CAW entry - Just One

[johnstr]

He sat at his window watching the quiet street. She would be by any minute. He watched her every day; twice a day, once in the morning and again in the afternoon. He did not know where she came from or where she went each day. She didn’t look up at him, she just walked by. He sat by the window and wrote his stories and sent them off to his publisher. His publisher sent him checks and he sat in his room and wrote stories and watched her walk by. He wasn’t aware of the passage of days. He often didn’t know what day it was or even care. He only went out to get groceries or occasionally to take his checks to the bank. When they arrived in the mail he dropped them in a drawer and went back to his writing.

She got up each day and ate her breakfast and drank a cup of coffee. She dressed for work and walked out the door of her apartment. She walked to work each day. It wasn’t far and she had no car. She walked the same streets each day stepping over the same cracked sidewalks and seeing the same rundown buildings. She went to her job where she sat in her cubicle and did her mindless tasks. She could do most of her job in her sleep without thinking. She didn’t socialize much with her fellow workers. They said “Good morning” or “Good evening” to her. She heard them talking among themselves about their lives but they never asked about hers. They would discuss where they would go to eat lunch but never invited her to join them. Her days were all the same and she walked home over the same streets across the same cracked and broken sidewalks. She passed the same rundown buildings to get to her apartment. She never called it her home, just her apartment.


He saw when she walked by returning from where ever she had been. He always paused to watch her. She was the only indicator of the passage of time and he often made up stories about what her life might be like. He thought about things he pictured her doing or places she might live. Maybe she had a family or a lover or children. After she passed he went back to writing his stories and if he received a check he would put it in a drawer with the others.

She knew he would be looking out the window when she went by. He was always there. She didn’t look at him but she knew he was there. She wondered if he was an invalid who couldn’t move. Was he just watching the neighborhood or just her? She had seen his face and it was a pleasant face. She thought he might be someone who might be interesting to know but she didn’t look up and she went from work to her apartment and from her apartment to work.

He watched as she went her way wondering about her life. He reflected on his own. His first wife who took what was his and hid it from him. She drove him into debt while he served his country. When he returned he worked at a thankless job to earn what she gave away to her worthless family without his knowledge. She denied him the respect and loyalty that were supposed to come with a marriage. So he moved on. Later his second wife that he gave his life to showed him he was always second to her goals. She let him believe he was never right and his decisions were never honored. She emasculated him and showed him he had less worth than the bottle she had turned to. He became a non-person and felt himself fade away. So he moved on. Now he put pieces of his soul on paper and sent them to his publisher for pieces of paper that he put in a drawer. He wished that he had just one person that cared for him. One person he could depend on that would depend on him.

She walked through the city remembering her past as if it were a cruel punishment. Her loves had traded her for others who were prettier or richer or more interesting. She had been used to cook and clean or to work while he played. No children to get in the way. There had been a few who promised her happiness but it was always their happiness and none for her. Her dreams or desires were never important, never a priority. So she drifted through a lonesome existence wishing for just one person to care if she lived or died; one person who wanted her just for herself. Just one would be enough to give her purpose, to make her feel wanted, to make her feel anything.

He sent off his latest tome to be read by people he would never know. He left his apartment with a stack of envelopes that needed to be taken to the bank, most unopened. They came with the circulars and occupant mail that found their way to his mail box. He had never thought about money. He had enough for his rent and utilities; enough for his food. He took the unopened checks to be deposited to his account when the pile in the drawer got too large. He never paid much attention to the things beyond his immediate needs. His simple aimless life drifted by like time. This day he was stopped by an officer of the bank and drawn into his office. He left with a piece of paper in his hand and a blank look on his face. He rode the bus to his block and sat on the bench across the street from his apartment. He looked down at the paper for the hundredth time and counted the numbers on the line that showed his current balance. 8… There were 8 digits in the number. How had this happened? How had he not known there were 8 digits in the number on the line that said current balance? He counted again as he sat and looked up at the window of his apartment where he sat each day.

She walked the same streets as she returned from her thankless job. She stepped over the same broken sidewalks past the same deteriorating buildings she saw each day. She glanced up at his window. It was empty. He wasn’t there. She stopped dead in her tracks, frozen in confusion. He was always there. He had to be there! He was one thing she had always depended on in her day. Where was he? What happened? Her life turned on its head and tears rolled down her face. She stood there on the sidewalk staring at his window and cried out, “Where are you? Why did you leave? You can’t leave me; not alone again.”

