How to address gay people in public

[pricklydick]

Okay so today I was hanging with my gay friend and he decided to bring over his other gay Army friend. Well we were all sitting around and chatting and having a nice conversation, and I decided to call the dog over to pet. I said, "Peanut, come here, you little faggot" and the awkwardness got horrible. I did that once at work to my lesbian coworker too... I said something along the lines of "that's gay" and it got really weird. So what would you guys do in these situations?

[coloradoblueyes]

I call them queer. After all, that is what they are.

[ThunderedEchoes]

Just call them gay.

[pricklydick]

So just be like...."hey, gay guy, git over here"?

[wantsomefun]

Originally Posted by pricklydick

Okay so today I was hanging with my gay friend and he decided to bring over his other gay Army friend. Well we were all sitting around and chatting and having a nice conversation, and I decided to call the dog over to pet. I said, "Peanut, come here, you little faggot" and the awkwardness got horrible. I did that once at work to my lesbian coworker too... I said something along the lines of "that's gay" and it got really weird. So what would you guys do in these situations?

Seriously? Make sure the brain is up to running temperature before engaging your mouth.

If these guys are your buddies, wait until you haven't said something dumb, and then ask them what words they prefer, and which ones make them uncomfortable. I've had this discussion with a few gay men I've come to know, and they seem to appreciate the respect.

You know how black guys will sometimes refer to each other as niggers or niggas? That's okay for them, but they don't appreciate some white guy calling them that. It's the same thing for homosexuals, both male and female. So show some respect, and learn what's appropriate.

I find myself wondering how often one's sexuality has to come up in conversation. These guys know you're straight, you know they're gay, so why to you have to re-hash it?

[baller16]

So you called your dog a little faggot?

Why exactly?

[pricklydick]

Originally Posted by baller16

So you called your dog a little faggot?

Why exactly?

Well she humped their legs when they first came to the door, so I thought it was a pretty good nickname.

[Oweena]

You know they are gay. They know they are gay so why even bring up the subject.


If they are friends of yours then treat them like friends why embarrass them with stupid remarks?


I have many gay and lesbian friends and they subject of gay very seldom comes up unless they are talking about some guy or gal they made love to.

[WhiteBoyfriend]

The only real solution is for gay people and straight people to accept that faggot isn't about gay people anymore. I mean, I get that it started out that way, but it's used way more often as having nothing to do with gay people now.

Prepare for comments telling me I'm ignorant, I'm sure.

[TheGuy669]

Originally Posted by WhiteBoyfriend

The only real solution is for gay people and straight people to accept that faggot isn't about gay people anymore. I mean, I get that it started out that way, but it's used way more often as having nothing to do with gay people now.

Prepare for comments telling me I'm ignorant, I'm sure.

Exactly! According to South Park, faggot or fag means "obnoxious biker"

[WhiteBoyfriend]

Originally Posted by TheGuy669

Exactly! According to South Park, faggot or fag means "obnoxious biker"

See? And Louis CK did it before that.

[coloradoblueyes]

South park? Really? That's your reference? lol

[TheGuy669]

Yes, that's my reference. It was the first thing that popped into my mind after that other guys said Faggot isn't gay people anymore

You surely don't think I was being serious?

[coloradoblueyes]

No, I don't. I just thought it was funny.

[baller16]

Originally Posted by WhiteBoyfriend

The only real solution is for gay people and straight people to accept that faggot isn't about gay people anymore. I mean, I get that it started out that way, but it's used way more often as having nothing to do with gay people now.

Prepare for comments telling me I'm ignorant, I'm sure.

People I'm sure will label me ignorant as well but I haven't heard faggot used as a homosexual slur in I'd say at least 5 years, probably more.

I take a lot of shit from these losers here because I only spell it with one "g" on purpose to differentiate between calling somebody a homosexual and using it the way I've used it all my life.

The way I see things is that every single offensive insult (minus racial ones) should be ONLY used as what they mean when people use them these days. Retard should mean stupid. Fagot should mean weak, waify, etc.. and so on and so forth.

