This is going to be long, 'cause I figure I need to give ya details in order to get any kind of relevant reply.

The Girl
About 16 months ago, I registered on youtube; I make machinima, you see. One of the first people who commented on my channel was another maker of machinima, little did I know that would be the start of something.
We subscribed to each other, commented on each others videos, and started exchanging PMs. Over the course of the following year, over a few ups and downs, we were communicating more and more, and talking about more than just our work. We started chatting on YIM, first intermittently, and then every day without fail. (We also started playing WoW together, we each transfered a character to each other's server so we could play together, but that's not really relevant...)
We fell in love, plain and simple. We started talking over Yahoo Voice every day (on average like 10 hours a day, on every subject we could think of) while we worked or played, and planned to see each other. See, she lives 2,611 miles away, so it wasn't easy; she was going to fly out and stay with me for a month, I was gonna pay for the plane ticket and everything. I was giddy, and so was she.

The Situation
Well, for reasons beyond either of our control, that plan went KABOOM, and the window of time we had was missed. Faced with the prospect of not seeing each other for at the VERY LEAST a whole year, things became strained
In the end, we're not happy, but we're committed, in theory at least. Well, we haven't spoken in weeks, for no reason in particular other than she just hasn't been around, I mean, there's no avoiding going on according to her, and visa versa etc. whatever, we just haven't talked in many many weeks.
This girl is everything I've ever wanted, I love her and miss her, and I dream of a future with her. But right now, I feel like she wasn't real. She's just not there, even though she said she misses talking to me too. But I feel like she never existed so nonexistent is our interaction these days.

The Question
Like I said earlier, best case scenario, I see her for a while NEXT SUMMER, and then again the fall after the fall after that, which is when in best case scenario, we stay together, move in together etc.
Worst case scenario we chat coolly and politely a few times here and there and then it just never happens and I'll have spent the next two years going crazy from sexual and social frustration, waiting for nothing.
So, in my situation, what can I do? What would you do?

 

God reading this gave me goosebumps for many reasons, some echoing a situation for me. Someone I have been very close to and over the last year it has been (all but a holiday together) all conducted on the phone and internet. After being VERY intense (and this initiated by him in the beginning) and full on for various reasons he suddenly asked for space and time and for a matter of time it cooled off big time and I stayed hanging on that string! but decided I wasnt gonna be on standby after everthing Ive gone through and so I got on with it and am having a wonderful time right now - we still talk and in fact me moving on has un-nerved him I think and he is gettig more responsive again but I am too cautious to take it all in - Im enjoying ME too much! I think you have to do the same, its all too easy to create this perfect picture of a person you dont see - ok I dont mean photos etc... but you only get to see the good side of their personality with the situation you are currently in. C and I text every day still but only 1 time most days (as opposed to up to 10 times before and daily calls then MSN chats for hours) and that is it. You need to go out and get on with it, keep in touch and see how life goes if next summer your still in a position to get together and see how it goes DO but if you have moved on to a different phase in your life - fine. Please dont rush anything you dont need to make rash decisions based on someone you havent yet spent physical time with. I really hope it all works out for you, but please dont sit around waiting for her to get online again or call cause you may end up feeling like you have waisted that time. Don't shut any doors but at the same time dont stand there holding them open!

 

Friend,
Do what makes YOU happy. I've known countless people, including myself, who have shifted the world to try and maintain happiness for everyone only to see them fail. Seasons change and so do people. I would go with the friends thing, myself. I'd rather have the feeling of closure rather than be driven insane by a girl's indecisiveness. Indecisive because, like you said, she's keeping you in the dark about certain things. I know it will be hard. I've been in that situation too and it's not worth the mind games and the sadness that accompanies how she's treating you.

Best of luck, my friend.

 

all i can say is don't sell yourself short

before i met my hubby i dated this guy, we'll call him W, well W and I started off real hot and heavy (now i actually did get to see him a lot), we would talk ALL the time, i'd go over to his house everyday, i'd cook for him, other things would happen and it was great, then all of a sudden he'd stop calling me and we wouldn't talk for a week or two, and then it was like we'd start all over, well this would be when i found out all of his emotional baggage but i thought i could help him so for almost a year, i subjected myself to constantly bonding with someone only to be pushed away because he wasn't "ready" for a relationship

needless to say, i got really tired of it because i cared for him deeply but he was constantly hurting me so i learned to care for me more

i ended up telling him that i wasn't a puppet for him to dangle on a string and i stopped answering my phone when he called and then 3 months later i met my husband

 

why cant you see eachother to next summer?



oh and internet relationships=fail you dont have any real memories after

 

So what? He's sharing common feelings with a girl. I don't mean to sound all feminine and mushy here but, isn't that what a relationship's about? I say if you like someone on the internets, so be it. Granted I agree that it'll end in pain, it's the feeling you feel from it that makes you feel good at the time. I say it's worth it.

