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  1. SensualRobin

    SensualRobin Porn Star

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    I'm within the same mindset of Rinoscope.
     
    #21
  2. CaCypher

    CaCypher Porn Star

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    Please do continue, Milo. It is a pleasure to read your thoughts on these matters. :)
     
    #22
  3. Milo Cronos

    Milo Cronos The Sexual Intellectual

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    Lesson #11 "YOU WANNA PUT THAT, WHERE?"

    “DON'T BE SO ANAL!” I heard her say but, “What if it's just what I'm looking for?” Anal isn't for everyone, as for lovers that want to give it shot the beginning can be rough and lessen your chances for future attempts or even adding it into the repertoire if it's done wrong! While carrying on an easy sex life of oral and vaginal penetration we don't prepare ourselves to go back to a slower initiation, in this matter we'll have to! (With rare exceptions like a lover who's had anal before?)

    1. Myth #1: The anus is not self lubricating? FALSE: The secretion that allows excrement to flow can enhance applied lubrication but, is insufficient for the rigors of anal!
    2. Myth#2: Any old lube will do? False: Some lubes like cooking oils and Vaseline will not only break down a condom in use but, can irritate the soft lining (fissure) of the anal walls or be absorbed causing what most have explained as “Anal Lock!” or being stuck inside! (Caution: Take great care to not pull out should “Anal Lock” occur, stop and think un-dirty thoughts till you can safely remove yourself and buy a good water based lube,Ya cheap bastard!)
    3. Myth#3: Will I get shit on my dick or toy? About an hour after a good bowel movement, the anus self cleans and excrement is only stored in the bowels above it. Soap and water take care of most of the evident bacteria but, if you feel so inclined the occasional enema is O.K. Warning: Don't use them too often as the body is inherently lazy and can become reliant on extra cleansing (similar to over douching) and throw your Ph balance causing more problems!
    4. Question: Can I go deep and how far is too far? Anal sex is not a game of depth but, the one time that a shallow technique coupled with pleasure on the pulling rather than the push is well recommended (It takes a little bit to get used to thinking in reverse but, you'll thank me)
    5. Question: How much foreplay is enough? This question should never be asked because let's face it, Foreplay should make up the majority of sex because once you penetrate your rounding the bases toward home and finishing (On average) But given you should know let me say that if foreplay is on a 1-10 give it a 12, you can't be too horny to get them ready, if you know how to take control and a little extra goes a long way!
    6. Recap: Respect the anal with a cleaning, foreplay is on 12, plenty of water based lube to start, go inch by inch till, your lover feels good (stop if it hurts, don't pull or push), pull for pleasure and don't get discouraged if it doesn't work the first time, respect your partner and I'm sure there will be another chance (Add up the successes sexually and learn as you go) Best of Luck , Milo :excited:
     
    #23
  4. FesCity

    FesCity Porn Surfer

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    yeah
     
    #24
  5. Milo Cronos

    Milo Cronos The Sexual Intellectual

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    More A Thought Than A New Lesson?

    Long Term Committed Sexual Relationship

    A concept I've written about in the past to sexually based articles on the subject “What alternatives do I have in an otherwise great sexual relationship without the hassle of condoms or falling in love? My answer is to openly and honestly discuss with your lover the possibilities of a Long Term Sexual Relationship, one in which you have all the advantages of exclusivity (and tested partner) with the same respect given to a husband or wife in the way of constantly improving sexual relations to the point of consistent pleasure. Most relationships will suffer in silence long before seeking therapy or an alternate lover, why not (through trust) give each other the promise to actively discuss changes or improvements that can be made in making love without having to sign documents or have a ceremony which means nothing if communication breaks down. The agreement (which would work for married and committed relationships) is one of, “I'm here for your pleasure and you for mine, we promise to be honestly open to each others individual ideas without fear of reprisal or ultimatums if our whims are not fulfilled. But to constantly keep our knowledge that we are only exclusive through honesty and respect for the others pleasure and to serve safely each others sexual needs?” Wouldn't it be easier to know up front that you've always wanted to explore same sex, S&M, orgies, etc; and at least have an open partner who although may not agree say to you, “Let's explore alternatives that may fulfill these needs or Sure, here's the ground rules? I've been married for many years and my wife has known of my predilections only over time and under the right conditions where I would've been more comfortable telling her, “Yes I've thought about what it would be like to be with a TV and not have her think that it's a constant thought or even an action that I'd take while with her?” Better yet to have her ask “What is your most outrageous fantasy and I'd ask her?” without feeling like it's due to a dissatisfaction in what we already have (like a betrayal of mental trust.) I've had two of these relationships that ended on amicable terms once the essence couldn't hold it's form or we were moving in different next directions.
    Just something to think about everyone till, next time, Milo ;)
     
    #25
  6. Milo Cronos

    Milo Cronos The Sexual Intellectual

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    People's Choice, Majority Rules?

