I'm... I'm not quite sure what you're asking here mate, to be honest.

And if you could explain this bit, too, that'd be good...

 

[FONT=&quot]Have you yet?
Have all the juxtapositioned influences that constitute a life been tamed by you sire?
Prithee, share with us your knowledge,
what should occupy our time,
instead of the mistakes we have made,
the regrets we have,
the mortality of ourselves and the dependence of our children for our love and protection.
We will cast those aside sire and occupy ourselves as you see fit.[/FONT]

You flew past this point in the original thread and it needs to be dealt with. You speak as one who has only known sex as an expression of intimacy or exploration and you dismiss us that have seen it expressed differently because it has many forms, for good and ill.
One who only deals in "what can I do?" should aknowledge at the very least that there is factor called "what might have been?" that haunts him yet not.

Do you take this stance because you expect us all to achieve the closeness and harmony that you have for the moment? I say "dip your bread sir" and long may it continue, and I hope it lasts forever.
Or is your real grumble with society?

I am asking you to conceed that there are people, perhaps, less erudite than yourself or more scarred than yourself for whom sex does fill a need. Such as the 46 year old discovering he is still in a game that you take completely for granted.

Thinskin

 

He never expressed that he was 20 years into this relationship in his original post but what I did see was a genuine want to hold his relationship together.
You also suppose too much about me. I have been in a relationship for 18 years with 10 of those married. It is a polyamourous relationship. Where sex is for many purposes.
Of guys I talk to on XNXX the majority wonder "what might have been?"

This brings me back to post number 2.

I have often wondered the same thing myself. Reality tells me they all feigned a healthy sex drive until they got that ring on their finger. I deplore women that use sex as a means of control in their relationships...and a lot of women do.

 

Wives vary in how broad-minded they are. Maybe I'm lucky, but mine actually likes watching me masturbate, because she knows it makes me feel good, and she likes that. I like watching her masturbate for the same reason, and she now trusts me enough to let me watch her.

 

Never actually supposed anything except the fact that you have a long term ralationship and understood some of the issues that are not apparent in a short term one.
Also I was a trying to get a response from X-orion on my rather poetic ticking off at the beginning of my post. I was really quite proud of it considering the state I was when i composed it.

I think everybody at some point in their life, male and female, wonders what might have been.

Thinskin

 

Just wanted to reply to the original post. Yes, I get very frustrated when masturbation becomes my primary sexual release. I married a man a long long time ago who doesn't sexually satisfy me -- I got married when I was 16, and how many 16 year olds know what kind of man they want? I didn't. So, yes, I get frustrated.

 

Three girls views

I am trying to keep this thread alive because I disagree with the majority, not all, who have castigated the OP. Here we have three differing female views all addressing different elements of the issue.

This view is very brave and I applaud you Kimi but alot of relationships founder at the point when one parter looks elsewhere because he/she is not being satisfied within the marriage.

Another pragmatic point of view which I think also points to the sex component in a marriage/relationship being essential at some basic level. The same is also true for men by the way, if she wants it then give it to her if she wants it bad enough she will work hard.

Here we see that this is not a male exclusive problem, infact the girls may constitute the silent majority suffering from this problem.
Sex has many functions within a relationship among which but not exclusive are:

Intimacy/love
Exploration
Entertainment
Addiction
Catharsism
Reward
Education

I am sure you can think of some more.

Thinskin

 

Sex is defenitely a major part of a relationship

Sex is definitely a major part of a relationship anybody who says otherwise is kidding himself/herself maybe one partner may lose the drive twenty or twenty five years down the lane but just remember how lucky you are cuz u r depriving ur partner something he/she likes lot more but doesnt let it ruin the relationship for the sake of sex.

 

yep

I agree good sex is one of the pillars of a healthy relationship along, with Communication/listening, love, respect, fair fighting.

 

Very true. But I have to say, for me, the absence of sex in a marital relationship would be a deal-breaker. I can't put it any more clearly than that. It's just a tradeoff I wouldn't be prepared to make.

 

For you, maybe and again I applaud your honesty. Do you think there are women who use denial of sex as a tool within a marital relationship?

Thinskin

 

Never been married, and never want to, because of this exact problem (among other things)!!

Men and women are so different. The only thing I can say is, maybe you need to be more sweet to her? Like maybe give her a back/neck rub, or a foot rub, and maybe she'll be more open to satisfy you. Also, I get horny like the week before and the week of my period, so you might try in that time frame. (Just FYI, we are most FERTILE the days before our period, so if u don't want her preggo, don't shoot inside!)

