News of the Weird

[tenguy]

A search failed to bring up any threads on this zany website. So here are a few from the archives of "News of the Weird".
http://www.newsoftheweird.com/archive/



This one makes me so proud to live in Tennessee.

Tennessee State Rep. Julia Hurley apologized in July and said she would pay for the refinishing of her desk in the legislative chamber after it was revealed that she had carved her initials in it during a January session. "It was like one in the morning on the last day of the session," she told WSMV-TV. "I wasn't thinking straight." Rep. Hurley, 29, who has a daughter, 14, unseated a nine-term incumbent legislator in 2010 with a campaign that touted her time as a Hooters waitress. "If I could make it at Hooters," she wrote in the restaurant's magazine, "I could make it anywhere." [Knoxville News-Sentinel-AP, 7-12-2011]

Of course I could always move to California

California's state and local governments are rarely discussed these days without the pall of budget cuts looming, but apparently the Los Angeles County Museum of Art is safe because it is spending a reported $1.5 million to move a big rock in from Riverside, about 60 miles away. It's a 340-ton boulder that the museum intends to display above a sidewalk ("Levitated Mass"). The move will require a 200-foot-long trailer with 200 tires, with one semi-tractor pulling and one pushing, at night, maximum speed 8 mph. [KNBC-TV (Los Angeles, 6-15-2011]

But then Florida has certain appealing factors

The usual furtive restroom photographer is male, but sheriff's deputies in Plantation, Fla., arrested Rhonda Hollander, 47, in July and charged her with several misdemeanors and a felony stemming from an episode in which she allegedly followed a man inside the men's room at the West Regional Courthouse and snapped photos of him at a urinal. Hollander insisted she had violated no law, and indeed the charges against her were only for conduct after she was confronted by deputies (when she continued to take pictures as they led her away). Hollander is actually Judge Hollander, who works in the building as a traffic magistrate. [Orlando Sentinel, 7-5-2011]

[thecaptian]

I will have to look for that story of the boulder in the local paper.340 tons is one big fucking rock.


This is the Supreme Court so I don't think this would only happen here in California.

Wonder what his sentence is or would be?

In June, the California Court of Appeals threw out the three counts of possession of child pornography for which Joseph Gerber had been convicted, even though what Gerber had done was paste face shots of his own 13-year-old daughter onto ordinary pornographic photos. The U.S. Supreme Court decided in 2002 that a conviction for making "child pornography" requires actual sexual abuse. (Gerber had also been convicted of supplying the daughter with drugs and the court ordered Gerber re-sentenced.) [San Francisco Chronicle, 6-9-2011]

[Wee Hector]

Just How Bad Was Mom? In Brooklyn, N.Y., Judge Bernard Graham recently awarded custody of an estranged couple's teenage boy to the father even though the father was at the time homeless and living from night to night in shelters and storefronts. The mother, Jeannette Traylor, who earns $90,000 a year as a courthouse employee, was even denied visitation rights. (Judge Graham insisted the arrangement was in the boy's best interest, but Graham was later transferred to non-divorce cases.) [New York Post, 2-28-2011]

Just hope the judge is not now dealing with drunk-driving cases as he would probably sentence them to time in bars instead of behind them.

In January, Czech Television reported on a recent, joyous, but confusing, family reunion featuring a woman (Ilona Tomeckova) who had become a man (Dominik Sejda), and who had finally found love (in the person of Andrea Kajzarova, who was, before her own sex change, a bodybuilder named Tomas Kajzar). Dominik, motivated to reconnect with his original family, learned that the son he had given birth to (Radim) was himself undergoing a sex change (to become Viki). [Agence France-Presse, 1-4-2011]

I know a family almost as bad as this.

Apathy is a problem with many homeowners' associations, but at the annual meeting of the Hillbrook-Tall Oaks Civic Association of Annandale, Va., in June, 50 people sleepily voted for Ms. Beatha Lee as president, thus electing (in a legitimate, by-the-book process) a Wheaten terrier belonging to former association officer Mark Crawford. Crawford said that Beatha, as a manager, "delegates a lot." [Washington Post, 2-18-2011]

Heard it called many things but never 'delegating'.

I have a slight suspicion this thread is going to be with us for a very long time. Brilliant find Tenguy.

[smcaaphd]

I agree with WH, brilliant find Tenguy

Here's one that caught my eye

A suburban Chicago high school health-class instructor's technique for teaching the names of female reproductive parts caught the ire of the Illinois Family Institute religious organization in January. To some of the kids, teacher Jacqulyn Levin's "game" was nothing more than a mnemonic to facilitate memorizing the anatomy, but others told the institute that Levin's play on words was chantable, could be set to the tune of the "Hokey Pokey," and was referred to by several students as "the vagina dance." Said a complaining parent, "It is disrespectful to women and removes modesty about the reproductive parts." [Daily Herald (Arlington Heights, Ill.), 1-12-2011]

[Wee Hector]

Alex Good, 15, practicing tee shots with his high school golf team on a rainy day underneath a golf course awning, had one of his drives hit the metal pole holding the awning up, causing the ball to ricochet into his eye, resulting in likely permanent damage. Despite the fact that the pole was directly in front of the tee, inches away, Good nonetheless charged the Pumpkin Ridge Golf Club (Hillsboro, Ore.) with negligence and filed a $3 million lawsuit in January. [KATU-TV (Portland, Ore.), 1-21-2011]

Thank goodness it wasn't Tiger Woods or he would have bankrupted the whole planet.

How Not to Do a Laser Bronchoscopy: First, according to a case written up in December in the Massachusetts Medical Law Report, do not let the laser set fire to the patient's throat. More importantly, if a spark does ignite, do not use the everyday home remedy for a small flame, i.e., try to blow it out -- because blowing down the "trach" tube might actually extend the fire, as it did here. (The surgeon and hospital were not named; the lawsuit resulting from the patient's death was settled out of court.) [Massachusetts Medical Law Report, 12-27-2010]

No doubt the victim is happy to know that he is now a multi-millionaire.