    1) S&M
    2) B&D
    3) Swinging
    4) The stages of sexual exploration and discovery in an "Adult Sexual Relationship"
    I haven't ran out of ideas, I'm off for 9 days vacation?:excited:
     
    #26
  7. Milo Cronos

    Milo Cronos The Sexual Intellectual

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    Lesson #12

    Sexuality and Progression in Relationships
    To try and understand, improve or see the pitfalls before they happen you must first understand the average stages most relationships face?

    1. Infatuation: Everything is new and sweetened with the freshness that can only come through new beginnings. Every curve of their body and inch of their skin offers possibilities unlike the first or last lover you had, how long it lasts is debatable? But, when highly sexual types come together this magic is the thread that binds them for years if you never lose sight of this important step? Most will unfortunately! Hint: The slightest changes over a period of years can make the biggest difference?
    2. Discovery: The uncovering of little idiosyncrasy that make up the foundation for future changes and exploration both good and bad in the bedroom dependent on what we do with the information? Hint: Take mental notes of changes in their body shifts, verbal clues and anything that gives you insight to improve (we can all evolve as lovers!)
    3. Curiosity: That little voice inside your head that says,” If we find someone long term this is what we'd like to try?” Trust your lover's intentions and find ways to allow them to express their fantasies even, if their different from what your use to and make sure they extend you the same courtesy of hearing your pros and cons to each suggestion! Hint: Heavy B&D/S&M, Bisexuality and Swinging are lifestyles and not just mere fantasies, respect their concerns!
    4. Experimentation: Should be an ongoing scope based on the first three criteria, Respect concerns, Honor commitment and Grant wishes when they do no harm physically, mentally or spiritually!
    5. Complacency: A place we will all come to in our relationship, it's what we do with it that matters most for the future? It can be a place to bask in the warm sunshine of what we've learned along the way or a sticking point to which we've lost ourselves through accident or design? This is why we should always strive to keep our intimate lives alive, separate and just as important as any other part of our life that brings returns of joy and elation! Hint: Great sex lives are a design that doesn't happen by accident or overnight!
    6. Frustration or Blissful Reconciliation: You choose what happens next,” If you could be a better cocksucker or labia lapping fool?”, you must first find then, implement the tools available and practice, practice, practice till your amazing! This is where I'll leave you and where I'll just say, “ If your lover is truly worth it to you ,as you are to them then every frustration will be a new reason to keep moving in the right direction and find solutions that are as individual as a fingerprint? My Very Best To All, Milo;)
     
    #27
  8. Milo Cronos

    Milo Cronos The Sexual Intellectual

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    Lesson #13

    The Best Aphrodisiac Ever!
    Strength+Endurance+Flexibility=Health, The best aphrodisiac ever! And it doesn't require major changes? Someday soon we'll look at our lover and the instant hard on that lasted for hours or the massive sex drive that propelled our sex life will fall short, leaving us open for the wrong interpretation of what it means? We'll start questioning our abilities or the ability of our lover to excite us (as a mechanism to transfer fault) when in fact it all starts with us so, why not stack the deck in our favor long before we need a pill or elixir that only works temporarily? After 20 years of martial arts training everyday I fell into it, between raising kids, bills, excessive work hours moving toward the ultimate dream of making a life for my family and it wasn't till after the birth of my granddaughter that I realized I'd fallen into disrepair through alcoholism, smoking (cigarettes and weed!) and felt run down looking for any penis pill that would give me hope! At 36 years old a natural bodybuilder challenged me by saying,” Small changes over a long period of time could turn it all around?” he was right!

