &
    POPE SHIRLEY OF THE CHURCH OF ORAL SEX
    A'in it harm none do what thou wilt.
    Andreamedis' forever!
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  9. #9
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    1328
    MODERATOR
    EMPRESS LAINIE OF THE ISLAND AND IRELAND: THE DANCING QUEEN: &
    POPE SHIRLEY OF THE CHURCH OF ORAL SEX
    A'in it harm none do what thou wilt.
    Andreamedis' forever!
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  10. #10
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    3319+1619
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    EMPRESS LAINIE OF THE ISLAND AND IRELAND: THE DANCING QUEEN: &
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    Andreamedis' forever!
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  11. #11
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    Default Not what you think on this one!!!surprise!!!!

    3319+2360=5679views
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    Andreamedis' forever!
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  12. #12
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    6 Year Old?! Are You Fucking Insane?

    Jesus Fucking Christ. Wow. I Dont Give A Flying Fuck If This Is A Story, Seek Help. This Is Not Normal, And Your In Denial If You Say It Is. I Dont Give A Fuck What Your Into, This Is Messed Up. Seek Help.
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  13. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by sicksicka View Post
    6 Year Old?! Are You Fucking Insane?

    Jesus Fucking Christ. Wow. I Dont Give A Flying Fuck If This Is A Story, Seek Help. This Is Not Normal, And Your In Denial If You Say It Is. I Dont Give A Fuck What Your Into, This Is Messed Up. Seek Help.
    You need to be deprogrammed from your religious brainwashing, SEX is normal and kids do it on their own, even as young as under a year, that has been documented in psychological studies and books. THERE IS NO SIN TO BE SAVED FROM IT IS ALL A LIE.

    Asshole, the story, she is 24, 4 x 6 born on Feb 29, if you have nothing to contribute to the forum but insults why don't you leave, you sound like you are about 12 anyway.

    Furthermore I didn't write it, just edited it for the writer. And it is a good story.
    Last edited by Empress Lainie; 07-07-2008 at 03:12 PM.
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  14. #14
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    Quote Originally Posted by ZYZX View Post
    SEX is normal and kids do it on their own, even as young as under a year, that has been documented in psychological studies and books.
    LMAO, it always amazes me the lengths a pedophile will go to justify their sickness. Your statement is pure BUNK.
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    I got to the leap year thing and stopped reading...
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  16. #16
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    Default Read the first paragraph little boy before you flame

    My Loving Six Year Old (Fiction)


    Her name is Gloria, she was born on Feb 29, 1992, so even though she has only had six birthdays, in terms of years she is TWENTY-FOUR.

    We met at the local bus stop last month and started making small talk with each other.
    I saw her again the next day and asked her if she rode the bus every day. She told me she did, and so I said that when I get my car back from garage, if she would like I will be happy to give her a ride every day.

    The next week I got my Maserati back from the dealer and after paying a 3890 dollar bill for a tuneup and a minor repair, it was like new again.

    So at the regular time I got to the bus stop 5 minutes early and invited her to ride when she showed up a few minutes later. I dropped her at her office and asked her what time she gets off. I also asked her if she wanted a ride home everyday also. She told me that would be wonderful.

    We went to a local bar and grille nearby and had a drink and some dinner. She had salmon and I had steak and potatoes with a salad.

    We got to know each other more over the meal, and she said, I really like you and I am lonely, would you mind coming over to my place for a while?

    Since she seemed like such a nice person and very good looking too, I was more than happy to agree. So we went and talked and talked, then she moved over by me and began by putting her arm over my shoulder and kissing me. I was a little surprised since I didn't really expect this. But obviously I responded, who wouldn't. A lovely lady throwing herself (almost) at me.

    I asked her about her work and she told me that she is 2nd in command of all the computer work at her office. I told her that was interesting because I own a company that specializes in computer systems for offices and governmental agencies. (Hey--we did NOT do the social security system.)

    We made out a little and then things got a little more serious, she started rubbing me all over and breathing hard, so I suggested we go to her bedroom if that was ok with her.

