Hush, the biggest question I get about that is will I do it again, which the answer is no.

And why? Well as I have said before it was not as I fantasised and imagined. It wasn't bad lol. just not what I wanted. And I also thought it would be liberating and empowering, but I really just felt cheap and degraded with no self respect, and it was a long trip alone back home to my partner who I had to hide my upset from.

Not one of my best days, but one I won't forget.

 

No, no, no lol

 

We are talking about taking doggy cock right!

The thing is you start a thread about your confessionals and the fact that you have taken doggy cock is well known from your 170+ posts. There is also a nasty rape confessional but you have made it clear that you do not want to talk about either of these things understandably perhaps.

So what is it you want to confess Splash?

Thinskin

 

I feel so alone, I never get any messages.

 

Have you ever just spread your legs for a guy, and you didn't even know his name?

 

Actually I did join here to sound all those out, rather than the self abuse I used to use to deal with the rape. I don't mind talking about them which is why I posted them in the first place, and people who have messaged me have had replies, it is just easier when I don't have to send the same thing to different people over and over again.

I can't talk about the rape in detail here because of my age, but just so no one else gets the same idea it wasn't a good thing with sexy memories!

 

Yes - and I used to use a hook up site a lot just for casual sex until 4 years ago.

 

FWIW....I get that, get that big time, in ways that I'll not derail your thread elucidating upon....Simply know all of the topics you're mentioning and further the coping with them you are not alone in, and I have experienced as well.

Hush....an alias

 

Thank you - this is a much more sensible and satisfying way of... reliving it is the wrong thing to say but you know what I mean

 

I think many of us here have!

Thinskin

 

Try writing some stories...

For the longest time as I learned to read and write while playing an online sexually based LoTR sort of chat based RPG, I used the stories I'd write about my various characters to share events of my life in varied stages, show the growth of me, and the lessons learned. Later I came here to XNXX (that was a frigging mistake) in that though I would not discuss my youth up until my 20's on the forums, I would write fact based accounts/novellas for the story site of a subject I couldn't anywhere else I knew of being more "wild kingdom" experiences (which for me were actually very positive during very negative times) (all of my writing I removed from the story site just a couple months ago).

That progressed to a different site where I could actually discuss them on a forum, and after a short while there I expanded upon those accountings, which further encouraged me to discuss it openly and unashamed with friends, which grew into even writing fictional novellas on the subject for those that either had or wanted to have such experiences......and ultimately led to another site where I could share accountings of my time as a dancer, escort, erotic performer, etc., and ultimately begin writing about my time as a forced slave (which has thus far for just 2 years of 7 chronicled is at roughly 130,000 words).

Besides teaching me to read and write in the process, it helped me to not only hash out my past which was horrific until 30y.o., but understand myself better, and in the process to understand what I had experienced and who it made me, educated me as to the "whats and whys" of sexuality, yet most of all.....me.

Consider it.....an experience told as a story is cut and dry. No debate or discussion, it is of your thoughts alone, then vented, and done.

Hush.....an alias

 

Good advice! Even if you never share any of your stories, the writing experience can be very cathartic!

Thinskin

 

I feel better being honest and just saying "this is me", but I can't do that in real life, so I do it online. I used to use a site called topix but it started playing up with my computer.

I just feel I can take control in this way and yes it is me, but on my terms.

But thanks for the post, because a lot of people don't seem to understand how complicated these things can get, when it becomes 2 separate things to you, even though it was a bad experience.

 

Okay, what is being me....in detail. Not dislikes, yet likes and wants?

Hush.....an alias

 

This feels awful to say, but that I have done these things.

I am not saying that my past made me do them, but I believe that I did some of them in order to cope and deal with it. And plenty of what I did I enjoyed and got a thrill from and yes I get a thrill also from reading and writing these things here to.

I know the excitement you get before these things, and the guilt you sometimes get after. This is usually just the excitement part... usually lol

 

There is nothing unusual about that, and actually more healthy than many reasons. Oft times the anticipation, fear, facing it...then taking the time to dwell on it is better than the actual experience.

Hush....an alias

 

Yes exactly But when just doing it on your own it can feel less healthy.

 

Alternatively, reliving it as in retelling it, in a judgement free environ, as this place is usually, provides a safe place to "enjoy" it.

What was once pain and fear can be transformed with the right people to share it with.

I would still be curious to know what you enjoy now with an example or two for our salacious audience!

Thinskin

 

She already said.....Kittens, long walks on a beach and sunsets. Pay attention!

Hush...an alias

 

Ok. I last cheated in September last year. Yes I enjoyed it, but I am still disappointed in myself. And no it is not because I don't love my boyfriend, my relationship means a lot to me, but I "enjoy" that thrill of instant sex with someone.

But being able to share like this is going someway to dealing with that - my own secret, sex thing in another way.