The White - CAW 11 Entry (teen, incest, US Government)

[ahorsewithnoname]

Note: The photos in this story have been color adjusted to reflect the mood.

[Daddycums]

I haven't had time to read it yet, but I'm certainly looking forward to it. A couple of initial comments:

1. Pictures! Yay!

2. I have to admit, this is the first time I've seen "US Government" used as a tag. Between that and "Big Tits and Gams" you're certainly a strange one.

[ahorsewithnoname]

Thanks. I see the trolls have already started in over on the Sex Stories side. <shrug>

[joneys]

nice..

[ELaken-Palmer]

Well... I found the subject matter of the story to be both erotic and believable. A world full of females needing to suck cock and consume semen wouldn't be such a bad place (for the men). Adding the incest angle was a good twist too. On the minus side... I was put off by the change in narrative view from writing first-person to third-person. You should always stay with one perspective (in my opinion) and not jump between. I also didn't see what this story (though good) had to do with the CAW11 photo and the theme of the challenge.

[ahorsewithnoname]

Originally Posted by ELaken-Palmer

Well... I found the subject matter of the story to be both erotic and believable. A world full of females needing to suck cock and consume semen wouldn't be such a bad place (for the men). Adding the incest angle was a good twist too. On the minus side... I was put off by the change in narrative view from writing first-person to third-person. You should always stay with one perspective (in my opinion) and not jump between. I also didn't see what this story (though good) had to do with the CAW11 photo and the theme of the challenge.

The photo was a picture of Sarah walking down the road, looking for a source of the White.

"They found her wandering down the street, aimlessly, until she saw them."

I suppose I could have made a bigger deal about it, and described the street in more detail and the buildings, but since I've read multiple stories in past challenges that didn't even come close to touching upon the posted challenge, I didn't think that this would be much of a stretch.

With regards to the change in perspective, I heartily disagree. I purposely changed the POV, often, to add tension to the story. I'm actually not alone in doing this. Didn't Faulkner change the POV often in The Sound and the Fury. I'm not claiming to be as exceptional a writer as Faulkner, however, it doesn't take away from the fact that it is an acceptable technique. You said you were put off by it, which means it didn't work for you, and that's fine. It does not, however, mean that it shouldn't be employed.

Thanks for commenting.

[Poison_Ivy]

Great story Horse.

I like the seperation into chapters and the illustrations.

Very good.

Good Luck.

[jinaday]

that was fantastic we need more of that. here is a suggestion take or toss it I don't care maybe in a future chapter you could find a cure but discover that the brains of all women have been altered to the point that they don't need it anymore but they just enjoy it or there is a cure but swallowing still gives them a drug type high

[ELaken-Palmer]

I forgot to mention it, in my initial comment, but I thought that your presentation, of this story, was ground breaking and over-the-top fantastic! I just marveled and loved the totally different format. Bravo on that! I (for one) am jealous of your creativity and feel that this story is the challenge front-runner (though it's early in the game).

[ahorsewithnoname]

Originally Posted by ELaken-Palmer

I forgot to mention it, in my initial comment, but I thought that your presentation, of this story, was ground breaking and over-the-top fantastic! I just marveled and loved the totally different format. Bravo on that! I (for one) am jealous of your creativity and feel that this story is the challenge front-runner (though it's early in the game).

Thanks

Let's see the other sites that come into the forum and steal our stories scrape this one, lol! Not possible. I didn't do it for that reason, but it works that way too. When I went into the images and saw that we can create very long images, the though intrigued me. Max of ten attachments for a single post, and max of about 480k per image. Could it be done? So I messed around with the settings, tweaking it here and there, some testing, and got it to work. Then of course I had to go find the images that would be suitable for the story.

We'll see if others pick up on this format in the future. It certainly was extra work to do it this way, that's for sure.

[johnstr]

Good story. My only comment is that it doesn't seem to relate to the picture.

[ahorsewithnoname]

Originally Posted by johnstr

Good story. My only comment is that it doesn't seem to relate to the picture.

As I stated above:

The photo was a picture of Sarah walking down the road, looking for a source of the White.

"They found her wandering down the street, aimlessly, until she saw them."

I suppose I could have made a bigger deal about it, and described the street in more detail and the buildings, but since I've read multiple stories in past challenges that didn't even come close to touching upon the posted challenge, I didn't think that this would be much of a stretch.

[Sahara907]

I'm not a consistent reader of stories on the forum--or the stories site, for that matter--but in my experience, several have been enhanced by photo illustrations. And this is one of them, for sure.

[ahorsewithnoname]

Originally Posted by Sahara907

I'm not a consistent reader of stories on the forum--or the stories site, for that matter--but in my experience, several have been enhanced by photo illustrations. And this is one of them, for sure.