    She readily agreed and so we marched into her bedroom in lockstep, arms around each other and kissing on the way. When we arrived, she said to me, why don't we get more comfortable and drop all these troublesome clothes? I wsa more than willing by now to get naked with her, but I told her I wanted to do the honors for her. She complied with grace.

    So I stood behind her and rubbing against her lifted her lacy white blouse over her head, carefully folding it and placing it on a nearby chair. Next I unzipped her blue skirt with white flowers on it and lowered it so she could step out of it.After she did, I folded it neatly and placed it on top of her blouse.

    I leaned over and blew in her ear, she giggled and turned and kissed me with her pink wet tongue exploring every tooth and crevice and ridge withing my yearning mouth.

    By then I was starting to breathe hard and fast and so was she. But I didn't want to rush her.
    (Author's note, if you are bored, please leave)

    So very slowly and gently I carefully unfastened the first top catch on her brassiere, a very pretty white one with little flowers and lace trim on it. Then continued for the rest. And SLOWLY removing it from her boobs, oh what a lovely sight they were, too. Nice top curves like a ski slope, and what a lovely lower curve too. Size I would guess about a D. Then I sneaked a peak to her bra and it was 38D, I was right.

    I put her bra on her skirt and placed my hands under her boobs and began massaging them lightly, and tickling the lovely pinkish nipples that by now were hard as rocks and projecting proudly from the snow white bases, and the lovely little rosy areolas were peaked to them like little hills. What a glorious sight.

    I leaned over her shoulder and kissed the front of her shoulder as far down as I could on each side, then kissed her again after lightly flicking her ears. What a kiss, like I never experienced before. Afterwards, I began kissing her neck. At this point she turned around.

    I kissed every inch of her from her shoulders to the bottom side of her boobs. I stroked the sides of her with my hands, then moved to the elastic of her panties. They were light blue with white butterflies all over them. And I noticed the crotch as very wet., I pulled the elastic out and lowered them until she stepped out of them. I placed them to my face and inhaled the sexy aromatic effluvia from the crotch. Heavenly. Then I put them on the clothing stack with her brassiere. I laid her back on the bed with her legs on the floor on the side of the bed, and placed pillows under her head. Her flaming red hair that was down to the small of her back was spread out around her head like an angel's halo.

    Her pubic hair with the sun shining through the 2nd story window on it made it glow like it was on fire, what a beautiful sight.

    I began stroking her sides and lower belly with light touches, and then kisses. I slowly spread her legs lightly rubbing them from her calves to her crotch, and as as I did she spread them apart wider and moaned. Then I go down on my knees and kissed all over her legs and up to her crotch, then licked all over the same areas, putting my nose then tightly into her vulva and maybe entering her vagina. What a lovely fragrance. Now I had to taste the sweet juice she was making for me. I took a lick from the top of her so pretty light pink rosebud to her sweet pink clitoris. So good. Again one more time. Then I started bathing the shaved labia majora vigorously with my tongue, resulting in loud moaning from her.
    After a few minutes of that I took her clit and inner folds into my mouth sucking them all in as much as I could and lashing them lovingly with my tongue, she immediately had a huge shaking and screaming orgasm. At that time after she calmed back down a little, I placed my still clothed body on top of her and kissed her some more with mutually aggressive tongue attacks. What heaven. She is the most beautiful woman I have ever seen.

    She then told me that she never had anyone else and did not imagine in her wildest dreams that anything could be this wonderful. She said she wanted to know if I was attached. I said no my dear I am not but if you want me I am yours forever more. I though to myself, am I going too fast, but myself answered HELL NO, you may never have such a chance again, TAKE IT.

    So I told her again, I am yours forever, and I want you to come home with me now, and close out your apartment. I would also like you to quit your job and come to work for me. I can use a talented beautiful intelligent woman like you as my 2nd in command, and could not stand to ever be away from you again. She nearly fainted then said to me, you are the best thing that ever happened to me, I could never leave you for a moment.

    She said to me, don't you want to get undressed now? I told her, my love, we have the rest of our lifetimes to love each other in all the ways we can and will, I just want you to come home with me and by mine forever.

