Halloween costume

A bald headed man with a wooden leg was invited to a Halloween party. He didn’t know what costume to wear to hide his hairless head and his peg leg, so he wrote to a costume company to explain his problem.

A few days later he received a parcel with the following note:

Dear Sir,
Please find enclosed a pirate’s outfit. The spotted handkerchief will cover your bald head and, with your wooden leg, you will be just right as a pirate.
Very truly yours,
Acme Costume Co.
​

The man thought this was terrible, because they emphasized his wooden leg, so he wrote a letter strongly expressing his indignation.

A week later, he received another parcel and a note, which said:

Dear Sir,
Please find enclosed a monk’s costume. The long robe will cover your wooden leg and, with your bald head, you will really look the part.
Very truly yours,
Acme Costume Co.
​

Now the man was really upset since they have merely gone from emphasizing his wooden leg to emphasizing his bald head, so again he wrote the company an even nastier letter to complain.

The next day he got a small parcel and a note, which read:

Dear Sir,
We have TRIED our very BEST. Please find enclosed a bottle of molasses and a bag of crushed walnuts. Pour the molasses over your bald head, sprinkle and pat the crushed nuts on, stick your wooden leg up your ass and go as a caramel apple.
Very truly yours,
Acme Costume Co.
​

 

Semantics

An elderly couple, who were both widowed, had been going out with one another for a long time. Urged on by their friends, they decided it was finally time to get married. Before the wedding, they went out to dinner and had a long conversation regarding how their marriage might work. They discussed finances, living arrangements and so on. Finally, the old gentleman decided it was time to broach the subject of their physical relationship.

“How do you feel about sex?” he asked, rather trustingly.

“Well,” she said, responding very carefully, “I’d have to say, I would like it infrequently.”

The old gentleman sat quietly for a moment, then, looking over his glasses, he casually asked, “Is that one word or two?”


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GREAT THREAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

funny thread

 

best thread ever

 

Funny.

 

Three women

Three women, one engaged, one married and one a
mistress, are chatting about their relationships and
decide to amaze their men that night. All three will
wear a leather bodice, stiletto heels and a mask over
their eyes.

After a few days they meet again…..

The engaged girlfriend: ‘The other night when my
boyfriend came back home, he found me with the leather
bodice, 4' stilettos and a mask. When he saw me he
said, ‘You are the woman of my life, I love
you’...then we made love all night long.

The mistress: ‘Ah! Me too, the other night I met my
lover in the office and I was wearing the leather
bodice, mega stilettos, mask over my eyes and a
raincoat. When I opened the raincoat, he didn’t say
anything...but we had wild sex.’

The married one: ‘The other night I sent the kids to
stay at my mother’s for the night. I got myself
ready in leather bodice, super stilettos and mask over my
eyes. My husband comes home from work, opens the door
and says, ‘Hey Batman, what’s for dinner?’
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Bumper sticker seen on Florida's Gulf Coast today:

All men are animals.
Some just make better pets.

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Printer trouble? Apparently, you're not the only one.

Click here​

 

This is totally AMAZING!!!!!!!!!!!!!:excited::rose:

 

SO TRUE!!!!!!!!!!!!!:excited::excited::excited:

 

An update

Remember the Do I Look Fat in This? thread? Er, probably not, since it died quietly in its sleep last year. Anyway, think of this as a variation on a theme.
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all related

they seem to all be related. notice the same type nose structure?







:excited:

 

They're really good - where do you find all your material?

 

Wales.

 

Really? The Welsh aren't prone to humour, ewe must have hit an 'elusive vein' running through the country!!

 

I didnt think whales could take pictures??

 

Are YEW sayin' I'm vainly elusive?