New guy that just wants to say hello here.

[NoTrouble]

Hello to all the members here and having read some threads already I can say that I won't ask you to cam, watch me jerk off or message you with rude sexual innuendo's and am here to pass some time on slow days with a few posts and possibly make a friend or two if that is in the cards.

I do have some good bedtime stories though.

[Ed Itor]

Welcome; just remember this is a discussion forum & that Personals is down stairs, ask Igor.

Post your bedtime stories in Sex Stories or on The Sex Stories site link @ top of page.
Enjoy your stay and no your account cannot be deleted, EVER.

[Cheltenham]

Welcome to the forum NoTrouble

I hope you enjoy your time here.

[SensualRobin]

Hmm, someone who observes before he posts?

Welcome.

[Lioness]

Originally Posted by NoTrouble

...I won't ask you to cam, watch me jerk off or message you with rude sexual innuendo's...

You're no fun!!!

Welcome to the jungle!!

[N.E. Woman]

Welcome. Hope you enjoy your stay.

[NoTrouble]

Thank you all for the welcome as well as the advice.

Being observant on a porn site is important I think.

To Lioness, I'm sure that I could be persuaded if one were to ask nicely.

[wishiwasg]

Originally Posted by N.E. Woman

Welcome. Hope you enjoy your stay.

ağlamaya orospu büyümek

[Lioness]

Originally Posted by NoTrouble

Thank you all for the welcome as well as the advice.

Being observant on a porn site is important I think.

To Lioness, I'm sure that I could be persuaded if one were to ask nicely.

I can be pretty persuasive sometimes...

[ahorsewithnoname]

You: It's NoTrouble.
Me: What's no trouble?
You: I am.
Me: You are what? Are you causing trouble?
You: No sir, I'm no trouble, really, I am NoTrouble.
Me: Where are you?
You: First base.

[telem]

Hiya welcome to the forum, enjoy your stay x

[shootersa]

Welcome. As the unofficial welcome wagon I need to give you a heads up on a few members;
Richief will show you his Curly Wurly; but do not be afraid.
SMC will make you laugh at odd times. And may even make milk come out of your nose
Watch out for DL; he will sneak up on you with his bell curve thingy and bonk you with it. It does not hurt, but is annoying.

Do not defend conservatives, republicans, or capitalism. Hidden in the walls of XNXX are viscous little vermin who will swarm out and attach you.

Do not defend progressives, Democrats, or gay marriage. Hidden in the walls of XNXX are viscous little vermin who will swarm out and attach you.

[cijababe]

A good start for a new member (respectful, friendly and literate) - keep up the good work. Great username too

[Ed Itor]

Originally Posted by cijababe

A good start for a new member (respectful, friendly and literate) - keep up the good work. Great username too

Yes he seems to be a nie guy, so you ladies should like him as he'll let you finish first.

[cijababe]

Don't worry Ed, we won't forget the regulars

[Pandorius999]

Welcomr to the forum. Enjoy your stay and hoping to see your stories in that section.
Ps a lot of sexstpries are bedtime aren't they?

[curiousscouser]

Pleased to meet you

[NoTrouble]

Originally Posted by cijababe

A good start for a new member (respectful, friendly and literate) - keep up the good work. Great username too

Isn't that just a nice way to wake up to a post like this as well as the other kind one's here. Lucky I have an adjustable headband on my hat.

[richief]

With a name like that I guess you are going to see that opposites do in fact attract.









































Before I go.






























Nope you are to new, I will wait till others have broken you in.

[tomtom48]

says hi= enjoy

[Distant Lover]

http://www.wikihow.com/Behave-On-an-Internet-Forum

[smcaaphd]

Originally Posted by shootersa

Welcome. As the unofficial welcome wagon I need to give you a heads up on a few members;
Richief will show you his Curly Wurly; but do not be afraid.
SMC will make you laugh at odd times. And may even make milk come out of your nose
Watch out for DL; he will sneak up on you with his bell curve thingy and bonk you with it. It does not hurt, but is annoying.

Do not defend conservatives, republicans, or capitalism. Hidden in the walls of XNXX are viscous little vermin who will swarm out and attach you.