The City Commission of San Antonio, Fla. (population 1,052), passed an ordinance in January restricting, to a tiny portion of town, where registered sex offenders could live. However, San Antonio has only one sex offender, and that man is exempt from the law because he already lives there. [Orlando Sentinel, 1-19-2011]

I wonder if anyone in town knows who he is.

Keep them coming!

[Wee Hector]

More gems from the real world

In November (2000), Mr. Auburn Mason, 62, was sentenced to four years in prison in England for a 1999 British Airways hijacking. He had grabbed a flight attendant, held scissors to her neck, and threatened to blow up the plane with the bomb he was holding, screaming "Take me to Gatwick (airport in London)!" At that point, the flight was 15 minutes away from its scheduled destination, which was Gatwick airport. (Minutes later, passengers disarmed Mason.) [The Express (London), 11-11-00]

Inmate Johnathan Pinney, 26, petitioned U.S. District Court in Chicago in July, demanding that state and federal officials stop arresting him (because he did nothing illegal, he wrote, despite his current four-year sentence for aggravated battery on a police officer). Pinney helpfully suggested a way for the federal government to compensate him for all the grief it has caused him: The government should give him $50 billion "restitution" and award him uninhabited land so that he can start his own country, with sovereign and diplomatic immunity. WBBM Radio noted that Pinney appeared to solicit romance on his MySpace page by writing that he "hopes to get into a committed relationship with a woman, but wouldn't mind if it meant 'leaving this world and marrying an alien with similar attonomy (sic) and genetics.'" [WBBM Radio, 7-21-2011]

[JayneyRedd]

Good find, Tenguy!

That's put a Sunday morning smile on my face, thank you!

[anotheruser1]

I somehow missed this thread when it was first posted, but glad i found it. It is a change from the usual political bullshit. Very interesting and unusual stuff. Keep it coming .

[tenguy]

Here's a new one from NOTW:

Names in the News (For Immature Readers Only, Please!) Arrested (again) for prostitution (this time, Columbus, Ga., April; previously in News of the Weird, in Tampa, Fla., 2009), Ms. Suk Kim Ho, 46. Charged with conspiracy to commit child molestation (Woodstock, Ga., June), Mr. Patrick Molesti, 58. Arrested for lewdness for allegedly exposing himself (Howe Township, Pa., June), Mr. Handy H. Wood, 35 (not to be confused with the man arrested in Columbia, Mo., in July, on suspicion of the same thing, Mr. Willy Wood, 54). Charged with DUI in a crash into a library (Buffalo, N.Y., July), Mr. Jack Goff, 47.

[justpassingthru]

Frances Ragusa, 75, was back in court in Brooklyn, N.Y., in June claiming child support she said was never paid by husband Philip Ragusa, 77, in their divorce settlement of 33 years ago. (The "children," of course, long ago became adults, but the $14,000 judgment has grown, with interest, to about $100,000.) Frances told the New York Post in July that she called Philip several months earlier to discuss the amount but that Philip merely began to cry. "Don't let this case go to trial," she recalled telling him. "(I)f you think I'm going to forget it, Phil, you're stuck on stupid."
--------------------------------------------------------------

Do you think that this is a case of "over my dead body" , lol ?

I like her already just because she uses the "stuck on stupid" phrase .

A Southampton (England) University researcher told an academic conference in Stockholm in July that his work, demonstrating that women who stop smoking even after becoming pregnant will have healthier babies, is important because he found that pregnant women rationalize continued smoking, in part to have smaller babies that will be less uncomfortable to deliver.

Could you imagine thinking that way ?

[richief]

The world is safe from this criminal.

Least Competent Criminal Recurring Theme: Another "negative cash-flow" robbery occurred in February, in Kansas City, Mo., as an unidentified man tried to distract the clerk at a gun store by laying $40 on the counter to buy a box of bullets, then pulling a gun and demanding all the store's money. The clerk thwarted the robbery by pulling his own gun (not surprisingly, since it was a gun store) and scaring the robber off -- while the $40 remained on the counter. [KMBC-TV (Kansas City), 2-19-2011]

[justpassingthru]

Speaking of criminals .............. how fucked do you need to be in order to have a law named for you ?????

Alan Patton, 59, of Dublin, Ohio, was arrested again in November -- this time under the state's newly passed "Alan Patton" law (inspired by his earlier arrest) for hanging around men's rooms to collect (and then consume) fresh urine from young boys. Earlier laws afforded insufficient punishment, legislators had said, leading to the new law. Explained one detective, after Patton's 2006 arrest, "Listening to him describe (his fetish), it's like listening to a crack or cocaine addict. He's addicted to children's urine."

[Lioness]

[QUOTE=tenguy;4338651]But then Florida has certain appealing factors

The usual furtive restroom photographer is male, but sheriff's deputies in Plantation, Fla., arrested Rhonda Hollander, 47, in July and charged her with several misdemeanors and a felony stemming from an episode in which she allegedly followed a man inside the men's room at the West Regional Courthouse and snapped photos of him at a urinal. Hollander insisted she had violated no law, and indeed the charges against her were only for conduct after she was confronted by deputies (when she continued to take pictures as they led her away). Hollander is actually Judge Hollander, who works in the building as a traffic magistrate. [Orlando Sentinel, 7-5-2011]

She should've just looked on our Real Men Thread if she wanted to see nice cocks!

