A Learning Experience - CAW#12

[Cheltenham]

"The heat waves shimmered in the distance, inexorably rising off the sand in an unmerciful display of mother nature's authority. Relief was nowhere to be found. Off to the left, a rumbling could be heard, the sound signaling the arrival of another biker gang and not thunder as one might expect.

"It was the summer of '69. It was the summer of a falling out between the two brotherhoods."

Glen ended his first two paragraphs with a perfunctory pause before he started on the next sentence.

"That is a good start but I feel like you shouldn't have described the scene so briefly. We already know it is the summer so you don't have to restate it in the sentence that follows. Though I do admire your creativity."

His teacher Miss Yeaton always formed her criticisms into helpful comments. It certainly lessened the blow when she used a special tone of voice with her favorite student. If you've heard the sound of two lovers speaking to each other when there's a sleeping child in the room, you would have an idea of what I mean.

"Well, these paragraphs were mandatory."

She rose to her feet from where she sat behind her desk and came around to the front of it. He stared at her radiant complexion, particularly toward the neckline of her blouse.

"I'm well aware of that, Glen. I expected you to be creative and change it around to suit your purpose. After all, you're in college and this is a creative writing assignment."

He didn't respond and instead continued on with the rest of his story, with his eyes lowered to the page in his hands.

"Their leader parked at the mouth of a cave, which previous generations spent their blood sweat and tears carving, to provide a shelter for their bloodline's warriors.

"Though, due to the way things were run another brotherhood claimed this as their territory. The time came to reclaim these native lands. A battle would be waged on the same day that the Caves of the Rising Phoenix were established two-hundred years ago."

"Very good. If the rest of your story is as interesting as I've found the opening paragraphs, consider yourself the proud recipient of an A+."

She smiled and motioned for him to sit.

"Tomorrow, I will grade your writing assignments. I'll be available for our class period and afterward if there are any questions. Dismissed."

The bell rang and everyone left except of course for Glen and another classmate named Sarah. They left together after a few minutes and headed to the lunchroom upstairs.

She's blond haired and green eyed. As he listened to her talk, Glen couldn't help but smell her scent. Sarah took notice and smiled to herself. They'd stopped walking moments ago, his head was nestled on her chest and his arms were around her in a loose hug.

"I can't help myself. Sometimes I just have to stop wherever we are and..."

His voice trailed off before the thought could be finished. He never had the courage to tell her what she reminded him of. The period bell sounded and neither of them moved as the other students rushed down to their respective rooms.

"It's okay. I know I'm a little weird too."

He sighed and lifted himself up and gave her a brief kiss that left her longing for more.

"Weird or not, I love the way you are."

His hands drifted across her lower back and stayed there for a few seconds as their lips met once more. She pulled his hips closer and felt the bulge in his pants growing. The soft roughness of her tongue swirled around his own deftly, maneuvering like a skilled pilot through turbulence. Though the struggle ended as his hands slipped into the back of her shorts.

"Can we forget about lunch today and go for a drive down by the beach?"

She nipped at his bottom lip. His fingers explored the dampness between her thighs. Two fingers held her folds apart as a third slipped inside.

"I don't think we'll make it to the beach."

He mumbled the words though she dealt with the same urgency.

"We can get started on the way..."

Sarah mewed and closed her eyes as he took her hand. They got into his car and hopped on the interstate. She peeled off her shorts and straddled him. He looked over her shoulder at the road as their vehicle struggled to stay within the lines.

She pressed herself down onto his shaft. It slipped inside wetly into her quivering hole. It stroked along his length in an unbroken rhythm, accented by the slap of her cheeks against his bare thighs.

"I've been waiting all day for you."

"I have too. I started to soak my panties as your fingers were inside of me."

His eyes met hers as they pulled off an exit.

"Sit still for a minute. I don't want to come just yet."

She pressed her ass to his balls and held herself there.

He pulled into his driveway and inside of the garage. Sarah yelped as he cupped her ass and lifted her up out of the car, still impaled on his cock. He opened the adjoining door and entered the kitchen. The coldness of the marble table-top made her whimper as her ass touched it.

Glen eased out of her and knelt as he kissed his way down her chest. Her panties and blouse ended up in a crumpled pile on the floor beside them. She gazed down at him with a childlike fascination, watching his tongue strumming her clit. He spent an hour teasing her to the brink of orgasm. His efforts served a purpose. By this time, she'd become insatiable. The head of his cock played in the entrance of her dripping cunt, barely inching far enough to penetrate though her dewy sheen coated the very tip of his meat.

