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  1. RatchetPatch

    RatchetPatch Porn Surfer

    Joined:
    Nov 7, 2008
    Messages:
    12
    I'm not sure how to start writing this. so i suppose i'll just out and say it.
    I fucked my sister.
    It wasnt intentional, i swear! but thats not the point. (and i bet you're wondering how one can "accidentally" fuck one's sister, but i dont think it matters at this point, as i've purposely been repeating the mistake)
    But i'm getting off topic.
    Let me try to set you straight.

    My name is John Nevin, (thats right, nevin, with two n's), i go to college at necc, and i have a loving family with two younger sisters, (both just getting out of high school) and a lovable pooch named poobah. (that's right, with two o's) i'm a reasonably in shape, (no belly fat here) brown eyed, somewhat messy haired student and i spend WAY too much time at the library. anti-social kind of time. (you get me?), And, admittedly, not enough time with my family.

    My two sisters are Devin and Colorado, (who i just call colly)(with two l's), and both are just now getting out of high school, where they've been obnoxiously, (and i DO mean obnoxiously) complaining their pants off for years. so, after a long night at the library, debating numerals and integers in my head, i got a call from Devin, the younger of the two, and man was she mad. off she goes about how i've been ignoring her, where have i been, school sucks, blah de blah, someone defaced her myspace, and MAN WERE THEY GONNA GET IT, general raging teen hormones, and after several loud shh's and a pointed finger at the door from one seriously messed up looking librarian (i'd be surprised if she was even human) i did what every good big brother should do. i asked her where she was (at a friends house), told her i'd be on my way, damn well left the library(not much choice there), grabbed poobah, jumped into my rusty 96' acura, and went down to see her.

    Didnt know much of what to expect, i assumed she would probably talk my ear off for about 400 hours, expect me to care about some guy, some girl, and some rumors, fawn over poobah (whose head was currently flying out my right car window) and then ask me for money. just about the usual.
    Nothing more could have surprised me more than what happened when i got there.

    I'm gonna try to make this as clear as possible.

    Here i am, dog in left arm, keys in right, fumbling for the door at my sister's friend's house, when poobah, (deciding maybe for a spring at freedom) nips my armpit, and dropping him out of surprise, i turn to lunge for him. now, as i turned to lunge, my back pants pocket catches on the doorknob to the front door of this random person's house, and as i lunge forward, tears the pants right down to my knees. (there was a loud rip, i wasnt sure at the time, i didnt find out till later my boxers ripped right along with them), and falling flat on my face, with poobah only a few steps away (apparently he had just wanted to get down, he was staring at me with some sort of open surprise, "oh howd you get there, i'm totally innocent'), i was in a nicely ludicrious position when i heard the door swing open to a round of raucous giggling and once very loud gasp.

    Now i'm not much for showing my ass to strangers, so i turned around, and spiting my mouth to fit my face, said "DID YA GET A NICE VIEW?!"

    Well, i'll spare you the suspense. it was my sister. and, as though she hadnt heard a word i said, she looked right down at me with some sort of cocky smirk, and raised one eyebrow.
    "nice ass." she said.

    looking back up at her over my shoulder, i stared for a second. it wasnt the comment, sarcasm and slander i was used to, but there was something in her eyes, something i'd never seen there before. she had always been an attractive girl ( a fact i didnt like to admit when it came to other boys) but, there was something different to her face than i'd ever seen before. On her face, her green eyes were wide, her cheeks flushed in what was either embarassment (but it wasnt, was it?) or some sort of horrible red pigmentation. but there was a look in her eyes, those green eyes....

    pushing myself up, i pulled my pants up around my waist, as poobah darted past me and into the house.
    "traitor". i quipped.
    reaching down, devin helped me up, grasping my hand and pulling with a small grunt, me, still holding my pants up with one hand as i stood. looking down at them, i tested the band by pulling it. it flapped loosely. yep. broken. and me without a belt. goddamn it.
    looking up at devin, smirked slightly, and asked "do you have a belt?"
    she said something, of which i can't be sure, because by then i was already noticing something. and that something was my sister.
    what the hell?
    i'd never seen her in anything sexy before, but tonight i had to admit, "sexy" fit the bill. usually she was a bookworm like me, dressed in baggy sweaters and long skirts, not much for party clothes, but apparently something had changed her mind.