[WhiteBoyfriend]

Originally Posted by baller16

People I'm sure will label me ignorant as well but I haven't heard faggot used as a homosexual slur in I'd say at least 5 years, probably more.

I take a lot of shit from these losers here because I only spell it with one "g" on purpose to differentiate between calling somebody a homosexual and using it the way I've used it all my life.

The way I see things is that every single offensive insult (minus racial ones) should be ONLY used as what they mean when people use them these days. Retard should mean stupid. Fagot should mean weak, waify, etc.. and so on and so forth.

It's really all part of language being ever evolving, I think.

[milltek]

Originally Posted by coloradoblueyes

I call them queer. After all, that is what they are.

lol

[fun4strangers]

dont know?????????

[baller16]

Originally Posted by WhiteBoyfriend

It's really all part of language being ever evolving, I think.

Exactly, plus they're not defining words. They're insults. People need to take a look at where those words came from and at the type of people who still use them in that way.

Now don't get me wrong. I'm sure the reason fagot (I don't think I've ever used the word "fag" in my life) is used the way it is now is because of negative connotations towards homosexuals, and because of things like the way homosexuals are viewed as weak and other things, but that's not how it is used in certain places and everybody and their mother has copied things from those places at this point.

What really annoys me is how hypocritical some people are. The same people who bitch whenever the word "fagot" is used, will use the word "retard" regularly or not have a problem with others using it at all, because they only care about THEIR perceived persecution, not about anybody else's persecution.

[Snoochies]

Seriously?!

Ok, first off, to the OP... it's simple. Just don't use words like that. I have gay friends as well and NEVER use the terms fag, faggot, dyke, that's gay, etc. It's not that hard not to use those terms.

For those defending the use because it's "not a slur anymore"... COME ON! It's not a matter of how YOU perceive the word. It's a matter of how the group who is addressed by it perceives it. Many people think the word "nigger" is acceptable these days. A majority of those being black people. That still doesn't mean that I, a black woman, accept someone using it in reference to me. Be they black, white, green, or purple. I do not tolerate someone using that word around me. I don't care who they think they are or what they think it means in today's world, I still perceive it as a negative word and choose not to spend my time with people who think it's ok to drop that word into conversation.

Just remember that while a word might be acceptable in one circle of friends doesn't mean it's acceptable to everyone. And it's a bad habit to be in using phrases like that. Cause if you ever have a gay boss, or a boss with a gay son, need a favor from someone who is gay or has someone close to them who is, it could really come back to bite you in the ass.

[Snoochies]

Originally Posted by pricklydick

Well she humped their legs when they first came to the door, so I thought it was a pretty good nickname.

So the dog's a chick and humped a guy's leg and you called her a faggot? ummmm...

[baller16]

Originally Posted by Snoochies

Seriously?!

Ok, first off, to the OP... it's simple. Just don't use words like that. I have gay friends as well and NEVER use the terms fag, faggot, dyke, that's gay, etc. It's not that hard not to use those terms.

For those defending the use because it's "not a slur anymore"... COME ON! It's not a matter of how YOU perceive the word. It's a matter of how the group who is addressed by it perceives it. Many people think the word "nigger" is acceptable these days. A majority of those being black people. That still doesn't mean that I, a black woman, accept someone using it in reference to me. Be they black, white, green, or purple. I do not tolerate someone using that word around me. I don't care who they think they are or what they think it means in today's world, I still perceive it as a negative word and choose not to spend my time with people who think it's ok to drop that word into conversation.

Just remember that while a word might be acceptable in one circle of friends doesn't mean it's acceptable to everyone. And it's a bad habit to be in using phrases like that. Cause if you ever have a gay boss, or a boss with a gay son, need a favor from someone who is gay or has someone close to them who is, it could really come back to bite you in the ass.