[Wee Hector]

The Texas insanity-defense law requires that a delusional person acting under "orders" from God be judged not guilty by reason of insanity, but that a delusional person acting under "orders" from Satan be considered sane, according to prominent forensic psychiatrist Park Dietz (according to a June USA Today story). Thus, Dietz believed that Andrea Yates (at press time being retried in Houston) knew that drowning her kids upon command of someone "without moral authority" (such as Satan) was wrong and thus that she did not qualify for insanity-law protection. Dietz later concluded the opposite in another Texas child-killing case because God had supposedly assured that mother that her kids would be better off dead. [USA Today, 6-20-06]

The courts of Madison County, Ill. (near St. Louis), have a reputation in the legal community as friendly to plaintiffs who sue companies, and thus attorneys are eager to find lawsuits to file there. (Rhonda Nichols' lawsuit against Lowe's, above, is an example.) In 2002, lawyer Emert Wyss conceived a Madison County lawsuit on behalf of a client against a mortgage company for collecting what he thought were bogus fees on real estate transactions. Wyss' litigation stimulus (he received a referral fee and was part of the lawsuit) proved too clever: The litigation team strategically added a local title company as co-defendant, only to discover that the title company is owned by Emert Wyss. Thus, in a rush to litigate in Madison County, Wyss had actually sparked a lawsuit against himself. (He eventually withdrew from the team.) [Madison County Record, 3-8-05]

Parents of the 450 pupils (aged 3 to 11) at Applecroft primary school in Welwyn Garden City, England, were given individualized yearbooks recently with all the children's faces obscured by black bars over the eyes (except for photos of the recipient's own children, which had no obstructions). The precautions (described by one parent as "creepy," like kids were "prisoner(s)") were ordered by headmistress Vicky Parsley, who feared that clear photos of children would inevitably wind up in child pornography. Last year, Parsley famously prohibited parents from taking photographs during school plays -- of their kids or any others -- for the same fear. [Daily Mail, 11-27-10]

Keep them coming!

[tenguy]

What are little boys for?

Berjuan Toys is already selling its Breast Milk Baby online ($70) and expects to have it in stores later this year. The doll works by the child-"mother" donning a halter top with flowers positioned as nipples, and when the baby comes into contact with the a flower, sensors mimic sucking sounds. Although dolls that demonstrate toileting functions are already on the market, breastfeeding activists are more enthusiastic about this one, hopeful that girls' comfort with breastfeeding will result in decreased bottle-feeding later on. (Opponents have denounced the doll as forcing girls to "grow up" too soon and with choices too complicated for their age, which according to the manufacturer is as young as 3.) [Forbes.com, 7-13- 201; USA Today, 7-25-2011]

[Wee Hector]

Thanh Nhat Le, 51, was arrested in Dorchester, Mass., in April, when he tried to cash a check he wrote to himself for $7,550 on his account at a Sovereign Bank. He had opened the account two weeks earlier, handing over $171 in small bills. He was certain that he had plenty of money in his account, though, because in the interim, he had also mailed the bank three checks for deposit: one for $250,000, one for $2 million, and one for $4 billion. [Boston Herald, 4-7-05]

In Springfield, Mass., in April, Thomas P. Budnick became the most recent man who was convicted at a trial in which he had persuaded the judge to let him act as his own lawyer, to then argue with a straight face on appeal that his conviction should be overturned because his trial lawyer was incompetent. (The decision is pending.) [Newsday-AP, 4-6-05]

You're never better served than by yourself.

John Theodore Anderson (also known, in his court filings, as "John-Theodore:Anderson) filed a lawsuit in August against an Alpine, Utah, attorney who had acquired land from a man who Anderson said owed him $4,000 for "consulting" work. The attorney, and the previous owner, denied Anderson's claim, provoking Anderson to file a lien on the land -- for $918 billion (a mark-up only quixotically related to the $4,000). However, by the time Anderson got around to filing the lawsuit to defend the lien, his $4,000 claim had become $38 quadrillion (38 thousand trillion dollars). [Daily Herald (Provo), 8-24-10]

Just thank God he is not a banker.

[tenguy]

A News of the Weird Classic (February 2000)

Two undercover policewomen running a prostitution sting in Dothan, Ala., in October (1999) declined to arrest a pickup-truck-driving john, around age 70, despite his three attempts to procure their services. He first offered the women the three squirrels he had just shot, but they ignored him (too much trouble to log in and store the evidence). A few minutes later, he sweetened the offer with the used refrigerator in the back of his truck, but the officers again declined (same reason). On the third trip, he finally offered cash: $6 (but no squirrels or refrigerator). The officers again declined. They later said they had resolved to arrest him if he returned, but he did not. [Columbus (Ga.) Ledger-Enquirer-AP, 10-23-99, 10-27-99]

The elegant, expansive, gleaming new glass-and-concrete indoor stairway at the Common Pleas Courthouse in Columbus, Ohio, opened recently, to mostly rave reviews for its sense of space and light, creating the feeling of walking suspended on air. However, as Judge Julie Lynch and other women soon discovered, the glass partitions at each step make it easy for perverts to gawk from underneath at dress-wearing women using the stairs. "(Y)ou're on notice," Judge Lynch warned her sister dress-wearers, "that you might want to take the elevator." [Columbus Dispatch, 6-8-2011]

[tenguy]

Government in Action!

Of the 1,500 judges who referee disputes as to whether someone qualifies for Social Security disability benefits, David Daugherty of West Virginia is the current soft-touch champion, finding for the claimant about 99 percent of the time (compared to judges' overall rate of 60 percent). As The Wall Street Journal reported in May, Daugherty decided many of the cases without hearings or with the briefest of questioning, including batches of cases brought by the same lawyer. He criticized his less lenient colleagues, who "act like it's their own damn money we're giving away." (A week after the Journal report, Judge Daugherty was placed on leave, pending an investigation.) [Wall Street Journal, 5-19-2011, 5-27-2011]

Gee, What Do We Do With All This Stimulus Money? The Omaha (Neb.) Public School system spent $130,000 of its stimulus grant recently just to buy 8,000 copies of the book "The Cultural Proficiency Journey: Moving Beyond Ethical Barriers Toward Profound School Change" -- that is, one copy for every single employee, from principals to building custodians. Alarmingly, wrote an Omaha World-Herald columnist, the book is "riddled with gobbledygook," "endless graphs," and such tedium as the "cultural proficiency continuum" and discussion of the "disequilibrium" arising "due to the struggle to disengage with past actions associated with unhealthy perspectives." [Omaha World-Herald, 7-11-2011]

Yeah, sure.

