TRISTANE OF ELOISE -> CAW12 ENTRY

[ELaken-Palmer]

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[ELaken-Palmer]

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[snowleopard3200]

Glad to see your story up and running ELP; looks like I can forget about winning this CAW. So many wonderful stories, by so many masters of the masters, its going to be hard for me to decide who to cast a vote for.

Excellent job.

[wantsomefun]

I'm just sitting here with my mouth hanging open.

The competitive part of me wishes your son-in-law-to-be would have taken his sweet old time.

This is the dark side we like so much from you, the good v. evil struggle you do so well.

Honestly, about halfway though this story, I thought of Cookie, but quickly dismissed her (the series) to concentrate on what you were doing here. I kept waiting for the ELP bombshell, and I started to think maybe you weren't going to do it this time. Silly me.

Excellent story, beautifully crafted, just as it should be, coming from you.

My hat is off.

[snowleopard3200]

Originally Posted by wantsomefun

I'm just sitting here with my mouth hanging open.

The competitive part of me wishes your son-in-law-to-be would have taken his sweet old time.

This is the dark side we like so much from you, the good v. evil struggle you do so well.

Honestly, about halfway though this story, I thought of Cookie, but quickly dismissed her (the series) to concentrate on what you were doing here. I kept waiting for the ELP bombshell, and I started to think maybe you weren't going to do it this time. Silly me.

Excellent story, beautifully crafted, just as it should be, coming from you.

My hat is off.

ELP has outdone himself with this story; I had to go back a second time for the ending, and even then read it twice over. I missed the connection with Cookie until the mention of the ring confirmed it beyond doubt.

That was more than a bombshell; it was an atom bomb of epic proportions. Once again ELP has demonstrated why he is a master among masters in writing.

[snowleopard3200]

And a bombshell bounce here, for the one ELP gave to the readers.

[JustBeth]

I've read this story twice, because I didn't want to miss anything. Truly a fantastic work!

Once again ELP, you have shown me why you are my idol.

You can count on my vote.

[ahorsewithnoname]

Haven't read your story yet, but I will get to it. Scanned the comments, though, and thought "WTF...this story doesn't have a 5 star rating?"

Now it does.

[darthel0101]

This is one HELL of a wonderful story. It takes a little while to build the characters but ends with a more powerful tale because of it.

I only hope that the Cookie series continues and brings her OUT of the ward. Ya gotta wonder about what put her INTO it.

[ELaken-Palmer]

Thanks to all of you who have read and responded. I hope for many more responses and want to know what you think of Tristane, the lead character in this story.
Read all the CAW entries and VOTE

[darthel0101]

Tristane is a female in a male dominated field.
She has KEPT her focus on her field even though she has been forced to leave her native land.
She had the strength of will to take on an obviously overwhelming opponent in a hopeless battle WITHOUT THINKING OF HERSELF.

If she manages to get Cookies story out of the girl then I can see her USING that information as justification for attacks on her opponents tactics for treatment (historically, this could be worked into the fall from grace for the torturous treatments used to bring catatonics out of their retreats).

She has her strengths; she has her weaknesses. So do we all.
She is very worthy of being a continuing element in the story of Cookie.

[ahorsewithnoname]

CAW bump

[ejls]

You BESS-TERD!

Brilliant, ELP. You had me holding my breath for the majority of the story I should hate you, but I am in awe.

[Fish Monster]

This is Horrible! Just downright Awefull!

Here I've waited for the continuation of Cookie and you hide it! Grrrrrr!

Excellently written as usual.

FM

[Fish Monster]

On a side note, there was no mention of any I the injuries she had sustained. Scars, bruising, etc. upon admittance to any hospital even a that time she would have had a thorough examination and documented any physical characteristics such as these.

Cookie didn't pop into my head because she was simply described as wearing a full slip. There was no mention of any evidence of prior injury. I was literally blindsided on the final word of the story.

Lastly, on occasion I omit things as I read them. Where was a mention of a ring? I just didn't catch it.

FM

[darthel0101]

Fish Monster
The mention of the ring was just before she was taken for the examination after the attempted rape by the orderly.
Please note that although this story MENTIONS Cookie and INVOLVES her, it is NOT her story.

Please note, also, the story is fiction and a creation of the author's mind. Oddities in construction can be assigned to Creative License and their own little slice of purgatory. If the school can ignore physical reality and place a female in gender segregated classes as a male then cops can miss what should have been obvious as well.

My SUSPICION is that Cookie went catatonic after a final blowup with dad.
We will have to wait and see if Tristane is able to coax that history from her.

[ejls]

Bump

[Dizzyworks673]

Bump

[tupelohoney]

Love this story!

[Sephon Mcjagger]

hmm what too say... Well first off not being much of a reader, this kept me engaged this intire time. i had a blast moving through dr. Janelle's story bein' so... squishedin this male dominated field.
when it came to darnell i'm like uhhh of course he's black an loves to fondle women i'm like that is pretty umm yeah but i got a kick out of it (comidic) an being only the first story i've read on here... i was not disappointed not only was it perfectly detailed an the characters personalitys are all fully developed an no lack of design (Coughs) unlike twilight freaking two dimention garbage, back on track. i may be losing you with this long patch of uselessness since you've heared it before.
as far as the cookie an Ring it leaves me thinking what does the sargent know that the doctors can't know? Why would the girl's first word be cookie? Will dr. Janelle show up (dr.dickwad)? My name for him. all questions i hope to be answered. A gripping tale that had a slow reader like me scrolling down page after page. off topic again!! oh yeah i enjoy the athentic spelling of the french accent unlike most would be like
"yeah i heard the sound" speaking in her french accent
you sir did your stuff an made her speak freaking french an accent. With that my rate's on books are like this

you get a 8 an trust me 8 from me is high up there with my favorite read Robert Comere's After the first death

[ejls]

Bump

[keennyt]

....nice work...liked it...i wanted him to really fuck her....and maybe get caught while blowing his load....all over her face

[N.E. Woman]

ELP sent me this story as an attachment, so I was unaware of the CAW premise.

