OMG - I almost wet myself over that one.

 

I'm not interested in winning in the slightest, you puerile little girl. I am merely interesting in writing something that's technically appealing. I seem to recall one of your stories... what was it.. ah yes. The first dozen sentences started with "I...".

Fact of life on a forum like this: lesbian content that's written explicitly gathers more reviews and reads than tactfully written guy-on-guy - or a tactfully written guy-on-girl.

Most of the people here don't want quality, they just want fucking. Why do you think lubbutt got so much shit?

 

That is the sad and honest truth. So sad. -_-

 

Might I invite just a bit of civility? We have enough problems with and from the government without this crap among us. Thank you.

 

Now I need to rewrite my hermaphrodite geriatric time traveling polygamist amphibian geriatric immortals, who have proven Jesus Christ has arisen by bending silver spoons merely due to suggestion.

Thanks a lot

 

Now kids, are we going to have to separate you two? Or maybe someone needs a time out.

 

Very droll.

In my defense, her writing sucks - or would someone like to tell me how a dozen sentences that start with "I..." is somehow classed as 'good writing'? Because, if it is, I would like to nominate Stephany Meyers for the the Nobel Prize in Literature.

 

Let's assume for the sake of argument that you're right. Let's assume that Emily's stories are "badly written vagina-fests."

We understand you don't like her stories. Fair enough. That's nobody's business but your own. I wouldn't presume to call your tastes right or wrong, but your actions are fair game. You attacked a fellow author, and that's wrong.

There is such thing as tact and constructive criticism. If you see something lacking in her writing, tell her politely in the comments to her stories. Give her some suggestions to help her improve. Don't come to an unrelated thread and, unprovoked, insult her. If you do, don't be surprised when people jump to her defense.

The only questions are, are you perceptive enough to recognize that your initial comment about her writing was rude and uncalled-for, and are you man enough to apologize?

 

Newflash: I already have. She ignored it.

 

I hope I haven't missed anyone. Here is the list of writers interested in participating in the challenge:

drews, smcaaphd, ole crannon, seeminglysatisfied, Mark Twayn, sullygom, Rebeca Lewis, Emily23XXX, dallasalice140, curiousgirl, Sahara907, JayneyRedd, XenuIsXonomorph, Daddycums, Eric the Red, stumbler, dominatemeplease, pir8grl9, asexual pseudonym, doug1953, lubutt17, HornyTrucker, Wimmers, SilentNight123, thinskin, MayaS, Jackass Tales, MrFors, cijababe, x_orion, wantsomefun, Zaine, _Regent_, DeGuru, freethinker, JimmyJump, ChrisLB13, donb9033, and me.

 

You missed me.

 

I am pleased that you are joining the exercise. Welcome.

 

Thank you very much ^^

And yeah, I'm realllllly excited about doing this. I've written quite a bit, so far.

 

Where are they? Post them and share them with the rest of us. Look forward to reading them.

 

Ah, I mean I've written quite a bit for the Competition. You'll have to wait till May 1st to read that. ;D

 

Two reviews, with comparison/contrast

Ouch.

Okay, I'm just here to help Mr. DC and Mr. JAT keep the peace some more.

I've read Miss Emily's most downloaded story, and I've read Mr. Orion's most downloaded story. I take back my suggestion that they might marry and make little babies someday. Now I am convinced that they are actually the same person, two aspects of a dual personality, playing off each other for kicks, perhaps to get a rise out of us.

Both Miss Em and Mr. O appear to favor first person narratives. (Hence the preponderance of the first person pronoun in both cases.). Miss Em tends to drop commas from the independent clauses that she strings between conjunctions - not a big deal, in an execrable place such as this. Keeps the juices flowing. But, let's be honest, the habit chalks up as a stylistic error. One of several, no doubt, that I could find, were I to don my pedagogical hat (don't worry; I won't).

Then again, Mr. O's stories contain more fragments than sentences. An occasional fragment, for interjection, exclamation or emphasis, works fine, and plays a role not dissimilar to the effect of the occasional brass explosions in Haydn's Surprise Symphony. Entire paragraphs composed of fragments... icky. I'm sure Mr. O would strenuously tell us that fragments are integral to his narrative style. Whatever. If Haydn had written his Surprise Symphony entirely in brass, it would no longer be a symphony. It would be a cacophonous mess. Thus, Mr. O has some lucubration in his future, as well, if he aspires to win the Nobel Prize someday.