    my eyes rolled over her slowly. spiked, high heel shoes, (not too high, just a medium, maybe an inch and a half), that wrapped around her ankles in some sort of greek sandal way, (they fit her long legs very nicely), up to the sort of, i have no other word for them, "bootyshorts", seemingly cut out of an old pair of jeans, that fit snugly over her thighs, and while i couldnt see it, bet fit snugly to her ass), over flat stomach and bellybutton (which was pierced, mom was gonna freak about that), and up over her firm, well rounded breasts, at least a c, which (and its just my style to notice the breasts first) were clad in a small camo shirt which fell open just about 6 inches, enough to give WAY too much cleavage to the naked eye. (i mean that literally AND figuratively)
    Looking up at me, she had stopped speaking, her eyes just watching me, her brown hair sweeping prettily over her face, and it took me a full minute to realize my gaze had stopped completely at her breasts and had remained unwaveringly there. (since when had she dressed so sexily??!)
    "hello! earth to john! come in john! no! i don't have a. fucking. belt!" she exclaimed, snapping her fingers in front of my face. looking up, my face catching comically in a expression of surprise, i blushed, looking her, (for the first time i realized, later) full in the face. "yeah, sorry", i practically whispered, my face burning red. "kinda spaced out there."
    "Yeah. you did. on my tits." she said frankly.
    "cover those." i said in return, hoping that in no way she listened to me.
    "bite me" she quipped.
    "keep dressing like that and i will", i said, having no idea what i meant.
    Grinning, she smiled coyly, then grabbed my hand, and led me into the house, closing the door behind her. below me, poobah stretched luxoriously on the carpet, free of the car and the underpit of the obsessed college student at last. i knew that look. he was gonna go to sleep. (seriously, what a traitor!)
    "so, when i called, i didnt expect you to turn up so quickly" devin said, walking away from me into a darkened hallway in the house. i couldnt help but notice as she did, that i had been right, the pants were as tight in the back as they were the front.(what an ass, too!)
    shuffling forward with my broken pantband, i looked around. Not sure who's house this was really, devin had so many girlfriends, i couldn't have guessed even with a catalogue of information available, but it seemed alright, white wallpaper, paintings on the wall, flowers, ducks, a couple fruits.
    "whose house is this?" i called to her, walking down the darkened hallway toward a glowing room at the end.
    "its sandra's. remember her, from wendall beach last year?" devin called out.
    "she was the one who you kept throwing the frisbee high to so she'd have to jump"
    oh yeah.
    (seriously, though, those tits were huge. you'd have paid to see them bounce.)
    (i'm getting off topic again)
    I strolled into the lightened room, (which turned out to be a kitchen) and turned. Devin was in there, sitting on the table, her legs parted slightly as she leaned back on her hands, a small salt and pepper shaker behind her, centered, on a checkered placemat. ('d tell you what the rest of the room looked like, but magnet like, my eyes were on my sister again)
    Wiggling her legs a little, she looked at me, then looked down at my pants. "it must be getting hard holding those up."
    staring soulfully at her on that table, her legs splayed slightly, her hair trailing down her chest and into the part that led to those fantastic looking breasts, i realized she was right.
    It WAS hard. Literally. And figuratively.
    It was at that point that logic kicked me in the ass. or maybe it was reason. or maybe both. by god, this was my sister. my sister! and here i was considering jumping her bones for wearing a skimpy outfit. i was the older one, it was up to me to insert reason.
    Tearing my eyes up to her face, i attempted to insert reason.
    "woo edda ha?"
    "squinting at me, her eyebrow raised again, quizzical. "what?'
    Damn it. my eyes were on her breasts again.
    Clearing my throat, i tried again.
    "who else is here?"
    "noone." she replied. "its just you and me. when sandra heard you were coming over, she said she wanted to give me space, and she went over derek's."
    looking at me wistfully, i swear i saw a gleam in her green eye's.
