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|05-24-2012, 11:24 PM||#1|
Join Date: May 2011
Sakurai: the ever faithful (little erotic scenes)
(please review, i want know if i should continue it.)
Yoshitaro Sakurai was a young 18 years of age man and was the Leader of the Great Sakurai Clan, a Clan known for its loyalty, honor and the ability to inspire fierce pride and loyalty even in the lowliest of people in the country. The Heian period was nearing a violent end, it was one year before the Gempei war would start and Yoshitaro could sense trouble as he looked at the night sky in the Capital of Japan, Heian-kyo. A Samurai Guard was with him who was practicing his sword moves “you seem troubled, my lord, May I ask what it is?” Yoshitaro was silent as the samurai sheathed his sword. “I sense war, a great and terrible war. One that will devour all, even when it seems to be over, it will come to plague our beloved land again and again until there is nothing left. Taroshi, we must defend the innocent, the peaceful lives of all people even should it cost us our lives. We must not let one of them fall and should they fall, we must extract vengeance and furious anger to those who would harm them.” Yoshitaro said in a rare moment of extreme emotion. Taroshi nodded little aback at this rare moment “of course, My Lord, straight and true! We will fallow you” Yoshitaro nodded his thanks “then I will rely on all of you for your hard work.”
The Sakurai clan was busy in the year to come preparing for war hidden from The Taira eyes, which controlled most of the imperial court. Yoshitaro had explained to the Emperor his feelings of the coming war and later his dreams. His concern was mostly that the Emperor would be nothing but a figure head and real power would be someone else’s. Most of the court laughed at these concerns most of them belonging to the Taira, only the Minamoto seemed to take his concerns very seriously. The Retired Emperor later took him aside and said “Lord Sakurai if these dreams and feelings of yours are to be believed then you must act quickly and decisively but the court will not support you without proof. May the blessings of the heavens be upon you in your endeavor.” Yoshitaro nodded solemnly, bowed and said “All I have seen will come to pass when the Taira defeat you, my Lord, in battle.” He then left and took his whole clan to a place where they could be safe only a small group of samurai and Yoshitaro himself stayed. Taroshi was charged with taking the clan to Amana, once everything was settled and the castles made defendable they started to train their army for war
Many where flocking to the Sakurai lands of Amana as anti-Tiara feelings rose across the country in the months that fallowed and with the emperor’s defeat and Kiyomori placing his grandson on the throne instead of the Emporer’s son Takakura, Prince Mochihito and the head of the Minamoto, Yorimasa put out a call to arms. The Taira soon caught wind of this and forced both of them to flee the City.
Yoshitaro and his men helped the Prince escape. When the Taira began to give pursuit, Yoshitaro became the Rear Guard to hold off the vast Taira army while the Prince and Yorimasa Minamoto made their escape to their allies. The warrior monks of Mii-dera had lent what aid they could but most of them went with the Prince to protect him. Yoshitaro’s forces where small and he thought as advancing Taira approached that he would be swallowed up in seconds. He showed none of his fears to his men as his forces formed a battle line, made their peace and prayed for the safety of those they were protecting. The Taira where ready to fight as Yoshitaro and his men flew the Sakurai colors, white and pink with cherry blossom designs on their banners. He set the monks to take the flanks while his men would take the full brunt of the Tiara force. The monks hid themselves in the forest to maximize their surprise attack. Yoshitaro and his men where on a small hill with a clearing between both forests, they were hoping to lure the Taira to surround Yoshitaro and then spring their trap. Yoshitaro made his peace as he watched the Taira slowly advanced. Yoshitaro watched the Taira slowly get into range with their archers looking to scare them off with fire. Yoshitaro’s bodyguards prepped their arrows to fire as well, when The Taira was suddenly hit in rear flanks by an army of villagers who had come to aid Yoshitaro and caught the Taira unaware and completely off guard, this caused Yoshitaro to break ranks and fire a single arrow at the archers of the Taira. Yoshitaro’s men fallowed suit firing their own arrows as they charged as well. The Monks hit the flanks to support the villagers as the archer center of the Tiara broke before the charge of Yoshitaro and his. bodyguard could hit them. The Taira warriors where suffering heavy losses and as a result they were being pushed back.
Yoshitaro, once the Taira had broken from the engagement, told the Villagers and the Monks to head to Amana. He would chase down the Taira and hopefully led them away from everyone. Once the monks and the Villagers where safely away despite their protesting, Yoshitaro and his men charged into the regrouping Taira with a mighty crash. The battle lasted for what seemed like hours but in the end Taira had beaten Lord Yoshitaro Sakurai .through sheer numbers, But the Taira army would be unable to pursue. The Sakurai warriors fled with Yoshitaros’s wounded body into the Forest. The Warriors and an unconscious Yoshitaro arrived at a small village in the late evening, the Warriors where weeping thinking their lord was dead. When the Village Doctor examined Yoshitaro, he said “He is alive!” The Doctor was shocked beyond belief. The Doctor quickly began to do all he could to help the Lord of Sakurai Clan
Dawn soon came; Yoshitrao awoke feeling pain all over his body. His loyal Warriors crowded around him begging for his forgiveness for fleeing the battle. Yoshitaro simply replied “You have all fought well and did your best to fight the Taira… it is I who must beg for your forgiveness… I am simply not as strong as my Ancestors.” Yoshitaro choked on his words. His men deserved a better leader then him, he thought. The Doctor who brought food for Yoshitaro and heard his words piped up “My Lord, you are very strong, it takes a strong man to admit his weakness and ask for help in his endeavor to improve.” The doctor set the food down, when a villager burst in and shouted “It’s Kyojiro! She is on her way here!” Fear was etched on his face and was evident in his voice. He bowed to Yoshitaro and begged for Lord Sakurai’s help. The Warriors looked at their Master as he tried to stand “I can’t ignore you pleas” his voice strained with the pain that racked all over his body. He slowly got to his feet walked out with his warriors to meet this foe.
|06-16-2012, 03:14 AM||#3|
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: A Secret~
My apologizes if this sounds too harsh, but: 1.You lack proper paragraphs. You break up a paragraph in the oddest fashion. 2. When someone is speaking, it needs its own separate space, much like a paragraph does. 3. I normally try not to to be to harsh on grammar, but you have to understand when I point out that you should potentially know the difference between "fallow" and "follow" 4. I think this story needs to be stretched out a little more. There are details that can be further inserted into the story, you really jump from detail to new detail and its confusing. Its hard to keep the story line straight.
Currently working on my newest story; Blinded Love.
Here's a link: http://forum.xnxx.com/showthread.php?t=274552
Last edited by thatcuriousone; 06-16-2012 at 03:17 AM.
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