Her ankles were being held wide apart and he knew it frustrated her to no end. She couldn't pull him closer. There was no other option to sate her need.

Sarah started crying. At that moment, the head of his prick inched slowly up her. She hugged him and trembled as he screwed her roughly. He didn't last more than a dozen strokes before his load coated her innards. Glen played with her clit, massaging its hood along the surface of it.

He withdrew and sucked on her exposed nub. Lightly, he ran his teeth back and forth across the outer edge. She tensed nervously and squirted. He thumbed over its protective hood and waited for her to push him away. Her thighs were shaking. Sarah reached up toward him.

Glen took her back to his room on the other side of the house, into the private bath and sat her on a tiled bench in the shower. He tested the water and sudsed a bar of Dove soap between his hands. She recoiled at his touch initially, the slow movements of each hand along her legs soon changed her mind and warmed her to the idea of being washed. He removed his shirt, jeans and boxers. Sarah's eyes widened though it was for a reason.

He placed a foot on his shoulder as he knelt in front of her and carefully smoothed the silkiness down the backs of her shin and thigh. With the heel cradled in one hand, his fingers swirled around the bottom of her foot and between each toe. There was very little that could turn him off about a woman and this wasn't one of those things. He lowered that foot to the floor and picked up her right one.

With his palm, Glen applied pressure around the pads of her toes as he braced them using the rest of his hand. He traveled to the heel and rubbed it in small circles, then worked his way further up the back of her thigh, shin and around to the front. When he set that foot on the floor of the shower he noticed her knees stayed parted.

He stood facing away from her and washed himself, focusing on the most important parts then working his way outward. He turned the water off and patted her dry with a towel. Once he took care of himself, Glen left the room and returned with a burgundy robe. She saw him tie it closed and felt herself being lifted into the air. He laid her on his bed. Sarah smiled. Her eyes closed and she was asleep within minutes.

He went to the den, which was just off the bedroom and turned on the television. The Olympics were being broadcast.

She found him in a recliner an hour later and settled onto his lap with her legs on each side of him. His robe was untied. The sensation of her bare thighs lying across his woke him.

"Did you sleep well?"

"For the short time it was, I did."

She kissed him very softly, his shaft nestled halfway inside of her until she sank down the rest of the way.

"What are we going to do about dinner?"

He held her close and kissed the space between her breasts.

"I can think of something I'd like to eat. And we won't have to make it."

Sarah gazed down at him with a twinkle in her eyes.

"I knew you would say that."

*****

[wantsomefun]

I see what you did there.

Clever. You did what I'm sure no one else thought of doing -- followed the rules, incorporated the "theme" very well, and then went gleefully off course, writing a hot little story that had very little to do with the restrictions of those first two paragraphs.

Very nice. Very sexy.







** sigh **

This is gonna get difficult, isn't it? The decision-making, I mean.

[Prurient Purveyer]

Originally Posted by wantsomefun

I see what you did there.

Clever. You did what I'm sure no one else thought of doing -- followed the rules, incorporated the "theme" very well, and then went gleefully off course, writing a hot little story that had very little to do with the restrictions of those first two paragraphs.

Very nice. Very sexy.







** sigh **

This is gonna get difficult, isn't it? The decision-making, I mean.

Well only me, and Dizzy does the quote thing- hope we all get in to Professor Horse's Caw- otherwise,yep its unique.

Good story Chelters.

[ELaken-Palmer]

Enjoyed the story. You went for a heavy dose of sex in this one after a brush with the theme. Well done. Good luck with this entry.
Enjoy reading the entries and VOTE!

[snowleopard3200]

Originally Posted by wantsomefun

I see what you did there.

Clever. You did what I'm sure no one else thought of doing -- followed the rules, incorporated the "theme" very well, and then went gleefully off course, writing a hot little story that had very little to do with the restrictions of those first two paragraphs.

Very nice. Very sexy.

** sigh **

This is gonna get difficult, isn't it? The decision-making, I mean.

WantSomeFun - he is not the only CAW entry to gleefully go off course. Be sure to check my entry out of "Mr Phillips and Miss Jasmine."

This is one great story, the choices to come in voting will be difficult.

[Cheltenham]

Thank you all for reading

Make sure to vote when the time comes.