    1. Nutrition- I'm not talking a carrot sticks and celery diet (a dirty word) just look at what your eating and make small replacements so that everything you reduce or give up is replaced with something better? Soda and massive coffee becomes Crystal Light and herbal teas at first occasionally, learn how to cook over take out or quick canned or microwave meals? As a chef I can tell you that cooking works two fold, you control what goes in to the meal's ingredients and there's nothing better than cooking your lover a beautiful food (men step up too!) Basic and simple rules for weight balance: Eat within 45 minutes of rising (you'll store less fat all day), The rule of 3rds for your plate each third represented by a lean protein, a vegetable (steamed or stir fried) and a starch (brown rice or baked potatoes) and most importantly promise yourself 6 days on 1 day off, where you can enjoy that cheesecake!
    2. Hydration- This affects everything sexual and living, a gallon of water a day if your over 150 pounds more, on the days you sweat or work out! Water taste like nothing so feel free to add Crystal Light (low calories, no sugar, no fat) no more than an hour every day should be without 6-8 oz. Of water O.K.?
    3. Periodization- This word is used in weight lifting circles to represent changes in exercise routines so, that the body (which adapts quickly) can continually strengthen muscle and burn fat! Let's not make this too complicated, exercising needs to be done 30 minutes continuously every day, 6 days on 1 day off (your diet day off is perfect) Pick anything you want or find what appeals to you, if your a generally lazy person or can't get out much but, you sit and watch an hour of TV a night? A small portable treadmill or stationary bike during one of your programs is fine! Want to get out of the house walking counts but, only if it's 30 minutes continuously! If your not going to the gym a pair of light Barbie dumbbells or stretch bands, a good sturdy chair and a basic program of progressive resistance should be added on alternate days to your 30 minute routines. The point here is move, slowly at first and you can see the benefits of diligence in as little as 30-90 days just with these 3 steps I mentioned!
    4. Rest and Relaxation- No one person is an island or can run continuously without taking a little time to just decompress (as I call it) my three favorites I stretch daily, try a simple routine off the Internet that encompasses the whole body ( if your heavy, a routine for geriatric folks will do) Meditation is nothing more than sitting in a comfortable chair with your hands on your lap breathing slow and mindfully to reduce stress ( if you chose to take classes) Transcendental meditation (15 minutes is equivalent to 2 hours of sleep) yoga or Tai Chi (A.K.A. Moving meditation) are incredible! Make sure to get a lot of good quiet sleep or cat naps when you can, if you go for days running around you need this for your health (I sleep 5 hours a night and have since my kids were small)
    5. Supplementation- A good multivitamin can go a long way along with a fish oil or flax oil pill (for vegans) but, when were talking about sex there are many supplements that can be taken daily that in as little as two weeks can improve men and women's sexual responses dramatically (over the pill taken just before sex?) The greatest reviews come from Consumer Labs (Consumer Reports for supplements) For men or women Viramax (No Yohimbe!) or Hot Plants created by an expert on medicinal plants, these are taken everyday and have shown the most improvements for the average lover? Put this information to good use and maybe we can cut back on the Viagra and Cialis or look for the female equivalents, my intention in this bit of information all leads to combining an active lifestyle for an active love life! Talk these changes over with your lover and let's work together in reducing cheating, lonely nights of being to tired to bang! With my utmost respect and love for the couples who stay together through it all, I hope this inspires Great Sex! P.S. Feel free to ask any questions about these steps or in their details (You all know I'll reply) Milo;)
     
    #28
  9. Milo Cronos

    Milo Cronos The Sexual Intellectual

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    The Beginner's Box Set of Sex 101