Once hired, almost no federal employee ever leaves. Turnover is so slight that, among the typical causes for workers leaving, "death by natural causes" is more likely the reason than "fired for poor job performance." According to a July USA Today report, the federal rate of termination for poor performance is less than one-fifth the private sector's, and the annual retention rate for all federal employees was 99.4 percent (and for white collar and upper-income workers, more than 99.8 percent). Government defenders said the numbers reflect excellence in initial recruitment. [USA Today, 7-20-2011]

[tenguy]

And the beat goes on!

Catch-22: NYPD officer James Seiferheld, 47, still receives his $52,365 annual disability pay despite relentless efforts of the department to fire him. He had retired in 2004 on disability, but was ordered back to work when investigators found him doing physical work inconsistent with "disability." However, Seiferheld could not return to work because he repeatedly failed drug screening (for cocaine). Meanwhile, his appeal of the disability denial went to the state Court of Appeals, which found a procedural error and ordered that Seiferheld's "disability" benefits continue (even though the city has proven both that he is physically able and a substance-abuser). [New York Post, 7-12-2011]

Unclear on the Concept:

In April, Robert Williams conscientiously completed his San Diego police officers' application, answering truthfully, he said, questions 172 (yes, he had had sexual contact with a child) and 175 (yes, he had "viewed or transacted" child pornography). Three weeks later, the police had not only rejected his application but arrested him. Williams' wife, Sunem, said the police department has "integrity" problems because "telling the truth during the hiring process brings prosecution. ..." [San Diego Union-Tribune, 5-17-2011]

[anotheruser1]

Originally Posted by tenguy

And the beat goes on!

Unclear on the Concept:

its a damn shame the pig is beating the system like that, he probably arrested people in the past for the same thing. The corruption.......i tell ya it is killing us

[LORCO]

How do I know that you're a good moose? I don't know, I don't know at all, do I? I don't know if you're a good moose, or if you just say that you are and that you're actually a bad moose!!

[stumbler]

I don't know if this qualifies as news of the weird but I thought it was a pretty weird scene at this amusement park when 15 members of Muslim Tour group ended up getting arrested when fights broke out over the amusement park not allowing some of the women to ride certain rides wearing their head scarfs.

And what I think is weird about this one is that the Muslims are screaming discrimination and prejudice when I don't think they can make that charge here.

In fact I think any thinking individual can look at rides like roller coasters and see that a head scarf, no matter what the reason, endangers both the one wearing the scarf and everyone else on the ride should the scarf get caught on something, decapitate the wearer, and the scarf and/or head get caught in the wheels, tracks, or mechanisms.

Anyway it sounded like one hell of a brawl that will make some pretty interesting blog wars I bet.

http://tpmmuckraker.talkingpointsmem..._with_musl.php

[tenguy]

Originally Posted by stumbler

I don't know if this qualifies as news of the weird but I thought it was a pretty weird scene at this amusement park when 15 members of Muslim Tour group ended up getting arrested when fights broke out over the amusement park not allowing some of the women to ride certain rides wearing their head scarfs.

And what I think is weird about this one is that the Muslims are screaming discrimination and prejudice when I don't think they can make that charge here.

In fact I think any thinking individual can look at rides like roller coasters and see that a head scarf, no matter what the reason, endangers both the one wearing the scarf and everyone else on the ride should the scarf get caught on something, decapitate the wearer, and the scarf and/or head get caught in the wheels, tracks, or mechanisms.

Anyway it sounded like one hell of a brawl that will make some pretty interesting blog wars I bet.

http://tpmmuckraker.talkingpointsmem..._with_musl.php

That might make the News of the Weird which is a website and newspaper column produced weekly by Chuck Shepherd. It used to be a regular feature in a local free newspaper, but they dropped it. I was pleased to find it again while surfing online: http://www.newsoftheweird.com/index.html

I bookmarked the site and visit it regularly for some yucks and some OMGs.

[AZRIEL]

[tenguy]

From this weeks NOTW:

Leading Economic Indicators

Augustin James Evangelista is only 4 years old, but he nevertheless has certain financial needs -- which amount to about $46,000 a month, according to the child-support request filed by his mother, "supermodel" Linda Evangelista. A Wall Street Journal reporter concluded that the figure is about right for rich kids in New York City, what with needing a driver, designer clothes, around-the-clock nannies and various personalized lessons. And soon, according to a consultant-to-the-rich interviewed in August by the Journal, Augustin James will become even more expensive, as he graduates from his exclusive preschool and enters his exclusive kindergarten. [Wall Street Journal, 8-3-2011]

The highest-paid state government employee in budget-strapped California in 2010 was among the least productive workers in the system, according to a Los Angeles Times investigation reported in July. Jeffrey Rohlfing is on the payroll as a surgeon in the state prison system (base pay: $235,740), but he has been barred from treating inmates for the last six years because supervisors believe him to be incompetent. Last year, Dr. Rohlfing earned an additional $541,000 in back pay after he successfully appealed his firing to the state's apparently easily persuaded Personnel Board. Currently, Dr. Rohlfing is assigned records-keeping duties. [Los Angeles Times, 7-13-2011]

