I was just wondering if anyone else had more than a passing interest in BDSM. I am just trying to see where people here stand on the subject, what they know about it, etcetera.

Tell me what you think of it, what you know about it, and what about it interests you if you are in fact interested in it.

 

i'm into it

not sure how much i mind saying on a public thread, but i've always been into dominating people sexually. my partner's a bit of a shit sub (his words not mine) but we've found practises that satisfy me without breaking the budget and without making him uncomfortable or scared for his life.

i've found that many people have unfounded preconceptions about it, like only sex offenders are into it (one person's reaction). and i myself am cautious about electricity and breath play because i wouldn't want to inadvertantly kill the man i love. i even bought medical textbooks for more information because i was so interested lol.

 

Sick

Popularly understood, sadism usually means the desire to inflict pain onto another being, and often the control, manipulation, or domination of the other. But sadism also means the attempt to remove the subjectivity from the other, reducing her or him to the status of object. Instead of the other's freedom being respected and celebrated, the other is turned into chattel. "Owning", "using", "dominating" and "humiliating" are some words that describe this process. One psychological explanation for this is that the sadist despairs of the freedom of the other and so tries to capture it by objectifying the subject - turning person into thing. Sicko
Popularly understood, masochism usually means the desire to have pain inflicted upon oneself, and often the desire to be under the control or manipulation of the other, in short, to be submissive. But masochism also means the attempt to have one's own subjectivity quashed and to become an object.

Being owned, being used, and being humiliated rank among the desiderata. One explanation for this desire is that the freedom that goes along with subjectivity is dizzying, and in the lingo of philosopher Jean-Paul Sartre, induces a vertigo of "nausea".

 

was that you calling me a sicko at the end there? i didn't think it was possible, but you just got stupider

 

BDSM D/s

My wife and I have been into it for a very long time. We have a Dom/sub relationship. She enjoys being controlled, tied down, spanked, and used as a little whore for mens pleasure. It gives her a total rush and release of control that turns her on. You have to have a pretty strong trust factor and if your the jealous type then forget it. We often get together with a group of guys we have met and let them use her. It's not about love and I'm never worried that she would seek out someone behind my back for sexual pleasure. In fact all she has to do is mention that she wants to be a nasty girl and we hook things up. She always comes home with Daddy.
These are a couple of pictures from one of our play times.

 

Good girl... Love to see more!!

 

couple more

2 more.

 

Ignores Blatant troll, but requests that mods ban trolls in general.

It's good to see that you are cautious about things. There are plenty of practices that can be dangerous if you just jump in at the deep end. It's responsible to seek education about anything you would like to do before you actually do it.

Specifically, breath and electrical play actually get a bad wrap. There is more than one way to do breath play, and one particular way poses almost no danger whatsoever to a person in good health when properly applied. (and has nothing to do with restricting a subs air intake) But then again, if you aren't sure what that way is, then don't try it.

More to come. have to take off for work.

 

is swinging/sharing a big part of your bdsm lifestyle? I know very few people "in the flesh" that make swinging an intrinsic part of their bdsm practices. generally, in my local kink community, play does not mean sex. The exception to that is found amogst goreans. I would say that here in las vegas most Doms do not share their subs sexually, and I am led to believe that is pretty much the case everywhere based on my somewhat limited interaction with international bdsm and leather folk.

I'm curious to hear your thoughts on the subject. Is swinging an intrinsic part of the scene where you are at? I'm not saying that there's anything wrong with it. It's actually a pretty common fantasy found in vanilla and/or swinger adult literature.

 

I think Barbaric Swan is right. BDSM in most forms (and most people practice some form of it in their life I think) is pretty harmless. Tying someone, blindfolding them and ordering to perform sexual acts like they don't have an option. But when you progress beyond the soft-core into the more intense, you have to be aware of the dangers.

It's no biggie to go and look up what interests you before you perform an act or get into the hard-core stuff. The better informed you are, the safer and more comfortable you'll both feel about it. There's plenty of websites for information if you don't feel comfortable asking for books at the library or your local book store and there's even places on the net where you can talk to people who have experienced it already.

For those that call it a sick fetish, it's really no sicker than any other kind of fetish/sex act, but it is important that you are both comfortable and there's enough trust between you for you to both get enjoyment.

 

It's a fetish, yes....and one I enjoy....where I find some "stress" about the alternative lifestyle is that I've got a professional job. I'd hate to have the view of me from colleagues and coworkers colored if they knew. I do fear, to a certain extent, being ostracized, but that's a risk of anyone who's not "normal" or at least doesn't appear that way.

To me, it adds a missing dynamic in relationships, and it's not for everyone. Not everyone likes soymilk, either, but we wouldn't break a friendship with our lactose intolerant friends but I have lost friends who found out about my "kinks". I'm not sure if you can explain your kink to another, no matter what it is. What one person finds sexy another may find disgusting....different strokes for different folks, I guess....

But I like it....

 

Well said. In regards to fears of it affecting your professional life, I can totally understand. I used to be in the air force, and what I was doing definitely wouldn't have been overlooked if discovered.