    At any party or adult function when sex is mentioned I have a habit of becoming the center of attention due to my knowledge? Once I was cornered by an old queen who said "How the fuck do you know all this stuff and how do I know if your right?" I wasn't giving him an easy way to go, "Can you read?" and blew off a list of must read titles! For anyone who still enjoys a good book who'd love to improve their sexual knowledge and understanding here's the best of the best!
    1)The Joy of Sex edited by Alex Comfort M.B. PhD
    The basics and intermediate understanding of sex as a singular entity to making love work, written in normal down to earth speak with verified understandings of sex from all parts of the professional community and studies in the field of sexual expression! (A must for any lovers bookshelf)
    2) Sex for Dummies by Dr. Ruth Westheimer
    Similar to The Joy of Sex but, more amusingly written in smaller less wordy bites! (It's Good)
    3) Anal and Oral Love by James Bellah
    Explains the whole history of our prediliction to and fascination with anal and oral sex, it's beginnings and cultural differences around the world and at different times in history! (Worth adding to any collection)
    4) Anal Pleasure and Health by Jack Morin PhD
    For all who want to know "How to?" this is a complete text on everyone's favorite pastime from the avid explorer to the nervous beginner!
    5) Sexual Energy Ecstasy by David and Ellen Ramsdale
    A combination of eastern and western practices for the lover looking to take it to the next level anything from higher orgasmic planes, body control and manipulation and a higher understanding of your sexual self! (It's a long study and read but, you'll never regret it when put into practice!)
    This of course is just a smidgen of what I've read but, I assure you hours of fun homework if you should decide to take on any one of these books. Milo:excited:
     
    #29
  10. Milo Cronos

    Milo Cronos The Sexual Intellectual

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    Let's Throw Away The Yesterday!

    Thus far this journey into sex has been fundamental and I assure you it'll get more advanced as we go on but, first we must understand where we've been to gauge where and how far we've come as sexual beings. If you've ever wanted to know where your morals began and still reside in the depths of the mind when it comes to forbidden carnal knowledge the journey starts at the Hellfire sermons of the late 1600's and early 1700''s!
    War, disease and pestilence decimated the people of that time, a common cold could kill you and this why anal, oral and homosexual sex acts became forbidden?
    Women were strong and tilled the land, raised the children, fought off marauders and created councils that would precede the P.T.A. their lack of carnal knowledge during those times believed that man and woman could only produce offspring as long as their essence held out. They believed that as a man shot his load that he was only given so much viable seed to work with, being frivolous with it such as extramarital affairs and sex that did not serve the purpose of procreation was a sin against God! As a woman could only produce one gestation every 9-12 months a man's seed in time of crisis could repopulate a village in a short period of time.
    It became common knowledge that while men went off to hunt, build new villages and fight wars that they began having homosexual sex and at home their women (although less) practiced lesbianism, this angered the eldest women who realized that men wasted seed and women could become enchanted by wayward women and possibly disinterested in their men upon return? There was also the fear that new diseases were being passed through sexual contact making men sick and dead, this is why a man's death is still mourned more over in third world countries due to his procreativity power.
    The pastors and clerics got together and decided that any sexual act not intended for procreation was a sin against God and Mankind directly and they created the Hellfire sermons pertaining to "Laying down with man", "All oral congress", "Masturbation" and "Anal insertion" This very well included your wife, mistress, male cohorts and solo exploration!
    If you ever ask where we went wrong in our thoughts of sex and why so, many still fight against the will of the natural mind and body you'll find your answers 400 or more years ago! Milo :eek:
     
    #30
  11. Milo Cronos

    Milo Cronos The Sexual Intellectual

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    Back to the Grind!

    It's the end of my 9 day vacation and it's been fun keeping up on the thread while meeting new people and variety of opinions on so, many subjects this week in their own threads, Although Advanced Sexual Techniques 911 didn't receive many posts it's been viewed over 2500 times and that makes me happy, I hope my sincerity shows in that it's given others more questions to look for more answers in improving their own sexual journey, to maybe not make the mistakes I and others have and generally having a good time writing about my favorite subject! I consider how many misguided or ill informed teens, young adults and adults in general have benefited from all the experienced knowledge of us on XNXX, what we learn might save a life or sexually committed relationship :excited:
    See you all next week for more, here's a hint? Sticks and stones may break my bones but, Whips and Chains excite me! :cool: MILO
     
    #31
  12. Laura953

    Laura953 Sex Machine

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    :kiss::kiss::kiss:
    perfect lessons!
    when the next holiday?
    so you can write 912 lessons lol
     
    #32
  13. screamer6y

    screamer6y Sex Machine

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    I think that you are overthinking it. If it feels good do it. Dont be shy. Speak your mind. Although the mouthwash rule i have never heard or considered....GREAT idea!
     
