Both doms and subs can answer this.

What does it mean for you to dominate, or be dominated by, your partner?

For me dominance means taking the lead in bed. It means having your sub put full trust in you, to the point of vulnerability, to fulfill their most carnal pleasures. Their are varying degrees of this in both emotional dominance (dirty "possessive" talk, attitude) and physical dominance (bondage, spanking).

So what does it mean for you?

 

For me, being mostly submissive it's about the ability for me to completly trust Missoula. I can be open and vulnerable. To me it boils down to trust.

 

To me being dominant means that you don't ever have to say a word or claim anything, and your sub still knows that you could cause her immense pleasure or immense pain with ease. It means having your partner surrender control completely to you, and entrust you with her pleasure, and while still maintaining your dominance over her, you do everything in your power to give her things that only you can give her. It ain't about your ego or making yourself feel like a big dude, cus sorry but if you gotta try and be like that or anything similar to feel that way, you ain't shit.

I don't know you ML so don't take this the wrong way, but there has only been one person on xnxx so far that I would say is a true master and that's Texas Jammer. A lot of the dudes here try to make themselves out to be doms when it's really some insecurity bullshit.

 

Being dominant to me means that I will take full control of my lover to make him feel fully satisfied and to bring out a side of him that he would not trust to show to anyone but me.....it is a complete feeling of love and trust. I take him to a place where he would never dream of going before and it makes me feel so aroused and powerful......I take the lead, I control the scene, I am in charge, and I make sure that both of us are going to a place we need to be together....It is very rewarding and arousing for me to be the one who can make him lose control and turn him into a sex crazed man who will do anything and everything for the pleasure I give him....

 

From one submissive's perspective

Dominance is not about sex. It can be about sex, and often is, but this is not the core of a D/s relationship. A D/s relationship revolves around the basics of control, trust, and safety. As far as control goes, many people feel that the Dom is the one who is completely in control of the situation, and the sub is at the mercy of the Dom. In actuality, both the Dom and sub are in control of their relationship. It can only go as far as the sub is willing to go. The Dom is simply the one helping them to get there. This can refer to sex, but in the grander scheme of things, the Dom is in control of all of their sub's life--even controlling what they wear, when they go to bed, when they go to the bathroom, etc. This type of responsibility can be especially draining on a Dom, and is not to be taken for granted.

In D/s, trust is important, whether referring to the sexual aspects of the relationship or not. If your sub does not trust their Dom, nothing can be gained in the relationship. It takes much patience for a Dom and a sub to build up a loving, trusting relationship with each other.

Safety is also very important. Whether talking about sex or not. If the sub does not feel safe when with their partner, nothing can be further gained. This goes along with trust.

As a submissive, I love to please others. So much that I will say that the standard give and take relationship is not enough for me. I will do anything to make those that I am close to happy, both physically and emotionally. A lot of people look at this as a good thing, but it is also troubling for the submissive. I will disregard my own feelings, wants and needs for those of others, no matter what. I say what people want to hear and never voice my own opinions, because I believe that is what makes people happy. That is where a Dom's protection comes in. A Dom must be loving and trusting, and open to the thoughts and needs of the sub. Not just because it will ultimately lead to being able to please the Dom more, but out of the Dom's concern for the submissive's own well being.

Just a couple spare thoughts on what being a Dominant is to me!

 

I think in all sex there must be dominant and submissive parties, it is just a matter of degrees or semantics.

Thinskin

 

Where i dont consider myself a "true master" of the art, i have been a practicing dom for many years. And you are absolutely right in that being a dom is not about your ego or fixing your insecurities. A dom should be confident in their ability to provide a very erotic experience for thier sub. A true dom knows that unltimately the one in control is the sub by relinqushing control to the dom. By having that love and that trust in their dom to take them (as Rhianna said) to a place they would never dream of going before. I think there is something beautiful in the fact that one person can be so trusting in another to allow themselves to be so vulerable and that the other can respect and reward that trust so selflessly.

But thats me. And thread isnt about me. Its about what dominance means to other people. we all have different points of view and im curious as to the others.

 

very well said Kitty Lynn. thank you.

And i agree with thinskin, there are different degrees of dominance. for instance the level of dominance in my mine and my wifes relationship is restricted to the bedroom where as some relationships, as KL stated, have dominance in all areas.