He rose from the bench and looked at her as she broke down in helpless tears as her life seemed to crumble around her. He hurried across the street with tears of his own and laid his hand on her shoulder.


“I’m here. I’ve always been here and I always will be.” He wrapped his arms around her as she turned to him. He held her as he finally knew she was the one he needed; the one she needed.

That was all it took to save two lives. Just one person who cared.

The one thing we all need.

Just One

[ELaken-Palmer]

I really enjoyed this story a lot. It brought the challenge photo to my mind as I read it. It was well constructed and had a lot of feeling. There was no sex in it but I still give it high marks.

[johnstr]

Originally Posted by ELaken-Palmer

I really enjoyed this story a lot. It brought the challenge photo to my mind as I read it. It was well constructed and had a lot of feeling. There was no sex in it but I still give it high marks.

Thanks, this one is different from what I have been writing. Glad you liked it. You are one of my favorites and praise from you is an honor.

[Daddycums]

Quite moving and romantic. Sad in a way, but with a feelgood ending. It's a beautiful tale of two people who finally realize that they were meant for each other. I like how you set up the two characters as sympathetic, almost but not quite pitiful, wanting to be loved but too shy or discouraged to take the first step. Then when one of them finally takes a chance, you end the story on the high note of the fulfillment of their wishes. There is far more that could be told, but it telling it would be a mistake. You ended it at just the right spot.

Unfortunately, as I mentioned on other story threads, no sex = no vote from me. But that's just my own personal rule, and I certainly wish you luck in the competition.

[johnstr]

I understand about the no sex thing but I couldn't get it to feel right without taking something away. I don't expect to get many votes but this is where the picture took me. I really love your work though. Thanks for your time.

[Empress Lainie]

EMPRESS RATED 10.0+++++ WITH TEARS!!!!!

[Wee Hector]

I'm delighted to see that other writers have gone the route of non-sexual stories and have based their tale round the wonderful thought-provoking photo which ejls provided. This is a great, well thought out story which I hope does itself justice in the voting. However, each story I read makes the decision all the harder as the standard of entry seems to be extremely high.
In any case keep writing like this and I shall be following your progress.

[Cheltenham]

I didn't know where you were going with the story. My stubbornness caused me to continue reading and I'm glad I did. It is a vague enough situation to be any two people but you added enough detail to make it relevant to me.

I thought he might have watched her in the hope of finding something inspirational about her to write about, or that you were implying that he was doing that to earn his money.

I'm glad you entered our CAW challenge

[Forever Whatever]

Beautifully romantic. I'm glad it ended the way it did.

[johnstr]

Thank you all for your kind words

[Hornycountryboy]

Hmm that was very interesting. I really didn't know where you were going with it, but it was a very lovely story. Great read, and good luck!

[UKM40]

Like some of the others who have left feedback initially as i was reading your story i was unsure where it was going. Then i became convinced it was not going to end well for either of the two characters but then I was pleasently surprised. Nice work.

[johnstr]

Originally Posted by Hornycountryboy

Hmm that was very interesting. I really didn't know where you were going with it, but it was a very lovely story. Great read, and good luck!

Like some of you, when I was writing it I didn't know where it was going until I got there. Thanks for your support.

I hope you will try some of my other stories.

[BlackRonin]

Well, I did like that you had the courage to write a non-sex story despite probably knowing that it would cost you in the popularity contest, and favoring the romantic ending over the appeal to libido is commendable too. Not that there's anything wrong with libido appeal, but what I mean is that plainly you went with the ending you thought would serve the story best, which means the story has integrity, which is always a remarkable thing.

Initially I found the prose redundant, as with the seemingly unnecessary repetition and paraphrasing of the same ideas in consecutive sentence, as with 'She walked to work each day' and 'She walked the same streets each day' (pretty much everyone who walks to work walks the same way, after all). But it soon became clear that this was probably intentional, as it reinforced the banality of the day-to-day routine (always the same, over and over, with only minor variations). You don't see much experimentation with form on this site very often, so that was actually quite clever and commendable.