I had a few problems with character development and perriferal story lines and various other little issues..... Having said that, I thought it was a good story. Flowed well, had just enough angst/ suspense/ character interactions/ etc.

After learning that it was an entry in the latest CAW challenge, my opinions became moot. This is an excellent short story that for you "Cookie" fan's, she may be baccckkkk!

NEW

[Dizzyworks673]

bump

[NaughtyAngie]

Very nice story, I don't know any French though so I will admit I didn't understand what she meant when she was lapsing into it.

You write extremely well, keep it up.

[overdoneone]

There are porn stories and then there is erotica, both of which, I enjoy reading. Choosing and using the characters as you have in this well written piece; the diversity, especially the French Miss Tristane, painted the tale in living color. Truly among the best of Erotica I've read! Now, I believe you owe us all a sequel......

[snowleopard3200]

bounce

[ELaken-Palmer]

Thanks for all of your great comments!

This story is also posted on the STORY SITE and could use your help to keep it from oblivion. Please follow the link and give it a "POSITIVE" rating to help it along. http://stories.xnxx.com/story/44125/Tristane_of_Eloise

Thanks!

[darthel0101]

Originally Posted by ELaken-Palmer

Thanks for all of your great comments!

This story is also posted on the STORY SITE and could use your help to keep it from oblivion. Please follow the link and give it a "POSITIVE" rating to help it along. http://stories.xnxx.com/story/44125/Tristane_of_Eloise

Thanks!

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Your vote has been recorded. Thank you!

[snowleopard3200]

Originally Posted by ELaken-Palmer

Thanks for all of your great comments!

This story is also posted on the STORY SITE and could use your help to keep it from oblivion. Please follow the link and give it a "POSITIVE" rating to help it along. http://stories.xnxx.com/story/44125/Tristane_of_Eloise

Thanks!

Shall do.

[Dizzyworks673]

Bump

[hardoneforgirl]

Good story, i wonder if there will be a followup in CAW 13, because this is begging for more parts

[darthel0101]

Originally Posted by hardoneforgirl

Good story, i wonder if there will be a followup in CAW 13, because this is begging for more parts

Try Cookie for the back story

[ELaken-Palmer]

How do you pronounce Tristane?
ANSWER: triss-TAN. triss - rhymes with MISS. Triss-TAN Jen-elle.

Was it as you thought?

[wantsomefun]

Originally Posted by ELaken-Palmer

How do you pronounce Tristane?
ANSWER: triss-TAN. triss - rhymes with MISS. Triss-TAN Jen-elle.

Was it as you thought?

Yes, but only because I knew a girl in college with that name. She was from somewhere in France. God knows why she went to school here. Very cute girl, played the flute and did welded metal sculpture. She had a heavy accent, harder to understand than your character was to the ears in my eyes (). That was the way she pronounced her name.

[Dizzyworks673]

Bump

[K8Lin]

A great read. I easily visualised the characters and their mannerisms. The story flowed very well and had a good structure. As a newbie, I have not read any of the others, but will do over the next day or so.

Thanks ELP, I will always remember my first read on here!

[thatcuriousone]

You never seem to disappoint ELP.
I loved your portrait of the assorted characters you brought to life, well done capturing a french accent. I don't think many can pull that off in writing.
I missed the connection to Cookie at the beginning, but by the end, I knew it had to be her.

[darthel0101]

bump

[ahorsewithnoname]

So I'm sitting around, watching baseball, and realized I had some reading to do. Including this story. So I'm thinking okay, let's see what ole ELP has up his sleeve this time.

Heh. Color me dense. Wasn't thinking Cookie at all, because I'm not entirely up on that series. Just was reading, reading, and then

WHAM

ya' fuggin' hit me across the face with a two by four.

Outfuggingstanding! Loved everything about it.

[Dizzyworks673]

Bump

[DickDodge]

Great ELP, another masterpiece. Loved every minute of it!!!
Thanks for the compliments on "The Funeral".

[ELaken-Palmer]

Thanks horse and everyone for the way in which this story has been received. I appreciate all of your comments.
READ all of the CAW12 stories and VOTE

[Dizzyworks673]

Bump

[styxx]

A very nice piece, well drawn and painting so many vivid pictures.

Bravo!

[JadeM]

Simply AMAZING. I ended up commenting on the stories part of the site... sorry.

Simply a wonderful story. I definitely felt for the Doctor and the plight of the poor young girl. It was very emotional and you almost made me cry! When she asked for a cookie at the end that was what almost pulled it off. Lovely story and I have always enjoyed you work.

Thank you for it!

[ELaken-Palmer]

Thanks JadeM. And thanks for your attention to all the CAW12 stories.

[Emme_]

Good story but I'm just missing this Cookie connection. I can tell this will require further reading.

[darthel0101]

for those missing the Cookie connection, please see the following thread: Cookie

[Dizzyworks673]

Bump