Wife has lost her sex drive

[DaddioXXX]

My wife and I have been married for 23 years, 3 children all 18+. We used to have a very active sex life, nothing kinky, pretty straightforward. She used to be able to cum fairly quickly when I would go down on her, but now it seems she has no interest in sex whatsoever. Anything I try to turn her on or spice up our sex is met with serious resistance. No toys, oils, fruit, liquids, I have been trying to think of anything! Any thoughts out there on what I could do?

[NaughtyAngie]

I've lost my drive multiple times and it makes my boyfriend really upset....

Something I notice every time, I feel depressed- not paid attention to / ignored- * and sometimes I have trouble with a fantasy / reading his fantasies or cues

Basically the best thing for it is just talking about anything on her mind, hold her and be intimate- not completely sexual.

Something i like too, when my boyfriend takes something sexual (like a name I call him) and uses it to get close to me, along with multiple other things that make me shiver.....



So it kinda goes both ways :/
intimate but nonsexual
or
almost completely sexual but extremely intimate

[NewtonInk]

Thanks

[NewtonInk]

Intimate but nonsexual . . .

WTF!?!?!?

Seriously?????

[NaughtyAngie]

Originally Posted by NewtonInk

Intimate but nonsexual . . .

WTF!?!?!?

Seriously?????

Yeah....... like........... cuddly and supportive and stuff
..things people need if something is bothering them

[NewtonInk]

I'm sorry . . .

explain that plz.

[stronghold]

Maaaaaaan,...welcome to the club. Ive been there and still going thru it.
I cook, clean, dishes, laundry, fold, iron, messages (sometimes it turns into sex),..compliment,..touch her non sexually,..LISTEN to her,..pay attention to her,..I surprise her with small gifts of "just becuz I love you",......................................you name it, Ive done it.

Its a chemical and hormonal thing. You alone cant beat it. She needs to talk to her doctor. Maybe even the both of you can go. Try therapy too. There's sooo many ways to remedy it. Its just a matter of hard work to finding which combination can help.

Good luck man.

[NewtonInk]

Originally Posted by NaughtyAngie

Yeah....... like........... cuddly and supportive and stuff
..things people need if something is bothering them

i'm trying to understand

[NaughtyAngie]

Originally Posted by stronghold

Maaaaaaan,...welcome to the club. Ive been there and still going thru it.
I cook, clean, dishes, laundry, fold, iron, messages (sometimes it turns into sex),..compliment,..touch her non sexually,..LISTEN to her,..pay attention to her,..I surprise her with small gifts of "just becuz I love you",......................................you name it, Ive done it.

Its a chemical and hormonal thing. You alone cant beat it. She needs to talk to her doctor. Maybe even the both of you can go. Try therapy too. There's sooo many ways to remedy it. Its just a matter of hard work to finding which combination can help.

Good luck man.

o.o wait.....
then what the hell's wrong in me.. I'm 18?!??!

practically the inventor of hormones >.>

[NewtonInk]

Nothin's wrong with you . . .

[stronghold]

Originally Posted by NaughtyAngie

o.o wait.....
then what the hell's wrong in me.. I'm 18?!??!

practically the inventor of hormones >.>

It is still possible the hormonal levels can be off some that may be causing you to go thru this.
Have you had any children yet?
Many times its stress. Work, school, life,..the crappy neighbors. Anything stressful can screw things up. You may not think so ,..bu its your mind reading these negative signals of stress, not just what you see and hear or say.
It can also very well be the person your with.

Life sucks sometimes.

[NaughtyAngie]

@Ink

damn right!

anyway; OP, I'm sorry about your trouble and hope I gave you something to work with and you get more

[NewtonInk]

[NaughtyAngie]

Originally Posted by stronghold

It is still possible the hormonal levels can be off some that may be causing you to go thru this.
Have you had any children yet?
Many times its stress. Work, school, life,..the crappy neighbors. Anything stressful can screw things up. You may not think so ,..bu its your mind reading these negative signals of stress, not just what you see and hear or say.
It can also very well be the person your with.

