Jokes - All for a kiss!

[Picx]

One night a guy dropped his girlfriend at her home.
As they were about to wish each other good night at the front door, the guy started feeling a little more romantic. With an air of confidence,he leaned with his hand against the wall and smiling, he said to her "Honey, would you give me a kiss ?"

Horrified, she replied, "Are you mad? My parents will see us!"

" Oh come on! Who's gonna see us at this hour?" He asked grinning at her.
" No, please. Can you imagine if we get caught?"
"Oh come on!
There's nobody around, they're all sleeping!".
" No way, it's just too risky!"
"Oh please, please, I love you so much?!?".
" No, no, and no. I love you too, but I just can't!".
"Oh yes you can. Please?"
" No, no. I just can't" " I'm begging you ... "
Suddenly.....Out of the blue, the light on the stairs went on, and The girl's elder sister showed up in her pajamas, hair dishevelled, And in a sleepy voice she said,

" Dad says to go ahead and give him a kiss, or I can do it. Or if needed, mom says she can come down herself and do it, but for God's sake ....

"TELL HIM TO TAKE HIS HAND OFF THE DOOR BELL.........."

[AZRIEL]

[smcaaphd]

At the end of a tiny deserted bar in Liverpool Sat a Scouser. He was having a few beers, when a short, well dressed, and obviously gay man walked in and sat beside him.

After three or four beers, the gay man got the courage to say a few words to the Scouser.

Leaning over towards him, he whispered, "Do you want a blow job?"

At this, the Scouser leaped up with fire in his eyes, and smacked the shit out of the gay man, knocking him swiftly off his stool. He proceeded to beat him all the way out of the bar, before leaving him bruised and battered in the parking lot, and returning to his seat.

Amazed, the bartender quickly brought over another beer to the Scouser, and said, "I've never seen you react like that.

What did he say to you?"

"I don't know," the Scouser replied. "Something about a job."

[Picx]

[Picx]

A husband feeling a bit horny goes to the bathroom and returns with 4 aspirin and a glass of water for his wife.
He says, "Here honey, here are some aspirin and a some water."
She replied, "but honey I do not have a headache!"

He replied, "Thank God!"

[shootersa]

So this avid golfer dies. By avid I mean he'd play minimum 18 holes a day, and watch nothing but golf on TV.

He gets to the gates and St. Peter welcomes him in. "Normally" says St. Peter, "we give new arrivals a tour, but today is particularly rushed, what with all the mayhem and such. Why don't you just wander about for awhile and I'll catch up with you later."

So our golfer wanders about and sure enough, there's a golf course. He happens to come up on the 9th hole, and to his amazement, there's Tiger Woods and Mother Theresa approaching their balls near the water hazard.

Mother Theresa says to Tiger "You do not want to hit that with your 7 Iron"
Tiger smirks, whips out his 7 iron and promptly drops his ball into the lake.
Mother Theresa responds "told you so"
Tiger angrily walks out over the pond and starts looking for his ball.

Our golfer is simply stunned at this site, and at that moment St. Peter shows up.
WOW!" says the golfer "I had no clue Tiger died! What happened to him! and can I do that now that I'm dead?"
St. Peter chuckles. "That isn't Tiger. That's GOD. He just thinks he's Tiger Woods."

[Picx]

Why Italian Fathers and Grandfathers pass their handguns down through the family.

An old Italian man is dying. He calls his grandson to his bedside, Guido, I wan' you lissina me. I wan' you to take-a my chrome plated ....38 revolver so you will always remember me."

"But grandpa, I really don't like guns. How about you leave me your Rolex watch instead?"

"You lissina me, boy. Somma day you gonna be runna da business, you gonna have a beautiful wife, lotsa money, a big-a home and maybe a couple of bambinos. "

"Somma day you gonna come-a home and maybe finda you wife inna bed with another man.

"Whatta you gonna do then? Pointa to you watch and say, ‘timesa up’? “

[Picx]

Udurawana bought a new mobile.

He sent a message to everyone from his Phone Book & said

"My MobileNo. Has changed.

Earlier it was Nokia 3310 Now it is 6610"

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Udurawana: I am Proud, coz my son is in Medical College.*

Friend*: Really, what is he studying. *

Udurawan* a: No he is not studying, they r Studying him.*

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Udurawana: If I die will u remarry?

Wife: No! I'll stay with my sister. But if I die will u remarry?

Udurawana: No, I'll also stay with your sister

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Udurawana: People consider me as a "GOD"

Wife: How do you know??

Udurawana: When I went to the Park today, everybody said,

Oh GOD! U have come again...

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Udurawana complained 2 Police: Sir all items are missing,

Except the TV in my house.

Police: How the thief did not take TV???

Udurawana: I was watching TV news... **

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Udurawana comes back 2 his car & find a note saying "Parking Fine"

He Writes a note and sticks it 2 pole "Thanks 4 complement"

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How do you recognize Udurawana in School?

He is the one who erases the notes from the book when the teacher erases

The board..

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Once Udurawana was walking he had a glove on one hand and not on other.

So the man asked him why he did so. He replied that the weather forecast

Announced that on one hand it would be cold and on the other hand it

Would be hot.*

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Udurawana is in a bar and his cellular phone rings. He picks it up and

Says "Hello, how did you know I was here?"*

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Udurawana bought a brand new Maruti and decided to drive down from Kandy,

Where he lived, to Colombo to meet his friend.. He reached there in a few

Hours. After spending a few days there, he decided to return, and called up

His mother to expect him in the evening. But he didn't reach in the evening

And not the next day either. When he finally reached home on the third

Day, his distraught mother ran and asked him "What Happened, My

Son"

Udurawana Got out, obviously very tired from the long journey, and
said, "These Maruti

Car people are crazy! They have four gears for going forward, but only

One for going back!*

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Udurawana - why r all these people running?

Man - This is a race, the winner will get the cup

Udurawana - If only the winner will get the cup, why others running?

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Teacher: "I killed a person" convert this sentence into future tense

Udurawana: The future tense is "u will go to jail"*

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Udurawana told his servant: Go and water the plants

Servant: It's already raining

Udurawana: So what? Take an umbrella and go.

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A man asked Udurawana why Ratnasiri Wickramanayake goes walking in the

Evening and not in the morning

Udurawana replied "Ratnasiri is PM not AM*

PS: Ratnasiri Wickramanayake was the Prime Minister in SL

[smcaaphd]

The only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon quickie was to send little Johnny out onto the balcony with an ice lolly and tell him to report on the the neighbourhood activities...

As he began his commentary, his parents put their plan into operation...

"There's a car being towed from the car-park", he shouted as his mother pulled up her skirts
"An ambulance just drove by," his father undid his zipper
"The Anderson's have company," his mother, now sans underwear, spread her legs
"Looks like the Sanders are moving," his father stroking his cock to full hardness comes to kneel between his wife's knees
"Jason is on his skateboard," his mother pressed her mouth against her husband's shoulder to stifle a moan as his cock eased inside her
After a few moments of silence, whereby Johnny's parents fucked silently, save for the creaking of bedsprings, Johnny shouts out...
"The Coopers are shagging!" his parents stop.
His father asks hesitently, "How do you know?"
"Billy Cooper is standing on his balcony with an ice-lolly..."

[Picx]

:D