[snowleopard3200]

An large bounce...

[clairebare]

Good story. Two thumbs up.

[darthel0101]

One deviates by writing, another deviates by reading.

I guess we are all a bunch of deviants.

Good writing and good luck in the voting.
--------------
edited to say - make that two deviate by writing

[JackassTales]

Short & sweet stories are often the best for quickie reads. I liked this.

[ejls]

Nice twist, but I think what I liked best about your story is that I could feel the intensity of their feelings. I found myself smiling. Thank you for that.

[Cheltenham]

Well, thanks everyone

It was a pleasure to write this for the CAW.

[BlackRonin]

This one is brief enough that I can critique the material directly.

Originally Posted by Cheltenham

"The heat waves shimmered in the distance, inexorably rising off the sand in an unmerciful display of mother nature's authority. Relief was nowhere to be found. Off to the left, a rumbling could be heard, the sound signaling the arrival of another biker gang and not thunder as one might expect.

"It was the summer of '69. It was the summer of a falling out between the two brotherhoods."

Not that this isn't clever (I'd thought of the same thing), but honestly, this story-within-a-story sounds intriguing and I'm kind of disappointed we didn't get to hear more of it.

Glen ended his first two paragraphs with a perfunctory pause before he started on the next sentence.

Nice, deft reveal.

"That is a good start but I feel like you shouldn't have described the scene so briefly. We already know it is the summer so you don't have to restate it in the sentence that follows. Though I do admire your creativity."

His teacher Miss Yeaton always formed her criticisms into helpful comments. It certainly lessened the blow when she used a special tone of voice with her favorite student. If you've heard the sound of two lovers speaking to each other when there's a sleeping child in the room, you would have an idea of what I mean.

I really like that image; evocative. But why don't we have more Miss Yeaton in this story? Also, minor thing, but if this is a college course it seems "professor" would be more likely than just "miss."

"Well, these paragraphs were mandatory."

She rose to her feet from where she sat behind her desk and came around to the front of it. He stared at her radiant complexion, particularly toward the neckline of her blouse.

This is wordy; "She stood up from her desk" gets the same thing done in less space.

Highlighting the complexion is good, don't see that one used much and it evokes a mental image of the rest of her appearance. But again, all of this seems to set her up to be featured more later, but she'll shortly drop out of the whole story. Why?

"I'm well aware of that, Glen. I expected you to be creative and change it around to suit your purpose. After all, you're in college and this is a creative writing assignment."

Bit clunky on the exposition there. "You're in college and this is a creative writing assignment...not sure why I brought that up, since we both already know these things. I guess I just like to remind myself now and then."

Sorry, that sounded a little acerbic, but you see what I mean. You can convey this same information through context in a much more graceful manner. Even overtly expressing it through narration is better than info dumping in a line of dialogue.

He didn't respond and instead continued on with the rest of his story, with his eyes lowered to the page in his hands.

"Their leader parked at the mouth of a cave, which previous generations spent their blood sweat and tears carving, to provide a shelter for their bloodline's warriors.

"Though, due to the way things were run another brotherhood claimed this as their territory. The time came to reclaim these native lands. A battle would be waged on the same day that the Caves of the Rising Phoenix were established two-hundred years ago."

Small thing, but if he's reading off of something then there should be two sets of quotes, exterior ones ("") to mark his dialogue and then interior ones ('') to indicate that he is himself quoting.

"Very good. If the rest of your story is as interesting as I've found the opening paragraphs, consider yourself the proud recipient of an A+."

She smiled and motioned for him to sit.

"Tomorrow, I will grade your writing assignments. I'll be available for our class period and afterward if there are any questions. Dismissed."

Hey, come back to that, I want to know what that story was all about!

It's not just idle curiosity on my part; you've spent a couple hundred words on this assignment but it doesn't add to the story at all. You've introduced a character relevant to the assignment, but then she doesn't add anything either. You could start this story when Glen leaves class; because that actually is when the story starts.

By the way, how can you have two-hundred-year-old biker gangs?

The bell rang and everyone left except of course for Glen and another classmate named Sarah. They left together after a few minutes and headed to the lunchroom upstairs.

Again, a touch wordy: It could be just "except for Glen and Sarah." Context is more than enough to tell us she's another student. Why else would she be there? I know these are little things and it sounds like I'm being an asshole, but little things can tighten up a story quite a lot.