I would never in my life use the word retard towards a special needs person (I'm a supporter of the Ban the R Word movement), fagot towards a homosexual.. and I sure as shit wouldn't use any racist term at all in the first place. Continuing to claim them as slurs is furthering prejudice and furthering making those words define something they shouldn't define. Why do they need labels in the first place?

Racial terms can't ever be anything but what they are. Words like fagot though... completely different. The only time I ever use fagot or even faggy is when speaking to a lowly, weak, girly male. It's based on things weak men say and do, how they are. It describes any action or characteristic that is beneath a man. It has nothing to do with homosexuality.

As for dyke, the only time I've ever used that word is when saying bulldyke.

Originally Posted by Snoochies

So the dog's a chick and humped a guy's leg and you called her a faggot? ummmm...

That one didn't make too much sense to me either.

[oldiegoody]

A few months ago I did some research work for the local AIDS group. The guy I was working for has a female roommate and also is gay. I asked him if he was bisexual and he responded he would like to be referred to as MSM which is replacing all the other labels. It simply means a man who sleeps with men. My daughter who has worked with HIV/AIDS clients for years says thats the acceptable term these days. I assume WSW is also acceptable.

Hope this helps.

[Snoochies]

Originally Posted by baller16

Racial terms can't ever be anything but what they are. Words like fagot though... completely different. The only time I ever use fagot or even faggy is when speaking to a lowly, weak, girly male. It's based on things weak men say and do, how they are. It describes any action or characteristic that is beneath a man. It has nothing to do with homosexuality.

I disagree completely. These days racial slurs are frowned upon by MOST of the general public. But 60, 50, 40 years ago, those words were thrown around just as you throw around "faggot" or "that's gay". It's still taking a word that defines a group of people and implying that it has negative connotations. You saying a straight man is "faggy" is your way of saying he's not a man at all. That implies that gay men aren't men either. Or, at the very least, that they aren't the same caliber of men as the general population.

I challenge you to look at the civil rights movement and see a few things. 1) before things changed, saying something was a negro store, a negro way, a negro thing to do was considered a way to put something down. To call it stupid, idiotic, sub-par, etc. But now that they've changed, it would be passe to say "he talks like a nigger". 2) it was only through WHITE people stepping up and speaking out against the injustices that the civil rights movement made any progress. Hearing their "own kind" speak out against what they were doing is what made most of the segregationists question their behavior. 3) if 60 years ago, it was acceptable to throw around nigger, jiggaboo, etc. but it's so frowned upon today; maybe you need to think about what our population will think of us 60 years from now and how it was acceptable to say something was "gay" or "faggy".

When in doubt, pick something that describes you well and replace "fag", "nigger", "retard", etc with that word. Ball-player, for instance. How would you feel if one day you were walking down the road and some guy was being verbally bashed by his girl. Right there in public she's screaming about how pathetic he is, what a bad lay he is, he's got a small dick. And finally, she spits with venom "You're such a baller! I can't believe I ever dated you!" You'd be a little insulted that she equated ball playing with pathetic, pencil dicked, losers, wouldn't you?

[catrina604]

I call them by their name

[pricklydick]

Well it's hard to. We don't have lights (missed the bill deadline) so at the moment you have to go by sound, and all my gay friends sound the same.

[Invercio]

Originally Posted by pricklydick

So just be like...."hey, gay guy, git over here"?

How about "hey guy, git over here"?

[wantsomefun]

Originally Posted by pricklydick

Well it's hard to. We don't have lights (missed the bill deadline) so at the moment you have to go by sound, and all my gay friends sound the same.

OK, well, at least now we know what the OP is doing.

Sheeesh. Some people.

[baller16]

Originally Posted by Snoochies

I disagree completely. These days racial slurs are frowned upon by MOST of the general public. But 60, 50, 40 years ago, those words were thrown around just as you throw around "faggot" or "that's gay". It's still taking a word that defines a group of people and implying that it has negative connotations. You saying a straight man is "faggy" is your way of saying he's not a man at all. That implies that gay men aren't men either. Or, at the very least, that they aren't the same caliber of men as the general population.

