Limericks

[freethinker]

Well, we got Naughty Nursery Rhymes and Haikus, maybe we shoud try Limericks...you know, those little poems where the first two lines rhyme with each other, then the next two lines rhyme, then the last line rhymes with the first two. I'm sure we've all seen a version about the girl from Nantucket:

There once was a girl from Nantucket.
Her boyfriend was about to up-chuck it.
She said with a grin,
"Wipe that cum from your chin.
I told you it's my job to suck it!"

Ah, well, not the best example perhaps, but the first I came across.

Here's one to start us off:

There was an old man named Tucker
Whose wife said he never would fuck her
Despite all her urgin'
She was always a virgin
Because he was strictly a cock sucker.

[nopanties]

I just met a boy on the isle
who flashed me his best "fuck me" smile
so i pulled down my skirt
and i gave him a squirt
and now i'm first on his speed-dial!

[Stimson]

There once was a man from Kent
whose dick was so long that it bent
to save himself trouble
he folded it double
so instead of cumming, he went!

not mine unfortunately (the limerick or the dick :P )

[nopanties]

I once let a girl eat my cunt out
By the time she was done I had no doubt
That when given a choice
'Tween the girls or the boys
I would let either one make my juice spout!

[freethinker]

Years ago, in the days of my youth
I was fingering a snatch in a booth
At the local drive in
As I went to dive in
I hit the table and chipped a front tooth.

[joe blobb]

Women you've got to adore 'em
Sometimes you're tempted to score 'em
But nothings so good
As the sight of her hood
Spread out for us all on the forum

[freethinker]

The sun is up, the day has broke
Been thinking of you since I awoke
Got a raging piece of morning wood
Been lying here and stroking it good
Getting closer to cumming with every stroke.

[nopanties]

Put your morning wood in me
I'd love to climb your big hard tree
Know just how I'd make you come
I'd wiggle fingers up your bum
Hope the camera's ready- what a sexy sight to see!

[freethinker]

Would love to plant my cock in the woman above
And give her a dose of my sweet sticky love
Grind my cock inside her twat
Fill her mouth with what I've got
Then enter her ass with a gentle shove.

[nopanties]

Twat is wet and ass is waiting
Just ask all the guys I'm dating
Grind, fill, shove, but don't be gentle
A manly man is instrumental
To make my grin illuminating

[freethinker]

I ram my cock into her ass
And stretch her sphincter hard and fast
And as I release my cum
Deep inside her gorgeous bum
I make her mine, this sweet young lass.

[freethinker]

Fresh from her ass, so slick and wet
Straight to her lips, she's not done yet
I make her give my cock a cleaning
And fuck her mouth 'til it is gleaming
So thankful for the day we met.

[SkoolGirl]

There was a young lady from Dallas
Who used a stick of dynamite for a phallus
Well, they found her Virgina in South Carolina
And part of her anus in New Jersey

Dam..I can never remember that last word..

[nopanties]

There once was a guy on the forum
Who always used proper decorum
He'd stroke on his cock
Make it hard as a rock
So nopanties could come and ride on him!

[nopanties]

Originally Posted by SkoolGirl

There was a young lady from Dallas
Who used a stick of dynamite for a phallus
Well, they found her Virgina in South Carolina
And part of her anus in New Jersey

Dam..I can never remember that last word..

LOL! (So THAT'S why Jersey smells so bad!) Mind if I help out with the rhymes a bit??

There was a young lady from Dallas
Who used dynamite as a phallus
But she let out a fart
And her ass blew apart
And that was the end of poor Alice.

[joe blobb]

No panties was quick with a rhyme
Not that it counts as some crime
With this little verse
I'd love to rehearse
My lines with her time after time.

[freethinker]

There was a young lady named Alice
Who cheered for the Cowboys from Dallas
The Redskin fans still like her
'Cause she lets them spike her
With her mouth, ass and cunt full of phallus.

[joe blobb]

Originally Posted by freethinker

There was a young lady named Alice
Who cheered for the Cowboys from Dallas
The Redskin fans still like her
'Cause she lets them spike her
With her mouth, ass and cunt full of phallus.

O.K I'll add a variation

There was a young lady named Alice
Who cheered for the Cowboys from Dallas
Her tits sang like Bing
Her arse like the King
And her snatch like Maria Callas.

[nopanties]

Football I am not a fan of
I’d rather my man would just make love
But he’s glued to the tube
So I get out my lube
And in goes the vibe with a shove

[freethinker]

I'd gladly forgo my favorite team
Your willing twat my cock to ream
I'd make you all antsy
And tickle your fancy
And fuck you so hard you'd cream.

[nopanties]

You just said WHAT
about my twat?
Did u forget
that we just met?
O Lord, I'm feeling horny/hot!

[nopanties]

(Inspired by the lovely “lady” with the ratty wig who is sitting across from me at the train station)
There is no finer sport known to man
Than to thrust his cock hard as he can
Up the butt of a beauty
He thinks is a cutie
Until he learns “her” name is Stan!

[freethinker]

Stan was a surprise, to be sure
His ass all sexy and demure
But who cares, 'cause I am bi
I just don't see the reason why
His ass would be less fun than yours.

[joe blobb]

Originally Posted by nopanties

You just said WHAT
about my twat?
Did u forget
that we just met?
O Lord, I'm feeling horny/hot!

No panties a poet with pride
Never a woman to hide
I decided to ask
In your glory I bask
Do you a fancy a bit on the side?

[nopanties]

Originally Posted by freethinker

Stan was a surprise, to be sure
His ass all sexy and demure
But who cares, 'cause I am bi
I just don't see the reason why
His ass would be less fun than yours.

esp. luv "sure" & demure"!


