Yeah, we've already established a safe word, which is the name of one of my kitty cats. You can see one of them in one of our pictures, but it's not the one my safe word is named after. He's the other one. I have two. They're both male orange striped tabby cats though.

 

Depraved13, I also welcome you to the thread and wish you and your boyfriend a safe and fun time with this. I can't add what everyone else has said except good luck.

 

That is true. i was thinking more in terms of all the frustrating "a TRUE sub..." comments and so forth. i did include the "so long as it's safe" however.

 

Here are some of my random and disjointed thoughts on the subject. A lot of these are admittedly obvious.

Domination and Submission both have their appeals.

Domination, of course, is power, and power is sexy. Having that much control over another human being is a great rush, and can add so much to sex. There's nothing quite like commanding another person and knowing that they will obey your every whim.

Submission, on the other hand, is ironically liberating. There's a certain kind of freedom in being told what to do, or even in being tied up and completely dependent on the other person. You don't have to think for yourself, you don't have to decide what's going to happen, you can just relax and enjoy being dominated.

Domination/Submission isn't just a single kind of action. There's a huge range there, from mild to scary. On the low end, you have simply word play, the dominant partner telling the submissive one what to do. Even deciding who gets to be "on top" can be a part of it.

From there, you get into bondage, blindfolding, gagging, physical pain, choking, etc. And even these have different ranges. Pulling on hair is a mild form of inflicting physical pain, but on the other end of the scale are activities that would be classified as torture under the Geneva Convention.

Always decide your limits ahead of time. The Submissive especially needs to tell their partner just what they will and will not do. The Dominant should respect these limitations, or they'll be minus one slave in short order.

If you're going to get into bondage or any of the more extreme themes, keep in mind that safety comes first. If you use ropes, use the right kind. It goes without saying that fishing line is right out. You can easily slit a wrist that way. Strips of soft fabric like fleece are probably the most comfortable.

Also, know your knots. A slipknot is one of the easiest to tie, but also quite dangerous. A person in the heights of pleasure might not even realize that the ropes have tightened that much. As an old Boy Scout, I recommend the Bowline. It takes some practice to learn, but doesn't slip. Don't use a Square Knot; with tension in the right direction, it easily converts to a slipknot.

Depending on the kind of rope you use and how sensitive the skin is of the person who gets tied up, you might wrap handkerchiefs around their wrists and/or ankles where the ropes are going to get tied.

For the first few sessions, keep the knots loose, so that the person can slip out of them with only minor difficulty. If they suddenly have a panic attack, they at least have the reassurance that they can extricate themselves from the situation. Once they get comfortable and familiar with it, then you can tighten the knots a little more so that they can't escape without help.

Do not tie a rope around the neck. If you want to restrain them in that way, use a dog collar instead. It's a lot safer, if a bit more degrading. On the other hand, that might be a bonus.

Blindfolds and gags can enhance the excitement, but if you use a gag, make sure you work out a signal that can be used in place of a Safe Word. As long as you can still grunt through the gag, you can use a Morse Code style signal or a recognizable tune. I know it sounds comical, but at least it gets the job done.

I can't give much advice on the more extreme forms of BDSM, because that's about the limit of how far I'm willing to go.

 

thanks DC :excited:

 

I am submissive

I agree with your definition. I have trust issues so I guess that is why I get such a rush when I am able to turn control of my body over to a man with a dominant personality.

 

Okay, that makes much more sense. You can request that the pictures get taken down, if you want.

 

Confused?

I am a little confused, but very interested. Earlier in the thread I stated that "it is just sex, it is just a game". I was taken to task for this and thought I understood the reasoning of those that took me to task. Above is a statement that it is all pretend.

What exactly is the difference between a game and a pretence.

Thinskin

 

I'm just beginning to learn about the Dom/Sub lifestyle so I don't really have much to add, information wise, but I like to be submissive because one, I want to please the person in control and two, I know they will push me a little so that I will open up to new experiences. I am pretty shy but recently, I have taken an interest in sex and want to experience more. So, this is my way of pursuing it.

 

interesting thread!

 

Hmm... i think what MasterLeo was trying to say was that ultimately, while dominance and submissiveness may be part of our innate natures, our choice to submit in a sexual scene or relationship is always there (in a healthy relationship, at least). i will always be a submissive, but i am still able to say "no, stop, i'm not okay with that." Conversely, in real-life, non bdsm slavery, there is no choice, no ability to say "stop."

 

To be dominated to me means to always be in service to my boyfriend and to be at his beck and call.

 

and yet, you did not answer the question. *shakeshead*

 

I love to be sexually dominated as well as be submissive in my everyday life. The man in my opinion should always be in control.

 

i'm pretty open in regards to kink. i do a lot of things that other people consider bizarre. but my openness does not extend itself to the gorean ideal... sexism is bad.

my submission is my choice, my gift. not something to be expected and taken for granted.

 

just my values and belief system i don't expect others to believe in them