Medical Marvels

The first published instance of a woman's nipple appearing on the sole of her foot was noted in a 2006 report in the journal Dermatology and reprised in a series of U.S. and British press reports in July 2011. The reporting physicians, led by Dr. Delio Marques Conde, acknowledged that out-of-place breast tissue, while extremely rare, has shown up before on the back, shoulder, face and thigh. The foot nipple was "well-formed," with areola and sebaceous glands. [New York Daily News, 7-19-2011, citing Dermatology, vol. 12, no. 4]

[tenguy]

Least Competent People

Police in Roseville, Mich., arrested a 24-year-old roofer in August and charged him with reckless driving after he hit four cars. He had noticed that his brakes had failed but unadvisedly tried to drive on, anyway, by extending his left leg out the driver's side door and braking "manually" (yes, as in "The Flintstones"). According to police, the man was completely sober. [Detroit Free Press, 8-18-2011]

In Durango, Colo., Sean Ogden, 19, was seriously burned in July when he tried to break down fireworks he had purchased in order to build even bigger ones. He was mixing them in a coffee-bean grinder. [Denver Post-AP, 7-7-2011]

[Wee Hector]

Just checked out the Pro version of NOTW which gives you direct links to newsaper and TV websites. Some really great stuff here.

This one really made me laugh:

Because of an outbreak of equine herpes in Farmington, Utah, all the show horses had to stay home this year, and the Davis County Sheriff's Mounted Posse Junior Queen Contest made the entrants ride stick ponies through their paces. (Video must be seen to be appreciated.) KSL-TV (Salt Lake City)

[Wee Hector]

Update: Change of plans, said Donna Simpson, who no longer wants to be the fattest cow in the Guinness Book and make PPV money from customers watching her eat. Now, time for a diet. Motivator: She and her boyfriend just broke up (so, yes,she's available, guys, all 540 pounds!) (Bonus: Ya have to wonder about ex-sweetheart Phillipe Guoamba and what caused trouble in paradise. Just a feeling . . that his story is as interesting as hers.) [Warning: Do not click the "Anatomical Wonders" link that AOL has so helpfully provided at the bottom of the story. Do not. Not Safe For Stomachs--Not Nearly Safe.] Huffington Post

Does anyone REALLY fancy a woman like this? By the way if you want to see something absolutely horrendous check out the photos at the bottom #5 is particularly gross.

[tenguy]

Who says there's no red tape and stupidity in the US Army?

Retired U.S. Army Sgt. Maj. Rob Dickerson finally received his Purple Heart this summer, four years after he was seriously wounded in a rocket attack in Iraq and two years after he began a paperwork battle with the Army to "prove" his injury. Recently, the Army had apologized and mailed him the award, but it arrived C.O.D., leaving Dickerson to pay the $21 fee. (The Army subsequently reimbursed Dickerson the fee, but Dickerson said he hasn't been able to cash the check, in that it was erroneously made out to "Roy Dirksen.") [KELO-TV (Sioux Falls, S.D.), 8-4-2011]

Inexplicable

Madrid's Getafe soccer club, struggling for customers, startled Spain this summer by commissioning a porn movie, with zombies, hoping to attract more fans. As if that were not quixotic enough, it then tied the movie to a campaign to solicit sperm-bank donations. Explained the film's producer, Angel Torres, "We have to move a mass of fans to seed the world with Getafe supporters." A promo for the film follows a Getafe fan, armed with a copy of the movie for his viewing pleasure, as he disappears into a clinic's private cubicle to fulfill his donation. [Daily Mail (London), 8-19-2011]

A News of the Weird Classic (January 2005)

When Billy W. Williams, 53, skipped out during his trial for aggravated assault in 2003 in Dallas, Judge Faith Johnson was obviously annoyed, though Williams was nonetheless found guilty in absentia. When Williams was recaptured and returned to her courtroom in October 2004 for sentencing, Judge Johnson organized a "welcome back" party in his "honor," with balloons, streamers and a cake, to create a festive backdrop for her gleeful announcement that she was sentencing him to life in prison. [CNN-AP, 10-26-04]

[tenguy]

Can't Possibly Be True: A prominent education official in Ontario has published a novel for teens that he says is to "empower" them about their sexuality but will surely be a hit on ephebophile websites. Sexteens and the Fake Goddess is set at a school of ultra-horny students, and the Toronto Star calls out its "striptease, breast fondling, bum grabbing [and] orgasms," with a headmaster telling a pep rally that "if he was younger, he would have sex with all the girls in the audience." The author, Jacques Tremblay, is chair of discipline of the Ontario College of Teachers--ruling on charges of misbehavior by teachers. (Bonus: Tremblay's resume says he's a certified trainer in "infant massage.") (Double Bonus: The deputy headmaster in the book is Mr. Harry Dick.) Toronto Star

Government in Action!

An open-government advocacy group's survey of federal agencies, released in July, revealed that eight of them have unresolved Freedom of Information Act requests that are over a decade old, including one pending for more than 20 years. (The 1976 FOIA law requires resolution within 20 business days, with a 10-day extension under "unusual circumstances.") [National Security Archive, 7- 4-2011]

Also, regarding the FOIA, a June 2011 request by the city of Sioux City, Iowa, for background documents regarding the recent Postal Service decision to move jobs from Sioux City to Sioux Falls, S.D., was met promptly -- by the Postal Service's forecast that the likely fee for the documents would be $831,000, even though under the law the first two search hours and the first 100 documents are free. [Sioux City Journal, 7-27-2011]

In August, the Securities and Exchange Commission's inspector general revealed that a $1,200 cash award was paid by the agency in 2010 to one of the very employees who had been specifically singled out for allowing Bernard Madoff to talk his way out of SEC inquiries in 2005 and 2006, before his epic Ponzi scheme was exposed in 2008. (The IG helpfully recommended that, in the future, awards not be given to employees who have recently been facing potential disciplinary action for poor performance.) [Legal Times, 8-4-2011]