    #33
  14. Milo Cronos

    Milo Cronos The Sexual Intellectual

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    First week of August for our 26th wedding anniversary and new fun will arrive shortly in writing once I'm back to the swing of work. Thanks
     
    #34
  15. Milo Cronos

    Milo Cronos The Sexual Intellectual

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    Trust me it's not over thinking, this is just me and random sexual thought that happens every day? Thanks
     
    #35
  16. Milo Cronos

    Milo Cronos The Sexual Intellectual

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    Lesson #14 The Primer of the S&M/B&D Relationship

    STICKS AND STONES MAY BREAK MY BONES BUT, WHIPS AND CHAINS EXCITE ME!”
    Everyone I believe will have thoughts about even the most mild forms of B&D or S&M without even realizing they practice a version of it in the daily dynamics of usual sexual pleasure, what is sex if we're not giving ourselves to another with wild abandoned or guiding our lovers through a series of sexual wills and wants? (I'd say boring.) Imagine if both lovers wanted control ,you'd have a power struggle or if two lovers submitted waiting for the other to give their all, what you'd end up with in a sexual stalemate that would frustrate more than excite the senses? Fortunately sex is a living, breathing organism just full of exploration and discovery that when we learn to harness these opposing forces of submissive/dominant power, sex takes on a whole new meaning and can really bring a couple closer together (or tear them apart, read on!) One warning: Be very careful when committing to this type of play that neither the submissive has gone through a traumatic sexual experience (like rape or molestation) or that the dominant personality is not an already abusive person, power sex can bring out the best as well as the worst in people unstable to handle the mental transitions or the physical demands O.K.? That said discovering your lover's dark side is an exciting game and one that allows your mind free rein to incorporate it with other more usual fantasies like schoolgirl/teacher, pseudo rape scenes or age play work real well as primers (just for ideas) it can be a simple slap on the ass to an elaborate role playing with tools of the trade, just remember to start small. The definitions are known and intertwine within themselves as you figure out your role in this game none are exclusive except, to the extent in which you derive pleasure from them (let no one pressure you) Masochism, Sadism, Bondage, Discipline ,Submissive and Dominant?
    The plan should be discussed prior maybe over a few drinks or just relaxing outside the bedroom together to establish boundaries and limitations, be complete in any concerns or incorporations that are necessary for your first session of who'll play the dominant or the submissive role first! These ideas are just the foundation so, let's go over a few rules of play beyond the aforementioned warning;

    1. Always establish a safe word!: I can't stress this enough that a very intense session played strictly for fun can be seen by the law as rape if it goes too far, use a word irrelevant to sex like Red, Blue, Bologna etc; and once it's uttered it's time to slow down or dial back the overall intensity? The double tap method verbally works, utter the word once and it slows down twice and you completely stop! (No questioning the submissive, you can talk about it later) In bondage the double tap method is literal, if you incorporate a gag whether a tapping free hand or a foot stomp means the same. Stop and assess the issue (remove the gag momentarily if needed) once the issue has been resolved you can resume? O.K.
    2. Safety First!: If your using handcuffs keep the extra key safe away from the play area but, close enough to reach and when using leather, cloth or rope to bind afford your play area a pair of angled medical shears (sold at any pharmacy) these can cut through any binding in case of an emergency where undoing the hands and/or feet could pose an immediate threat (as in the case of a fire, cool?)
    3. Psychological Safety!: The warning earlier is included but, considering you may include humiliation or age play be very careful to reconsider going under 14 years old (proven to be detrimental in the way of freak outs) and establish the boundaries of the words and actions used in humiliation “Teasing the size of his cock” or “Bitch, may get a negative response over whore?” Sounds silly but, it can shut down a session in horrible ways that cut right through the relationship! O.K.
      Otherwise play to your hearts content to learn new boundaries and limitation bringing your Vanilla Relationship new life! This the first installment in new lessons and will set the stage for a breakdown of every role and unique twist worthy of the sexy submissive or the powerful dominant, an intense relationship can be established during this form of play that can vary between a kinky interlude to an advanced lifestyle so, excuse me not to bore you with one long read instead of small incremental installments? Enjoy, Milo:rose:
     