    She kissed me again and told me she was ready to go as soon as she got some stuff together. So I helped her pack what she needed, and we left for my place. A modest 15 room stone bungalow on a hilltop with 10 acres of semi wooded area around it. She gasped when we turned in the driveway. I asked her what was the matter. She said I never in my life thought a place could be so lovely. We are going to be so happy here.

    So as the tale goes, we got her stuff out of the car and into the house. Had a drink and some coffee, got her settled in to her 20 x 20 home bedroom, of course she was sharing mine for sleeping and other good stuff. Next morning I took the day off. She called her office and quit. We drove down and got her last check, then went to the beach for the day, having fun and sex in the surf. The beach was a private beach that was part of my little home base, and there was no one within miles so we played naked in the sand and surf.

    When she saw me for the first time naked that first night, she told me that I was the most beautiful woman she had ever seen and would love me forever.



    LAINIE
    REMEMBER THIS IS FICTION

    edited: March 4, 2008
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  17. #17
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    Quote Originally Posted by no.69 View Post
    great story, thanks man
    no 69, my aunt who wrote the story is NOT a man, didn't you notice?
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    Quote Originally Posted by ZYZX;757229[FONT=Georgia


    The next week I got my Maserati back from the dealer and after paying a 3890 dollar bill for a tuneup and a minor repair, it was like new again.


    Cringe.

    My god, at least make a story realistic. Why not just say "Boeing 747 jumbo jet" instead if you're going to be so overly ficticious?

    So at the regular time I got to the bus stop 5 minutes early and invited her to ride when she showed up a few minutes later. I dropped her at her office and asked her what time she gets off. I also asked her if she wanted a ride home everyday also. She told me that would be wonderful.
    So the character had a car yet knew the regular bus timetable? What?

    We went to a local bar and grille nearby and had a drink and some dinner. She had salmon and I had steak and potatoes with a salad.
    C-

    We got to know each other more over the meal, and she said, I really like you and I am lonely, would you mind coming over to my place for a while?

    Since she seemed like such a nice person and very good looking too, I was more than happy to agree. So we went and talked and talked, then she moved over by me and began by putting her arm over my shoulder and kissing me. I was a little surprised since I didn't really expect this. But obviously I responded, who wouldn't. A lovely lady throwing herself (almost) at me.
    Not bad.


    I asked her about her work and she told me that she is 2nd in command of all the computer work at her office. I told her that was interesting because I own a company that specializes in computer systems for offices and governmental agencies. (Hey--we did NOT do the social security system.)
    Poorly researched, "IT Administrator" ring a bell?

    We made out a little and then things got a little more serious, she started rubbing me all over and breathing hard, so I suggested we go to her bedroom if that was ok with her.

    She readily agreed and so we marched
    Marched is truly an awful verb to be using here.

    into her bedroom in lockstep, arms around each other and kissing on the way.
    Overly corny


    When we arrived, she said to me, why don't we get more comfortable and drop all these troublesome clothes? I wsa more than willing by now to get naked with her, but I told her I wanted to do the honors for her. She complied with grace.
    Awful and it comes across as though you're trying too hard to write it well. "Complied with grace", oh please.

    So I stood behind her and rubbing against her lifted her lacy white blouse over her head, carefully folding it and placing it on a nearby chair. Next I unzipped her blue skirt with white flowers on it and lowered it so she could step out of it.After she did, I folded it neatly and placed it on top of her blouse.
    You should have mentioned somewhere that this was set in the 1980s, otherwise you could do with researching office wear for this decade.

    "Folding" is awful, in a moment of passion what man stops to fold clothes?

    I leaned over and blew in her ear, she giggled and turned and kissed me with her pink wet tongue exploring every tooth and crevice and ridge withing my yearning mouth.
    Better

    By then I was starting to breathe hard and fast and so was she. But I didn't want to rush her.
    (Author's note, if you are bored, please leave)
    You mean you didn't want to rush yourself, in reality.