What I didn't like was just the sentiment itself, or more specifically, the sentimentality. To be blunt, this story feels like a heavy-handed appeal to audience pathos. It's the kind of thick and gooey petit modernism that's sort of the evil twin of Hallmark saccharine.. The well-tried imagery of strangers lost and alone in an uncaring world does not mix very well with the, frankly, simplistic redemptiveness of "finding one another" in the end; as if that were the master stroke that solves everyone's emotional problems in life.

Don't get me wrong, I appreciate the romanticism behind/around that idea. After all, why be a writer if you're not at least a little bit of a romantic? But romanticism is about exploring the capacities of human emotion, so to invoke a particular suite of emotional and psychological states (depression, despair, isolation, hopelessness, boredom, etc) and then to sweep them away with a single catch-all solution without any further exploration of how one state affects the other is to roundly undermine that entire ideal.

Okay, that all sounded really harsh...and I'm sorry. The story seems very genuine, so I'm sure you worked hard and put a lot of yourself into it, which makes it that much harder when someone criticizes it (and let's face it, it's never particularly easy to take criticism in the first place). Writing is always intensely personal, it's taking a part of yourself and putting it into this objective form where anyone and everyone can pick it up, interact with it, manhandle it, etc and neither it nor you can defend yourself against them particularly well. When your art is criticized you feel rejected, and that hurts. So I'm not just callously disregarding the work you did or how important it probably is to you; nevertheless, that's my honest assessment.

Good luck in the voting, and good luck with whatever you're working on now. Your work is remarkably popular, so I'm sure you won't have trouble finding an audience for your next.

[johnstr]

Originally Posted by BlackRonin

Well, I did like that you had the courage to write a non-sex story despite probably knowing that it would cost you in the popularity contest, and favoring the romantic ending over the appeal to libido is commendable too. Not that there's anything wrong with libido appeal, but what I mean is that plainly you went with the ending you thought would serve the story best, which means the story has integrity, which is always a remarkable thing.

Initially I found the prose redundant, as with the seemingly unnecessary repetition and paraphrasing of the same ideas in consecutive sentence, as with 'She walked to work each day' and 'She walked the same streets each day' (pretty much everyone who walks to work walks the same way, after all). But it soon became clear that this was probably intentional, as it reinforced the banality of the day-to-day routine (always the same, over and over, with only minor variations). You don't see much experimentation with form on this site very often, so that was actually quite clever and commendable.

What I didn't like was just the sentiment itself, or more specifically, the sentimentality. To be blunt, this story feels like a heavy-handed appeal to audience pathos. It's the kind of thick and gooey petit modernism that's sort of the evil twin of Hallmark saccharine.. The well-tried imagery of strangers lost and alone in an uncaring world does not mix very well with the, frankly, simplistic redemptiveness of "finding one another" in the end; as if that were the master stroke that solves everyone's emotional problems in life.

Don't get me wrong, I appreciate the romanticism behind/around that idea. After all, why be a writer if you're not at least a little bit of a romantic? But romanticism is about exploring the capacities of human emotion, so to invoke a particular suite of emotional and psychological states (depression, despair, isolation, hopelessness, boredom, etc) and then to sweep them away with a single catch-all solution without any further exploration of how one state affects the other is to roundly undermine that entire ideal.

Okay, that all sounded really harsh...and I'm sorry. The story seems very genuine, so I'm sure you worked hard and put a lot of yourself into it, which makes it that much harder when someone criticizes it (and let's face it, it's never particularly easy to take criticism in the first place). Writing is always intensely personal, it's taking a part of yourself and putting it into this objective form where anyone and everyone can pick it up, interact with it, manhandle it, etc and neither it nor you can defend yourself against them particularly well. When your art is criticized you feel rejected, and that hurts. So I'm not just callously disregarding the work you did or how important it probably is to you; nevertheless, that's my honest assessment.

Good luck in the voting, and good luck with whatever you're working on now. Your work is remarkably popular, so I'm sure you won't have trouble finding an audience for your next.

Thank you for your thoughtful analysis of my submission. I do not mind constructive criticism and I welcome your comments. I know they were made in an effort to be helpful in my future efforts. As I said before, the story took me in an unfamiliar direction and since submitting it I have considered different directions the story could have taken.
Again, thank you for your thoughtful comments and thank you all for reading.

[ejls]

Welcome to your first CAW. I'm not sure if you write on a regular basis and if you don't you should.