    Stepping towards her, i reached for a chair on the other side of the table, my body brushing over hers as i seized it by the back, lifting it. Then, as though, this had been her plan all along, as though she knew i would want to sit down, (if for anything to stop holding up my damn pants), my sister wrapped her arms around me.
    and not in the "oh i want a hug, come here big bro" kind of way.
    no, she wrapped her arms around my ribs, pushed them down the rim of my now defunct pants, and got a handfull of big bro where big bro's sun dont shine.
    i had a moment to consider the situation, i wont lie, but when a girl's got her hands on your ass, her breasts brushing against your chest, and her pussy right under your aching, stiff cock, you dont think twice. not if you're a man, with a man's instincts. and so instinct took over. (see! instinct! not my fault.)
    letting go of the chair, i reached around my sister, got ahold of a handfull of brown hair at the back of her head, and pressed my lips against hers.
    Stroking, kneading, she squeezed my ass, as slowly, she pulled one hand out of my pants to place it at the back of my neck, where she pulled, forcing my mouth open and her tongue into it, as she wriggled her hot body against me, her breasts rubbing against my chest, her tongue writhing in my mouth like a snake.
    suddenly, she pulled her other hand out of my pants, and quickly, almost violently, (not that i'm complaining) wrapped her legs around me, the pants dropping to the floor as she pressed her soft, hot pussy against my cock, pinning my hardened member between me and her, the coarse fibers of her jean-shorts caressing my swollen cock and causing me to groan, her tongue still snaking its way inside my mouth.
    letting go of our oral entanglement, she pulled back, her brown hair sliding over her green eyes (now wild with what i finally recognized as sexual excitement) and looking me square in the eye, she said "you're one damn good kisser, big bro."
    Wiggling her hips seductively, she slowly slid her hands down from my neck, trailing them across my chest, teasing my nipples through my shirt. staring at her, my breath now coming out in short gasps, i thought about this.
    was this right? after all she was my sister. and she was only 17, maybe she didnt have the right ideas, or whatever.
    in the end, it wasnt my decision.
    sliding her hand slowly down, she pushed it past the boundary of my boxer shorts, (which had defeated two offensively aggressive gay guys, my second grade gym teacher and mrs claus, though thats a story for a different day) and wrapped her smooth, soft fingers around the head of my cock.
    all reason evaporated.
    a voice in my head went "fuck the shit out of her"
    and i said "Fuck this."
    Tearing my shirt off, i threw it across the room, covering a toaster (there had been a toaster in here) and forgoing all manners of forplay, grabbed my sister's shirt right at the neck, and ripped the goddamn thing right down the middle. (it ripped rather easily)
    Her shirt parting, she gasped as her breasts fell out into the open air (she hadnt been wearing a bra, it seemed) and now, in front of me, in the light, they rested, two perky, c-cup tits, their nipples rosy and erect in the bright kitchen light. leaning over, i grabbed her right breast as i lowered my head to her left, sliding my tongue over it in little circles as she gasped with pleasure, her hand sliding around my cock head, her thumb rubbing all over it, as she clung to my back with her other hand.
    sliding her other hand down, she wrapped it around the shaft of my cock, pumping it as she rubbed it, her hands working furiously as she attempted to wrest a fat load of cum out of her own dear older brother.
    With my tongue trailing around her nipple, i slowly trailed my other down, to her bellybutton, pulling on it for a second before trailing it down to her shorts, rubbing at her pussy through the thin fabric, her moans of ecstacy making me even harder as she jacked on my hard cock furiously with both hands.
    "Fuck yeah" i exclaimed.
    groaning, she thrusted her hips, still clad in shorts, against my hand, as though by sheer willpower alone she could make them dissapear, and staring into my eyes, her hands working my cock, she turned the thought into a desperate plea, her breath coming out in little gasps.
    "please." she said. "pleaseeeeeeeee rub my pussy. rub it for me. finger mee pleaaaaaaaaase."