 

its worth it? if its just an internet relationship and no meeting up soon in sight no-one comes of happy and no-one has any proper memories, not really worth it at all :\

 

I know what you're saying and I see the depression it can cause. I'm just saying live for the moment. It's a philosophy I've picked up and am still practicing.

 

not meeting up with someone and just talking without arranging to meet soon is about as far from living in the moment as you can get in moi opinion

 

Granted, but they still like each other. So kudos on that and best of luck with everything?

It can work, but it's very hard to make work.

 

What should I do, though. I'm confused as hell. What should I do?

 

tell her how you feel

that's always a good idea

 

.

 

hmmm. just recently (as in, the past year) i've started trying out long distance relationships. so reading that, i know exactly how you fell in love, how much time you probably spent on her, only from my own personal experience. i had dated people locally for about 11 years, and i'm marrying the guy that i met from another state. we saw each other's personality first, looks second, and REALLY got to know each other, talking endlessly every single day. but, unlike you, we only live 4 hours away so it's easy to see each other. here's my advice...

you can either take this experience as just that, experience, or you can keep pursuing her. does she know that you want a future with her? if she does, and she let weeks go by without talking to you, ten to one she doesn't want that future. she may miss you, but the distance between you two, and not being able to actually see you, may of gotten to her.

try giving it another go, and see what happens. don't start off by saying, "hey, i want to see you next year then hopefully have a future with you," because that may scare her off. but if i were you, and you feel like you found a girl that you share common interests with, you really get along, you love her, and feel she's your match, give it another shot. if she's no longer interested, she'll let you know. good luck. if anything comes out of it, you won't regret it. you'll regret it if you just let it slip through your hands.

 

yeah, like I said, for months we were on VOIP with each other pretty much without break.

Exactly.

Wouldn't doing the former make me the fickle jackass who broke her heart?

Yes. We've talked about it quite a bit.

I know, but she says she does, though.

Maybe, but whenever I try to talk to her about it she gets defensive and offended that I "would doubt her feelings."

You'd think, but I feel like she's stringing me along, though that's probably my imagination; she says she wants what I want.

I know, that's why I'm so twisted up. I just wish I could know that I'm not wasting my time.
My love life has always been a long, disparaging string of beginnings and endings without ever any middles, and am I foolish to hope that this time it will be any different? Will this beginning lead right into another ending? I really don't want to add her name to the list of girls I cared about but never touched.

 

hmmm, well with that info, contact her, and try again. if you both want the same thing, it'll be worth the wait to her, same as it is for you. when you find the right person, everything you do is worth it.

 

agreed


what should you do?

stop meeting girls on the internet. because I guarantee you, that this will keep happening. you're not going to meet "the one" on the internet, and if by some strange chance you do, your relationship won't last very long if you move too fast too soon and talk all of the time, to the point where it's like you're already dating before you even go on a date. stop falling in love so easily. stop putting girls on a pedestal. stop being so fucking desperate. stop being a one woman man before she earns that. stop putting everything you have into every girl you ever like.

there's my advice, and I guarantee you it's the only realistic advice you'll get on here.

 

Listen its so easy to imagine she is this perfect girl cause she isnt around you to spoil that image - she may well be but I think you should move on! I am of the opinion these days that we should all live for ourselves (and our kids of course) you need your own life and not waste time waiting around for others to shout! get out and enjoy life before it passes and believe me its bloody worth doing!

 

What does that even mean? Its not like I seek out internet relationships. People meet people where they are, usually.

Why is it any more likely I'll run into "the one" in person first? You're just plain stupid for stating that.

Not sure what you're getting at, or what you're talking about. Or maybe I do and I just flat out, 100% a complete one-eighty disagree. Let me get this straight, according to you, talking with your SO will doom the relationship? WTF is that about.

Did you even read the OP?

Ah, it took some digging, but I finally found the only relevant line in your post. This is the very issue this thread is based on, it is the question I asked in the OP. The crux of this thread is figuring that out.

Not sure what you're getting at here either. If you mean that I jump in, you're wrong again, I'm overly cautious. She was always the initiator. We were content friends until she wanted more. And it took a while.

I appreciate the effort, but it seemed to be a bunch of nonsensical rambling, rather than any kind of advice...

Neither of us thinks the other is perfect, we shared our flaws as well as our virtues, we were truthful about ourselves, going into deep, lengthy discussions of our shortcomings.

So, what you're saying is, I should cheat on her? I don't think I can do that and live with myself.

 

are you really cheating on her? you have never met her??