She's blond haired and green eyed. As he listened to her talk, Glen couldn't help but smell her scent. Sarah took notice and smiled to herself. They'd stopped walking moments ago, his head was nestled on her chest and his arms were around her in a loose hug.

Your tense gets a bit confused for a second there: First sentence is present "She is", the rest is past, like most of the story. Not a huge deal, but a slip.

"I can't help myself. Sometimes I just have to stop wherever we are and..."

His voice trailed off before the thought could be finished. He never had the courage to tell her what she reminded him of. The period bell sounded and neither of them moved as the other students rushed down to their respective rooms.

Wait, what does she remind him of? He doesn't want to tell her, but he could still tell us. Perhaps he doesn't know himself? Perhaps that's the entire idea? If that's the case, it should probably say so. This is, however, a good character moment dispute the vagueness, rather a keystone moment for the story's tone, in fact.

"It's okay. I know I'm a little weird too."

He sighed and lifted himself up and gave her a brief kiss that left her longing for more.

"Weird or not, I love the way you are."

His hands drifted across her lower back and stayed there for a few seconds as their lips met once more. She pulled his hips closer and felt the bulge in his pants growing. The soft roughness of her tongue swirled around his own deftly, maneuvering like a skilled pilot through turbulence. Though the struggle ended as his hands slipped into the back of her shorts.

I notice that the perspective starts to shift a bit toward her as soon as they get physical, which is a nice touch. I'd consider playing that up more, as it's a really great, subtle way to characterize her as the more sensual (in the dictionary sense of the word) and tactile of the two.

"Can we forget about lunch today and go for a drive down by the beach?"

She nipped at his bottom lip. His fingers explored the dampness between her thighs. Two fingers held her folds apart as a third slipped inside.

"I don't think we'll make it to the beach."

He mumbled the words though she dealt with the same urgency.

"We can get started on the way..."

Sarah mewed and closed her eyes as he took her hand. They got into his car and hopped on the interstate. She peeled off her shorts and straddled him. He looked over her shoulder at the road as their vehicle struggled to stay within the lines.

See, I was a little disappointed that Miss Yeaton didn't interrupt the two and ask to join them. Okay, so it's not quite that kind of sex story, but again, why is she even in this? Why mention that he's her "favorite student" and that they discuss assignments in the tone of pillow talk and that she's a hot teacher? Really felt you were setting us up for something there, but now it might as well have happened in a different story.

She pressed herself down onto his shaft. It slipped inside wetly into her quivering hole. It stroked along his length in an unbroken rhythm, accented by the slap of her cheeks against his bare thighs.

"I've been waiting all day for you."

"I have too. I started to soak my panties as your fingers were inside of me."

His eyes met hers as they pulled off an exit.

"Sit still for a minute. I don't want to come just yet."

She pressed her ass to his balls and held herself there.

I really like that line about struggling to stay in the lines, but it would work better a little lower, where it could mirror his efforts to avoid prematurely climaxing. It could also play up the character note from earlier: She's fixated primarily on the sensation of what's happening, while he's keeping track of other things. It's a great dynamic between them, but the lines bringing it out need to be just a touch more bold.

He pulled into his driveway and inside of the garage. Sarah yelped as he cupped her ass and lifted her up out of the car, still impaled on his cock. He opened the adjoining door and entered the kitchen. The coldness of the marble table-top made her whimper as her ass touched it.

Glen eased out of her and knelt as he kissed his way down her chest. Her panties and blouse ended up in a crumpled pile on the floor beside them. She gazed down at him with a childlike fascination, watching his tongue strumming her clit. He spent an hour teasing her to the brink of orgasm. His efforts served a purpose. By this time, she'd become insatiable. The head of his cock played in the entrance of her dripping cunt, barely inching far enough to penetrate though her dewy sheen coated the very tip of his meat.

Her ankles were being held wide apart and he knew it frustrated her to no end. She couldn't pull him closer. There was no other option to sate her need.

Looking back the beginning of the story, they seem to switch roles a bit: he's initially the more eager of the two ("I don't think we'll make it to the beach"), but after that she favors the direct approach while he likes to draw things out. Like I said, the characterization of their relationship through their actions is very well handled, but if you switched those two lines around back upstairs they'd be more consistent, and that exchange would become a great bottle experiment of their relationship. The kind of thing to watch for when you're doing a third draft or so.