Do not defend progressives, Democrats, or gay marriage. Hidden in the walls of XNXX are viscous little vermin who will swarm out and attach you.

In response to the above post, I would just like to point out that I only make milk come out of your nose if you are drinking milk at that time.

I am no magician *waves wand*

[NoTrouble]

Originally Posted by shootersa

Do not defend conservatives, republicans, or capitalism. Hidden in the walls of XNXX are viscous little vermin who will swarm out and attach you.

Do not defend progressives, Democrats, or gay marriage. Hidden in the walls of XNXX are viscous little vermin who will swarm out and attach you.

I will assume that the 'attach you' is a typo and was to be attack you, or can I really expect someone to try and assimilate me on here ?

[AZRIEL]

[smcaaphd]

Originally Posted by NoTrouble

I will assume that the 'attach you' is a typo and was to be attack you, or can I really expect someone to try and assimilate me on here ?

Shooter is an alien and has a tendency to attach people to things with suckers...once they're wrapped up nice and snug in a cocoon-like structure ofc

[NoTrouble]

Originally Posted by smcaaphd

Shooter is an alien and has a tendency to attach people to things with suckers...once they're wrapped up nice and snug in a cocoon-like structure ofc

Good information but more important, are there any females of the human variety that fit that bill here ?

[richief]

do you need help getting around the site, are you lost amongst the chaos of GD, well here is a little road map to help you on your way.

General DiscussionThis was designed as a place where we can rationally discuss all topics. In reality it is a place where we argue and fight like children in a school-yard, we will scream and spit create alliances and break them with wild abandon. Occasionally socks run wild and appear to be taking over the board. There is nothing that we will not row over, except for spammers who we all hate. There is in here something to offend everyone. A fun place to be.
A word of warning for all you ladies or people pretending to be ladies, once you activate your account you will notice a minor miracle, I am of course referring to the almost instantaneous overloading of your box, not that one but rather your VM in-box. You will receive countless messages along the lines of.

“Do u wanna suk my cok”?
“Do u wanna feel my cok in ur ass”?
“Oh baby let me dominate u”.
“Hey bitch get on ur nees and suk me”.
“Hey, where the fuck is my dinner”?

Sadly the spelling and grammar of these escapees from “sexuality” (more of this later) is below the average of a banjo playing, mountain dwelling extra from “Deliverance”. We can do little to repel these drooling morons so it is best to ignore them, apart from the last one as I am always ready for dinner and will provide you with ample restitution in the form of Curly Wurlys

Pic and movie posts. Sub-basement one.

This is a place to post pictures and movie clips that you like; you will find threads of female members taking their clothes off to wild applause from the males, and some females. (The sort who wear sensible shoes and horn rim glasses and always seem to be without male company). You will also find threads where guys ask you to "Rate my Cock", what the fuck this place has to do with chickens I don't know. A nice place to see the human form in all its shapes and sizes and boy are there some weird shapes and immense sizes in there.

Word of warning. Images of children (under 18s), bestiality (dog on dog is allowed and so is dog on bitch) and scat (pictures of people with number twos on their chest) are all banning offences.

Sex Stories. Sub-basement 2

Self-explanatory, a place to post sex stories for a review of members before posting in the Stories Forum. Some really dirty stuff in there, it could be shocking to an innocent young girl so be careful, or not.

Tales of underage sex (13) is a banning offence. I know it is a weird age but it is something to do with freedom of expression.

Sexuality. Sub-basement three

Be really careful if you are going to enter this place as it is full of the weirdest kind of deviants, if you enter without caution we may never see you again until they throw out your dried out husk of a body. Anything is discussed in here, there is nothing they have not thought of or will not devise, some of the stuff they wish to do is so fucking weird that I cannot even begin to describe it, nothing is off limits to this crowd, egg and chicken, daddy love, mommy love, brother on sister, brother on brother, and the implements they talk about scare me so I will say no more.

Do not enter unless you have told someone where you are going, your expected exit strategy and time; also have a rescue team on standby.

We are losing up to three members a week in there; in the near future I will be putting together a general rescue party to fetch a few out.

Personals. Sub-basement four.