Thank you very much! ::: bowing ::::

[snowleopard3200]

Horse - I will say it this way; based on what I have read so far of the CAW 11 stories, this one is among the best yet. Your story shows true flare, imagination, originality and complete realism all too well. I was swept up into an unnerved shudder as I understood that such an event as you have depicted could happen in the future.

Well done Horse.

Ride Hard, live free, and keep on writing.

[ELaken-Palmer]

I would like to suggest (out of gender fairness) that you create a sequel where the women are cured but the disease mutates and now the MEN are affected and become weak and sick unless THEY get to orally withdraw a needed substance from the vaginas of close female relatives above the age of menarche. Call this one "The Red".

Whatdaya think?

[ahorsewithnoname]

Originally Posted by snowleopard3200

Horse - I will say it this way; based on what I have read so far of the CAW 11 stories, this one is among the best yet. Your story shows true flare, imagination, originality and complete realism all too well. I was swept up into an unnerved shudder as I understood that such an event as you have depicted could happen in the future.

Well done Horse.

Ride Hard, live free, and keep on writing.

Wow...now THAT's the kinda' reaction that I was hoping to get! While this certainly has its fair (or unfair) share of sex in it, my thought was that it sets a scenario that easily could allow for it to become an ongoing online novel, to allow for far more character and plot development.

Appreciate your kind words.

I'm purposely holding off on reading anyone's story until all are in and the list is posted, just cause I wanna' do the one a day thing and not get too far ahead and then be bored while waiting for the voting. But I appreciate the early reads and comments!

[marry4]

nice pics

[ahorsewithnoname]

Originally Posted by ELaken-Palmer

I would like to suggest (out of gender fairness) that you create a sequel where the women are cured but the disease mutates and now the MEN are affected and become weak and sick unless THEY get to orally withdraw a needed substance from the vaginas of close female relatives above the age of menarche. Call this one "The Red".

Whatdaya think?

I will conduct due diligence on that suggestion and give it all of the consideration that it deserves.

[ahorsewithnoname]

Originally Posted by marry4

nice pics

Hmmm...wish you would have said something about the story!

[Cheltenham]

Very creative

It makes one wonder if the porn industry doesn't already see something like this happening to it

Especially with stars like Jenna Jameson and Sasha Grey eating 'the White', you never really know do you?

[wantsomefun]

I thought I went a little hardcore with mine, but sheesh!

Two things:

This was a brilliant story, beautifully thought out, and novel (read: unnerving!) in its presentation. That's without the pics.

With the pics, it's completely over the top. This is the most bizarre thing I've seen on this site -- it's like Larry Flynt doing a sci-fi/post-apocolyptic movie. I love it. I would hope to be a survivor.



So much for not having enough sex in this CAW, eh?

[ahorsewithnoname]

Originally Posted by Cheltenham

Very creative

It makes one wonder if the porn industry doesn't already see something like this happening to it

Especially with stars like Jenna Jameson and Sasha Grey eating 'the White', you never really know do you?

Thank you there, kitty! Took hours to put it all together, but I'm glad I did. I might do all my stories this way in the future. I like having the creative control.

[JackassTales]

Holy Horse Apples, Sir Horse! I have never had the experience of reading such an imaginative, well-crafted story EVER! Your presentation and execution was outstanding. THIS WILL BE HARD TO BEAT (and my poor effort will certainly offer little competition).

[ahorsewithnoname]

Originally Posted by wantsomefun

I thought I went a little hardcore with mine, but sheesh!

Two things:

This was a brilliant story, beautifully thought out, and novel (read: unnerving!) in its presentation. That's without the pics.

With the pics, it's completely over the top. This is the most bizarre thing I've seen on this site -- it's like Larry Flynt doing a sci-fi/post-apocolyptic movie. I love it. I would hope to be a survivor.



So much for not having enough sex in this CAW, eh?

Thanks WSF! Coming from you, a story telling master, I most certainly appreciate the kind words.

I really wasn't sure how this was going to be received. The theme is somewhat controversial. And the whole graphical treatment has not been done, to my knowledge, to this level. So, we'll see, but again, it has been a fun ride so far. If it does stay well-received, I'll most definitely continue.

Good luck, man!

[ahorsewithnoname]

Originally Posted by JackassTales

Holy Horse Apples, Sir Horse! I have never had the experience of reading such an imaginative, well-crafted story EVER! Your presentation and execution was outstanding. THIS WILL BE HARD TO BEAT (and my poor effort will certainly offer little competition).

Thank you, Jack! I really appreciate your kind words. Coming from someone like you whose stories have a million plus reads, it's great praise. The idea of this one just came to me (pun intended); it was trying to come up with interesting stuff to write that could allow for future chapters that was the challenge.

Once I start reading stories, which should be later today, I'll start posting comments too. Thanks for taking the time to offer your words of encouragement.