Anyhow, that's where a tight knit community comes in. Not that it's perfect, but we are all very careful about who we allow to see us play, and who we invite into the group. We try to be as unlike a crazy "secret society" as possible, but it is a good idea to exercise discretion.

 

Into it,
especially being a sub.
I would call myself a noob. But thats what slave training is for? xD

Im quite assertive outside of the bedroom,so Im not really down for the whole complete controlling of life thing.
But sexually? Sign me up.

 

The kind of people I want as friends aren't the kind of people who would end a friendship over my tastes in the bedroom, even if it wasn't something they had any interest themselves. Saying that, I can see why some may not want people to know especially work colleges etc.

I personally enjoy many aspects of BDSM (see link in sig) there's quite a thrill in surrendering all control to someone else and trusting them. Being helpless by being restrained, different forms of sensory deprevation from blindfolds to mumification, masocism including spanking, flogging, caning, clamping, figging etc. etc. the list goes on.

It's always important to make sure you know what you're doing and any safety considerations especially safe words/signals, that you're alert (not drunk or under the influence of drugs or too tired etc.) and as a dom pay attention to the more subtle signals given by a sub. It's also important for those involved to discuss limits (hard and soft) before hand to prevent undesired results.

 

i like bdsm,but i reckon itz better with some1 u love....i know that sounds wierd but i think there has 2b a reason...i couldnt do it wi a stranger

oh yeah love ur pics SWBarbie.... edible is a word that comes 2 mind...

 

I'm glad to hear that you have an interest! It is always nice to meet people who enjoy the same kinds of things.​

Generally speaking, I wouldn't recommend jumping right into slave training. There are plenty of groups out there that exist for the sole purpose of educating both tops and bottoms, about all sorts of play, protocol, ethics, etc. ​

Generally speaking, slave training should be reserved for people who have decided to seriously consider establishing a long-term relationship. I couldn't possibly train a person to be someone else's slave, as not everyone wants the same protocols, or rules to be observed.​

And when you really think about behavior modification, you'll find that it's not to be taken lightly. Before a person decides to become a slave, he or she should really have a decent general understanding of BDSM as a whole. I've seen too many irresponsible Dominants, simply throw on the mantle of "Master", and begin brainwashing a submissive, all the while insisting that it's part of her "slave training"​

I would generally avoid a Dominant who offers slave training, unless he is someone you have already built a good relationship with and would consider for a long-term relationship.​

 

Haha thanks ancient.
I mean,im a noob in down right 'bondage' experince.
But i understand that its a serious thing to get into when reguarding slave training. I wouldnt think about doing it with some random person.
Its built on trust,i get that.

which is mainly why im still a nooblet. Its not an easy thing finding someone im comfortable with on that level.

 

It's good to see a person with experience sharing her thoughts. They are always insightful. Looks like you'e experienced many forms of play, though the only one I haven't tried is figging. I'm just not interested in having ginger inserted into my anything. (unless I'm eating sushi) I have had an interest in doing it to my slave, but just haven't gotten 'round to it yet. Maybe the next time we have some concurrent time off, I'll surprise her.

 

Well, depending on your region, you may be able to find a group like I said. If you do, then your options will expand drastically. Most groups will point out the dangerous A-holes, and the reputable tops. Once you have found a top that has good references, is interested in playing, and strikes your fancy, a scene can be arranged that should meet both of your needs without any danger.

If you find a public play space, such as the Arizona Power EXchange (APEX) you should be able to play with confidence that the Dungeon Monitors, and most of the members will be more than ready to intervene if things get out of hand.

If you have to play in a private dwelling, set up a safe call with a friend who will know where you are. Make sure to give them the exact adress, and phone number that you can be reached at and have them call at a certain time. Tell your friend that if you don't answer they should call the police immediately. Make sure to let your play partner know that you have a safe call arranged, so that he can make sure to untie you before then. If you recieve your safe call before you want to end your play, arrange another safe call for the time you expect to be finished. If a dominant balks at your safety arrangements, then don't play with him. Any respectable dominant will understand that in order for play to be productive, you must feel safe.

Anyway, learning through play is a great way to learn, but don't be surprised if tops are a little hesitant to play with the new sub. Remember, in most states all it would take is a few marks and a claim that you've been assaulted to get even a reputable top put away for a while. (not that I would suggest anyone do that, especially if they want to play again. The BDSM community is fairly well informed of signifigant goings on, like that.)

Well, I've rambled at length. I hope you, or at least someone found at least some of that helpful.

 

Another advantage of groups, that I forgot to mention is one of the biggest ones. In groups, you will meet other submissives. Other submissives and bottoms will be able to educate you very well regarding what to expect in a group. Even as a top/dominant, I've learned a lot from experienced submissives.

Not only that, but the camaraderie that you will find amongst respectable submissives is such that you will find a safety net of caring concerned people ready to catch you if you should fall. While this is true of many tops as well, it's somehow more difficult to trust someone who might possibly have an ulterior motive of wanting to claim you as his/hers.