The story is located on the story side.

http://www.sexstories.com/story/65135/kaw_2_-_seabreeze

This thread is for constructive and honest feedback. If your not willing to listen to counterarguments please state that in your critique and I will keep my mouth shut.

 

Well, this is going to be a longer post than usual from me, but your story got me thinking. First of all, the beginning reminded me a bit of one movie (near the ending), with aliens in the middle of nowhere and picking up people ~ in this case this person, from Earth. It's still quite different though, but maybe that's why I liked it from the start. Secondly, while it had some sweet moments, it seemed to have a serious approach, which once again got me thinking; my (first) attempt at writing a serious story was a bust, and the more I think about it, the more I understand why - it didn't work for me. Not to make this topic about me, I'll leave it at that, and say thank you.

As for the time travel/loop, I find the idea intriguing, but also not very exciting (unless done correctly). Take Terminator for example; everything that happens in first part is already predestined - which takes a bit away from it if you watch it and think "So all of this has already happened...", and no matter what they do it won't change the future. Unless there's multiple timelines which only adds to the mess and makes it even less exciting (no matter what they do, most likely every possible option has already happened in one of the timelines). However, that's my personal opinion, and despite being similar in that sense, I thought your story was good, and the solution to 'the man' as well. Plus, delving into such mess takes guts, not to mention building a story around it. Good job. You're a talented writer.

 

Thank you.

 

Awesome erotic/future/temporal sci-fi written in a creative storm: biological projection of the ship's computer core in the form of a gorgeous woman; passive equality laws; shuttle craft second wife; threesome inferno; altering of the time line . . . . Interesting, mentally stimulating, entertaining, sexy, and very well done as usual for this author.

 

Thank you

 

I don't know if you saw my response to what you wrote on my story. I have to say you make what I write look like I am still a student in school I thoroughly enjoyed this, it was a concept I wanted to try one day (guess I won't now) reminds me a little of some of Asimov's works

 

Give it a try. No good story should only be told in one was.

 

I enjoyed warping through time and space with lots of sex around every corner.

 

Than you

 

Another very long but good story.

 

Thank you. I kept it around 15K words this time.

 

Now THAT was a story that I really liked! You know how I ragged on your last story about little things here and there, but that I still liked it overall. Well, I have nothing to rag about on this story whatsoever. Normally I'd take an author like you and put your story through a stronger wringer than someone less experienced, but hot damn, you wrote a winner! The plot was great, and the characters were memorable. I breezed (put intended) through this story quickly and my only complaint is that it wasn't another 15k words longer, lol! Can't say enough good about this one. I rarely if ever read contest entries twice, but I'm pretty sure I'm gonna' make an exception for this one. Hope you opt to continue this one, I think this one could be one of those epic adventures you like to write. Bravo!

 

Thank you.

The response to this story has been tremendous and I find myself re-reading it to see what magic I managed to capture. I feel deeply honored for this story to be so well received.

 

Broot, I think this is my favorite of all your stories. I'm trying to put my finger on as to why and I think for me, it had more emotion. Not being a fan of the sci/fi/technical type of genre, this was more human to me. I know that's odd, considering the story, but it touched me. Bravo, sir.

 

I am truly and deeply humbled. Thank you.

 

I really enjoyed reading your story and I hope this one is continued. This story has potential of turning into something epic.

 

Thank you.

Apparently it is true, even a blind monkey can find a banana. *Gets out can and searches for that damn banana, again*

 

Thank you for a great story. I am not a frequent reader of science-fiction, but this story blew me away. The technical aspects were so brilliantly described I had no trouble visualizing them, and the sex, romance, characters and dialogue could not have been better written.

 

Thank you