After Emmalee Bauer, 25, was fired by the Sheraton hotel company in late 2006, she sought unemployment compensation under Iowa law that affords benefits to employees terminated through no fault of their own. However, the judge decided Bauer did not qualify. She had written a 300-page journal, during office hours, describing in detail her efforts to avoid work. Among her entries: "This typing thing seems to be doing the trick. It just looks like I am hard at work on something," and "Once lunch is over, I will come right back to writing to piddle away the rest of the afternoon," and "Accomplishment is overrated, anyway." [Des Moines Register, 1- 18-07]

[tenguy]

WEEK OF OCTOBER 16, 2011

LEAD STORY
Bureaucrat's Delight:
An update of the official index for classifying medical conditions (for research and quality control, and for insurance claims) was released recently, to take effect in October 2013, and replaced the current 18,000 codes with 140,000 much more specific ones. A September Wall Street Journal report noted, for example, 72 different codes for injuries involving birds, depending on the type. "Bitten by turtle" is different from "struck by turtle." Different codes cover injuries in "opera houses," on squash courts, and exactly where in or around a mobile home an injury occurred. "Walked into lamppost, initial encounter" is distinct from "walked into lamppost, subsequent encounter." Codes cover conditions stemming from encounters with extraterrestrials and conditions resulting from "burn due to water skis on fire." "Bizarre personal appearance" has a code, as well as "very low level of personal hygiene." [Wall Street Journal, 9-13-2011]

Ironies
A small number of environmental and animal rights activists employ violence and physical threats in attempts to achieve their goals, and similar tactics have recently been used by another group bent on intimidating scientists: sufferers of "chronic fatigue syndrome." London's Observer reported in August that medical researchers who even suggest that the illness might have a "psychological" component have been subject to vitriolic abuse, stalking, disruptions to the scientists' workplaces, and even death threats. In at least one case, the activists succeeded: A psychiatry professor said he had moved his area of research from chronic fatigue to Gulf War syndrome. "That has taken me to Iraq and Afghanistan where ... I feel a lot safer." [The Observer, 8-21-2011]

Political Correctness Lives:
British authorities threatened Iain Turnbull, 63, with a fine (equivalent of $1,530) in August because he refused to complete the mandatory census earlier this year. Turnbull, from Wales, was protesting that the government, intending to be progressively "inclusive," made available census questionnaires and instructions in such languages as Urdu, Punjabi and Tagalog -- but not Welsh (one of Britain's native languages, spoken by a half-million citizens). [BBC News, 8-12-2011]

Hmmm, unintended consequences anyone:
Although the Patriot Act, drafted in the days after 9-11 and quickly enacted into law, was designed expressly to give prosecutors more leeway to challenge suspected terrorism, one of its key provisions has since then been used more than 100 times as often for drug investigations as for terrorism. New York magazine reported in September that "sneak and peek" warrants (enabling searches without notifying the targets) have been obtained only 15 times for terrorism threats but 1,618 times in drug cases. [New York, 8-27-2011]

Least Competent Criminals
Anthony Watson, sentenced to prison in 1992 for crimes that included rape and robbery, became a notorious jailhouse lawyer (even drafting a book, "A Guide to the Plea Circus") and through successful challenges had reduced his 160-year sentence to 26 -- and a release date of 2018. However, he filed one appeal too many. A court ruled in his favor on that final appeal and ordered a new trial altogether (vacating the convictions and sentence but also the reductions Watson had worked so hard for). At the retrial in March 2011, he was found guilty again and this time sentenced to four consecutive life terms. [St. Petersburg Times, 9-17-2011]

[Wee Hector]

LEAD STORY
Bureaucrat's Delight:
An update of the official index for classifying medical conditions (for research and quality control, and for insurance claims) was released recently, to take effect in October 2013, and replaced the current 18,000 codes with 140,000 much more specific ones. A September Wall Street Journal report noted, for example, 72 different codes for injuries involving birds, depending on the type. "Bitten by turtle" is different from "struck by turtle." Different codes cover injuries in "opera houses," on squash courts, and exactly where in or around a mobile home an injury occurred. "Walked into lamppost, initial encounter" is distinct from "walked into lamppost, subsequent encounter." Codes cover conditions stemming from encounters with extraterrestrials and conditions resulting from "burn due to water skis on fire." "Bizarre personal appearance" has a code, as well as "very low level of personal hygiene." [Wall Street Journal, 9-13-2011]

Shouldn't think this will be covered by insurance as there is obviously excessive speed involved!

[tenguy]

LEAD STORY

London Fashion Week usually brings forth a shock or two from cutting-edge designers, but a September creation by Rachel Freire might have raised the bar: a floor-length dress made from 3,000 cow nipples (designed to resemble roses). Initial disgust for the garment centered on implied animal abuse, but Freire deflected that issue by pointing out that the nipples had been discarded by a tannery and that her use amounted to "recycling." The 32-year-old Freire, who has worked with mainstream entertainers such as Christina Aguilera, was kept so busy with the animal-abuse angle that she was largely spared having to explain another issue -- why anyone would want to wear a dress made with cow nipples. [Ecouterre.com. 26-2011]

The Entrepreneurial Spirit!

