I was approached on Campus today by a very disrespectful guy who yelled from about 30 feet away “Yo Bitch, gimme yo number!” I have only seen the guy in passing and never spoke to him in the least. This got me thinking about my profile on here. When I first started on this site and until recently I had the line in my profile saying something to the effect of “use me and abuse me.” I removed it after I realized the worst messages I was getting were the ones who start off telling me to “shut up and suck their cock’s” Or the ones telling me “I’m gonna rip your clothes off and shove my dick in your asshole.” Many of these guys got response along the lines of telling them to fuck off or go to hell. A typical reply from them was “I saw you were submissive and thought you would like that.” That was my fault, I had it in my profile but I did not have in my profile that I was into total disrespect. Talk to me first, get to know me and set up rules if you want to dominate me.

Some subs may like that, but I also think most subs would like to go over “rules” first. I think starting off with no introduction, like the messages I received above is nothing but pure disrespect, and with a Dom/sub situation, disrespect can quickly lead things to the illegal side. You have to respect your sub if things are to remain safe for both of you. Having no respect is dangerous. As a Dom, you have to respect your sub because she(or he) is giving over control to you, it is your responsibility to keep them safe, or as safe as they want to be.

There are also different kinds of subs too. Not all subs are into bondage, restriction/restraints, spanking, or beating. I consider myself sub, but mine goes along with the occasional spread eagle tie down, but more often than not, I just loved to be used. No bruising, but tossed around, flipped over, getting a cock stuffed in whatever hole, or all holes and I have had on occasion, but no striking, or bruising. Smacking my ass is ok but not hard enough to bruise. I experimented with beating once. Almost ended with a broken jaw and I walked around for over a week with a black eye. It was not my cup of tea and for those who enjoy it, I respect the hell out of you. I’m just too much of a whiny bitch to handle it.

Just remember you have to show your respect to your sub, they are trusting you with their safety. Agree to your rules ahead of time and do not make them regret putting their trust in you.

 

Very well said. Many people assume you're either part of the soft or hard group when it comes to sex. Bringing up the rules as you said further builds trust. However that trust can be squandered if those rules are broken.

Communication goes both ways. So ladies and gents, do talk to each other. Don't assume he/she will enjoy what you dish out.

 

The title might be a rhetorical question but it doesn't take a submissive guy to go up to any girl and be very upfront in that way. A submissive guy, like me as far as being in social interactions, would never think of the idea of doing that. Not solely because it's not right to do that and a guy deserves to get slapped in the face to do that but I wouldn't have the courage to do that. I would probably cringe just watching some guy do that to a girl up until he gets confronted by her. But with a dominant guy, he's more likely to do something like that, making the first step whether if it's doing something rude like that or even going up to a girl and properly introducing himself and not feeling scared going up to girls.

But I understand that's not the main point of your thread, questioning whether it's being dominant or disrespectful to go up towards a girl without any proper introduction and be very blunt to ask for your question. Being dominant and respectful go hand-on-hand. You can't expect to get respect even dominating someone in a case that person either isn't into being dominated or felt that you took it too far. For a true dom/sub relationship to last, there must be respect from both sides, just like a normal relationship, the sub has to show respect to its dom when it's right and vice versa with the dom to the sub. And going to your point of doms needing to show respect, that is very true. Sure, the sub may be the one having to listen to the demands of the dom but you're not going to have a loyal and lasting sub be around if the dom doesn't show respect. That's why whenever I'm in a dom/sub relationship that's online, having classifying myself as a dom, one of the very first questions I like to ask is, "What are you limits?" Knowing that is important because I want the relationship to last as long as we both can make it last and for my relationships to be online, I much rather have the relationship to end due to us just not finding enough time for each other rather than me going too far with my sub and then completely ruining everything. Not only would I have fucked up a perfectly good relationship but in addition, not only will I feel bad that I have done that but my sub would feel bad as well that she was with a dom that took it too far and because of that, unsure if she can trust another dom.

So you pretty much ended your thread the right way, just show respect to your sub, actually get to know your sub and then trust will be shown both ways.

 

It's like that little jingle they taught me when I was younger about assuming. When you assume, you make an ASS out of U and ME

Everyone in this thread has been correct about showing respect and proper communication. Another mistake some people make is assuming that a sub is submissive to any and every dominate. That's very rarely the case, and doing that off the back is the quickest way to get blocked or a slap in the face. There's also a difference between being aggressive and persistent, and being harassing. "Yo BITCH give me your number" is harassment, going up and saying "I've seen you walking by a few times and you always look beautiful, I'd love to get your number and get to know you better." Shows respect, interest, and will probably give you at least slightly better chances at getting their number. Like another saying goes, you catch more flies with honey than with vinegar.