    So very slowly and gently I carefully unfastened the first top catch on her brassiere, a very pretty white one with little flowers and lace trim on it. Then continued for the rest. And SLOWLY removing it from her boobs, oh what a lovely sight they were, too. Nice top curves like a ski slope, and what a lovely lower curve too. Size I would guess about a D. Then I sneaked a peak to her bra and it was 38D, I was right.
    Like a ski slope? Have you ever been to a ski slope? In fact, have you ever seen a mountain? Horrendous.

    You also cannot say "I would guess about a D" and follow it up with "I was right", you can say, perhaps, "in my mind I guessed they were a D", something in the past tense, not the conditional present.

    I put her bra on her skirt and placed my hands under her boobs and began massaging them lightly, and tickling the lovely pinkish nipples that by now were hard as rocks and projecting proudly from the snow white bases, and the lovely little rosy aereolas were peaked to them like little hills. What a glorious sight.
    Way overdone. Glorious sight? It sounds as though you were describing the pyramids in Egypt! One description of the nipple being hard would suffice.

    I leaned over her shoulder and kissed the front of her shoulder as far down as I could on each side, then kissed her again after lightly flicking her ears. What a kiss, like I never experienced before. Afterwords, I began kissing her neck. At this point she turned around.
    The verb "kissing" is overused in this paragraph.

    I kissed every inch of her from her shoulders to the bottom side of her boobs. I stroked the sides of her with my hands, then moved to the elastic of her panties. They were light blue with white butterflies all over them.
    Butterflies and flowers? You're quite the modern man, aren't you?

    And I noticed the crotch as very wet., I pulled the elastic out and lowered them until she stepped out of them. I placed them to my face and inhaled the sexy aromatic effluvia from the crotch
    Given your likening of her breasts to the pyramids, this is completely overdoing it.

    Heavenly.
    Awful

    Then I put them on the clothing stack with her brassiere. I laid her back on the bed with her legs on the floor on the side of the bed, and placed pillows under her head. Her flaming red hair that was down to the small of her back was spread out around her head like an angel's halo.
    Again, overly cringeworthy. "Angels", "heaven", "glorious"...eugh.

    Her pubic hair with the sun shining through the 2nd story window on it made it glow like it was on fire, what a beautiful sight.
    Oh dear.


    I began stroking her sides and lower belly with light touches, and then kisses. I slowly spread her legs lightly rubbing them from her calves to her crotch, and as as I did she spread them apart wider and moaned. Then I go down on my knees and kissed all over her legs and up to her crotch, then licked all over the same areas, putting my nose then tightly into her vulva and maybe entering her vagina.
    Maybe? The story is being narrated in the past tense, you can't use things such as conditional present tense here.

    What a lovely fragrance. Now I had to taste the sweet juice she was making for me. I took a lick from the top of her so pretty light pink rosebud to her sweet pink clitoris. So godd. Again one more time. Then I started bathing the shaved labia majora vigorously with my tongue, resulting in loud moaning from her.
    Not awful.

    After a few minutes of that I took her clit and inner folds into my mouth sucking them all in as much as I could and lashing them lovingly with my tongue, she immediately had a huge shaking and screaming orgasm. At that time after she calmed back down a little, I placed my still clothed body on top of her and kissed her some more with mutually aggresive tongue attacks. What heaven. She is the most beautiful woman I have ever seen.
    Lovingly? Way too strong. The description of the orgasm is atrocious and would suggest you've never given a woman one in your life.

    Again, heaven and all that jazz doesn't fit in here. Particularly with the "lovingly" parts already scripted into it.

    It comes across as borderline obsessive/psychopathic given the length of their relationship


    She then told me that she never had anyone else and did not imagine in her wildest dreams that anything could be this wonderful. She said she wanted to know if I was attached. I said no my dear I am not but if you want me I am yours forever more. I though to myself, am I going too fast, but myself answered HELL NO, you may never have such a chance again, TAKE IT.
    Screams of desperation

    So I told her again, I am yours forever, and I want you to come home with me now, and close out your apartment. I would also like you to quit your job and come to work for me. I can use a talented beautiful intelligent woman like you as my 2nd in command, and could not stand to ever be away from you again. She nearly fainted then said to me, you are the best thing that ever happened to me, I could never leave you for a moment.
    Excuse me while I vomit.