    looking up at her, i grinned devilishly. "is that what you really want? you want your own hot older brother to play with your pussy, you nasty little girl? you want to cum on your brothers fingers?"
    "yesssssssssss" she groaned, her hands working on my cock, which was now slippery with pre-cum, the knob dripping, as she whipped her hands up and down it. "yesss, pleaseee. oh god. pleasseeee."
    "then say it." i said. "say you want to fuck your brother. say you want me to fucking make you come."
    "I DO!" she practically screeched. "i want you to fuck me, i want to fuck my brother's big cock, i want to fuck you, brother, just make me come, make me come!"
    As she spoke, her hands moved faster, pressing harder against my cock, and one hand trailed down to my balls, squeezing them, as she pushed her waist against me, and grinning, little devils in my eyes, i slid my hand down her pants, expecting to push past panties, but finding none.
    my fingers found her clit first, and rubbed it, slowly, causing her to howl, her hands stopping on my cock for a second as she gyrated against my hand.
    "yes, make me come, make me come, brother, make me come, pleeeasssee" she moaned.
    next my fingers crept lower, finding her pussyhole, which was so wet it had soaked her shorts through, and hot enough to fry bacon on. turning my fingers inward, i thrust them into her pussy, pushing as hard, probing deep inside her, my fingers wiggling madly.
    Releasing my cock, she leaned back, thrusting her pussy onto my fingers, the hot, slippery walls of it grasping needingly at them as she pushed her hot little ass up and down on them, the constraints of the shorts keeping her thrusts short and quick.
    "yes, oh god yes, oh god. yes brother, fuck me, fuck me!" she screamed, furiously pushing at my fingers. wildy, i grabbed with my other hand, pulling the zipper of her shorts down, and wrenching downwards, pulled them all the way down to her knees, her legs coming closer together but not something i couldnt work with. now i could see her pussy, a small, tight slit, with just a little bit of brown hair over the top ( she had shaved it, i could tell), and as she pushed it down on my fingers, i felt her hot nasty little pussy start to spasm, and i knew she was going to come.
    "yeah little sister" i said mockingly.
    "come on your brothers fingers, come all over them, then come all over his cock."
    groaning, she worked her hips faster, her pussy lampooning my fingers deep inside her, pushing them in deep and hard. Leaning forward, i bit her bellybutton piercing, ( a butterfly, i hadnt noticed before) and trailed my tongue slowly downward, ignoring her hand as she pushed me down, and listlessly dragged it along her inner thighs. i could still feel her pussy working, and i knew she was gonna come soon, so i deliberately took my time as i worked my tongue over her inner thighs, eventually coming to her pussy.
    her pussy.
    it glistened with sweat and cum, practically dripping, and the heat i felt coming off it could have given me a sunburn, if i'd stayed for too long. sucking my lips together, i lowered my face, and finally obeying my sister's prying hand (which was pushing at the back of my skull), i lowered my lips to her clit, and fingers furiously pushing into her hot little box, sucked on her clit, and wrapping my other hand around her back, jammed my index finger into her ass.
    That did it.
    spasming, she pushed her hips upwards, her pussy jerking and throbbing, as her legs shook, and pushing her pussy hard against my face, she poured hot pussy cream down my chin, her feet slipping on the table as her cum poured down my chest. gripping, her hand wrapped in my hair, she jerked a few times, then slowly lowered that lovely ass of hers down to the table. ( i realized then that we were still in the kitchen, for a while i thought we were somewhere else. like heaven.)
    pulling my finger out of her ass, i reached down and idely stroked my cock.
    "so how does that feel, dirty little sister?" i asked.
    "ohhh so good. sooo good." she moaned, her tongue playing across her lips.
    "how would you like a good hard fuck now?" i asked, teasing. " how about your big brother's cock deep inside your hot little pussy?"
    Kicking off her shorts, devin reached down, sliding her finger over her clit. "oh god, yes. please. fuck me, brother. fuck me hard."