This place is inhabited by the most desperate of our members, the will advertise for many sorts of weird stuff, there are people looking for people in all the major population areas of the US, there are guys who want to pretend to be your daddy or your son, girls who are old enough to be your grandma want to be somebodies “naughty lil gal”, even guys and gals who want to be each other’s brothers or sisters, weird as fuck to some of us but normal to them, I guess they love playing the banjo too. Be really careful of the following, young nubile nymphomaniacs as they are usually “Silverbacks” (See below).

Games forum. Sub-basement five,The safest and most fun place in the house, here you can have fun with a variety of games that will amuse you, (except the one where they are trying to count to a million, fucking idiots) wander in and have fun it is like a virtual theme park.

Miscellaneous items.

Friends and friend’s requests.

Friend whores. - The people who feel the need for a high friend count and constantly send requests to folk they do not know and have never interacted with. These people are usually ignored.

I'm new be my friend. - These people appear to be needy and send out requests like confetti at a wedding. Again these are generally ignored.

The best way to get noticed is to post regularly in the GD, be witty and insightful, you can even be argumentative, chat to the people on the boards and even using PMs, then when people know you a little better they will usually accept requests from people of a similar ilk.

Silverbacks.

These people are the sort to be avoided at all costs; they are the most dangerous of all. What is a silverback I hear you cry, well they are like this.

Imagine if you will a poorly lit cellar, with a computer table and chair, surrounded by tables on either side for drinks and refreshments.
Sitting in the chair is a guy of around 300lb wearing deck shoes and ankle socks, Bermuda shorts and a string vest, due to his vitamin D deficiency he is as pale to the point of almost being an albino, his hair is grey and lank and held back in a ponytail,
You may think he is sat there in a smart grey sweater but that is because of his overly long back hair pushing through the holes of the vest.
Sitting in his hunched position he resembles, in shape only, the Alpha male of a Mountain Gorilla troop, or silverback as they are known
Now you know his habitat and appearance let’s talk of his life mission, his raison d'être for being on the 'net.
He is constantly roaming the "sexuality" and "personals" boards looking for young males that he can persuade that he is a nubile young girl in her sexual prime that is looking for a good time online, he will then get them to live out their fantasies over the net, he will slowly reel in his prey with little tidbits such as “oh baby you feel so big” or “yeah baby fuck my ass and make me scream” with the occasional “let me suck your big cock”.
Whilst doing this he his stroking his cock with one hand while the other holds his meat pie or pasty. Once he has tired of them he lets them know his true identity leaving the victim feeling like he as swam through the sewage pipe of an Indonesian prison, some never recover from the shock and go on to become internet born again Christians whose mission in life is to ruin porn for us all.

A Special mention for Igor.

Igor is our specially trained lift attendant, you only need to whisper what you need and he will whisk you down to the right floor, sadly he is not allowed to except monetary tips, but any spare and warm body part is welcome.

He is easily recognisable as being of the tribe of "Igor's" as he has a humpback, orbital dystopia, an exotic series of scars and stitches adorn his face, like many Igor's he has an extra thumb stitched onto either hand (You can never have to much of a good thing), he is club footed and talks with a lisp. Or you could just read his name badge. If it is his day off his sister Igorina will be standing in for him, the females of the tribe of Igor's are surprisingly beautiful with long dark hair and none of the males apparent disabilities. As an added bonus all Igor's and Igorina's are adept surgeons so the threat of bobbiting is nothing to worry about.


And finally.

Never even think about messing with the curly wurly trade, that is my business and I guard it jealously. Other inferior chocolate and sweets you can mess with as much as you like, but keep your hands of my 8 inches of magnificence
Welcome and enjoy

Richie

All of the above can be taken with a pinch of salt and treated as a little fun, apart from the Curly Wurly warning, that of course is the damn truth.

[smcaaphd]

Originally Posted by NoTrouble

Good information but more important, are there any females of the human variety that fit that bill here ?

Quite possibly, yes - but they tend to be old-fashioned suckers who use their mouths rather than tentacles

[NoTrouble]

Originally Posted by richief

do you need help getting around the site, are you lost amongst the chaos of GD, well here is a little road map to help you on your way.

Thank you but I will stay in the well lit areas for now.

Originally Posted by smcaaphd

Quite possibly, yes - but they tend to be old-fashioned suckers who use their mouths rather than tentacles

Are you old fashioned ?