    She said to me, dont you want to get undressed now? I told her, my love, we have the rest of our lifetimes to love each other in all the ways we can and will, I just want you to come home with me and by mine forever.
    Oh god I thought it had stopped but it seems to be coming up again...BLLLEAUUURRGGGHHH

    She kissed me again and told me she was ready to go as soon as she got some stuff together. So I helped her pack what she needed, and we left for my place. A modest 15 room stone bungalow on a hilltop with 10 acres of semi wooded area around it. She gasped when we turned in the driveway. I asked her what was the matter. She said I never in my life thought a place could be so lovely. We are going to be so happy here.
    15 room bungalow for a single man? How realistic of you
    "Modest" is not how one would describe a 15 room house.


    So as the tale goes, we got her stuff out of the car and into the house. Had a drink and some coffee, got her settled in to her 20 x 20 home bedroom, of course she was sharing mine for sleeping and other good stuff. Next morning I took the day off. She called her office and quit. We drove down and got her last check, then went to the beach for the day, having fun and sex in the surf. The beach was a private beach that was part of my little home base, and there was no one within miles so we played naked in the sand and surf.

    When she saw me for the first time naked that first night, she told me that I was the most beautiful woman she had ever seen and would love me forever.
    [/FONT]
    Lainie
    REMEMBER THIS IS FICTION
    I think the greatest fiction in this story is the authors belief that they can write.
    No offence but it truly is a terrible piece of literature, one which could be upped by a 10 year old child, one would imagine.



    D+ for the effort.
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  19. #19
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    Quote Originally Posted by TedBundyLives View Post
    Cringe.

    My god, at least make a story realistic. Why not just say "Boeing 747 jumbo jet" instead if you're going to be so overly ficticious?



    So the character had a car yet knew the regular bus timetable? What?



    C-



    Not bad.




    Poorly researched, "IT Administrator" ring a bell?


    Marched is truly an awful verb to be using here.



    Overly corny




    Awful and it comes across as though you're trying too hard to write it well. "Complied with grace", oh please.



    You should have mentioned somewhere that this was set in the 1980s, otherwise you could do with researching office wear for this decade.

    "Folding" is awful, in a moment of passion what man stops to fold clothes?



    Better



    You mean you didn't want to rush yourself, in reality.



    Like a ski slope? Have you ever been to a ski slope? In fact, have you ever seen a mountain? Horrendous.

    You also cannot say "I would guess about a D" and follow it up with "I was right", you can say, perhaps, "in my mind I guessed they were a D", something in the past tense, not the conditional present.



    Way overdone. Glorious sight? It sounds as though you were describing the pyramids in Egypt! One description of the nipple being hard would suffice.



    The verb "kissing" is overused in this paragraph.



    Butterflies and flowers? You're quite the modern man, aren't you?



    Given your likening of her breasts to the pyramids, this is completely overdoing it.



    Awful



    Again, overly cringeworthy. "Angels", "heaven", "glorious"...eugh.



    Oh dear.



    Maybe? The story is being narrated in the past tense, you can't use things such as conditional present tense here.



    Not awful.



    Lovingly? Way too strong. The description of the orgasm is atrocious and would suggest you've never given a woman one in your life.

    Again, heaven and all that jazz doesn't fit in here. Particularly with the "lovingly" parts already scripted into it.

    It comes across as borderline obsessive/psychopathic given the length of their relationship




    Screams of desperation



    Excuse me while I vomit.



    Oh god I thought it had stopped but it seems to be coming up again...BLLLEAUUURRGGGHHH



    15 room bungalow for a single man? How realistic of you
    "Modest" is not how one would describe a 15 room house.


    I think the greatest fiction in this story is the authors belief that they can write.
    No offence but it truly is a terrible piece of literature, one which could be upped by a 10 year old child, one would imagine.



    D+ for the effort.
    OH GREAT LITERARY CRITIC, WHERE ARE YOUR STORIES?
    WHY DON'T YOU GO KILL SOME MORE COEDS? SEEMS LIKE THAT IS YOUR STYLE.