Sarah started crying. At that moment, the head of his prick inched slowly up her. She hugged him and trembled as he screwed her roughly. He didn't last more than a dozen strokes before his load coated her innards. Glen played with her clit, massaging its hood along the surface of it.

He withdrew and sucked on her exposed nub. Lightly, he ran his teeth back and forth across the outer edge. She tensed nervously and squirted. He thumbed over its protective hood and waited for her to push him away. Her thighs were shaking. Sarah reached up toward him.

Glen took her back to his room on the other side of the house, into the private bath and sat her on a tiled bench in the shower.

Wait a minute, first he was going to the bedroom, now the bathroom? Feels like we could skip the interring step. I guess it's neat that he has a private bath off the bedroom, but how much do we need to know about the layout of his house?

Also, minor thing, but aren't they in college? Whose house is this?

He tested the water and sudsed a bar of Dove soap between his hands. She recoiled at his touch initially, the slow movements of each hand along her legs soon changed her mind and warmed her to the idea of being washed. He removed his shirt, jeans and boxers. Sarah's eyes widened though it was for a reason.

Heh. Nice touch.

He placed a foot on his shoulder as he knelt in front of her and carefully smoothed the silkiness down the backs of her shin and thigh. With the heel cradled in one hand, his fingers swirled around the bottom of her foot and between each toe. There was very little that could turn him off about a woman and this wasn't one of those things. He lowered that foot to the floor and picked up her right one.

With his palm, Glen applied pressure around the pads of her toes as he braced them using the rest of his hand. He traveled to the heel and rubbed it in small circles, then worked his way further up the back of her thigh, shin and around to the front. When he set that foot on the floor of the shower he noticed her knees stayed parted.

I like the foot thing too; never was into feet myself, but a lot of people are, and it's a little quirky thing that gives the two a bit more dimension without dwelling on it so much as to turn off anyone who doesn't share the fetish.

He stood facing away from her and washed himself, focusing on the most important parts then working his way outward. He turned the water off and patted her dry with a towel. Once he took care of himself, Glen left the room and returned with a burgundy robe. She saw him tie it closed and felt herself being lifted into the air. He laid her on his bed. Sarah smiled. Her eyes closed and she was asleep within minutes.

Burgundy's a good color, very vivid. Usually it's only worthwhile to mention colors when they're out of the ordinary, as it makes the image stand out in very stark relief, and this is a good use of that.

He went to the den, which was just off the bedroom and turned on the television. The Olympics were being broadcast.

A den? This must be his parent's house. Where are they? I guess it's not that important, but, well, I'm finding myself asking.

She found him in a recliner an hour later and settled onto his lap with her legs on each side of him. His robe was untied. The sensation of her bare thighs lying across his woke him.

"Did you sleep well?"

"For the short time it was, I did."

She kissed him very softly, his shaft nestled halfway inside of her until she sank down the rest of the way.

"What are we going to do about dinner?"

He held her close and kissed the space between her breasts.

"I can think of something I'd like to eat. And we won't have to make it."

Sarah gazed down at him with a twinkle in her eyes.

"I knew you would say that."

Well that wasn't bad. I like the relationship, feels genuine and very sweet, and the give and take is very well realized. I do, however, note that you start one story and then completely ditch it in favor of a second one. This feels like a story that is either too short by half (if the elements from the first few paragraphs came back up then it would justify their inclusion) or too long by a quarter (just cut those classroom scenes entirely, since they add nothing. I guess then you'd lose the required two paragraphs, but those could have come up in a different context; perhaps Glen was having Sarah read his writing assignment over after class? Well, too late now I realize, but still, this structure is way out of whack).

[Cheltenham]

Originally Posted by BlackRonin

...concise critique, [edited]

Can I note that I haven't learned proper punctuation? I wasn't sure about the quotation marks. Other than that, I see what you're getting at.

I just wanted to meet the challenge. Surprisingly enough, I wrote this in a week and on a whim. I'd originally bowed out of the competition but in this past week I had an idea. The first paragraphs were salvaged from my first attempt at this CAW (yes, there is a complete story there) which I plan to finish.

I tried to pull the two ideas together and wanted to meet the deadline, so that is my fault. The next time something like this happens I will take the necessary steps to deliver a final draft.

I will take heed to your guidance, BlackRonin.