 

for me as a submissive the feeling of being dominated is one of utter trust and pleasure if i didnt trust completly in my master then i would still have walls and barriers up in what i felt like i could do which i feel would hinder me being a good sub but since i have complete faith and trust in my master it allows me to do anything and everything he wants me to without question

As i am my masters property and not just a bedroom submissive (im not saying either one is better its just how it works out for me) i really enjoy and take pleasure from having all areas of my life controlled and dominated and when i complete the orders my master sets for me it helps the desire i have to please him and please people in general and he is giving me a outlet to do this

so for me basically dominance means trust and a opportunity for me as the sub to please my master in the way he deserves which makes me happy

 

You want me to actually think about something in the middle of the night? Yeesh... But it's an interesting topic, so i'll make an attempt. Especially since i'm feeling talky tonight.

i don't remember exactly when i started referring to myself as "i" instead of "I", but it was before i understood anything about D/s. So submission is a part of me. Thusly, dominance is a part of a Dom. It isn't something you do, it's a part of who you are that needs to present itself from time to time, if not always, depending on the strength of that aspect of your personality.

my boyfriend sometimes exhibits dominant behavior, but i would hesitate to call him a Dom. One of my friends however, is a Dom. He exudes it. After my boyfriend and i broke up, i truly started to notice this, because i was at a point in my life where i was very confused. (When your previous sexuality is based on your relationship, and that relationship ends, you're not sure where you stand.) His dominance attracted me like a moth to a flame for reasons i didn't completely understand. Spending time with him during those few months were sometimes challenging, because he pushed me to understand my submissive desires, but ultimately he provided more security and structure than anything else in my life at that time. He knew what i needed - a few minutes of me on my knees, with my head on his lap while he stroked my hair righted my world.

 

thank you both for your views of dominance (and of submission )

especially for posting at 2 in the morning :awesome:

 

For me, D/s has nothing to do with sex.

 

Some of the *best* things happen at two in the morning. Like masturbating!


...my maturity level is really, really, low as of late.

 

Hmmm, this is a really good question. First of all, not all Doms can do the 24/7 thing. Some of them just don't want to, does this make them any less of a Dom? NO. Being a dom is different in every single D/s situation. What is right for you, may not be right for another person. Some people need the complete control such as bathroom control and such, where as others are bedroom Doms. Whatever works for each Dom works for them. Just like in a vanilla relationship, there are different types of boyfriends. Some girls want their boyfriends to open doors for them and buy them flowers every weekend, where as other girls want their boyfriends to watch movies with them and chill.

So I think that everyone is correct here. Well, everyone except Baller. I agree with his first paragraph but I think

is completely uncalled for. I know that there are a lot of guys on here who have D/s relationships... I think it completely rude, but what else is new... I don't think we need to alert the media about Baller being an ass...

But, on topic...

My view of what Dominance means to me, it is a way of being able to command a situation and have confidence in yourself. Orion is correct when he says it has nothing to do with sex. It can be used during sex (and for me it better be!!!) But at the core level, it isn't about sex. Going into D/s relationships and the complexities of them is not really what this thread is about I don't think... It is about dominance, not the dynamics of the relationships. At least that's what I read from the OP. I can go further into the dynamics, but they would only be a portion of D/s relationships, because what I like and feel like a D/s relationship is, is not what another sub is going to think a good D/s relationship is.

hope that makes sense.

 

Not really, we all have to navigate public life which is a journey of compromise, the complete antithesis of what you describe as a D/s relationship especially for the D.

This behaviour can only honestly manifest itself in an intimate, trusting relationship with a partner or partners with whom one shares a bond.

At some point consent must be given, no matter what else follows a negotiation has been involved.

It's just a game, it's just sex.

Thinskin

 

Bullshit.

D/s has more compromise than you think it does. The question often arises as to whom is really in control. The dynamic, in a good relationship (yes, in my opinion) is one where the Dominant might appear to be in control, but does things with the submissive's needs in mind.

Sometimes Dominance and submissiveness are roles you just play at in the bedroom, but ultimately they are, for many of us, personality traits evidenced in every part of our lives. My strongest experiences with D/s often occur outside the bedroom. Sometimes, i need to be told what to do, to function to please someone else, to be controlled in some way. i need it in the same way that i need to eat. it's a part of me that needs to be fulfilled.

For me, it's never a game, it's never just sex. It's everything.

 

I almost never exhibit dominant behaviour in sex.

I exhibit it all the time in the way I live my life and treat my partner. I am, however, careful to give as much as I take.

 

Which part is bullshit?

That it involves compromise?

That it can only manifest itself in an intimate trusting relationship?

or

That consent must be given?

Thinskin

 

It's like you don't read what i'm writing.

What you said: "Not really, we all have to navigate public life which is a journey of compromise, the complete antithesis of what you describe as a D/s relationship especially for the D."

My reply: "D/s has more compromise than you think it does."

What you said: "This behaviour can only honestly manifest itself in an intimate, trusting relationship with a partner or partners with whom one shares a bond."

My reply: "Sometimes Dominance and submissiveness are roles you just play at in the bedroom, but ultimately they are, for many of us, personality traits evidenced in every part of our lives."

What you said: "It's just a game, it's just sex."

My reply: "My strongest experiences with D/s often occur outside the bedroom. Sometimes, i need to be told what to do, to function to please someone else, to be controlled in some way. i need it in the same way that i need to eat. it's a part of me that needs to be fulfilled. For me, it's never a game, it's never just sex. It's everything."