It actually hurts my ego if me and my lover are fucking and then he has to jerk himself off to cum. Guys shouldn't have to do that! I would hope my vag was enough to make him cum!

My mom tells me how, even if she's sick, she will lay own for my dad bcuz he makes the money and takes care of us all and it's her wifely duty. It might be your wifes up-bringing, bcuz my mom is from Bangkok, so she might live by different standards and have different values that shes passed on to us kids. LoL

Either way, it's selfish of your wife not to want to have sex with you. We all know that's what men NEED. Maybe she is not feeling you anymore, or by a long stretch, she is asking her friends, and seeking out advice on how to be a better lover. She may think you ENJOY masturbating more than being with her. Communication is key, I hear.

Good luck!

 

My wife and I were completely congruous in our sex drives when we got married. 2nd marriage for me, 3rd for her, 7 kids between us, and we were both in our 40s. And we were sexually wild for and with each other! And, like with many couples, time and stress and life and blended family issues all began to take their toll. My wife also has a chronic illness which periodically gets bad and utterly kills her sex drive.

We now find ourselves with radically different drives and desires. I want just some hint of our former openness and full-fledged enthusiasm for each other, and she mostly wants to be left alone. We made love a total of 5 times in 2009.

Now, I am not just one of those work 8 hours then come home and sit on my ass guys; I do a very large share of the housework and cooking, and almost all of the bill paying... I love her, but I have a great degree of bitterness and resentment over living in a virtually sexless marriage.

I found a site with many like-minded people who have shared their stories and insights. It is at tripledubya dot experienceproject dot com, and the experience group is called "I live in a sexless marriage". I have found it almost therapeutic, finding so many people in committed relationships with incompatible sex drives.

There are many reasons for these types of disconnects in relationships; I wish you the best of luck in identifying the causes and finding a resolution.

I am keeping my fingers crossed for my own behalf, too.

 

hey man I feel your pain, that is very much the same story with my wife, I adjusted to the situation in a way that I really don't care that much anymore, I much rather take care of bussiness however makes me happy.

 

Didn't expect this muc hof a response

I wanted to say thanks to everyone for the feedback. I also wanted to say that for many years I feel as though I did an excellent job as a husband in spite of the fact that she did such a terrible job at fulfilling my needs. I always helped with kids and chores to try and make her happy. I tried romance, seduction and abstinance, hoping one of them would help her be more in the mood. No Luck.

But I have to say for some of the negative comments. Anyone that believes you have a good relationship with your spouse without an intimate and sexual relationship, you are probably just married to someone that is just like you, or they have gotten really good at hiding thier true feelings. Try spending 15 years feeling as though you aren't worth 10 or 20 minutes in bed, and then see how great you feel in your relationship. Everyone wants to be desired and wanted it.

As for the question of whether I was a good lover? Believe me, there is nothing I wouldn't do to make my wife happy sexually...and believe me, I have tried almost everything I can think of. The only thing that really seems to make her happy is when Idon't ask or try at all. But I guess that until I'm ready to give up completely, I'll just keep trying to make her happy inspite of how i feel.

Oh yeah, one more thing...we have talked about it. Way too many times with absolutely no progress.

 

If she does have a lot of things that occupy her time like kids, school, work and what not. 1. give her a break and help out on the load to make her less stressed. 2. While she is sleep, tie her up or handcuff her to the bed and lick that pussy like there is no tomorrow, give her a stress relief. 3. Then (if she's into it) look her in the eye and in a very dominant voice say, "This pussy is mine. I don't want to have to wait for it again." Then fuck her brains out.
Just a thought.

 

hope you had the foresight to have a prenup signed before you got married.

 

Well I think everythings just about been said already. I will however add my opinion. I feel bad for the OP. I think couples really need to spend a lot of time before getting marriage to see whether they are compatible. Sexual compatibility is important. You can still be intimate without the sex but if your going to be frustrated all the time then maybe your not meant to be together. As to those who simply don't have sex because one partner does alot more then the other, talk about it. Marriage should be as equal as it can get. If you are both doing your fair share then it shouldn't be too hard to find the energy or time to have sex at least once a week or something close to that.

 

Torodon I understand

 

AHAHAH i know how you feel. I broke up with my ex becouse she was too idiotic and libral. I need more jesus in my life...HUH X_X ?

i don't plan to ever get married. But yea getting married is so boring. And it drains your sanity and funds. Glad i have no girl friend i can go to school, have a job, and still try to have fun. So yea...