    WHY DO YOU WASTE YOUR TIME READING SOMETHING YOU DON'T LIKE, ARE YOU AN IDIOT?
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  20. #20
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    Quote Originally Posted by ZYZX View Post
    OH GREAT LITERARY CRITIC, WHERE ARE YOUR STORIES?
    WHY DON'T YOU GO KILL SOME MORE COEDS? SEEMS LIKE THAT IS YOUR STYLE.


    WHY DO YOU WASTE YOUR TIME READING SOMETHING YOU DON'T LIKE, ARE YOU AN IDIOT?
    Oh be nice, he's just a troll. Yes, he is also an idiot. Keep writing ZYZX
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    Yes, keep writing, we need to read more sick stories of a 80 year old man wearing womens clothes fucking 4 to 6 year old kids.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Spoiler View Post
    Yes, keep writing, we need to read more sick stories of a 80 year old man wearing womens clothes fucking 4 to 6 year old kids.
    Yes we do you asshole, also I am legally female, not a man in any way legally, and I am not 80 years old, you also have no concept of fiction. Those stories are read more than any of the others. What the hell are you doing on a porn site anyway? You perverted pedophile?

    Say asshole, this story isnt about an underage person, she is TWENTY FOUR CAN YOU COUNT?
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    I guess the serial killer never took a Maserati in for a tuneup, lucky to get out with $1000, let alone any minor repairs. The $3891 is quite realistic. They always find all sorts of things to bill you for and replace even if they are still serviceable.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Spoiler View Post
    Yes, keep writing, we need to read more sick stories of a 80 year old man wearing womens clothes fucking 4 to 6 year old kids.

    Why dont learn something about the huge number of transgendered people that exist. We are born with bodies not matchine the sex we are. It is not a choice, it drives us to eventually live with our proper gender which is not the one of our bodies.
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    Quote Originally Posted by ZYZX View Post
    OH GREAT LITERARY CRITIC, WHERE ARE YOUR STORIES?


    Believe me, you don't want to read the stories I have to tell.

    WHY DON'T YOU GO KILL SOME MORE COEDS? SEEMS LIKE THAT IS YOUR STYLE.
    Certainly an option


    WHY DO YOU WASTE YOUR TIME READING SOMETHING YOU DON'T LIKE, ARE YOU AN IDIOT?
    The plot itself wasn't awful, could certainly have been better but wasn't horrid.

    It was constructive criticism, when you post something you should be open to both positive and negative responses. My response was not meant to be insulting, it was meant to show areas of your story that could have been better, or, if you re-wrote it the parts that could be improved upon.

    Posting anything with the expectation that it will only receive positive responses is somewhat ludacris and pretentious. One of the greatest things about life is how we all, despite being born and conceived in an almost identical matter, form our own opinions and grasp those opinions which, being life, will certainly differ from others. However, regardless of ones opinion, be it positive, negative, even derogatory there'll always be others who share that opinion.

    Hence why publishing something without being open to criticism is a futile practise and will only cause stress for the author/publisher, whereas approaching something with an open mind will only reap positive consequences.
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    Quote Originally Posted by ZYZX View Post
    Yes we do you asshole, also I am legally female, not a man in any way legally, and I am not 80 years old, you also have no concept of fiction. Those stories are read more than any of the others. What the hell are you doing on a porn site anyway? You perverted pedophile?
    One can legally be an adult, yet possess the mind of a child. One can also be a child legally, yet possess the form of an elderly person.

    The law should never define what a person is, one person can differ so much from the person standing next to them on the street, that attempting to categorize humans in a rigid system is indeed a futile and certainly discriminatory.

    Say asshole, this story isnt about an underage person, she is TWENTY FOUR CAN YOU COUNT?
    You wrote twenty four in the original post, therefore they would need to be able to read, not count.
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    OK well taken. I accept your spirit of criticism of the story.
    But why in hell would you choose a name like Ted Bundy Lives, when I believe that anyone with any civilized feelings finds him totally repulsive in what he did?
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    Great story, PLEASE continue.
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    Default story sucks

    doesnt do anything for me
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    Quote Originally Posted by Empress Lainie View Post
    SEX is normal and kids do it on their own, even as young as under a year, that has been documented
    I agree .. sorry for those who dont agree, but i do
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    Default Brought above the comments since it was resurrected

    Read the first paragraph little boy before you flame! Maybe we can avoid OFF TOPIC comments this time, the story got lost.
    My Loving Six Year Old (Fiction)


    Her name is Gloria, she was born on Feb 29, 1992, so even though she has only had six birthdays, in terms of years she is TWENTY-FOUR.

