Scratch them you lazy bugger:excited:

It's a sign of rain

 

Itchy Testicles, Penis and Rash
By Mrvoodoo

Itchy Testicles, Penis and Rash

Itchy Testicles, Penis and Rash
It came out of nowhere, with no obvious explanation, but once it had started it just wouldn’t stop. Like toothache there was little I could do but wait it out and hope that it got better, and pray that it didn’t get worse. I itched myself red raw, and it was difficult to tell whether I was itching because of the rash, or whether the rash had developed because of my rigorous itching. There was something not quite right, that was obvious, I ruled out an STD due to the fact that I hadn’t had sex in a longer period of time than I would care to admit, despite the fact that I’d heard many of them can lie dormant for years.
The obvious course of action would be to visit my Doctor, but lets face it, I’m a man, which means that with regards to the little (big) fella downstairs, I would be far more likely to stand by and watch him blister, wither, curl up, and die before I’d go visit the doctor and drop my pants for diagnosis.


Upon Googling the symptoms I discovered that I was not alone, the search results were full of forum entries and questions such as:
“My testicles itch a lot, and I scratch them really hard. It sounds gross but I have made scratches on them and now the skin peels off sometimes. The peeling is growing and is moving upward towards my penis. Help me please, I don’t know what do! What can I do to stop the itching?”
So having read the pleading forum request for help written above, it was obvious that I and this anonymous itcher had symptoms in common, so I scrolled down in haste eager to receive the same advice that he had no doubt been given.

“Dip them in 1 quart saucepan filled with boiling oil. You should immediately note that they no longer itch.”
‘Itch’ no, I thought having read it, ‘burn’ yes, ‘dissolve’ probably. This was not the kind of advice that I’d been hoping for, and whilst I immediately took this for what it was, the semi-humorous reply of a moron, I was a little concerned as to just how many visitors of a simpler persuasion that may have stopped by seeking a remedy for their raw itching testicles, may have attempted this for relief.

And that is now the beauty of the internet, I am now able to obtain my medical advice from those completely unqualified to give it via online medical forums, and can now obtain my medications directly from huge overseas warehouses run by those with little to no knowledge regarding their safe application or dosage

 

Any over the counter athletes foot medication works for jock itch.

 

You can also soak them in Aveeno, it's oatmeal-based and soothing for itching.

 

Even worse than sack itch is the dreaded in public anus itch, can't just start digging for gold with women and children about.

 

Yea No.. I don't think so.....
Im not comming jus cuz his balls got an itch....
LOL

 

In a cavern, in a canyon,
Excavating for a mine
Dwelt a miner forty niner,
And his daughter Clementine

 

Take a shower instead of scratching?

 

Whoever thought that a post on itchy balls would be sooo long? :lol:

 

Who's got their.....

Balls Out Jeans

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4rS1zL8UqqY

Although I prefer it ALL to hang out Inky

 

How to get rid of crabs...the Army way. Oorah!

Shave one side of your balls and pubic area completely clean. This will concentrate all the critters on the hairy side.

Soak the hairy side in gasoline, and grab an ice pick.

Light the gasoline, and stab the crabs with an ice pick as they try to scramble across to safety.

 

We use a hammer over here, covers more nuts per blow.

 

:neutral:

 

ty for the link, I lmao

 

NO, Incubus! NO! NO!!!



Bad Incubus, baaaaaad! sit

stay

 

Baby or talcum powder might help, gold seal brand powder in particular.

 

I am happy when the forum can come together to help you find a solution....

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

The Scratcher's Manifesto




Some dipshit once said that the best things in life are free. Whether it be Big Papi getting busted as a 'roider or coming into work and finding out that your boss is off sick that day, I'm starting to believe this cliche as well. This is especially true for an act that only a man can truly appreciate. Of course, I'm speaking of the age-old male practice of scratching your balls.

Let me just throw this out there right away, I fucking love to dig at my sack. I love it. It feels awesome. I do it whenever and wherever I want/need to do it. It embarrasses the shit out of She$ which is another added bonus.

Now, the wife seems to think that I have a problem. She says things like, "you haven't worn a cup in a decade so why is this still an issue?" First of all, this is not a problem. This is a God damn solution. Second, I'm not a doctor. I don't know why my nuts still itch. I don't have jock itch. I think deep down that my scrotum is in sync with my brain and knows when I could use a little pick-me-up and thus gives me a need to dig and I immediately feel better. Third, and women don't get this, adjusting your gear is not scratching your balls. Neither is unsticking your bag from your thigh on those "swampy" days that all testicles hate. Fair enough?

OK, so how do you go about this? How do you not look like an amateur nut-scratcher? My first recommendation is not to worry about your surroundings. If you've got an itch, scratch the motherfucker. You don't feel self-conscious when you are at the store and your head itches, do you? Same thing with your berries. Then, it's all about technique. JB (the same guy who faked a seizure at a strip club) and I once devised the only two methods that you should scratch by. I have recently developed a third practice. They are as follows:

1. The Pinch-N-Twist - The most discreet of the techniques by far. It won't get the itch completely gone, but it does the trick if you are in a public venue and would like to somewhat hide what you are doing. It's simple really. You pinch the effected sack area and give it a little twist. I've done this while standing at the altar as someone's groomsman in the past. It was wonderful.

2. The All-Out-War - All hands on deck for this one. This practice is all about getting the job done by any means necessary. You may even use both hands if need be. Basically, there are no rules for the AOW. War is a messy business in which casualties are acceptable for the good of the cause. Same thing with a testicle itch. If you have to dig at it until your bag is raw, fuck it. The ends justify the means. It's about doing whatever it takes.

3. The Rusty Nail - This is the one that I have recently developed on my own. As long as you have a decent fingernail growth, bring it on. This does require you to make direct contact with the sack though. You find the itch, use your longest nail, and scrape the inconvenience away. It's fairly simple but extremely effective. Do NOT actually use a rusty nail unless you get turned on by having your pills infected with tetanus. By the way, none of you should ever shake my hand again.

I can't tell you how to achieve the sweet release of a recently well-scratched scrote, but I can at least guide you on technique and advice. I hope that you all only use this for good. Oh, and please do not practice near an elementary school. I learned that the hard way. Ironically, your peers in the county lock-up are more than willing to help you with your itch. Who would have thought?

 

steel wool and peroxide. works everytime.

 

:OOPS: