Hey all,

Recently I found out that my GF of almost a year had a kissing session with another man after she got off work, someone who she use to call a good friend and they see each other alot. Now, I live 250miles away, we both go to college and we see each other 1-2 times a month.

She is a wonderful woman, I use to trust her absolutely and she trusted me, as a matter of fact were so honost with each other she even told me about it and confessed it all to me. We use to really love each other, we talked about our lives after college and marriage, kids and all that other stuff. I honostly thought we were made to last. Our families loved each other, it seemed like a match made in heaven.

It's been almost 3 days since and we've been talking alot, she says shes really sorry and she loves me very much and can't live her life without me. I still have love for her, but my heart feels shattered into a millions pieces over this. Yeah it was just a kiss, but my trust for her is gone. I keep telling her that I don't think we can ever be more than friends now, but she keeps begging for my forgiveness and wants another chance.

The day after it happened I asked if she felt anything for him when she did it, and if she would let him go and stop her relationship with him once and for all. She never answered me back, despite asking her over and over. I was trying really hard to give myself a reason to give her another shot.

Three days afterwards (Today), she tells me that shes willing to go before god (Were both pretty religous) and make a vow that she will stay faithful to me. She says she'll stop her relationship with him and be faithful to me, and she wants to go back to the way things use to be. I told her that I could accept that, but if I gave her another chance, she had to accept the fact that I can't just "forget" about it and it would take sometime for me to heal, and that she would have to be willing to put up with that. Her counter argument was that a vow before god should be enough and that I should literaly just go back to how things were. Was I simply asking for too much and just accept her "vow" and try to go back to the way it was?

Now here is my prediciment. I still love her, she was my first and I wanted her to be my last at one moment. I was willing to give her another shot but I live 250mi away from here, so how would I know this won't happen again, except worse next time?

Also she sees this guy at work everyday, the temptation will always be there to stray again, she didn't even answer me when I asked her what she would do about him if I gave her another chance. To me if I cheated on her and I wanted another chance, the first thing I would do was leave my lover and go back to my partner.

Lastly, I feel like the level of trust I had for her is gone forever, I want to forgive her so badly but at the same time I don't want to live my life in fear not knowing what shes doing all alone so far away from me. Before this happened I could trust her unconditionally, but now i feel hurt and alone.

It is my opionion that everyone deserves another chance, and that everyone can be forgivin, but even though I forgave her for breakign my trust and I told her I would be her friend, I don't think I can be more than that because that trust feels like it's gone forever. I guess I'm just afraid to live in fear of what "might" happen, and I don't think anyone should live in a relationship like that.

I'm not asking for what I should do, but please give me your advice, I'm feeling really lost and alone right now, and I feel like I'm the rope in a tug of war.

 

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i understand how you feel when you lose the trust for those you have feelings for fact is you wont forget you just have to forgive and move on despite how hard it would be and let time heal wounds but the trust is hard to recover and is unfortuneatly sometimes impossible. i would say though i think she does need to understand that you will need time to get over this and you may be a little bitter for a while its only natural

good luck and you really arent alone many go through the same

 

Give her some time and space. You lover her, right? She should decide who she loves. If she loves you, she'll come back. Yes it hurts, but just think of it as your long-suffering towards her.

Be thankful this was just a kiss. Don't worry, it sounds like she really loves you.

 

How can you? :rose:

 

This set off alarm bells ringing. She expects it to all be fine, which means she doesn't fully appreciate what she's done to you, and the fashion in which it's hurt you. This means she's likely to do it again.

Don't take the risk, mate. Get out before she hurts you again. If you can't trust her, you'll destroy yourself over time with worry. I've been there; don't do it.

 

I think you said it yourself with what you said there. Quite simpily if that level of trust is gone, then you cant have that kind of relationship. If you were living closer together it would be bad enough, and I would still advise that you get out asap, but if you live that far away, call it quits and move on.
I know its sad, and it will hurt you to leave her, but if its only for your own sanity I think you have to. As you said you will constantly worry about what she is doing now.

My ex cheated on me, and I forgave her and tryed to put things back to how they were, and all she did was carry on cheating on me. Its not worth the hassle.

