In a relationship when one lover wants more sex than the other can accommodate and it causes discourse we call that sexual incompatibility as a general rule. However when we break it down and divide the reasoning between the sexes the differences of how we are told to accept our role is quite unequal. Based on no one sexes choice, but as the social norm throughout history.

A man who feels that the sex is minimal and uninspired is told he should understand her role by consideration of her limitations as a part of the weaker sex that is compounded by the pressures of motherhood and of her responsibilities reminding us of how so many women are used and objectified for sex. For a woman who feels that she isn't being cared for in a sexual way, the acceptable response is to be rallied around and assured that it's probably just his incessant demands, depending on how long it has been going on some might imply he may be cheating as well (damned if we do or don't.)

A woman who is overtly sexual is considered empowered and more is expected from the man of her choice lest she suffer despite the man's predicament, so that on average less harsher social judgements are imposed upon her if she cheats (except by the letter of the law of God and the courts.) A man who is overtly sexual is seen as the misogynistic norm and placed in the same position (by average society standards) is told to simply "keep it in his pants or just jerk off more!" Should he cheat not only will he have to carry the weight of his choice, but he will be solely blamed for his role in what led to such a choice, despite any consideration of the time, energy and actions he had taken before hand to remedy the situation. Little known fact is more men than woman suggest the inclusion of some form of marital/sexual counselling to their lover then most might think according to statistical data.

Lastly if we're called to judge either sex as covertly sexual this calls into play for women their prerogative and as for men our failure as men that must be dealt with accordingly to satisfy our sexual partner. I say all this to express that it's not easy being a man or woman who's sex life is not up to par and that we must educate this society to no longer treat either sex unequally. In the way of our responsibilities individually to our choice of long term sexual/loving partners and that no one is above or below reproach in it's failure or success!

 

You talk a lot about this. Are you not getting enough?

 

A gross over simplification and for the most part a redundancy!

Thinskin

 

Of course men and women should be treated as equals in every walk of life. The fact that we're inherently different is neither here nor there.

I think that sometimes you inadvertently give a great argument for purely selfish, inconsiderate sex. As there's always an abundance of negativity around giving.

 

Men and women are not equal. Anyone who thinks they are equal has never had sex in their life and is not likely to have sex until they learn a few facts.

 

My issues have been well documented from me and I've spent years trying to understand the problems that arise from improper sexual education and advice. I share these thoughts in the hopes of gaining an insight that I have never thought or heard before to more or less extent many have helped whether I have credited them or not. My sex life has been complicated by much of what life has thrown and the fact that my wife developed poorly from a non existent sex talk of A typical parents who used the fear of God though while she owned her virginity eventually for herself. Retarded her learning curve typical of most who blossomed, though it may not seem it I also hope others may be helped by the outside advice too.

 

Milo, you need to get your priorities in order. This idea of sexual incompatibility is wearing thin.

Bron's rule of relationships states, "In any relationship, you have the right to demand anything you want."

If you want more sex than you're getting now, just say so. If it's that bad, get out. There's no point in trying to reason with her. If the prospect of sex with you is not enough to entice her to have sex with you, nothing else is going to help. The only critical elements for sex is availability and it just so happens to be one of the elements one can actually control. If you're available, and reasonably well groomed, there's nothing more you can do about a woman who doesn't want to fuck.

My wife has the worst taste in movies, but when she wants to see a new film, I go with her and sit beside her for a couple hours, watching something I knew was going to be awful. I don't complain because, first, it's something she enjoys and it makes her happy, and second, it's just not that bad. Sex doesn't have to be great, or even good. When sex can't be included in the "just not that bad", there's nothing to build on.

If you want something to change, you'll have to leave. If having as much sex as you desire is a critical need, you'll have to find a new partner, along with all the other things required in a new relationship.

If your wife came to me with her side of the problem, my advice to her would be "Fuck him." Fuck him every time he smiles or just reaches across the bed. Never say no, never hesitate, do anything he wants. Keep this up for week or two, maybe a month. After a while you'll notice the demand start to taper off. Most men who think they have an insatiable appetite for sex are really looking for confirmation that they are sexy and hot and desirable. If such a man has confidence that there's a woman who wants him anytime, he can calm down a little.

 

Harsh, but it's appreciated man! It'll take some mulling around to figure out my next move, there's a lot more at stake than just a sex life here that CANNOT be damaged in the process. Thanks again