I challenge you to look at the civil rights movement and see a few things. 1) before things changed, saying something was a negro store, a negro way, a negro thing to do was considered a way to put something down. To call it stupid, idiotic, sub-par, etc. But now that they've changed, it would be passe to say "he talks like a nigger". 2) it was only through WHITE people stepping up and speaking out against the injustices that the civil rights movement made any progress. Hearing their "own kind" speak out against what they were doing is what made most of the segregationists question their behavior. 3) if 60 years ago, it was acceptable to throw around nigger, jiggaboo, etc. but it's so frowned upon today; maybe you need to think about what our population will think of us 60 years from now and how it was acceptable to say something was "gay" or "faggy".

When in doubt, pick something that describes you well and replace "fag", "nigger", "retard", etc with that word. Ball-player, for instance. How would you feel if one day you were walking down the road and some guy was being verbally bashed by his girl. Right there in public she's screaming about how pathetic he is, what a bad lay he is, he's got a small dick. And finally, she spits with venom "You're such a baller! I can't believe I ever dated you!" You'd be a little insulted that she equated ball playing with pathetic, pencil dicked, losers, wouldn't you?

They're two completely different situations. Racial slurs can't ever mean anything else. They are specifically tied to race. Words like fagot, retard, etc.. they're slurs but they describe things that can be attributed to the general population. And no.. when I use it, it's a general term for people who are beneath a man. When somebody is a weasel, when somebody does some pathetic shit, when somebody is anything but a man... I call him a fagot to say he's beneath me, beneath what a man is. I didn't even know it meant a homosexual until I was at least 13 or 14, and I and everybody else I knew had been using it to mean something else since we were younger than 10 even. If it weren't for people in the South and elsewhere who say shit like "God hates fags" and other anti-homosexual slurs, it probably wouldn't be seen the same way by anybody today.


Again, two completely different situations. We live in a much more open-minded society for the most part. Homosexuals are widely accepted and only given shit by a minority of people. There are no financial or other factors holding homosexuals down, nor have there ever been. All there has ever been is prejudice because homosexuality is nothing more than a sexual orientation. The reason saying words like nigger and every other racial slur towards races who still get the short end of the stick isn't okay is because those words and the attitude behind them are responsible for the predicament many of them are still in, one homosexuals will never find themselves in.

But faggot is a slur. It's not the same as gay or homosexual. It'd be more accurate if there was a negative term for a ballplayer and that was used.

As for the word retard... well it was never the correct term to use in the first place, and the reason it is much worse to call a special needs person a retard than it is to call a homosexual a faggot is because special needs people actually do live pretty shit lives because of their handicaps.

[Snoochies]

Originally Posted by baller16

They're two completely different situations. Racial slurs can't ever mean anything else. They are specifically tied to race. Words like fagot, retard, etc.. they're slurs but they describe things that can be attributed to the general population. And no.. when I use it, it's a general term for people who are beneath a man. When somebody is a weasel, when somebody does some pathetic shit, when somebody is anything but a man... I call him a fagot to say he's beneath me, beneath what a man is. I didn't even know it meant a homosexual until I was at least 13 or 14, and I and everybody else I knew had been using it to mean something else since we were younger than 10 even. If it weren't for people in the South and elsewhere who say shit like "God hates fags" and other anti-homosexual slurs, it probably wouldn't be seen the same way by anybody today.


Again, two completely different situations. We live in a much more open-minded society for the most part. Homosexuals are widely accepted and only given shit by a minority of people. There are no financial or other factors holding homosexuals down, nor have there ever been. All there has ever been is prejudice because homosexuality is nothing more than a sexual orientation. The reason saying words like nigger and every other racial slur towards races who still get the short end of the stick isn't okay is because those words and the attitude behind them are responsible for the predicament many of them are still in, one homosexuals will never find themselves in.

But faggot is a slur. It's not the same as gay or homosexual. It'd be more accurate if there was a negative term for a ballplayer and that was used.