    We met at the local bus stop last month and started making small talk with each other.
    I saw her again the next day and asked her if she rode the bus every day. She told me she did, and so I said that when I get my car back from garage, if she would like I will be happy to give her a ride every day.

    The next week I got my Maserati back from the dealer and after paying a 3890 dollar bill for a tuneup and a minor repair, it was like new again.

    So at the regular time I got to the bus stop 5 minutes early and invited her to ride when she showed up a few minutes later. I dropped her at her office and asked her what time she gets off. I also asked her if she wanted a ride home everyday also. She told me that would be wonderful.

    We went to a local bar and grille nearby and had a drink and some dinner. She had salmon and I had steak and potatoes with a salad.

    We got to know each other more over the meal, and she said, I really like you and I am lonely, would you mind coming over to my place for a while?

    Since she seemed like such a nice person and very good looking too, I was more than happy to agree. So we went and talked and talked, then she moved over by me and began by putting her arm over my shoulder and kissing me. I was a little surprised since I didn't really expect this. But obviously I responded, who wouldn't. A lovely lady throwing herself (almost) at me.

    I asked her about her work and she told me that she is assistant IT manager at her office. I told her that was interesting because I own a company that specializes in computer systems for offices and governmental agencies. (Hey--we did NOT do the social security system.)

    We made out a little and then things got a little more serious, she started rubbing me all over and breathing hard, so I suggested we go to her bedroom if that was ok with her.

    She readily agreed and so we strolled into her bedroom in lockstep, arms around each other and kissing on the way. When we arrived, she said to me, why don't we get more comfortable and drop all these troublesome clothes? I wsa more than willing by now to get naked with her, but I told her I wanted to do the honors for her. She complied with grace.

    So I stood behind her and rubbing against her lifted her lacy white blouse over her head, carefully folding it and placing it on a nearby chair. Next I unzipped her blue skirt with white flowers on it and lowered it so she could step out of it.After she did, I folded it neatly and placed it on top of her blouse.

    I leaned over and blew in her ear, she giggled and turned and kissed me with her pink wet tongue exploring every tooth and crevice and ridge withing my yearning mouth.

    By then I was starting to breathe hard and fast and so was she. But I didn't want to rush her.
    (Author's note, if you are bored, please leave)

    So very slowly and gently I carefully unfastened the first top catch on her brassiere, a very pretty white one with little flowers and lace trim on it. Then continued for the rest. And SLOWLY removing it from her boobs, oh what a lovely sight they were, too. Nice top curves like a ski slope, and what a lovely lower curve too. Size I would guess about a D. Then I sneaked a peak to her bra and it was 38D, I was right.

    I put her bra on her skirt and placed my hands under her boobs and began massaging them lightly, and tickling the lovely pinkish nipples that by now were hard as rocks and projecting proudly from the snow white bases, and the lovely little rosy areolas were peaked to them like little hills. What a glorious sight.

    I leaned over her shoulder and kissed the front of her shoulder as far down as I could on each side, then kissed her again after lightly flicking her ears. What a kiss, like I never experienced before. Afterwards, I began kissing her neck. At this point she turned around.

    I kissed every inch of her from her shoulders to the bottom side of her boobs. I stroked the sides of her with my hands, then moved to the elastic of her panties. They were light blue with white butterflies all over them. And I noticed the crotch as very wet., I pulled the elastic out and lowered them until she stepped out of them. I placed them to my face and inhaled the sexy aromatic effluvia from the crotch. Heavenly. Then I put them on the clothing stack with her brassiere. I laid her back on the bed with her legs on the floor on the side of the bed, and placed pillows under her head. Her flaming red hair that was down to the small of her back was spread out around her head like an angel's halo.