[UKM40]

You really put some effort into this one didnt you. Top marks for presentation.
The story was a fantastic twist on the whole Vampire genre (well at least having said that that is what you intended lol) and frankly prefer your style of vampires to anyone elses lol.
A good read and a contender for my vote.

[ahorsewithnoname]

Originally Posted by UKM40

You really put some effort into this one didnt you. Top marks for presentation.
The story was a fantastic twist on the whole Vampire genre (well at least having said that that is what you intended lol) and frankly prefer your style of vampires to anyone elses lol.
A good read and a contender for my vote.

Thanks for your kind words. I'm glad to see that the story idea is getting good reviews. I never really thought of it as a twist on Vampires, but, it is when you look at it, even metaphorically!

Thanks again.

[Alexdaddyslittlegirl]

This is a very different kind of story...the concept is a bit out there and appealing to mostly men. But that's alright, I think the pictures made it work and the over all cohesiveness of the story made it interesting to read. A different twist to a Zombie apocalypse scenario I'd say :D

It could be a video game! :D:D

[Alexdaddyslittlegirl]

By zombie I mean, more of the outlandish change that's uncontrollable....of course it's only happening to women and then need the white or else they die..

You know what..I'm just babbling:P Great story! haha

[wantsomefun]

Originally Posted by Alexdaddyslittlegirl

... A different twist to a Zombie apocalypse scenario I'd say :D

It could be a video game! :D:D

I was thinking more along the lines of a screenplay -- sort of a XXX-rated blend of "Mad Max" and "The Stand", with bits of "The Day the Earth Stood Still" and "Mars Attacks" thrown in to keep it from getting too dark.

To make it sell better with the iPod generation, the scene with the First Daughter being used by the bums will have music by Static-X. You're welcome, ADLG.

Spoken narration, when necessary, will be in a synthesized Rod Serling voice.

[ahorsewithnoname]

Originally Posted by Alexdaddyslittlegirl

This is a very different kind of story...the concept is a bit out there and appealing to mostly men. But that's alright, I think the pictures made it work and the over all cohesiveness of the story made it interesting to read. A different twist to a Zombie apocalypse scenario I'd say :D

It could be a video game! :D:D

That's good news since this site is made up of mostly men!

I'd write more, but I have Nintendo on the line inquiring about obtaining worldwide video game rights!

Thanks for your comments, I appreciate them!

[Eurasian_girl]

Horse,

What can I say? You've really outdone yourself this time. The concept of the story is highly erotic and the visual images are icing on the cake!

It's your passion coupled with your literacy style that has me waiting impatiently for your next projects.

And I hope I don't have to wait that long!


Eurasian_girl.

[zed71]

It was a good read. Little rough to imagine the circumstance where it would be need for substainable incest but still well written.

[ahorsewithnoname]

Originally Posted by wantsomefun

I was thinking more along the lines of a screenplay -- sort of a XXX-rated blend of "Mad Max" and "The Stand", with bits of "The Day the Earth Stood Still" and "Mars Attacks" thrown in to keep it from getting too dark.

To make it sell better with the iPod generation, the scene with the First Daughter being used by the bums will have music by Static-X. You're welcome, ADLG.

Spoken narration, when necessary, will be in a synthesized Rod Serling voice.

Okay, you line up the financing, and I'll work on the screenplay.

I suspect we will both want to conduct private interviews to determine who will get the starring roles, eh?

[ejls]

I have to say I'm speechless. Well, not really because when has that ever happened?

I knew about the premise because we had spoken a little bit. Nothing prepared me for this effort. I read it first on the Sex Stories Site and then looked at it here. The presentation here is certainly enhanced by the pictures and the layout.

Yes, it was a hardcore sex story, but it was so much more. It read like a full-length novel. Your imagination carried us into to a very realistic future. You are to be commended, sir. You have been a very welcomed addition to this community. Thank you for always sharing your terrific talent with us.

[ahorsewithnoname]

Originally Posted by Eurasian_girl

Horse,

What can I say? You've really outdone yourself this time. The concept of the story is highly erotic and the visual images are icing on the cake!

It's your passion coupled with your literacy style that has me waiting impatiently for your next projects.

And I hope I don't have to wait that long!


Eurasian_girl.

Thank you very much for your kind words!

I won't be writing any more to this story until after the competition has ended, but once we're through with everything, I will indeed continue with this story as long as there is ongoing interest.

Thanks again

[snowleopard3200]

Good to hear there will be a sequal or such after the CAW; will look forward to reading it. This story is wonderful, twisted, macab, all too able to occur, and in that regard delightfully terrifying, yet still wonderful in the whole.

[lil_ellie]

that was amazing!

[ahorsewithnoname]

Originally Posted by ejls

I have to say I'm speechless. Well, not really because when has that ever happened?

I knew about the premise because we had spoken a little bit. Nothing prepared me for this effort. I read it first on the Sex Stories Site and then looked at it here. The presentation here is certainly enhanced by the pictures and the layout.