Death is big business in Japan, with 1.2 million people a year passing away and overtaxing the country's cemeteries and crematoriums. With the average wait for disposal at least several days, and space running short in funeral homes, "corpse hotels" have opened in many cities, with climate-controlled "guest rooms" renting for the equivalent of about $155 a night, with viewing rooms where relatives can visit the bodies daily until cremation is available. [National Post (Toronto)-Reuters, 9-13-2011]

[Wee Hector]

Turned down once before, liquor manufacturer EFAG convinced Germany's Federal Patent Court in September to award trademark protection to its schnapps with the brand name Ficken, which in German translates directly into what in English is known as the F word. The court acknowledged that the name is unquestionably in poor taste but is not "sexually discriminatory" and does not violate public morals. In fact, the court noted, the word is widely used in Germany. (In March 2010, the European Union trademarks authority granted a German brewery the right to call its beer "Fucking Hell" -- the first word of which is the actual name of an Austrian village and the second a German word referring to light ale.) [Spiegel Online, 9-14-2011]

I dare anyone in the US or Britain to go into a bar and ask for one of these beers!

[Wee Hector]

A chief child-abuse investigator for the Catholic Church in Britain, Christopher Jarvis, 49, was sentenced in October following his guilty plea to possession of over 4,000 child-sex images on his computer. Jarvis had been hired in 2002 to protect against pedophiles' access to church groups. [Daily Mail, 10-28-2011]

"Set a thief to catch a thief".

Violinist Martin Stoner, 60, who lost his job after 25 years and who is suing the New York City Ballet for age discrimination, petitioned federal judge Robert Patterson to disqualify himself from the case because he is too old (8 and, according to Stoner, has vision and hearing problems. [New York Daily News, 10-24-2011]

"Do as you would be done by".

West Virginia roadkill-cooking activist David Cain told Bloomberg News in October that he generally supported Volvo's new driver-safety technology that warns of objects ahead in the road. Cain pointed out that it was just a warning, that the driver "could still choose to run over something that's good for eating." [Bloomberg News, 10-4-2011]

"Do not bite the hand that feeds you".

The tactic of "patience" is usually employed when police believe that a suspect has ingested drugs for smuggling, i.e., nature will take its course, and the drugs will appear in the toilet sooner or later. On Oct. 12, Nigerian comic actor Babatunde Omidina (known as "Baba Suwe") was detained before a flight at the Lagos airport because authorities suspected that he had ingested drugs to smuggle to Paris. Omadina denied the charge, but police locked him up and began monitoring his bowel movements. On Nov. 4, Omadina was released without charges following 25 "evidence"-free movements. [Agence France Presse, 11-4-2011]

"Seek and you shall find" ....or not, as the case may be.

In November, Tommy Joe Kelly, unsuccessfully acting as his own lawyer, was convicted of slashing a stranger's tire by an Austin, Texas, jury, despite his explanation. "OK, I'm going to tell you the truth on this one," he said from the witness stand. "It doesn't sound right, but it is. I ... had hemorrhoids at that time, super duper bad." (There have been 391 tire slashings in Kelly's neighborhood over the last four years, but he was charged with only one count, and sentenced to 10 years in jail.) [Time-Warner Cable (Austin), 11-10-2011]

"If it's a pain in the ass then you're doing it wrong".

[RandyKnight]

Anyone know where Ten Guy has been?

[Wee Hector]

Originally Posted by RandyKnight

Anyone know where Ten Guy has been?

Perhaps gone on holiday with Baller.

[richief]

Originally Posted by Wee Hector

Perhaps gone on holiday with Baller.

I would not have thought TG was masochistic, and why would he want to spend a week or two in a cellar?

[Wee Hector]

Son Theodore Zimmick and two other relatives filed a lawsuit in November against the St. Stanislaus cemetery in Pittsburgh for the unprofessional burial of Theodore's mother, Agnes, in 2009. Agnes had purchased an 11-by-8-foot plot in 1945, but when she finally passed away, the graveyard had become so crowded that, according to the lawsuit, workers were forced to dig such a small hole that they had to jump up and down on the casket and whack it with poles to fit it into the space. [Pittsburgh Post-Gazette, 11-29-2011]

Sex Alert for Texas, Utah, Arizona! Horny, Mormonish Women Increasingly Climbing Walls! Prophet Warren Jeffs has issued an encyclical from his prison cell: no sex for anybody . . because all marriages are void until he can return to "seal" them (which won't be for a while because his sentence is life plus 20). (Bonus: Jeffs has so far filed two kinda-amicus petitions in court from the Lord, himself, commanding that Jeffs be set free, but the judge has failed to grant them. Must be that they, y'know, were mis-formatted or in the wrong font, something like that.) (Double Bonus: Reportedly, many followers have fled the sect, but many continue to observe his every word.) World's Greatest Newspaper

Do not even pretend that you're sociopathic enough to shrug your shoulders at this Not Safe For Stomachs report. Do Not Click. It's none of your business what a 200-lb. tumor looks like. Australian Associated Press via Evil Empire (news.com.au)

[Wee Hector]

More insanity from the archives of humanity. And check out the dates - you heard it here first!!!

In San Francisco, there is an annual refereed "Masturbate-a-thon," and the supposed world record, set in 2009, is held by Masanobu Sato, who remained aroused for nine hours, 58 minutes. In a series of videos released recently, Sato calmly explained how he "practices" for about two hours every morning while his live-in girlfriend goes about her business (in one video, ironing). Sato said he trains by swimming twice a week and has "gained about (11 pounds) in muscle," which helped him with "stamina." [Huffington Post, 12-23-2012]

Inexplicable Not One Second Longer With That Wench: A man identified as Antonio C., 99, filed for divorce in December against his wife of 77 years, Rosa C., age 96, in Rome, Italy. According to an ANSA news agency report, Antonio became upset when he discovered 50-year-old letters from an affair Rosa once had. [United Press International, 12-29-2012]

Police in London stepped up their search for the man who tried to rob the Halifax bank in October but escaped empty-handed. He had demanded 700,000 pounds from a bank employee and then, intending to hand over the bag that he had brought for the money, instead absentmindedly handed over his gun. Realizing his mistake, he dashed out the door. [Daily Telegraph, 1-5-2012]

The British Medical Journal reported in December that a 76-year-old woman had been unbothered until recently by the felt-tip pen she accidentally swallowed 25 years earlier. It was removed without complication, and, though the plastic was flaky, the pen still had an ink supply and was "usable." [MSNBC, 12-19-2011]

[richief]

Some weidos around, hopefully none are on here.

