I have a very unique problem that I wanted to put out here & see what kind of responses I could get. I’m a 29/m with a 27 year old wife. We’ve been married for over 5 years & have been together for over 9. She’s a great wife. I love her deeply with all my heart.

That being said, I have a different appetite for sex that my wife doesn’t share. I’m more of a tantric type of lover. I like to take my time & please her & then would like to make love for hours. I purposely hold my orgasms & don’t really care if I have one. That isn’t the point to love making. She’s more of a foreplay & get it over type lady. She doesn’t enjoy intercourse @ all. She does like foreplay & I do too. Foreplay on average lasts a good hour or 2. We’ve tried a lot of different ways to make love, but it always ends in her crying uncontrollably.

There’s a 9 year story line to go behind this, but I don’t want to write a novel. I’ve never gotten violent. I’m as smooth an operator as I know how & ask her to tell me how she wants it. I get moans when we’re doing it & everything seems good, but when we get into it & I have a good rhythm going that’s when it seems that she looses control of her body & everything starts to either tense up or she starts breathing so heavily that she starts to cry.

I want to give her a vaginal orgasm, which I think she’s trying to unconsciously have. That’s a goal of mine if you will. It’s not THE goal, the goal is to be close to the woman I love & I know she completely understands.

I can give her a clitorical orgasm like I can open a can of coke. Once I get in & get moving, if it’s not done on my end in 10-15 minutes she gets sore due to dryness/lack of being in the mood. When she’s tried to be in the mood more often then it goes from soreness to the rhythm thing where she starts to sob cry & I feel like I’m raping her. She’s crying, her face is red & she has the dimply chin frown, but is completely fine other wise & gets really frustrated with her self trying to cover her head with a pillow like I wont notice...

As a male full of oomph…Its gotten very frustrating. We’ve gone months without sex. It’s been very frustrating & has definitely tried our relationship & has tested me personally. I want to go see a councilor or something…Funny thing is we’re about to go on a romantic trip & I’ll be wanting to look into this after the trip… it just kinda got old today & being as I’ve been on here for almost a month now, I wanted to hear some thoughts that could maybe save me hundreds in therapist fee’s. hehe

 

has she ever been abused sexually?

 

Honestly I really don't think we're the people to ask. I think you need to go to therapy or get counseling or even talk it out or something. We don't know you or your wife, so any advice we gave you would be going off of just what you wrote there, and probably would not be advice you should take.

 

No, she hasn't had any sexual abuse.

With all do respect, I DO think these are people I should ask. I'm objective & want opinions from people that can read the post & understand what I'm describing. I DO think that there are a lot of people on here that I probably should ask.

I know that therapy is in the future, but I've read some really interesting threads on xnxx. I'm the kinda guy who goes to the end of the earth to get the answer. I'm not going to jump off a bridge because my friends did. I want advice from mostly women, but maybe husbands on here that could be going through the same thing I am.

I've done multiple searches & have found a lot of women cry through several websites, but nothing I have found has given advise. My wife & I have talked a lot about this, it didn't just start happening. If you don't have anything to add, then just pass this thread up & find a different one to read. No hard feelings. I posted in the sexuality thread & named the topic exactly what I want to get info on.

 

have you asked her why she really cries?

 

It's uncontrollable. overwhelming. She can't explain why she has the feeling.

 

Hey, I read your post and I might have a lead that pertains to your situation, I just need to know a few more things. Has she had any children recently? Has she seen a doctor and discussed this symptom? Have you both tried doing different things during sex? I know during a tantric session you can stay in a single position for hours, perhaps you could try changing positions during sex? The dryness indicates that, assuming she has a normal biology, she is not receiving a proper amount of stimulation. How wet does she get before you're inside her? Does the amount of lubrication change noticeably during oral?

Answer these questions and I'll be able to help you narrow down to an answer.

 

does she have any really bad experience with sex? or lost any babies?

 

No Children & we've tried many different positions. She doesn't retain her moisture long enough in certain situations. Just today though... We made love & she was in the mood, stimulated, lubricated & still ended up crying.

I guess I posted a little too much off topic. The moisture problem has always been there, so we've found ways to fix that. The crying is what I can't seem to get past. It kills me to be making love & going from feeling such an intense bond to, woah, am I raping you?I know I'm not, but that's the 1st thing that pops into my head. She immediately rolls her eye's disgusted with herself...I tell her that it's ok & that I love her, but it really frustrates her because she feels like she's not satisfying me.

 

if she cries before orgasm its her body let go of her emotions my gf does it especially after g spot play

its a normal reaction after an orgasm

 

ask her if she ever feels like your taking advantage of her,and if she still really loves you.(i know it seems kinda mean to ask her that but just ask for her honesty)

 

I concur with MEBroadwell89 on pre-orgasm crying. Since she also tenses up her whole body, then starts to cry, it would seem that both her body and mind are releasing pent up emotions that are released so fast that she begins to cry, which is technically a healthy symptom. How does she feel during the time when she is crying?

This is a strange suggestion but perhaps you could try continuing having sex with her while she is crying. What I mean is, ah... Instead of slowing down, start to pump even faster and just go for it. The symptoms of tension and crying may indicate that she is on the verge of having a gigantic orgasm. Good Luck!

 

Blu... seriously...you aren't understanding my posts. It's nothing like that. (with all due respect) We love each other very much. Always have always will. I've been to the end of the earth with her all ready. She will always be the love of my life. There never was any rape. She grew up in the country with great parents. The act of love making is making her emotions spin out of control. I want to find a way for her to control them somewhat.

 

Sometimes Trishash, sometimes it's good to let your emotions flow out of control. Orgasm can allow a massive amount of emotional energy to be released.

 

try to keep her calm before and during sex,well as calm as possible.

 

See, Silver... I think that too... but she can't control it... & we've tried the full out getting it on even though she's crying, but I can't do it...she only keeps crying & her body get's HOT... It gets creepy.

Also, If she starts to tense up, I tell her. She's asked me too, because she didn't want to get sore.

What I was thinking was trying to get her to the point of crying & ease off gradually & then amp it back up to that point again & then maybe really go to town after doing that a few times? She's never had a vaginal orgasm.

 

Plus we're talking about a couple who has been together for 9+ years. I don't need to keep her calm. We're talking about 2 people in the throws of passion. We don't want to be calm. I was her 1st love as she was mine. We have the strongest bond 2 people can have. I know a LOT about her. I can tell when she's angry without looking @ her, I can make her laugh anytime I want. I know her inside & out practically... the female orgasm is an extremely difficult thing to master.

 

Gotta hit the bed, but I'll be looking forward to some more responses. thanks a bunch Silver.

 

well it may be to overwhelming and her body doesnt know what to do,or she maybe afraid to just let loose and lose control.

 

That's actually a good idea, Trishash. Sometimes it can be really enjoyable to repeatedly rush to the edge a few times then really go for it.

I understand your desire to make her orgasm during penile-vaginal sex, but I would like to point out that there is no difference between an orgasm brought about by direct clitoral orgasm and a vaginally stimulated orgasm. During intercourse, the crura of the clitoris is still stimulated while you are inside the vagina.


C'mon buddy, keep thinking! You're on the right track!

Good night, Trishash.