I also agree 100% with what orion said. I know you are both religious, but have you concidered that you mite be more religious than her, and she is using that vow to try and win you back when really she doesnt mean it? I mean id be quite happy to vow to god that I would stop drinking coke (something I do way to much) and it would mean nothing to me as Im not religious, and would carry on drinking.

You have been a far better, and bigger man than most people would by saying you will still be friends with her. If she cant see how much she has hurt you, and she wont even answer all your questions about it when its her who is in the wrong, you need to start to accept that she isnt the one for you. There is someone out there who is better for you, and wont treat you as badly as this girl is.

 

Something very similar happened to me when I was at Sheppard AFB for Tech School. Only mine actually had sex with her "best guy friend". I told her for weeks that it was over, but finally decided to give it another go. When I got back from tech school we ended up getting married.

Now, I won't tell you that that's the end of the story, but it did eventually work out pretty well. We're still married, and happy. Honestly, I think that we are just lucky to have worked things out over the years we've been together. It sure wasn't easy, but it can happen.

Anyhow, I keep telling myself that I would never encourage anyone to go back, but if you really love her give it a go. Just keep your eyes open, and give her a chance to earn back your trust. If it isn't working, then let her go.

In an unrelated note: I find it rather amusing to see this on a porn forum.

 

Heh, +1


There's a simple rule I follow when I'm cheated on, dump her. You're X miles away right? How many women are there in the world?

 

+1 more.

 

I think many people fall in love with their first piece but it's rarely a lifelong commitment....

 

now im not saying you should forgive her but i will say there are a few things to consider:

1. She told you about it (to me that counts for A LOT because at some point or another everyone has temptations and acting on them is easier then not, and its usually easy to not tell anyone about it) i mean hell ive been cheated on (and it was more than kissing) and if the guy had told me i probably would have forgiven him, but he didnt, after i found out he wanted my forgiveness which that i could not do.

2. It was just a kiss...was it a hardcore makeout session or was it just a few kisses i dont know...but i will say to me kisses dont necessarily mean anything special (i tend to hug and kiss all my friends guys and girls though normally it is NOT a hardcore french kiss)

3. ok well those 2 are really about it.

 

You dont forgive a cheater, that would be stupid, if she did it once, do you really believe she will not do it again? Once a cheater always a cheater, find yourself another girl!

 

I concur with all of the posts so far. If my fiancee cheated on me I would leave her, and I know she would do the same to me if I ever cheated on her. You just don't get over that kind of pain. At least I couldn't.

 

Man you are so lucky. I wish my wife would open up to messing with other men and my desire is for her to actually have sex with them and tell me about it or let me be there and join in with her. I dream of getting my wife to open up and come to one of the gangbang meetings I have with some friends they all want to fuck her. She knows I want her to fuck other folks but does not know about the gangbang club she is to much a prude and regilious but I still hope she opens up. Your girlfriend is being open to you and if you can not handle it then you should give her some space and let her meet the kind of guy that understands she is a woman and that her body was meant to fuck and be filled with cum. She sounds like the kind of girl I usually pick-up for the club and if she was married she would be purfect for us. I love to kiss a woman that had a cock pump cum down her throat and smell the cum on her breath and taste it as our tounges meet. The other fun is to go down and eat a sweet freshly filled pussy and taste that creampie. Do not be so uptight

 

The real question is whether or not you can forgive absolutely. If you don't feel you can, you will have lingering doubts that won't allow you to get past it.

Take your time. If you still feel for her, keep her around and see what happens. Make it clear where you stand - you care for her still but are having trust issues. Either she'll do what she can to prove herself to you or she'll do it again.

She was honest with you so give her an honest shot in return.

 

I think that's the bottom line.

 

easy, i dont. but thats just me, i've been cheated on by every guy i've ever been with and i tell them when we start dating that cheating is the one thing i can not forgive. but its a personal issue for me. In my mind cheating is the kiss of death for a relationship.

 

i would dump her she sounds rong tbh from what you have said about her thats just my gut feeling.

you sound like a nice bloke and life is too short to worry about what she is doing 250miles away go out and find your self a nice lass you can take home to mother and know she wont break your hart or let you down.

good luck budy it cant be easy

 

+1

 

I wouldn't forgive and take back that person. Give yourself some time to recover - enjoy a lot of "me" time and then get back out there, have fun and possibly and hopefully, meet someone new. NEVER go back to a cheater - big mistake!!!

Good luck