[ejls]

Bump

[Dizzyworks673]

Bump

[ejls]

Bump

[Dizzyworks673]

Bump

[snowleopard3200]

bump

[Dizzyworks673]

Bump

[darthel0101]

Originally Posted by Dizzyworks673

Bump

yep

[Dizzyworks673]

bump

[darthel0101]

Bump

[Dizzyworks673]

bump

[Dizzyworks673]

bumped again

[JadeM]

Smoothly done and very sexy

[snowleopard3200]

bounce

[Dizzyworks673]

bump

[Dizzyworks673]

Bump

[HisBabyGirl]

Wonderful, sweet, and sexy. I did some power reading today and now I can go back and take the time to comment. All of these entries have been wonderful.

[Dizzyworks673]

bump

[snowleopard3200]

"Unleash the dogs of war..." So said the Klingon commander before his ship exploded.

[CapitanMe]

...

[pineapplelovers69]

Having read a few of BlackRonin's reviews, we believe what he's trying to say is, "Cool story, bro."

What you get from him is instructional. At first reading it may sound harsh, but if we got a review from him, we'd listen. Like Clarise, he nit-picks a story, more when he likes it.

We agree with him. Cool story, bro.

[snowleopard3200]

bounce

[Cheltenham]

Originally Posted by pineapplelovers69

Having read a few of BlackRonin's reviews, we believe what he's trying to say is, "Cool story, bro."

What you get from him is instructional. At first reading it may sound harsh, but if we got a review from him, we'd listen. Like Clarise, he nit-picks a story, more when he likes it.

We agree with him. Cool story, bro.

'We' agree with him sounds like you are a tribunal or something.

I basically got that impression from the review. I like that he's technical and pointed out where I could have improved.

And thank you PL69.

[pineapplelovers69]

Originally Posted by Cheltenham

'We' agree with him sounds like you are a tribunal or something.

I basically got that impression from the review. I like that he's technical and pointed out where I could have improved.

And thank you PL69.

Not a tribunal - just a couple who shares this account.

[Dizzyworks673]

bump

[darthel0101]

Originally Posted by Dizzyworks673

bump

ditto

[wantsomefun]

The "hot for teacher" thing with Miss Yeaton could have been a story on its own, or, as someone mentioned, could have led to girl/girl or threesome stuff, which wasn't what you seemed to want to do.

I thought it made Glen seem more real -- a horny college kid. There was a young faculty member who taught a freshman English Comp class where I went to college. She had the job title of "Instructor", lower even than "Junior Professor," since she was still working on her Master's Degree. We called her Miss -- Miss Ass.

The car sex scene was a lot of fun. I was never quite that crazy as a kid -- driving a manual transmission car in stop-and-go traffic while getting road head was difficult enough!

Nice little story. You need to write more often.

[snowleopard3200]

bounce

[Dizzyworks673]

.

[Cheltenham]

Originally Posted by pineapplelovers69

Not a tribunal - just a couple who shares this account.

I never understood that. Cheers!

[Cheltenham]

Originally Posted by wantsomefun

The "hot for teacher" thing with Miss Yeaton could have been a story on its own, or, as someone mentioned, could have led to girl/girl or threesome stuff, which wasn't what you seemed to want to do.

I thought it made Glen seem more real -- a horny college kid. There was a young faculty member who taught a freshman English Comp class where I went to college. She had the job title of "Instructor", lower even than "Junior Professor," since she was still working on her Master's Degree. We called her Miss -- Miss Ass.

The car sex scene was a lot of fun. I was never quite that crazy as a kid -- driving a manual transmission car in stop-and-go traffic while getting road head was difficult enough!

Nice little story. You need to write more often.

I decided to write something that I enjoyed putting on paper. I expected a bit more of a response though since a majority of my stories deal with cannibalism, death and gore.

Maybe people were expecting more of the same?

At any rate, thanks wantsomefun for your comment. That is where I was going with this. If I wanted there to be an orgy I would have done so. I'll try and write something that is more engaging for the next CAW and hope for the best.

[JayneyRedd]

POW!!!

Take that!

Short but sweet - good little tale Cheltenham, I loved it!

[Cheltenham]

Originally Posted by JayneyRedd

POW!!!

Take that!

Short but sweet - good little tale Cheltenham, I loved it!

I know I'm a little late in saying this, but thank you

I wanted it to be short and sweet. This is actually one of the first things I've written in a long while, so it's nice to have posted it.

I am working on a rewrite and a part two to be completed asap.