Learning is fun and there's always a large quantity of info on anything we might be interested in online, and there are alot of very helpful people around. I've found that although many are reticent at first they generally warm up pretty quickly when they find you have a genuine interest.

University is a good place to meet people with pretty much any knowledge you could think about.

 

I'm into it ,and a lot of people mistaken the sub to be a weak shaken person with low self esteem,wrong, all the girl's I've been with they're intelligent, successful ,strong personality,you wouldn't dare throwin a nasty joke at her ,but that goes away once we're in the bedroom , it is consent and there is no "harm" it ,they want to be dominated ,controlled,used ,treated like a whore ,it turns them on and gives them pleasure just like controlling and manipulation -IN THE BEDROOM- does it for me .

My current partner is by far the most tolerant of pain and insults ,or as she'd tell you ; its not tolerating it,its embracing and accepting it . I'll never quite understand how is that pleasurable but I don't expect many to understand why is it pleasurable to me to whiplash the hell out of her ass !

here is an interesting thing i noticed and i don't know how many had had the same answer ; whenever i asked a sub of mine -there has been 3 so far- if she'd like to have a 3 some,they all agreed to have a 3rd girl with us !shockingly !i thought they'd love to be used by another guy ,all 3 answers were dwelling about the same idea ,they'd want another girl because of course they'd like to have a girl on girl action,but most importantly , they wanted to have a competition over me ,said it'd make it even better if after the deprivation and "punishments" n all they had to beg and compete with another female on who to serve me best ! so it's been great so far !!

most important thing, safety word .don't get into it without a safety word .

note : i can't accept the idea of sharing my partner with strangers or so like some posted earlier ,maybe because I like these girls too much to share them in that sense with some stranger

 

you guys are bloody lucky to have groups to give you tips and teach you stuff ! i don't have anything like that here (outside the US) !
ancient_red your input is just great man ,i can't buy that book tho do you have anything online i could use ?

 

Where are you from Jax? I'd be very suprised if there weren't groups where you are.

 

Life couldn't be better

It has taken me 4 years to discuss in the open with my fiance how
i feel about bdsm and the fact that i want too explore it more in depth.

she has taken the role of a dominatrix but also likes to be submissive now
and then. and our life in the bedroom department couldn't be better

 

Absolutely Right! Though I would probably say that a top needs to have extensive knowledge and practice.

I think that many dominants (esp. male dominants) will admit that at some point they felt this way. We all have to deal with own internal issues, and for many it is a long process of realization that there is nothing wrong with them.

Again, I have to agree! So many new tops want to jump right in and pick up a single tail, but it's not that simple. On the other hand, I think that established tops over mystify it sometimes.

There is a big difference between proficiency and mastery, and a new top should understand the difference and be confident once they have achieved proficiency, but always try to improve.

Know enough to be able to reduce the risks to an acceptable level, and have fun within that limit.

 

I am a VERY passive person.
And well, being dominated has always been a kink for me.
I just enjoy the fact that I'm being humiliated and owned by a woman, maybe it's because deep down I've always known I've wanted to be everything I can to a woman and do everything possible just to make her smile so I suppose it's like my ultimate show of "see what I do for you? =)"
Or maybe not, I just enjoy it XD

As for things I like?
Tied up... As in anything is being tied up or I'm tied up to something
Strap-ons
Blindfolds
Handcuffs

That sorta stuff =)

 

I agree wholeheartedly! I'm sure that all those who have posted on this thread appreciate the inherent compliment.

Right on the mark. Most people have no idea how much mental and emotional fortitude are required to be a bottom, sub, or slave. Every time I bottom, I gain a deeper understanding of just what bottoming means. I think every reputable top should experience things from both sides, so they can better understand the psychology of a submissive.

most important thing, safety word .don't get into it without a safety word .
[/quote]

Safe-words are very very important for most play, but they won't always prevent a mishap, and should not be relied upon by themselves to protect a sub. There are legitimate reasons some people in long term M/s relationships choose not to use safe-words.

Try browsing sexuality.org and get back to me if you have any specific questions.

I'm glad to hear things are going well for you!

I would like to point out that a "dominatrix" is generally assumed to be a woman who performs bondage and discipline for a fee. Not that there is necessarily something wrong with being a professional dominant, but generally amongst people in "the lifestyle" it is seen as a corruption of some of the principles of BDSM. Just wanted to make you aware of the the terminology.