Life sucks sometimes.

no kids-- massive stress levels and anxiety though... and depression
so maybe o.o

[NewtonInk]

ummmmmmmmm

[stronghold]

Originally Posted by NaughtyAngie

no kids-- massive stress levels and anxiety though... and depression
so maybe o.o

Thats it sweety!
You just diagnosed yourself. That was my problem years ago too. De-fucking-pression. It was tearing me apart, and for years too. Then the added stress of work. Even though I love my job,..the stress levels nearly split my brain on a daily basis.
Sweetheart,....you're 18 and full of life,...please go talk to your doc and remedy this, now that you are "probably" certain that's it. Im sure it is.

No charge btw

[origen01]

Originally Posted by NaughtyAngie

Yeah....... like........... cuddly and supportive and stuff
..things people need if something is bothering them

I see why Newton is confused.

What if that person gets angry when you start being cuddly and supportive and they give you the silent treatment like they even hate the sound of your voice?

I'm not talking about a sex partner but what do I do if a woman in a bad mood. Just give her space? What if she even gets angrier and says "you don't care about me because you left me by myself".

I live with my mom as I have no siblings and she doesn't want to be alone. I know I have really disappointed her in the past but what do I do if she's in a bad mood? I want her (and any woman) to enjoy living with me and I want to cheer them up when they are down.

help?

[DaddioXXX]

Thanks for the response. I know my wife has been depressed since we had to leave our kids in college when we moved out here, she is missing them terribly. I have tried to get her to go talk to someone about it, and about us, but she flatly refuses. I have my ideas as to why that might be the case, but that is for another time. She is out of town until tomorrow, I'll let you know how it turns out.

[mrwhite480]

Originally Posted by DaddioXXX

My wife and I have been married for 23 years, 3 children all 18+. We used to have a very active sex life, nothing kinky, pretty straightforward. She used to be able to cum fairly quickly when I would go down on her, but now it seems she has no interest in sex whatsoever. Anything I try to turn her on or spice up our sex is met with serious resistance. No toys, oils, fruit, liquids, I have been trying to think of anything! Any thoughts out there on what I could do?

If she isn't willing to care of you, find someone who is willing

[mdesk66]

must be something in the water-same here!

[rowdy3128]

my wife had a heart atack june 2011 she is now not the same I think taking to meny pills........she don't want sex any more...but she is still here and I love her.......so just love her.....

[Milo Cronos]

Originally Posted by DaddioXXX

My wife and I have been married for 23 years, 3 children all 18+. We used to have a very active sex life, nothing kinky, pretty straightforward. She used to be able to cum fairly quickly when I would go down on her, but now it seems she has no interest in sex whatsoever. Anything I try to turn her on or spice up our sex is met with serious resistance. No toys, oils, fruit, liquids, I have been trying to think of anything! Any thoughts out there on what I could do?

Sit her down (as you already may have) and get those lines of communication open early, no one solution will work better than going to the source. Take the high ground and don't let anger or (obvious) frustration fuel a fiery debate, don't make it personal as it's never just one thing (in my experience) that causes men and women to get cold! She's gonna hate it at first because she'll feel your blaming her so, a constant reassurance,"This is an issue that's causing me concern for us it's not just all you and I'm willing to do whatever it takes to improve it?" the words you choose really make a difference like "issue" not problem, "concern" not frustration and "improve" not fix? Take my word for it I went through this so long that it almost ruined my marriage several times until I learned how to convey my feelings to a woman who'd get very defensive and still does if I need to bring up a drop in interest or our time together! Never converse right before a sex night (if you know when) never just after sex as it sounds like a critique and never when you two are too busy to give an hour of uninterrupted time, if you can't find the time make it! Good Luck and Best Wishes, Milo (Married 26 years and together for 28 since I was 16 years old)