    #36
  17. Milo Cronos

    Milo Cronos The Sexual Intellectual

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    Lesson #14 Part 2

    MY SADO-MASOCHISTIC LIFE
    The beginnings of which offer the most amazing exploration to anyone willing to try (it's not for everyone) but, for those willing to give it time and imagination of stepping out of the Vanilla role it can be an incredible journey! At this point let me say that this and all forms of sex under this heading should only be practiced by mature adults in an ongoing established sexual relationship, it's not however meant for the one night stands! Opening communications into this world can feel intimidating to the first time explorer but, if your established hierarchy in your relationship should ask to be taken as the unlikely willing victim in this game consider it an homage to their trust in you and give it the consideration it deserves. S&M games can be overwhelming if you think too far ahead so, start small and test the waters since, you may have already experienced a taste of what's to come? Maybe you appreciate your nipples being tortured through biting or tweaks, as a man I enjoy the slightly (albeit, intense) smashing of my tender balls against her ass as I fuck my wife or the way she enjoys being called a whore! Use these small excursions from the norm and expand upon them from the toolbox of unlimited potential? B&D will be covered in depth and only touched upon here, S&M is the category in which it falls under but, can really take on a life of it's own during play in real time:

    1. TORTURE: Can take on many forms including, soft torture (oxymoron right, continue?) Once the torture becomes physical pain it falls into the realm of B&D, S&M's role is more the psychological act of denial and manipulation of anticipation. They expect this and get so close but, then you pull back or go off in a whole new direction, keeping in mind what they truly want they'll have to work for and beg, keeping this tension high is what makes the perfect sadist! So what makes the perfect masochist, the ability to relinquish control throughout the entire session and not give in to your desire for intercourse (let's say) to end it all?
    2. DENIAL OF THE SENSES: Blindfolds obscure the sight, while a cupped headset (music set just so, high) as not to hear the outside world obscures the hearing and binding of the hands and or feet (whether together or in the extreme spread eagle) obscures movement if they cannot control their urges to reach out without your permission? Try your first session without the ties that bind to assess your role as the dominant and the willingness of your submissive but, if they can't behave? Bound hands in front of them or above them work nicely (Gentle at first) Have them stand, sit, kneel or lay to get them accustomed to your verbal commands and when their ready control their world by telling them to only speak when spoken to or ask them to speak! My favorite is a game we call “Sensory Deprivation” hands bound and tied in spread eagle fashion, hearing and sight obscured then using different objects to tease (Ice, Heat, Feathers, Faux fur glove, Etc;) I bring her to a high form of pleasure wait, and shift gears maybe even to a dildo or vibe she didn't expect? Lay the tools out ahead of time so, that your submissive doesn't see the hidden one you intend to use later and it fucks with her mind?
    3. HUMILIATION: Can be a bittersweet game by directing actions, words or visual elements toward your willing victim that they may not otherwise have imagined (but, only in their erotic dreams) to have derived pleasure from? The success lies in knowing what not to say too, I once knew a woman who while we played these games went ape shit when I called her a “Cunt!” set any no-nos ahead of time to avoid the pitfalls that can ruin an otherwise great experience!
    4. TO THE SUBMISSIVE: Go into this with an open mind and a willingness to learn you and your partners limitations, boundaries and heights which your mind and body can be pushed or guided to pleasure!
    5. TO THE DOMINANT: Respect and use the willingness of you partner to their advantage and wield the power wisely, remembering that this is only a game with the potential to help as much as harm the gentle nature of your victim!
      This is all I have to say, most of what you'll need to know specifically is personal to you and your lover alone and is learned along the way? Remember One tap, slow and Two taps No! Further ideas are on the way to a screen for everyones approval in B&D 101 those looking to explore the higher more intense versions of the S&M game I recommend Jay Wiseman's S&M 101, a great primer! Milo ;)
     
    #37
  18. Milo Cronos

    Milo Cronos The Sexual Intellectual

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    Anatomy Of A Cheating Lover!