 

Well it seems to me that just because a person enjoys being submissive doesn't mean that they also enjoy being treated with disrespect or a basic lack of kindness.

I can imagine telling a person I was in a sexual relationship with to get on their knees and suck my fucking cock, but only if that person actually enjoyed it. It must be as equally exciting for a sub to be submissive as it is for the dom to be, well just that, but that doesn't mean that every aspect of your life has to be coded with those same rules.

I might tell her to suck my fucking cock but I would never tell them to clean the fucking bathroom and telling them to suck your cock shouldn't preclude you putting your arms around them and whispering I love you.

@Little_Lexa what happened on campus was a display of total lack of respect and nothing to do with anything else. You shouldn't feel bad about how you choose to interact with another person in a mutual relationship, your desire to be submissive in a mutual sexual relationship is something for you to reserve for someone you trust and or love not a free for all for anyone to steal without consideration to you as a person in your own right

 

Yeah, I know, it was just that the incident made me start thinking if there was some way I was asking for it, similar to the way I had "Use me and Abuse me" in my profile for a while and it seemed to invite disrespect. The more I thought about it, the more I just wanted to say something, hoping those who want to just message a girl like the messages I have received will think twice before letting it fly.

 

Some people just suck at being decent human beings.

 

@Little_Lexa , let me say first that I have enjoyed your contribution to this site. You seem to have some wisdom beyond your years and are able to articulate it well.
The guy on campus was an asshole and he should learn some manners. You can identify as a sub but you must still offer your consent and be treated with respect.
People online often jump to conclusions as it is very hard to interpret tone and intent and of course some are just rude.

 

I'm a piss poor dominant to someone who appreciates the harder B&D/S&M, elaborate roping as well as playing in leather or latex takes away from the excitement which for me is all sexual. As far as beating a woman I was raised not to hit girls and those roots run too deep to derive any pleasure from it, even humiliation has it's limits for me. Although I fully respect the rights and understand the deeper sides of how complicated and personal B&D/S&M can be to another, I'll reserve myself to simply calling my lover a bitch and giving her a nice pink ass on occasion.

 

I don't think anyone can call themselves a dom if they can't control themselves first.

 

I hear you Lexa, and I share your concern. Some guys think it is okay to treat you in a disrespectful manner because of your sexual preferences.

 

A Dom does not begin a relationship by shouting anything across a car park. That's what a stupid little boy does. A D/s relationship is based on caring mutual respect. Submission is given, not taken. That comes later when trust is earned.

 

My first line is "Dominance is not abuse!"
A Dom/sub relationship is a GIVING over of power/control.
it can as little as a soft word to 24/7 control . 24/7 can be just about obedience or living within a torture dungeon
every relationship is different.
there has to be willingness to learn where the fun is and is not
online Dom/sub gives all the control to the sub
its about choices
My favorite is having a sub go to a pet store and buying a collar and
telling the clerk "My master said I HAD to do this"

MASTER B

 

Well, first off, just because someone is "aggressive" that doesn't mean that they're "dominant" especially in a BDSM sense. In kind, just because someone likes to label themselves as "submissive", that doesn't mean that they're submissive to anyone and everyone, or even anyone at all. Dominance in any situation, power and so on, comes in the form of control, control most of all over self. The person who is the toughest and strongest doesn't run around telling everyone that, only the person who doesn't feel tough or strong does. In fact as a good example, I asked my Husband "why he was always so generous, tolerant, kind, gentle, etc. with so many people, contrary to so many others?" His response was simple, "because he could afford to be, wherein, most people cannot."

In other words, the truly dominant individual, one who truly feels it and knows it without doubt, isn't there to shame, humble, or control others to prove their worth. Instead, they help, raise up, guide and support others. They are not the ones that people fear, or run from, yet those that others admire and go to.

You have simply not encountered any dominants, let alone in a BDSM sense.

Hush....an alias

 

Being a Dom is a responsibility.
A Dom is responsible for the pleasure of his Sub.
No Dom can command respect without respecting the Sub first.
Limits must be clearly established and followed.

It isn't all that tricky

 

Yea I've never been in a sub/Dom relationship, but in any relationship there should be trust and respect for everything to go good. But there are a lot of people in this world that don't know what respect is or even the meaning of the word.I just try and avoid those people, with no respect for themselves or anyone.

 

Yes they do I'll agree 100% to that. People just don't know what respect is anymore. And it's not getting any better, though there are still a lot of decent people, they're just harder to find nowadays.

 

I've heard from an older woman when I was in my 20s that to be a good dom you have to experience being a sub firsthand. So you shouldn't have to explain respect to these boys. All humans deserve respect even when playing out a sexual role anything less can and will become dangerous.