My words would mirror a lot of the comments made here. I also wondered about the repetition of words, phrases and actions and then I realized you wanted us to feel the monotony of their lives. Maybe of all of our lives. It's said that everything we do impacts another, even if we never know it.

The ending was sweet and tender. This was not a sex story and I believe a scene would have ruined its beauty. I hope you give us the opportunity to read more of your work.

[ahorsewithnoname]

Okay, I enjoyed this story. You weren't writing this for votes and that's cool. You saw the photo and, like me, something flashed and inspired you, and you wrote about it. I wouldn't change that. If I felt a non-sexual story arise within me again, that's what I would have written. I loved the word and mood repetition. You made it easy to visualize this. In a movie setting, I could see Jack Lemon playing the main role.

Thanks for shaing this with us.

[johnstr]

Originally Posted by ejls

Welcome to your first CAW. I'm not sure if you write on a regular basis and if you don't you should.

My words would mirror a lot of the comments made here. I also wondered about the repetition of words, phrases and actions and then I realized you wanted us to feel the monotony of their lives. Maybe of all of our lives. It's said that everything we do impacts another, even if we never know it.

The ending was sweet and tender. This was not a sex story and I believe a scene would have ruined its beauty. I hope you give us the opportunity to read more of your work.

Thank you for your kind words. You can find more of my stories at http://stories.xnxx.com/profile567641/

I hope you enjoy some of them. I am fairly new at this and am trying to learn as I go along.

Johnstr

[johnstr]

Originally Posted by ahorsewithnoname

Okay, I enjoyed this story. You weren't writing this for votes and that's cool. You saw the photo and, like me, something flashed and inspired you, and you wrote about it. I wouldn't change that. If I felt a non-sexual story arise within me again, that's what I would have written. I loved the word and mood repetition. You made it easy to visualize this. In a movie setting, I could see Jack Lemon playing the main role.

Thanks for shaing this with us.

Thanks for your time. I enjoyed your submission. Good luck in the CAW voting.

Johnstr
http://stories.xnxx.com/profile567641/ (more of my stories here)

[ejls]

bump

[Wee Hector]

bump

[Twistedsister]

Pound

[wantsomefun]

I hate coming in to a party late.

Most of the kind words and superlatives have been stated at least twice already.

As others noted, the repetition built up a sort of tension of tedium, which was very effective. The reader knew something had to happen, and as the story progressed, hoped it would be positive, but was never quite sure until the happy ending.

Being a pretty wordy fellow myself, I was torn between a desire for more meat to the story and an admiration for the power of your lean, sinewy style.

Damn fine job.

[darthel0101]

I like to read all sorts of fiction and like to listen to all sorts of music and the only thing that I can compare this to is Ravel's Bolero. It is formal. It is formulaic (after it's own type). It is COMPELLING to read and turns emotional with its resolution.

WELL done.

[Distant Lover]

Johnstr,

This is a sensitive, beautiful, and romantic story. I gave it five stars.

I quite honestly do not read most of the stories in their entirety. A writer has several paragraphs to attract my attention. You did with your first sentence.

[johnstr]

Originally Posted by Distant Lover

Johnstr,

This is a sensitive, beautiful, and romantic story. I gave it five stars.

I quite honestly do not read most of the stories in their entirety. A writer has several paragraphs to attract my attention. You did with your first sentence.

Thanks, I often wonder what goes through the minds of those who read my words.
It's nice to know I have been able to contribute.

[ejls]

[Twistedsister]

BUMP RUB LICK SUCK SWALLOW

[Hornycountryboy]

Bump

[Hornycountryboy]

Bump

[ahorsewithnoname]

bump

[ahorsewithnoname]

motherfucking bump to get these stories to the top and JoeFuckheadDirty (and his little troll pornvision) below

[Wee Hector]

bump

[Hornycountryboy]

All aboard the bump train! Choo choo!

[Dizzyworks673]

Going for a ride on the crazy bump train!

[DoyleGentry]

bump

[darthel0101]

bump

[Dizzyworks673]

Bump

[Dizzyworks673]

Bump

[ahorsewithnoname]

Last weekend of voting bump!

[Hornycountryboy]

One last push!

[phoxy]

thank you

[Samuel034]

Wow...Just damn. Amazing Story. Perfectly ended. I can here for a sex storty and while i didnt get one I'm not upset at all

[Blackwasp74]

Fucking LOVED it ....