As for the word retard... well it was never the correct term to use in the first place, and the reason it is much worse to call a special needs person a retard than it is to call a homosexual a faggot is because special needs people actually do live pretty shit lives because of their handicaps.

Just because you didn't know it was derogatory toward gays doesn't mean it isn't. lol. Ignorance is not an excuse.

As for the part in bold.. a LOT of what the gay community faces today are the same things that minorities used to face. Slaves couldn't get married back in the day. Hence the "jumping the broom" ceremony. A lot of people say "what's the big deal? why do they want/need to get married?" Well, here's the big deal. If you're gay and end up in the ER, your partner doesn't have the legal right to visit you because they're not "family". Gay couples are often denied rights to employment benefits like health care, can't be named on life insurance policies, etc. These are basic human rights that most of the western world takes for granted but gay couples aren't permitted. They're not legally obligated to get these things.

And just as minorities were beaten, bludgeoned, spat on, and run out of towns, those things still happen today. So yes, it IS in fact a predicament they find themselves in today. They are still denied privileges and rights that the common westerner doesn't even think twice about. And negative connotations don't do anything to help bury the hate and fear that keeps them down.

[Obscene Cupcake]

Originally Posted by pricklydick

Okay so today I was hanging with my gay friend and he decided to bring over his other gay Army friend. Well we were all sitting around and chatting and having a nice conversation, and I decided to call the dog over to pet. I said, "Peanut, come here, you little faggot" and the awkwardness got horrible. I did that once at work to my lesbian coworker too... I said something along the lines of "that's gay" and it got really weird. So what would you guys do in these situations?

i generally don't call anyone or anything faggot, cause to me it just feels disrepectful. the same way with the word nigger. but *shrugs* if i grew up around people that used it as an everyday word then i would continue to say it in front of gay peeps. but then again, if i didn't know the person, and didn't know how they would respond to those words, i might hold my tongue out fo respect. it depends on the air i get from the person.

lots of gay peeps are only offending if you use it in an offending context.

there are also gay peeps that positively hate that word, and get mad at their fellow gays that use it.



here's some advice that might help you: just try not to say the word faggot in front of gay peeps, if you don't know how they will respond. that's only respectful.


as for the word gay IT MEANS FREAKISHLY FLUFFISHLY HAPPY BITCHES. when soemthing is gay it is FREAKISHLY HAPPY. i wil continue to use that word, despite idiotic commercials that try to force me to talk in a certain way. PICK UP A FUCKIN' DICTIONARY- READ A FUCKIN BOOK *crazed eyes*
v-v this is kinda a sore point with me.

[Obscene Cupcake]

>.< for me, the only people i hear use the word faggot are mostly gay peeps. or in gay erotica. it always makes me wince when i hear a straight person say it.

[baller16]

Originally Posted by Snoochies

Just because you didn't know it was derogatory toward gays doesn't mean it isn't. lol. Ignorance is not an excuse.

As for the part in bold.. a LOT of what the gay community faces today are the same things that minorities used to face. Slaves couldn't get married back in the day. Hence the "jumping the broom" ceremony. A lot of people say "what's the big deal? why do they want/need to get married?" Well, here's the big deal. If you're gay and end up in the ER, your partner doesn't have the legal right to visit you because they're not "family". Gay couples are often denied rights to employment benefits like health care, can't be named on life insurance policies, etc. These are basic human rights that most of the western world takes for granted but gay couples aren't permitted. They're not legally obligated to get these things.

And just as minorities were beaten, bludgeoned, spat on, and run out of towns, those things still happen today. So yes, it IS in fact a predicament they find themselves in today. They are still denied privileges and rights that the common westerner doesn't even think twice about. And negative connotations don't do anything to help bury the hate and fear that keeps them down.

I didn't say I'm currently ignorant. I said that nobody I have known in my life uses it as anything other than what I use it as and that because of that, I didn't know it was supposed to mean homosexual until I was a teenager. It's not the same as it was.