    "you want me to fuck you?" i asked.
    "yes" she answered. no hesitation.
    "well then come down here and suck your big brother's cock" i said, motioning down at my dripping dick.
    climbing down off the table without the slightest sign of pause, my little sister, kneeled in front of me, taking my cock in her left hand, her manicured nails stroking over it as she took it in her fist. ( i may not have mentioned it, but cock is 8 inches when hard, nothing compared to some of the horsepill freaks out there nowadays, but nothing to sneeze at either)
    jacking on my cock, she brought her lips up, and slowly, starting at the balls, took one long, wicked lick, all the up the shaft to the head of my cock, and taking the head into her mouth, slid her lips all the way down to the root of my cock, pushing it deep into her throat, and its then that i realized, with the entirety of my cock deep in my sister's throat, that i really needed to visit family more.
    Reaching back to her shanks of long brown hair, i pulled them up, bunching them at the back of her head. staring down at her, i watched as she sucked, my own dear little sister, her lips wrapped tight around my cock, and with my handfull of her hair, i started slowly fucking my cock deeper into her mouth.
    pushing it in, i felt her tongue wrap around it, stroking the head of it, as she sucked, the sensations almost enough to make me come already, and heedful of this sensation, i pulled her back, her lips coming off with a lewd popping noise, and said "god. damn! you are a GREAT cocksucker." smiling up at me, she jacked my cock, slapping it against her lips, as cum dribbled down her chin and onto her fatastic, perky tits.
    "i want you to come for me brother." she whispered, her eyes burrowing deep into mine. "i want you to cum a nice big load deep in my throat, and then i want you to fuck me until you cum a nice big load right in my hot little pussy."
    staring down at her, i pulled her head back to my cock, and pushing it back into her mouth, started fucking her mouth just like i wanted to fuck her hot little pussy. slamming it into her throat, she gagged, but only a little, her hands wrapping around to grab my ass again (that had started this whole damn thing) and pushed her face in, fucking me with her lips, her tongue sliding wildy over my cock knob, my shaft drilling deep into her throat.
    reaching down, she slid her hand over my balls, kneading them and stroking, and staring down at her, it finally hit me, in a way it hadn't before, in a totally different way, seeing my cock push in and out of her hot little lips, that this was my sister.
    my fucking sister.
    hell yeah.
    Pushing deep into her mouth, i spewed a hot load of cum right into her mouth, and i was afraid i was going to choke her for a second, but she swallowed fast, gulping it like a pro, and pulling my cock out of her mouth, licked it all over, like a lollipop, trying to get every last drop of cum.
    staring up at me, she jacked my cock. still hard. goddamn.
    slowly she stood up, turning, showing me that wonderful ass of hers, and then, leaning over the kitchen table, she brusqely swept the salt and pepper shaker off it, throwing them onto the floor. (which was tiled incidentally), and leaned over it. reaching back, she pulled her ass cheeks apart, showing me her gaping pussy and asshole, her pussy dripping cum onto the floor, the hole looking pink and deep, and ready for some intense fucking.
    Stroking my cock, i stepped forward, looking down at my sister. man, how she had grown. grabbing my cock, i slid it over her pussyhole, savoring the moment. rubbing it up and down along the slit, i reached down, and with one hand, played with her clit.
    "oooooooh" she moaned. "just fuck me. please big brother, put your big cock in me. pllllleeeasee."
    as she said it, she wiggled her ass seductively, her glistening pussy wiggling in the bright light, and giving up the game, i slid my cock down to her gaping pussy hole, and pushed it in.
    It was so hot and tight that at first i didnt think i'd be able to even move. pushing my dick in farther, i reached around and grabbed her hips, pushing that luscious ass towards me as i pressed my cockshaft deeper into her, her pussy wrapping around me so tight i could feel the exact shape of her, and she moaned wildy, her cries becoming loud and ecstatic as i pushed in.