I have yet to find the place where Miss Em supposedly strarts five consecutive paragraphs with 'I.' If it does indeed occur, I guess one might make the case that a review of Noam Chomsky's Structural Grammar might be in order. Or perhaps the Oxford Book of Style. Or both. Then again, Mr. O's first person narrative staggers between present and past tense like a drunkard weaving his way out of a seedy bar, and his use of second person (viz., 'you') to coerce me, the reader, into the narrative is lazy in the extreme. If the narrative worked, I, the reader, would be drawn in without coercion; the narrative alone would suffice.

Verdict: Miss Em's narrative works more effectively for me. It does more showing than telling, and it never attempts to coerce. The punctuation omissions never quite rise to the level of irritating me, because I am able to insert them as I proceed. Mr. O's narrative works somewhat less effectively, due to the choppiness caused by the excessive use of subordinate fragments. I say somewhat less effectively, because as I wrote at the outset, the respective writers' styles embody roughly equal numbers of bad habits, to the point where, if Mr. O took off his Mighty Misogynist hat for an evening and wrote a hot little ditty involving two female protagonists, he would undoubtedly be able to masquerade under Miss Em's addie, and we, the readers, would be none the wiser.

Which brings me to a quote by D.C:

Indeed, Sir, indeed. Apparently the good Mr. O is more disposed to nasty little expositions on style, than he is to comportment.

Miss Emily, don't hold your breath for Mr. O's apology. Your writing is fantastic, relative to the prevailing standard. Mr. O, same goes to you. But relax, already. Gosh. Newsflash: we, collectively, are creators and purveyors of filth. If Harcourt Brace Jovanovich were in your future, would you be here? No, sir, you would not.

Ratings:

Miss Emily: 8/10
Mr. Orion: 7.75/10


aesexual pseudonym

P.S. ejls, sorry I'm riding on your thread with this, but I thought I'd keep all the nastiness in one place.

 

Damn, I knew I'd miss someone. Yes, HelpMeComeAlive is on my list and now I'll also add Wolfleader.

Good luck everyone!

 

In the interests of research, AP, I present this: Emily Quietly Slips Into Your Room, the first two-paragraphs-and-a-line.

This is the sort of writing that would have even a high-school teacher wearing out their red pen - or are you going to deny it? If the repetition wasn't enough, she changes tenses at least once.

I'm done. It's crap, and you, AP, are a good enough writer to be able to see that it's crap. The justification that 'we just write smut' is fucking bollocks, and you know it.

As to my writing style - then I think you will find it depends on the story. The Rider stories are disjointed because that's the way the character tells them; the Sarachan story is disjointed because I am trying to play with suspense and dramatic effect; the Camorra ones are less so, but if they are, it's because I'm trying to convey the idea that the man is incredibly graceful, that his life is almost a collection of perfect cinema poses in one long stream.

I don't pretend that it all works - but at least I fucking try and mix my writing up, try and do something that's not 'easy' or 'conventional' in an attempt to bring something extra. Can you honestly say the same of her writing?

 

Dear AP,

Thank you for playing grammar cop. I will spend the next few minutes looking up a few of the words you used tonight.

Dear x_orion,

While I appreciate your striving to be techinically appealing, this brings to mind a fellow author on another site. He is a 65 yr old Advanced Literature student and his stories are brilliant. Until his latest - which was a complete and utter failure. Why? Because while he was concentrating on presenting the most technically correct story on the site, he failed to tell a story. He went from wonderful storyteller, to someone who gave excuses to the readers for them not understanding his work, because obviously, we were not educated enough to get it.

The story that will win this competition is not going to win because of genre or tag, but because the readers enjoyed the story.

 

One should never take it too far, on that we agree.

Nonetheless, AP read my highest rated story, stating that my use of tenses was like a drunkard weaving his way out a bar.

Funnily enough, the story style is an attempt to reflect the monologue of a drunkard weaving his way out a bar.