She is completely right.

And "It's just a game, it's just sex" I COMPLETELY disagree with. There are "lifestylers" out there. Trust me on that one. Like I said in my first post, there are people who have different degrees of dominance in their relationship, some are just bedroom fun, some are 24/7. Just because you don't understand how it can extend in a relationship outside of the bedroom, doesn't mean it can't.

 

wow.

the only part that i didnt agree with Thinskin was when you said its just a game, its just sex. i have known some people that involved dominance and submission in the full scope of their relationship. not every dom is for every sub and vice versa. i knew a man who was a life dom and refused a sub because she wanted no emotional connection or relationship. she was a career woman and a bedroom sub.

so dominance and submission really is different for everyone. and its not always about sex. however i do agree that no matter what kind of dom or sub you are there must be some level of trust and compromise. after all if the dom could do whatever they wanted without reguard to the subs needs it would be a horrible experience for the sub, the sub would resist and the dom would lose control.

when the dom always has the subs needs first the sub is able to trust in the dom to lead and will gladly follow, thus fullfilling the needs of the dom. everyone wins :awesome:

 

And actually if you read my post, I respond to what the OP is ASKING. Which is about DOMINANCE, not about D/s relationships. I know that there needs to be trust in a D/s relationship. And compromise (although I think compromise is in every relationship, D/s or not).

I even say...

 

It is the way I love my life and I'm not specifically talking in the sense of sexuality. I'm an Alpha Male for better or worse of it and tend to be in the lead quite naturally most of the time without intentionally doing so.

People tend to misconstrue also that my favorite naughty positions tend to be with a woman on top of me, be it riding, or face-sitting, etc...but in my head it isn't so that they've got control over me or anything of the sort...just so that I can work it all right properly. :excited:

Dominance is also over-rated. Just do what the fuck you like and in some way, shape or form eventually, you're the said label.

 

good point minty. we are getting slightly off topic.

edited after i re-read my original post

 

WOW!!!

I have read every ones opinion in this thread and I do believe everyone is taking this a little too serious. If there were no subs there would be no doms AND If everyone was a sub then the stronger subs would be the doms. SO it all depends on who we pair off with that determines what we are

 

No.

I'm submissive, if I paired up with another submissive, I would still be submissive, even if I was the stronger sub. Unless you are a switch, or experimenting, you pretty much are what you are. Unless you are a switch or experimenting. Please, don't misread what I said, I will repeat myself again, unless you are a switch or experimenting.

 

Then that makes your partner the dom instead of a sub
If you found someone that was a weaker sub then you, you would be the dom TO THEM


Everthing is relative

 

no. I am in no way a Dom. For the foreseeable future, never will be. There doesn't need to be a Dom in every relationship. Especially not vanilla ones. If I was with another sub, then I wouldn't be in a D/s relationship, because I am not a Dom. I am not a switch either. It is NOT relative. If we are talking about D/s relationships, I don't see why a sub would be in a relationship with another sub since they cannot provide what is needed. Unless they have a desire to experiment with trying out being a Dom.

 

I bow to your wisdom ":rose:beautiful one"

 

I feel the same way. In my life, I am very "take charge;" I sometimes have to actively work on not constantly taking responsibility/control. Which I think has to do with why I love someone that can take charge sexually - not someone who acts in an aggressive way, but someone who I can completely trust to know how to to pleasure me, be aware of my nonverbals, etc.

THIS.

Took the words out of my mouth, my lovely, articulate darling. I just got out of a relationship with a woman who was more submissive than I (not just sexually), and it was very frustrating - mainly because she was attracted to my strength in the first place and although she tried to understand my perspective, it just wasn't in her nature. It tends to be difficult for me to attract the right person with the right mentality, but I've begun the search once again.

 

What dominance means for me is both complex and varied. Dominance can take so many forms, and can be found in so many situations. I will do my best to explain how I got to where I am now, and what it means to me. I'm going to leave the sexuality out of it for now, since I don't want to get into arguments over terminology, or who is or isn't a master of what skills.

Eight years ago, when I first took on the responsibility of being a dominant, I must admit that some of my motives were less than enlightened. I was many of the things a dominant shouldn't be. I was too much boldness with too little knowledge. I was completely controlling, while being barely in control of myself.

We had only been together for about a year, when my submissive wife begged to enter into a 24/7 lifestyle. we were way too young to understand what we were getting into. We were only 19. I was more than happy to oblige, believing that somehow this would just mean getting my way all the time. I couldn't have been more wrong.