Yes, it was a hardcore sex story, but it was so much more. It read like a full-length novel. Your imagination carried us into to a very realistic future. You are to be commended, sir. You have been a very welcomed addition to this community. Thank you for always sharing your terrific talent with us.

You're speechless? I'm speechless! The author whom I think consistently writes the best stories, you, offering up such kind words. Thank you very much. Coming from you, I'm honored.

[ahorsewithnoname]

Originally Posted by snowleopard3200

Good to hear there will be a sequal or such after the CAW; will look forward to reading it. This story is wonderful, twisted, macab, all too able to occur, and in that regard delightfully terrifying, yet still wonderful in the whole.

Thanks, man! You know, this is one of those types of stories that wouldn't typically exist without the sexual element in it. I'm glad this site exists so that I can create stuff like this and have it accepted. Thanks again.

[utsinhon]

thank u

[ahorsewithnoname]

Originally Posted by lil_ellie

that was amazing!

I'm glad you enjoyed it! Hopefully you'll enjoy some or all of the other CAW stories too. Thanks!

[ejls]

bump

[Hornycountryboy]

Wow! What can I say that hasn't already been said? Well besides where can I sign up to get a blow job three times a day? Of course with any thing that has to do with illnesses and government it leaves me wondering, where did this plague come from?

I know there have been plagues, and other illnesses that came from unhealthy conditions, but nowadays it makes one wonder. Especially when you can have an activist that blows up a lab that releases it. Hmmm you never know.

This story was amazing! I look forward to more parts, if you do plan on continuing it.

Great job horse, and good luck!

[ahorsewithnoname]

Originally Posted by utsinhon

thank u

No, thank you! I'd like to get to know you better. Maybe we can chat on Messenger, or perhaps talk over the phone, or maybe we can get married and have some kids and grow old together and...

...oh, banned.

Dang.

[Wee Hector]

bump

[wantsomefun]

All right, Hunglikea. I've now re-read this tale on the Sex Stories site, but since I won't comment there, for reasons you probably know, I'll say it here.

Reading the story without the professionally slick presentation didn't really detract from it at all. That raises two questions: Does the story really need all the extra work you put into it? Is it strong enough without it?

The answer to both is yes. I still got every bit of the despair, depravity, and delicious dirtiness of the story. I still appreciated the horror v. hot conflict in the story line, and the way in which you milked every drop () of shock and sex out of it without the pics. It's a great story. But the presentation here on the forum did, definitely, add to it.

And, by the way, I don't have any clue where you could drum up the financing, but I actually could tutor you on proper screenplay format for your presentation to the money men. Also, I think your president should be played by an older man, 60-ish, Caucasian, probably someone without a decided regional accent, a man of average build (the everyman type), with a full head of salt-and-pepper hair, maybe a guy who can easily think dirty thoughts to allow him to get into his scenes properly. I'll let you know if I think of someone, okay? (The injection scene can be faked easily.)

[ahorsewithnoname]

Originally Posted by wantsomefun

All right, Hunglikea. I've now re-read this tale on the Sex Stories site, but since I won't comment there, for reasons you probably know, I'll say it here.

Reading the story without the professionally slick presentation didn't really detract from it at all. That raises two questions: Does the story really need all the extra work you put into it? Is it strong enough without it?

The answer to both is yes. I still got every bit of the despair, depravity, and delicious dirtiness of the story. I still appreciated the horror v. hot conflict in the story line, and the way in which you milked every drop () of shock and sex out of it without the pics. It's a great story. But the presentation here on the forum did, definitely, add to it.

And, by the way, I don't have any clue where you could drum up the financing, but I actually could tutor you on proper screenplay format for your presentation to the money men. Also, I think your president should be played by an older man, 60-ish, Caucasian, probably someone without a decided regional accent, a man of average build (the everyman type), with a full head of salt-and-pepper hair, maybe a guy who can easily think dirty thoughts to allow him to get into his scenes properly. I'll let you know if I think of someone, okay? (The injection scene can be faked easily.)

Well, sure...I was actually going to ask you to star in it, but from what I've heard, you may be too commanding a presence to take the starring role. I mean, when women around here mention Marlon Brando and you in the same sentence, it gets me nervous that you'd distract from the women. That and your legendary appendage; well, I guess we'll have to let some of the ladies ring in on your role.

[wantsomefun]

Originally Posted by ahorsewithnoname

Well, sure...I was actually going to ask you to star in it, but from what I've heard, you may be too commanding a presence to take the starring role. I mean, when women around here mention Marlon Brando and you in the same sentence, it gets me nervous that you'd distract from the women. That and your legendary appendage; well, I guess we'll have to let some of the ladies ring in on your role.

Who have you been talking to?

They said they wouldn't tell.