My Irish ancestors had similar treatment but you don't see me trying to act like being Irish was ever as bad as being a minority. Homosexuals are discriminated based on their sexual orientation, something that isn't painted on their skin or permanently tattooed on their forehead. True, there needs to be some major rights given to them but the fact is that it's not the same level of discrimination, and they weren't forced over here because of being homosexuals nor did they come here as immigrants with nothing because of being homosexual.

Words like faggot aren't the same as a word such as nigger because the word nigger specifically means a disparaging way to describe people who are "black". Hell, faggot originally meant a disparaging word for a woman or a child.

I fucking hate The Straight Dope (mostly because of the name) but this is a pretty good article about it: http://www.straightdope.com/columns/...ale-homosexual

[1159022]

Originally Posted by pricklydick

Okay so today I was hanging with my gay friend and he decided to bring over his other gay Army friend. Well we were all sitting around and chatting and having a nice conversation, and I decided to call the dog over to pet. I said, "Peanut, come here, you little faggot" and the awkwardness got horrible. I did that once at work to my lesbian coworker too... I said something along the lines of "that's gay" and it got really weird. So what would you guys do in these situations?

[pricklydick]

yes please thank you

[Rothko]

Cant understand what the problem is and why there should be any need to adress someone by reference to their sexuality. Using derogatory terms to address someone just doesnt seem like a good idea. If you are black you would not want to be addresed with reference to the colour of your skin and particularly not if the teminolgy used was offensive. Just speak normally, the term gay is perfectably acceptable in the course of conversation eg "Oh ! I had no idea Mathew was gay" Terms such as Lesbo or Fag would be considered offensice and demeaning unless of course you now the people really well and it is used in jest or ironically

[Mr.K Skins]

You nicknamed your dog little faggot? That's gay.

[pricklydick]

Look niggas all I'm looking for is an answer to how you would respond if you were in my shoes and this happened, not about the feelings of others, because those are gay.

[Themilkman001]

Originally Posted by pricklydick

So just be like...."hey, gay guy, git over here"?

Pretty sure they have a name.

Just because they are gay doesn't mean that you need to refer to them any different

[Snoochies]

Originally Posted by pricklydick

Look niggas all I'm looking for is an answer to how you would respond if you were in my shoes and this happened, not about the feelings of others, because those are gay.

Guess the point is most of us have enough tact, couth, respect, and common decency NOT to find ourselves in those situations to begin with.

Best of luck to ya.

[WhiteBoyfriend]

I mean, my views on the word "fag" don't really matter.

See when gay people come out of their closet, they keep all those names on their birth certificate. As for asking a question about being gay to gay people, call them gay? They know they're gay. It's not much of a secret to them.

[narcissus1985]

Originally Posted by pricklydick

Look niggas all I'm looking for is an answer to how you would respond if you were in my shoes and this happened, not about the feelings of others, because those are gay.

LOL the feelings of others are gay...

that's not very considerate and respectful of other people, if only everybody took into consideration other peoples feelings there would be so much less wrong in this world...

[pricklydick]

Well yeah, I do take into consideration of their feelings. That's why I made this thread; so I can take into consideration the gay feelings they have.

[oldvet61]

You mentioned that they are your friends, then talk to them like any friend, do you have special names for your other friends.
I am a disabled combat vet, you gonna call me crip, or limpy, or gimp, I don't think so.

[shyguyy2]

Just treat them like everyone else. If you treat everyone the way you treat your dog you need some help. BTW Treat your dog better too.

[axsiter]

You are an idiot! So why even ask such a question?

[Goldicocks]

I wish there was a way to "like" and "dislike" threads. Or flag it as trolling somehow...

[bongzilla]

Originally Posted by axsiter

You are an idiot! So why even ask such a question?

big time stupid ass

[gooch359]

Originally Posted by Oweena

If they are friends of yours then treat them like friends why embarrass them with stupid remarks?

I thought that what your meant to do to your mates, its called banter.

[wrench24a]

Try calling them by their NAME!