You have to be somewhat careful about how you choose your words if you ever get out to a lifestyle event, as many terms have fuzzy definitions, and some people will take offense.

 

i've been in a d/s relationship with His Domliness for eighteen years. The dynamic permeates our entire relationship, but only people who are also share the kink recognize many of the "public displays of dominance." His work friends, those at the country club, my charity and business friends, mostly just consider me a doting and devoted partner.

 

As it should be, in most cases. It really depends on your work/family life and how comfortable you are with the subject of public D/s. I suppose there's not any real "correct" answer. I've seen a man ash his cigar in his submissive's mouth in public... and while I wouldn't go that far, it was pretty hot to see them both interact that way.

 

Did I mention that I'm not in the scene as much as the rest of you? I mean, I like tying up and being tied up, but all this talk of fire, electricity, knives, branding, cigars has me dizzy. And, shuddering a little. I mean, if that gets you off, fine, I just don't see how any of it would get ME off. Don't worry, I'm not judging any one of you at all, I just...I don't know. I guess I can't link it to sexual pleasure. I'm not one for inflicting pain for any reason if I can help it.

 

I agree with that. I mean everyone has their own little kinks to them however I don't think getting hurt would get me off. I don't enjoy pain, infact I tend to stay away from it o,o

 

There is a theory that the kink for D/s is inborn, that we are, in fact, hardwired to for either Domination or submission or sadism or masochism.

 

Nah, it's not about pain. I will re-iterate that. not every BDSM player wants to receive or inflict pain. Anyway, that said let me categorize some of the things you mention.

Fire play - Really, it's not for everyone. It's got some risks involved, but it's really a mostly psychological thing. Done properly, it doesn't need to hurt at all. It

Electricity - nobody is hooking their subs up to a car battery here, we're talking about the same kind of technology that is used medically to reduce pain. Mostly used to cause orgasm. applied to the penis, it just make your entire penis feel as though it's vibrating. not being vibrated, but it feels like it's vibrating from within. It's actually quite extraordinary.

Knives - Mostly people just use them for psychological play. Often it's just a gentle scratching with the point of the blade, generally with the flat of the blade held parallel to the skin.

Branding - Okay, I can't think of a soft way to do this, at all. Real branding is painful, and scary.

The Cigar thing... well, it's not as if he was putting it out on her. He just flicked his ash into her mouth.

Well, that's the natural response. It's really about stimulating the limbic system, which has all the parts of the brain that handle primal emotions, and additionally handles sexual arousal. Everything I've listed in this post falls into the category of "edge play" which means that very few people do them, and there is no way to make them perfectly safe.

Just the same, most of it is psychological, and if you slowly build up to a very painful act, your endorphins are already killing the pain sensation, and making you feel like you're floating. But many players are just about sensation play. prickles and tickles if you know what I mean.

 

...Well, you're just about one of the most awesome people here red, not only taking offense to my rather brutish way of shoving harder BDSM away from myself, but very clearly explaining how each element works. While it's still nothing I prefer to try, thank you for a very clear, patient response.

 

While I think it is likely that we might have an inborn predilection towards kink, I think it is equally influenced by our experiences.

Obviously no-one has taken the time to isolate the kink gene, maybe we should contact the Human Genome Project. :laughing:

 

ancient_red : MANNNNNNN...thanks a lot ,I'm downloading the whole website to read later :d

SWBarbie: I move between SE Asia,and the ME

 

Pleasure and pain are alot more alike than many people realise, though I can apreciate it's not for everyone. It's instinctive to avoid pain as it's your body's way of protecting you from injury, but when you find ways to experience pain without incurring injury both are just intense sensory experiences.

 

Oh I dunno, I'm getting very sick and tired of getting an electric shock of my light switch several times a day!! lol

 

One of my biggest things that has helped me out over the years, especially since I discovered how to find the "scene" is that I typically don't try new things without others around...unless it's more on the benign side...The harder fetishes, or ones that I'm not super comfortable with doing or after care of, I'll save for when I go to the play parties...

Not that it's mystical, just that you have to be careful with things like breath play, needles and cutting, TENs units and the like...