2 months away from becoming the 40 y.o. virgin. Kind of depressing, any advice other hookers and suicide?

 

I don't know....masturbation? Sudoku?

 

http://www.hotrussianbrides.com/

 

watch the film - you'll piss ya pants and then cheer up - and FFS - 40 ! - go find a hooker

 

sudoko, well I am pretty good at the jumble

 

http://www.goingtoseminary.com/

 

advice:
1) Laugh at yourself.
Laugh often. IDK how you got yourself into this mess. Like a cat with a fish bowl stuck on his head, your situation requires laughter.

2) Don't sweat it.
Shit happens or not as the case may be. There is no point in stressing over things. Relax, go have some fun. You might get lucky.

3) GET OUT!!!!!!!
Turn off the sex-box and leave your house. Seriously! It's time you found yourself a mate. A live one this time.

 

YOUR KIDDING, RIGHT

Where/what the hell have you been doing for the last 25 years of your life, my initial advice would be relax, dont rush things, but you seem to have apathy down to a fine art.

Christ, I remember being a teenager, i thought my head was going to explode, until I had my first jump....But, and it's a big but...once the first one is out the way, your head kinda clears, and the second one comes easier (excuse the pun).

So I would say to get the monkey off your back go to your local massage /sauna parlour, there a woman will offer you a nice relaxing massage, halfway through she will say something like "do you want any extra's". you say yes, tell her what you want, dont be shy or embarressed, she has seen and done it all before, money will change hands, wear some protection,... bish bash bosh... hey presto, a few seconds later,........ and i'm afraid in your case, it will only be a few seconds,....... your not the worlds oldest virgin any more, if things dont work out or it doesnt happen for you, dont give up, its like riding a bike once you learn the basic's your flying, and that might give you a little bit of confidence to approach and meet women in a more social type of enviroment.

This is a one off exercise, i would not recommend it as an ongoing solution, but it will help you get airborne off the flight deck.

I

 

Massage parlors? How 20th Century...

http://www.craigslist.org

You can buy ANYTHING here!

 

It is unimaginable how much simpler life would have been if I had just waited until I was forty.

Get it in gear cause in another twenty years having a good dump feels like an orgasm.

Good luck with whatever you decide....

Not even a BJ..

 

Yeah, but were talking hands on experience here, face to face contact, the guy know's how to use a keyboard, it's his dick that needs a bit of hard drive (these puns are working well today) LOL

 

LuLz! You can buy THAT TOO on Craigslist... Services>Adult>W4M

 

I know you said no hookers but really I think your best bet is to just save up your money and go to the Bunny Ranch. At least there it's top of the line girls and high standards, and legal.

The only way you'll get laid without going to a professional is probably if you don't tell anybody you're a virgin. Some girls/women might be into that though so who knows?

 

Shit! Don't even buy it!

Oh my... baller's monkey-typewriter almost stuck at genius. Good rule of thumb: do the exact opposite of anything his monkeys type. Post an on Craigslist saying you're a 40-y'o virgin and someone will volunteer to pop dat cherry!! I'm sure of it... unless you live in the middle of nowhere... then... uh... Yeah.

 

+1.


any reason you're still a virgin? choice? hermit?

 

Did you say suicide...don't do that way to many choices......seriously man toss that idea away....the worst of life as far as we know is still better that the best of death...........

 

Yes, this is interesting…

 

This is the best advice.

 

I'm not so sure. What if he took out a personal ad, copped to his virginity, and begged for a woman to help him, out of an overabundance of compassion and humanitarianism?

 

speed dating...because you are guaranteed not to be the wierdest person there