    Her pubic hair with the sun shining through the 2nd story window on it made it glow like it was on fire, what a beautiful sight.

    I began stroking her sides and lower belly with light touches, and then kisses. I slowly spread her legs lightly rubbing them from her calves to her crotch, and as as I did she spread them apart wider and moaned. Then I go down on my knees and kissed all over her legs and up to her crotch, then licked all over the same areas, putting my nose then tightly into her vulva and maybe entering her vagina. What a lovely fragrance. Now I had to taste the sweet juice she was making for me. I took a lick from the top of her so pretty light pink rosebud to her sweet pink clitoris. So good. Again one more time. Then I started bathing the shaved labia majora vigorously with my tongue, resulting in loud moaning from her.
    After a few minutes of that I took her clit and inner folds into my mouth sucking them all in as much as I could and lashing them lovingly with my tongue, she immediately had a huge shaking and screaming orgasm. At that time after she calmed back down a little, I placed my still clothed body on top of her and kissed her some more with mutually aggressive tongue attacks. What heaven. She is the most beautiful woman I have ever seen.

    She then told me that she never had anyone else and did not imagine in her wildest dreams that anything could be this wonderful. She said she wanted to know if I was attached. I said no my dear I am not but if you want me I am yours forever more. I though to myself, am I going too fast, but myself answered HELL NO, you may never have such a chance again, TAKE IT.

    So I told her again, I am yours forever, and I want you to come home with me now, and close out your apartment. I would also like you to quit your job and come to work for me. I can use a talented beautiful intelligent woman like you as my assistant, and could not stand to ever be away from you again. She nearly fainted then said to me, you are the best thing that ever happened to me, I could never leave you for a moment.

    She said to me, don't you want to get undressed now? I told her, my love, we have the rest of our lifetimes to love each other in all the ways we can and will, I just want you to come home with me and by mine forever.

    She kissed me again and told me she was ready to go as soon as she got some stuff together. So I helped her pack what she needed, and we left for my place. A modest 15 room stone bungalow on a hilltop with 10 acres of semi wooded area around it. She gasped when we turned in the driveway. I asked her what was the matter. She said I never in my life thought a place could be so lovely. We are going to be so happy here.

    So as the tale goes, we got her stuff out of the car and into the house. Had a drink and some coffee, got her settled in to her 20 x 20 home bedroom, of course she was sharing mine for sleeping and other good stuff. Next morning I took the day off. She called her office and quit. We drove down and got her last check, then went to the beach for the day, having fun and sex in the surf. The beach was a private beach that was part of my little home base, and there was no one within miles so we played naked in the sand and surf.

    When she saw me for the first time naked that first night, she told me that I was the most beautiful woman she had ever seen and would love me forever.



    LAINIE
    REMEMBER THIS IS FICTION

    edited: March 4, 2008
    Last edited by Empress Lainie; 07-13-2009 at 04:26 PM.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Queenmorgan View Post
    I agree .. sorry for those who dont agree, but i do
    ditto
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  33. #33
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    If someone born in 92 is 24, does this mean the store is set in 2016, 7 years from now?
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    Quote Originally Posted by tyciol View Post
    If someone born in 92 is 24, does this mean the store is set in 2016, 7 years from now?
    I could just as easily have set in 2116 it is fiction you know. Maybe they aren't even on earth!
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    luve it
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  36. #36
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    Default Interesting...

    Once I got past some confusion of the story, I thought it was pretty good and you are right, teens do have sex!! More often than parents would like to know about!! I was just a weird teen who did not have sex until the age of 18, but most teens start at around 14 or 15. Some earlier, and they don't all regret doing it either!! I honestly regret doing it at 18 even, but that is just me! Keep writing!! You can read mine if you would like!! Have a great day!!
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    Default HAPPY TO SEE IT AGAIN!

    Thank you AngelHarley for reviving this one..Hope the title doesn't get it deleted.
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  38. #38
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    Default 6 yr old??

    So, WHY that misleading , fake title, if they don't even role play that 'she' is a young girl......? It's really bait and switch!
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    Got your interest, didn't it?
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