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Old 04-26-2012, 03:31 AM   #51
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Great story Jade.
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Old 04-26-2012, 04:38 AM   #52
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Great Story Jade, I really Do like it alot. I would welcome a sequel, starting with the aftermath of what happened.
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Old 08-10-2012, 10:55 PM   #53
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good read, need a bit more detail in the sex
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Old 08-11-2012, 12:57 AM   #54
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Default I liked the story

I liked the story and the character development was great. I'll agree that most of the issues I can see are the same ones I'm getting feedback on with the story I've been writing. I get notes about grammar most often, I look forward to reading stories focused on the characters developing. Keep up the good work and keep writing and everything is likely to improve.
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Old 08-11-2012, 03:27 AM   #55
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I found this story to be a good story and it seemed to me to be well written.
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Old 08-20-2012, 05:35 AM   #56
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Everyone should check out her other stories. They are GREAT.
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Old 08-20-2012, 06:16 AM   #57
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I love Jades stories. They always excite and get me so damn hard. Everyone should read them
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Old 08-20-2012, 09:54 AM   #58
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Quote:
Originally Posted by enjoyingtheview View Post
I read through the whole story and besides a few spelling and grammar issues it is a well written story with a good setup and a good follow through. If I had to criticize I would say the setup was a little too long for some readers. That's a preference thing though. As long as the details in the setup have bearing on the rest of the story I don't mind taking the time to read them. Overall , well done.
This is the second comment where the length of the setup is criticised.

This critique is not warranted on a story which we do not KNOW is ended. If there is more of the story to be written then the build up could be very much a NEEDED part of that story. If the story ends here then it still allowed a depth of connection to the situation which made it more alive than if it were omitted or shortened.

BTW - The only time (I HOPE) where I comment on grammar is when it has so severely impacted the story that I have trouble reading it. This story was NOT impacted and I would have to re-read it with that in mind to actually find examples from which to pick nits.

This story left me with a feeling that it has not been finished; I hope that I am correct.
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Old 08-20-2012, 11:52 AM   #59
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Old 08-20-2012, 02:02 PM   #60
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Great Story!!!! Super Hot!!!! I give you a 100.
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Old 08-24-2012, 05:48 PM   #61
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Oh my... Thank you all for so much wonderful feedback.

I am going to have to write another chapter for this... It is almost like it is a necessity!

I do apologize that my English is not as good as some would expect from a person posting stories. I have also noticed the many kind remarks concerning the necessity of letting some things go by.

Thank you all for your support and kindness, the suggestions, and even the more critical comments.
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Old 08-25-2012, 03:35 AM   #62
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Hot as hell! Can you be my step-mom? Lol i sent you a pm too
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Old 08-28-2012, 07:51 PM   #63
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like this
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Old 09-06-2012, 03:41 AM   #64
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I liked this; even though I'm not into B&D, I am into mother/son stories. I wouldn't worry about your spelling and grammar, as long as it doesn't get in the way of the narrative flow. If you are concerned, however, you could always write and edit in Word (or similar) with the language set on US English — it should pick up most "mistakes" — then copy and paste here.
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