Keep up the good work.

[richief]

spamming twat in 46, I hope your liver gets eaten daily by a giant eagle.

[Wee Hector]

Before I start I would like to say "Welcome back TG".

First up;

Bridgeport, Conn.: Norberto Millet, 60, was charged with rape of an underage girl. Oh, no, he said. She attacked him, and he desperately tried to fight her off. In fact, he said, lots of 8- to 10-yr-old girls mess with him. Connecticut Post [bonus explanatory mugshot]

Now when your children get taken into care it hurts a lot and you want to be recompensed for the time you lost with them but.....

Brooklyn, N.Y.: Fausat Ogunbayo, 46, sued in federal court to get her kids back from child welfare . . and besides that, wants, umm, $900,000,000,000 in walking-around money). Staten Island Advance

.....only the figure was so big they missed a few 0s off the end. 900 trillion dollars is the sum asked for by this upset mother. Why she didn't go for a round 1000 trillion is anyone's guess though it may be like the argument that a life sentence is only 99 years and not 100. There just isn't that much money on the planet.

Keeping with the same story this is one of the comments made by a reader. Even Clarise would be hard put to beat this in such a short paragraph.....

trappedinsi February 08, 2012 at 10:27AM



The unthinkability and absurdity of the lack of accountability and the ultimate fallibility of the system brings to light the indefensibility, overintensity and toxicity of these actions. It lacks any rationality; the idea that it was an impossibility to instill this level of hostility and obscenity into the lives of these people shows a total lack of adaptability. Its aggressivity and permissibility makes us understand the indefensibility and emotionality realted to this travisty.

16 "ity"s in the space of 73 words and he could have made it 17 with a little effort with "travisty".


Keep them coming in.

[AZRIEL]

[Wee Hector]

More news from that insane planet known as Earth

Cardiff, Wales: Polish off this year's Nobel--for local authorities tired of teen punks' rowdiness. They are set to install pink street lighting in the neighborhood . . because it highlights acne. BBC News

For those of an un-british nature ASBO (Anti-Social Behaviour Order) is the weapon of choice of British society against thugs. In other words "stop being naughty or we shall take away your toys."

Reading, England: Melvyn Webb, 54, vehemently denied in court that he was pleasuring himself on the train. Rather, he said, he was playing air banjo under his newspaper. Seriously. (Bonus: Jury acquitted him.) World's Greatest Newspaper

I wonder if they would have been so lenient if he had told them he was having a quick fiddle.

Jack Taylor, 18, of Worcester, England, was given a lenient sentence in January for an August burglary he admitted. He and another youth had tried to steal a resident's motorcycle but damaged it in the process. Since he was remorseful, made restitution, observed a curfew and did community service, he was released by the judge when he secured full-time employment. (However, the employment, the court later learned, was as a slaughterman in Norway, where he was to take part in the culling of Alaskan baby seals.) [Worcester News, 1-17-2012]

Great to see he has got himself a nice respectable job.


And finally, back to one of the favourite topics on the forum.

Q - How do you fight against paedophilia?
A - By turning little girls into hookers!

Lifetime Channel: It's not just TLC embarrassing America in the eyes of the satellite-linked world. Lifetime's "Dance Moms" recently showed an instructor teaching burlesque to age-8-ish girls by having them simulate nudity with skin-colored bikini tops and bottoms, hopping and flopping their feathers. World's Greatest Newspaper

Addendum: I couldn't resist this one. As they say "love is blind".

Danbury, Conn.: There's someone for everyone, even Jonathan Price, 41, and Shannon McClung, 38. World's Greatest Newspaper

[justpassingthru]

Okay that Lifetime Channel one is just disturbing and wrong on so many levels and shame on any parents that allowed their children to participate in that.

Another weird story ... there is some crazy scmuck on here trying to get 500+ posts in 3 days to make 10,000 by the first day of spring.

[Wee Hector]

Originally Posted by justpassingthru

Okay that Lifetime Channel one is just disturbing and wrong on so many levels and shame on any parents that allowed their children to participate in that.

Another weird story ... there is some crazy scmuck on here trying to get 500+ posts in 3 days to make 10,000 by the first day of spring.

Who could that be, I wonder? Shit, I was amazed to find out I had got to 1100 since last May!

[justpassingthru]

Originally Posted by Wee Hector

Who could that be, I wonder? Shit, I was amazed to find out I had got to 1100 since last May!

What a coincidence, I have 1100 as well ... since last week, lol.

How are you doing, I don't see you around that much ?

[Wee Hector]

Originally Posted by justpassingthru

What a coincidence, I have 1100 as well ... since last week, lol.

How are you doing, I don't see you around that much ?

Busy with work at the moment and the forum has been a bit boring recently. On top of that I've been spending much of my free time following the descent into hell of Glasgow Rangers on another forum. With that and Celtic losing the Scottish League Cup today it has been a really great month.

[tenguy]

If only the US Congress would espouse this level of cooperation:

-- Bipartisanship: White supremacist Richard Treis, 38, was arrested in February in St. Louis, along with his alleged partner, black gang member Robert "Biz" Swinney, 22, and charged with running a huge methamphetamine operation. The two, who had met at a prison halfway house, had allegedly meshed their unique talents -- Treis as a meth cook and Swinney as a skilled street seller who recruited people to buy restricted pseudoephedrine products from pharmacies. Said a deputy, "They put away their differences to get the job done." [St. Louis Post-Dispatch, 2-17-2012]