For a while I did just get my way all the time, but it started to take it's toll on us both. It didn't take long for me to see the emotional harm that was being done. It was if I just looked in the mirror one day and thought "That guy there is a total dick, and he's got a wonderful woman who's standing by him anyway" That was one of the more sobering moments in my life, and that's when I realized I had to turn things around, and actually be worthy of that loyalty and love.

I realized that being a dominant is about self mastery, before it's about anything. If you cannot master your own issues, how can you even begin to take on the responsibility of someone else? This was an important realization, but it was just the beginning of the process. Lots of effort went into keeping my own desires in check. I had to be able to evaluate both of our desires and make sure our needs got met first. I had to be certain that I was giving instructions that would lead to physical and emotional well being.

It took a lot of time and effort before I could be sure I was able to make those decisions correctly, and I will admit that there were many times I considered simply giving up. It was a long hard road, and we had our fights. I mean, nobody's perfect right?

That's another thing that was hard to learn. Even when you think you have everything figured out to a science... when there's no possible way that you could be doing the wrong thing, or leading in the wrong direction... you will still make mistakes. Okay, sure it's easy to realize that you've made a mistake but it's what you do after the fact that really matters.

It's important to ask yourself "What will I do if my decisions causes my submissive serious injury, or leaves her hurting emotionally?" No matter how many books you read, everyone is going to react to things differently on both a physical and emotional level, and you have to be prepared to take responsibility for anything that goes wrong. Not just take the blame, mind you, but be genuinely responsible.

In 2004, Thanks to some bad planning decisions, I found myself making a long drive, in a big hurry. In order to make good time, we were supposed to drive in shifts, but it just wasn't working. I got behind the wheel when I should have stopped to rest, and we both ended up in the hospital. She got it worse than I did. I had 14 days in ICU with a severe concussion, she had nearly two months with seriously injured her legs, and a fractured arm. To this day, her injuries are still giving her problems, and to this day I take responsibility for her care.

After the crash, there were lots of personal upheavals. There were insurance officers to deal with, hospital bills to be paid, and we were in the process of moving. We were trying to find a home. Thank goodness that we were able to work out a deal with the first seargeant to stay in temporary housing as long as we did.

Needless to say, this was the time of most rapid change for us. We were unable to have physical intimacy, due to the immobilizing effects of her injuries, and she was unable to do even the most basic tasks without assistance. I, for a time became the servant to her needs. This was an eye opening experience, though I'd trade in everything I learned if I could erase her injuries.

In the years since our recovery, we've devoted ourselves to caring for one another. She though her service, and I through my guidance and discipline. With love, honesty, and a sense of humour we've found our way through the hard times. In all these years, I've made it my job to bring out the best in her, just as she brings out the best in me. I get a sense of satisfaction to know that I am not just her protector, but also her teacher.

So, for me dominance is about earning the gift of submission. It is the satisfaction of helping someone to grow. And the knowledge that they trust you enough to lead them. It is both an honor, and a great responsibility.

If you were more interested in the sexual, or scene mentality of a dominant, I'd be happy to share. Just let me know.

This has been a rough draft.

 

sir if that is what dominance means to you then that is what it means to you and i for one have a lot of respect for you and your journey. im sorry to hear about your wife, i couldnt begin to imagine being in the same situation. i think you may have painted a better picture here than any of us. thank you.

 

Thank you for the kind words. We are well, and even though her physical therapy is ongoing, she has improved enough that she is almost back to normal, though I suspect she'll never be 100%. Even I get aches on cold nights after that accident, the concussion was the worst, but I also nearly separated my shoulder. Of course I couldn't complain since my shoulder was hurt by the seat belt that kept me from being crushed between the vehicle and a tree. I guess I should also be glad it was my off arm that got hurt. My primary flogging arm is just fine.

 

lol

 

lol, what did you expect?

 

I am a submissive.. I have watched lot of porn. In that i always loved watching the girls screaming in pain. I wanted to be girl. But since i m a boy, i want to be treated like a girl

 

Anyway MasterLeo, there's much more to it than what I wrote, but
i thought it was a good example of non-sexual dominance. Of course my sub and I do take our BDSM into the bedroom with us as well.

 

hi...im new here...

 

check out this thread. It's made for you: The All Noob Thread