    BREAKING THE CHEATER'S CODE!
    At the onset I do not condone or endorse the premise or ideas that cheating is right before, I'd ever cheated I spent months trying to fix what was becoming a very cold situation by reading everything I could on sexual and marital therapy! After a year and a half of waiting for my virgin bride to trust that she was giving herself to the right man (that she had to marry, first!) before stepping in to the sexual side of herself, a short 6 months after she said,”We're having too much sex!” Which in turn was caused by several factors we'd have to deal with, a very strict Catholic upbringing, parents who didn't show love or affection openly in front of their kids, no sexual education except, the speech ”Don't drop your pants unless you have a ring on your finger!” and an incident of one guy she was dating trying to force a good girl to do the wrong things? Not unlike anyone else she came with baggage and as we unpacked it there was a tangled mess that was deeper than either one of us prepared for, had she worked it out experimenting as a young teen (where most of us start) things may have been different? I'd committed to this woman my life and believed that no problem was beyond fixing, the difficulty was convincing her that sex (of which she knew little to nothing) was beginning to head in the wrong direction this early in our relationship so she allowed some early indiscretions and problems arose when like Pavlov's dog (her being too tired, too late in the day or night for sex, maybe tomorrow etc;) when we had months of an affection-less relationship a bell went off that said,”When it gets too bad cheat, it's O.K. she said so” That reaction went on and off for 15 or so years never once did I just,”Cheat” I cleared schedules, took over all the housekeeping and child raising duties I could, made special dinners and events to bring us back to normalcy alas, what worked was “getting caught!” For the next 6-7 months or a year she found the time and the energy for not only sex but, sitting together kissing, hugging and loving one another like it should have been! I don't say all this to impress anyone that I was getting mine but, to impress upon the importance that sex plays in a relationship beyond the physical acts! The impact of feeling loved affectionately, the sheer intimacy of being so closely weaved together and bonded and the feeling your lover has of betrayal to that promise? When you (by accident or design) expect monogamy to be a one sided list of rule and regulations that only they have to adhere to while you control all the cards so, imagine it as, “ You can only get sex from me, I'll say No often, refuse new sexual acts regularly with little regard to your feeling or needs and we won't discuss it but, instead it'll be do as I say because you love me and you have to!”
    WARNING! If you've had conversations or have heard these said, more than twice someone maybe cheating soon (or already?)

    1. “You never have time for me anymore!”
    2. “Why don't we make love the way we used to?”
    3. “I just don't feel attracted (or attractive) to you anymore!”
    4. “Why is sex all about your needs and no consideration for mine?”
    5. “We barely make love, talk or snuggle like we used to!”
      These and many other conversations go on every day and we mistakingly think that our lovers overreacting or exaggerating without really deciphering the cause which may be us until, they cheat then we can blame everything on them! My wife knows fully the same discussion I had above in every bittersweet detail and understands where her role in the cheating belongs? Not that I couldn't have handled it different but, I tried many angles before stepping out and she'll admit hearing a few of the aforementioned phrases from me which she felt I was just being a man and enough still wouldn't have been enough, hindsights always 20/20! Realize that when we ask for monogamy it's our full commitment, to assuring that our partners are fully satisfied to the best of our ability within our physical, emotional and psychological limitation with a promise to go further with the help of a good ear and a caring patient lover. We shouldn't place limitations without compromise or the expectations of understanding needs over wants and taking the steps to accommodate to the best of our ability? Monogamy should be less about ownership and more about honestly committing to keeping the relationship growing by nurturing new growth in spite of parental, career, and other of life's commitments! This is not to say that there are not selfish lovers who want more than they deserve and will go to any lengths to get it, the above writings of course are not intended for them but, they may learn a thing or two if they've read this! Milo;)
     
    #38
  19. Milo Cronos

    Milo Cronos The Sexual Intellectual

    Joined:
    Aug 29, 2011
    Messages:
    13,368
    FOOD FOR THOUGHT?