I almost called the forest ranger
Thinking my life was in danger
Instead I found the bear quite nice
He fucked me hard and I came twice
Do fantasies come any stranger?

[nopanties]

Originally Posted by joe blobb

No panties a poet with pride
Never a woman to hide
I decided to ask
In your glory I bask
Do you a fancy a bit on the side?

the word "bask" just makes me happy!
(..on THE side???? ..on ALL sides, dear!)

I knew a gent across the pond
And of his prick I grew quite fond
His prick grew too
Guess how I knew
He posted great pics of his wand

[joe blobb]

No panties complexion turns russet
Every time she allows me to fuss it
But it doesn't take long
With neither Kamis nor thong
To drench the contents of her gusset















Apologies

[nopanties]

The last time I spoke to Joe Blobb
He was eagerly rubbing his knob
He thought I might run
And he said "Please stay, Hon"
So I knelt down and did a good job.

[joe blobb]

Originally Posted by nopanties

The last time I spoke to Joe Blobb
He was eagerly rubbing his knob
He thought I might run
And he said "Please stay, Hon"
So I knelt down and did a good job.

Quality

These limericks sure take some crafting
As tricky as white water rafting
But if Nopanties was here
I'd grab hold of each ear
And give her a serious shafting.



These ditties have a sexual theme

[nopanties]

Originally Posted by joe blobb

These ditties have a sexual theme

Lets see- here’s a rhyme with no sex
(Just like those last months with my ex!)
Think I’ll talk about food
Puts me in a good mood
And I might just go out for Tex-Mex

[freethinker]

That Tex-Mex idea got me started
Thinking sex shouldn't always be imparted
So I pulled on my jeans
And had some refried beans
And blew the seat out of 'em when I farted.

[nopanties]

fart.png

Well, the restaurant, it started to smell
Seems like the bear dropped quite a shell
All the diners ran out
But the bear didn’t pout
He just ate their refried beans as well

[joe blobb]

After beans what the hell can one do?
I'm convinced I did not want to poo
But once the roar started
I thought I just farted
How could I know I'd followed through?

[nopanties]

I hope you have not had the thought
That I would be washing your shorts
I don't want to be mean
But if you want them clean
You should wash them or burn them for sport

[joe blobb]

I admit to be being a liar
I would not throw my keks on the fire
If you were my wife
With a sharp butter knife
You could scrape them, then into the drier.

[nopanties]

Originally Posted by joe blobb

I admit to be being a liar
I would not throw my keks on the fire
If you were my wife
With a sharp butter knife
You could scrape them, then into the drier.

but
almost lost my breakfast

[joe blobb]

Nopanties felt she was hurling
As the the previous rhyme was unfurling
If she's gonna chuck it
I suggest a bucket
And clogs to stop her toes curling.

[nopanties]

I’m feeling well, I’m feeling great
Another rhyme, can hardly wait
But words won’t come
I guess I’m dumb
Or else I went to bed too late

[nopanties]

Inspired by my cousin’s homemade Irish soda bread. She made it Sunday & Ive been eating it nonstop ever since:

I’m afraid that the reason is lame
Why “no panties” is my chosen name
There just isn’t a kind
I was able to find
For my six-hundred-fifty-pound frame!

[joe blobb]

Originally Posted by nopanties

Inspired by my cousin’s homemade Irish soda bread. She made it Sunday & Ive been eating it nonstop ever since:

I’m afraid that the reason is lame
Why “no panties” is my chosen name
There just isn’t a kind
I was able to find
For my six-hundred-fifty-pound frame!

Brilliant!

I have soda bread every week. makes great toast too.

at 650 lbs you're well fed
But never let it be said
Despite your great size
And huge thunder thighs
It came just from mmmm soda bread

[nopanties]

Too much bread, Too much tea
Will work it off? I guess we'll see
Ate for days
Drank with craze
Gotta go - I have to pee!

[joe blobb]

Having a pee, yes that's good
Keep it away from your hood
But don't drink to excess
And cause such a mess
By producing a terrible flood.

[nopanties]

It’s you blokes that go making a mess
Even with girls to impress
Had to scrub up my floor
With ammonia and more
From guys whose aim gives me stress

[joe blobb]

I'd do anything to make you happy
I'm just a considerate chappy
I won't need the loo
If I visit you
Cos I will be wearing a nappy.

[nopanties]

Originally Posted by joe blobb

I'd do anything to make you happy
I'm just a considerate chappy
I won't need the loo
If I visit you
Cos I will be wearing a nappy.

[good thing I spent some time over there so I know what a nappy is!]

Glad I met you on this thread
When you come, will you bring soda bread?
I'm so glad you are neat
Bet you'll lower the seat
So I don't fall in, drown, and get dead.

[joe blobb]

Not easy to rhyme diaper


How long can we keep up these rhymes

[nopanties]

Originally Posted by joe blobb

Not easy to rhyme diaper

The baby was wearing a diaper
But I still needed something to wipe her
So with one hand I'll reach
For the bottle of bleach
So this smell doesn't get any riper

[joe blobb]

Originally Posted by nopanties

The baby was wearing a diaper
But I still needed something to wipe her
So with one hand I'll reach
For the bottle of bleach
So this smell doesn't get any riper

I sit corrected

[joe blobb]

No panties was trying to diet
Soda bread, toast it or fry it
But the truth that's emergin'
Just like a virgin
Really she's is dying to try it.

[nopanties]

You know I’m not happy to diet
But my exercise plan, you should try it
I just fuck every day
Every possible way
‘Til once again all of my clothes fit