I'm 30 years old guy. I've been married for five years. First couple of years of our marriage were great but after that it began to go downhill. I'm talking about our sexual relationship. Everything else is still great. We have talked about it but usually it ends up that she blames me for that I don't like her anymore. So I'll ask you guys n gals here for some expert advise.

I've always been attracted to the things I couldn't get. F.ex my wife won't allow me anal sex. I respect her decision and never tried to force her to do that. But the weird thing is that I enjoy masturbating while fantasizing about having anal sex with her a lot more than actually having normal sex with her. The same goes for being unfaithful with her. I get turned by idea of other girls because of the fact that I can't have any of them.

Some of the problem lies also in that I'm very adventurous sexually (especially in my mind) and want to try everything at least once while my wife is perfectly happy with the normal suck n fuck.

I guess my questions are:
1. What can I do to make her as adventurous as me? (I thinks that an impossible task)
2. What can I do to enjoy sex more than masturbating and playing with the wonderful fantasies in my fucked up mind?


PS: Even if it has crossed my mind a couple of time, I don't wanna leave her because I know that she loves me very much and I don't wanna hurt her.

 

stop beating off so much

 

Well, tell her up front that you want to spice up you sex life. Maybe show her porn that turns you on and ask if you could do that with her.

Maybe get some toys and sex guides.

Again spice up your sex life. If you want to try you fantasies, go for it. Perhaps your wife shares similar fantasies, like being with someone else sexually. If that's the case, then maybe search for some local swingers or something.

 

No need to break up with her just because the sex isn't there you know? Just need to spice it up and as long as you love her, you should stay with you.

 

If the only reason you're staying with her is to not hurt her, then that's not a reason to be together in the first place. If you really love her, then talk to her about it. But if it's just that you just don't want to hurt her, don't let her love someone that won't ever love her back. That's only hindering her chances of both of your happinesses.(Yeah yeah happinesses isn't a word but whatever)

 

Communicate with her. Open a comfortable verbal relationship where you talk about your wants and desires.... Take it slow. Don't turn her off. Try and find out what her desires are. There is a side to us all that is dark (for lack of a better term) that we are afraid to show our loved ones, this is the part of her that you want to finaly know. It might take a long time, but you will eventually get there. Have some patience and talk to her. Being with here only 5 years (I think that is what you said) is not enough time to bring her to complete trust in you. It is what you do in real life that builds this perception of you in her mind. Make sure she completely trusts you and your actions don't bring her anger. (Sometimes nearly impossible, yes I know.) If she believes in you and has the greatest sense of security with you; she is more likely to open up in those ways.

 

when you find something that works please let me no, im in the same boat. i love him but damn we have no sex life and all he wants when we do is me on top for a few and then hes done.

 

I've talked about it and she thinks that out sex life is spicy enough. We used to watch porn togther before marriage and a some time after marriage too. Now she doesn't even like watching porn and don't want to watch me either. And claims that's the reason that I don't sexy anymore. We talk very openly about our problem but as I see this none of us is ready to take a step towards the other. I won't give up my fantasies and she won't give in for mine. Why does it have to be so complicated when it comes to sex even though we get along perfectly well with all other aspects of our relationship.

I somewhat agree with you but I'd rather fix things up than break up. She loves me too much even though I doubt my love for her from time to time. It might sound a little selfish but I can't leave/hurt a loving person like her. We're living a good life together but sometime I wish to get things as good in bed too. Then it would be great.

Believe me, she's has no dark side. I've tried to find out more than once. She's the kind of person that is happy if we've sex a couple of times a month. The only thing she can't get enough is kissing and cuddling. I like that but I just want the sex to be wild and uninhabited.

Maybe we should get together then... lol
Jokes aside, I think lots of couples have problems in their sex life even though they're having a very healthy relationship otherwise.
Let's hope some smart person here gives us a fool proof solution..

 

From the ladies POV you need to communicate with her. It is a turn on to share fantasies. Just don't start with one that includes other people. That she won't understand just yet. Start slow and if you know she doesn't like anal don't start there either. Find a more common ground you can fantasize together. If you like porn that is a great way to open the lines of communication, "damn that is hot. did you like that?"

She may be surprised at what turns her on. She may be embarrassed at what turns her on also. So give her a little time. I have found this myself recently. I am not supposed to like that, I can't ADMIT I WANT that. But I do and I give in to my desires much to my husbands amazement.

Now there are things that *I* want that he doesn't understand. Spanking being one. He has done it half heatedly. Pulling my hair and spanking my ass. damn..... sigh... But he doesn't get it. He doesn't like or enjoy it. So I don't get it and don't push it. We have enough other things and I can think about being a naughty naught girl.