    COMMUNICATION BREAKDOWN!
    As a society, culture or upright primate we still haven't gotten this right! Sex talk between the sexes even, though all the studies and advanced research proves that sexuality needs to be learned not, forced into place or kept at a safe distance from men and women cause, that's what your babies will be one day! Even if we talk of sexual preference we know exist yet, homosexuality is still synonymous with it as if it were a fetish, I heard a woman talk about anal sex as kinky when it's part of the first three sex acts performed by most new couples within the first year? Oral, Vaginal and Anal (usually in that order) P.C. destroyed the ground that was made up in the 60's and 70's in succeeding to open the minds of the younger generation where adults got together drank, smoked, talked sex, drugs and rock”n”roll Political Correctness succeeded where the church couldn't,” If we could only make being sinful, unlawful!” Through the 70's when I needed to know about sex I read everything I could get my hands on, the books spoke of adults engaging in acts that produced intense feelings of joy and love of even the most Nobelist of people were having sex and talking about it freely? Where were you when your mother, father or brother/sister told you about sex most will say,”I was never there, sex is still like on the job training based on the hit and miss theory” that's where we learned it and what were the qualifications of that lover?”They got laid before you and the person that taught them could've been a terrible lover! Sex is still in the top three reasons for a break up, separation and divorce (If married add raising the children and single money, too!)
    Sex goes on everyday and people still ask permission or approval on a website such as this to suck dick, eat pussy or not like either one but, not tell their lover directly “I don't like it!” and maybe offering the alternative of something you like that you can see yourself doing or trying. Take the woman who can do just about anything in the bedroom except, talk dirty or the guy so afraid to mention a sex act that he feels “might” offend his lover's sensitivities? We're so conditioned that this or that sex is right, wrong, perverted, kinky, etc; that it limits the one thing we need in a day and age where S.T.D.'s are, 1 in 3 for men and women 18-35 having had some form of them? Sex should not be a hidden agenda that's only brought to light when we've been having sex with the same person for years and before you know it we're talking about how dissatisfied we are with them except, they're the last to know. You've talked to friends, family and peers but, not to the one person you should have your lover and why? We all want our side to be heard without hearing what mistakes we may have made so, we gauge (unconsciously) the parts of the story that make us seem like the good guy and in front of our lover we can't hide these! While we wait to confront our lover the resentment builds and explodes instead of casually sitting down to ask the most pertinent questions on our performance and how can “We” make it better from their point of view? A particular story came out of a conference for marital and sex counselors around the 1990's of a married man and his wife cheating on each other at the same time? Just so happens everything in their life was perfect great jobs, two homes, cars etc; except that each was less than satisfied with how many days a week they were having sex but, when they were it was incredible! Each felt the other's priorities superseded spending anymore time together and each devised a plan to take a lover on the side, eventually when things started falling apart so much that it threatened their marriage they went to therapy separately at first. The therapist noticed similarities in their stories and when asked,”Did you discuss this with him/her?” again the answers were similar? So, he brings them together, they tell their stories and the session ends with laughter and tears at how utterly, ridiculous they were for never asking one another,”How are we?” Thanks to P.C. we will never be able to ask someone of the opposite sex a question on sexuality without fear of the laws but, in our relationships we have to occasionally, what my wife and I call it “Checking In?” When everything is fine is the best time to say,” We're having a great time is there anything that I can do more for you to please you when we're together?” and let them ask you but, if they should speak in a positive, “I'd like to do more of this or that?” instead of, “We don't do that enough!” Couples are our only hope in communicating needs and wants to set the examples of how sex and sexuality should be handled properly so, that maybe in the near future infidelity and cheating will be thought of as unnecessary when problems are handled before they are a problem?
    FOOD FOR THOUGHT, MILO? ;)
     
    #39
  20. I hate implants

    I hate implants Porno Junky

    Joined:
    Jul 5, 2012
    Messages:
    289
    A couple things I felt should be added:

    Communicate: If you're not talking before and after you're doing a shitty job. An intimate knowledge of your partner's sexual appetites is vital to good power play.

    Limits: If you push your partner to using the safe word, It's because you screwed up. They had to bail out because they weren't enjoying themselves because either you started doing something they didn't like, or you pushed them too far.

    - If it's the first and it's anything other than the first time you're trying something, you're an asshole. If she knew she didn't like something but you didn't, you're an asshole. If you knew but tried it anyway, you're an asshole.

    - If it's the second, you need to question whether you're in the right role. Being a Dom is all about reading your partner, and pleasuring them. They're placing their safety and pleasure in your hands. If you can't read their body language you're probably ill-equipped for that role.

    Bedroom Door: I can't stress this one enough. If you're engaging in power play, you need to be perfectly clear when the bedroom door is metaphorically closed. Barring the most extreme examples, you should spend less than 25% of your time with your partner engaged in power play. The rest should be spent in a loving and supportive relationship.

    If you're not clear with the bedroom door, you can do permanent mental damage to your partner. The submissiveness that you find attractive in a sexual partner can seep into their daily life. They can become obsessed with sexual pleasure and being dominated. Eventually they can fall into a sort of mental condition where they lose their own mental identity. I'm sure this is a fantasy for many, and all I'm going to say is that you're a seriously fucked up individual if you try and live this one out.


    I'll get off my soapbox now.
     
    #40