    letting go of her ass, she stretched her arms out to either side of the table and grabbed a hold, as i started to pull back, getting ready for the thrust. when i was about halfway out, i looked down, and spread her asscheeks. below me, her ass gaped, a tiny sexy little dot, gaping slightly. (did she like it in the ass? i wondered), then her voice brought me back to reality.
    "fuck me,fuck me,fuck me,big brother fuck meeeeeeeeee." she groaned, pushing her ass back towards me, and looking back at her, i thought, goddamnit it, i didnt bring a condom, and i' m already here, and then i said what had become my anthem, apparently for that night.
    "fuck it."
    slamming my cock into her pussy, i wrapped my hands around her waist, pushing my cock into her as deep as i could get it, my hands rubbing at her pussy as she moaned, he hands holding on to the tabletop for dear life.
    "OH GOD YES I'M BEING FUCKED BY MY BROTHER! OH GOD YES YES!"
    she screamed, her voice pealing, the sound of it explosive in this tiny room.
    rocking back with me, she forced my cock deep with her, my hands rubbing over her pussy as fast as they could go, holding her impaled on me, and reaching forward with my left hand, i grabbed her hair, yanking it, her head coming back as i shoved my big cock deep in her hot little pussy.
    "yeah you like that, dont you! your brother's big cock! this is what you wanted, right? you dirty little girl? your brother's cock in your hot little slit?" letting go with my right hand, i left the holding up to her, as i reached toward her back with my other hand, and reaching just above my pumping organ, shoved my forefinger up my dirty little sister's ass.
    "OH GOD!" she screamed. "OH YEAH FUCK MY FUCKING ASS WITH YOUR FINGER, I LOVE YOU BIG BROTHER, I FUCKING LOVE YOU!"
    slamming my cock deep inside her, i finger fucked her ass, pushing it in as fast as i could, her moans growing more and more excited as i reamed that wet, hot little pussyhole.
    letting go of her pussy, i reached forward, grabbing her by the hair again, i pulled, yanking her upright, and falling backwards, we managed to (by the grace of god) fall into the chair i had never been able to get into oh so long ago, and straddling me now, my finger still up her ass, my sister slammed her hot little ass up and down, pushing my finger ever deeper and my cock back into her with full force.
    wiggling her waist, she pumped up and down, her pussy gulping my cock, and reaching around, i grabbed her throat with the hand not reaming her asshole, and starting pumping into that pussy right back.
    groaning loudly even with a restricted air flow, she shuddered, her pussy starting to shake again. feeling it wrap more tightly around my cock, i looked up at her, her face covered in ecstacy, and whispered. "you're a dirty fucking little slut, you know that?"
    groaning, she nodded, her pussy spasming. "you're a dirty little slut, and i'm gonna fuck you every time i come here now. you're big brother's gonna fuck you right in your hot little nasty pussy, and you're gonna fucking like it."
    It was like the magic words (abracadabra poof!)
    shaking, quaking, her pussy clamped around my cock, a river of pussy juice cascading from between her thighs and soaking my balls, her body shaking as she came again for the second time that night. and it wasnt over. as she finished, i felt my balls tense up, and with her pussy wrapped tight around my cock, i spewed forth another tremendous load, this one deep in my own little sister's pussy, and as we sat there, exhausted, sweat dripping off our bodies, i dropped my hand from her throat, and leaning back against me, my sister said: "you know, i really meant what i said on the phone."
    "what? i replied, already knowing the answer.
    "you really don't visit enough."
    --------------------------------------------------------------------------
    Author's note
    Thanks for reading. this is my first serious attempt at writing this besides stories i've written for friends (believe it or not, this stuff works to get girls in the sack, cant say how many times i've gotten a girl by going "i should write a story about what i'd do to you". not the point though. lol. like the character in this story, i tend to wander. i hope you enjoyed this, and that it satisfied you. (in whatever way it would do so) please comment, and thanks for your time.
    -RatchetPatch
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 7, 2008
    #1
  2. Pwny