[shootersa]

Originally Posted by NoTrouble

I will assume that the 'attach you' is a typo and was to be attack you, or can I really expect someone to try and assimilate me on here ?

SMC has outed me.
No matter.

Resistance is futile.

[shootersa]

Originally Posted by smcaaphd

Shooter is an alien and has a tendency to attach people to things with suckers...once they're wrapped up nice and snug in a cocoon-like structure ofc

Not true. We use Duct tape. Suckers tend to loose their suction if they aren't licked and manipulated regularly. Duct tape just gets stronger.

[enslavedprincess1994]

Originally Posted by NoTrouble

Hello to all the members here and having read some threads already I can say that I won't ask you to cam, watch me jerk off or message you with rude sexual innuendo's and am here to pass some time on slow days with a few posts and possibly make a friend or two if that is in the cards.

I do have some good bedtime stories though.

thank you

[richief]

Originally Posted by shootersa

Not true. We use Duct tape. Suckers tend to loose their suction if they aren't licked and manipulated regularly. Duct tape just gets stronger.

Twat.

courtesy of gonts32

[justpassingthru]

Originally Posted by shootersa

Not true. We use Duct tape. Suckers tend to loose their suction if they aren't licked and manipulated regularly. Duct tape just gets stronger.

LOL ... normally the wierd part of a post like this would be the "duct tape" part ... but I couldn't help notice the lack of a denial on the "alien" comment.

Duct tape rules.

[richief]

Never tried to use duct tape in any sexual act, no one is going to tie me down, it gives me nightmares and I think all the messing around just gets in the way (I have problems wrapping gifts), use her knickers and stockings to tie her down.

[tommyturtle]

Duct tape is in Red Green's words "the handy man's secret weapon." I don't think it would be very good for sexual activity. Way too gummy.

[justpassingthru]

Originally Posted by richief

Never tried to use duct tape in any sexual act, no one is going to tie me down, it gives me nightmares and I think all the messing around just gets in the way (I have problems wrapping gifts), use her knickers and stockings to tie her down.

I agree with you richie, I'm a little squeamish when it comes to being bound myself ...

Originally Posted by tommyturtle

Duct tape is in Red Green's words "the handy man's secret weapon." I don't think it would be very good for sexual activity. Way too gummy.

If they don't find you handsome, at least they can find you handy.

[tommyturtle]

Originally Posted by justpassingthru

If they don't find you handsome, at least they can find you handy.

Works for me! Busy hands are happy hands.

[shootersa]

Originally Posted by richief

Never tried to use duct tape in any sexual act, no one is going to tie me down, it gives me nightmares and I think all the messing around just gets in the way (I have problems wrapping gifts), use her knickers and stockings to tie her down.

*shooter ponders*

What mate of Richief's would permit him to tie her to the fender of his tank with her knickers?

PIX or it didn't happen

[JayneyRedd]

Originally Posted by NoTrouble

Hello to all the members here and having read some threads already I can say that I won't ask you to cam, watch me jerk off or message you with rude sexual innuendo's and am here to pass some time on slow days with a few posts and possibly make a friend or two if that is in the cards.

I do have some good bedtime stories though.

I'm trying to think of something witty or sarcastic to say but I can't so "Hello" will have to do!

[NoTrouble]

Originally Posted by JayneyRedd

I'm trying to think of something witty or sarcastic to say but I can't so "Hello" will have to do!

Well from what I have read from some of your posts, to leave you speechless either means that I am plain old boring or I have managed to do what a male rarely can, that being leaving a female at a loss for words. Now do I pat myself on the back or 'get a life' worth responding to ?

[Old Tool]

Originally Posted by tommyturtle

Duct tape is in Red Green's words "the handy man's secret weapon." I don't think it would be very good for sexual activity. Way too gummy.

duct tape, folded 4 ways onto itself with the sticky-side in, makes an astonishingly strong rope . . . jus' sayin'

[mistresschloe1125]

oooh hey there sweetie, i wanna break you in!

[Lioness]

Originally Posted by mistresschloe1125

oooh hey there sweetie, i wanna break you in!

I'd BET donuts to dollars he's already broken in, huh, NT?!!