    Pwny Sex Lover

    Joined:
    Sep 19, 2006
    Messages:
    238
    nice story
    liked the plot
    i am curious about the other sister now

    the only thing i can say is that you might want to proof read for those little grammar mistakes
    and
    (my opinion) i not really a fan of the long scrams like "oh god yes i am fucking my brother..." and the finger in the ass one. it just seems that they could but shortened like "oh fuck me brother" and, devin whispered into my ear " yeah, finger my ass. finger your sister's ass"

    other than that i really liked the story
     
    #2
  3. QQShoe

    QQShoe Porno Junky Suspended!

    Joined:
    Apr 18, 2008
    Messages:
    306
    Like

    Grammar: Use word. Too many mistakes

    Storyline: Perfect. Don't change anything
     
    #3
  4. Hitman Sammy Sam

    Hitman Sammy Sam Porno Junky

    Joined:
    Sep 19, 2008
    Messages:
    254
    That was awesome dude
     
    #4
  5. dannyk01

    dannyk01 Sex Lover

    Joined:
    Jan 10, 2008
    Messages:
    122
    Holy shiut that was hot, write more
     
    #5
  6. dominican

    dominican Porn Surfer

    Joined:
    Nov 6, 2008
    Messages:
    48
    wow thats wa i call a very niceee story... nice nice
     
    #6
  7. porter

    porter Basstard

    Joined:
    Sep 20, 2006
    Messages:
    5,911
    Not really a fan of you using brackets to include independent thoughts. Otherwise, nice length and flow.
     
    #7
  8. Pwny

    Pwny Sex Lover

    Joined:
    Sep 19, 2006
    Messages:
    238
    are you gonna make another?
    i demand a sequel
     
    #8
  9. rcarson13

    rcarson13 Official Welcome Wagon In XNXX Heaven

    Joined:
    May 5, 2008
    Messages:
    27,797
    The story seeemed good;

    but I had trouble reading it. Punctuation and paragraphing was part of the problem, I'm not sure what else was wrong. I intend to reread it, since it seems like a pretty good story from what I see.

    RICO
     
    #9
  10. bloodrush

    bloodrush Porn Surfer

    Joined:
    Oct 15, 2008
    Messages:
    39
    wow that was amazing make more of this story i want to know wat happens next!
     
    #10
  11. RatchetPatch

    RatchetPatch Porn Surfer

    Joined:
    Nov 7, 2008
    Messages:
    12
    eh

    i wasnt planning on it, but i might be convinced....
     
    #11
  12. RatchetPatch

    RatchetPatch Porn Surfer

    Joined:
    Nov 7, 2008
    Messages:
    12
    eh

    well, i wasnt planning on it, but i might be convinced...
     
    #12
  13. 19biteenguy

    19biteenguy Amateur

    Joined:
    Nov 28, 2008
    Messages:
    88
    2/10
    Poor punctuation
    Multitude of grammatical errors
    Poor pargraph structure
    (Overuse of parens)
     
    #13
  14. RatchetPatch

    RatchetPatch Porn Surfer

    Joined:
    Nov 7, 2008
    Messages:
    12
    thanks

    thanks for the advice
     
    #14
  15. blackruin

    blackruin Newcumer

    Joined:
    Oct 10, 2008
    Messages:
    8
    Not bad actually, very hot story. Grammar definitely needs improvement though...
     
    #15
  16. duchuycali88

    duchuycali88 Newcumer Suspended!

    Joined:
    Jan 9, 2009
    Messages:
    4
    good
     
    #16
  17. heffer

    heffer Sex Machine

    Joined:
    Aug 13, 2008
    Messages:
    945
    cmon guys! this is a sex story forum! if its readable and gets you off faster than you can snap your fingers, its good! 5/5 idc what they say!
     
    #17
  18. RatchetPatch

    RatchetPatch Porn Surfer

    Joined:
    Nov 7, 2008
    Messages:
    12
    wow, thanks for the feedback!
     
    #18
  19. Hiddenheart16

    Hiddenheart16 Porn Surfer

    Joined:
    Feb 18, 2009
    Messages:
    14
    incest does nothing to me, except make things awkward. i imagined that they were just two random people after a party.
     
    #19
  20. benu6969

    benu6969 Porn Surfer

    Joined:
    Oct 10, 2007
    Messages:
    16
    sounded very hot

    i like your sister
     
    #20