Oh, no, she’s been baking again
And I just don’t know when to say “when”
Whatever she makes
Be it cookies or cakes
Have to let out my pants yet again

 

Suzie

By request:
(Good luck, but keep it LEGAL - I only approve of violence as a form of poetic license. This took me about ten minutes, but I‘m charging you for the full hour!)

There was a young woman called Suzie
Who, sadly, was merely a floozy
She ran off with some dude
Dumped her hubby - so rude!
But he learned how to be far more choosy

Now Suzie’s ex has a new bride
From the old one he just wants to hide
But she won’t go away
So he drowned her today
‘Cause he couldn’t afford cyanide

So, what did he do with her body?
The state it was in was quite shoddy
He cut off her twat
Flushing it down the pot
And then sat himself down with a toddy

His new wife said “That wasn’t nice
Your behavior has made me think twice
You will only wind up
With your balls in a cup
If you think my cunt you’ll ever slice”

He assured her he wasn’t the kind
To ever put her in a bind
But he just couldn’t stand
Suzie’s constant demand
To put up with her shit and not mind

Now, the moral of this nasty story
Is avoiding a death that is gory
So don’t cheat on your mate
Or you’ll meet the same fate
Or you’ll wind up before a grand jury

 

It’s a bank holiday in UK
And our friends ‘cross the pond just might say
“I’ve one more day for playing
No, I shan’t spend it praying
I’ll be fekking me lassie all day“!

 

I see nopanties has been busy
Sending Joe into a tizzy
Posting all of her rhymes
Using just five short lines
On subjects to make one feel dizzy.

 

Thinking of a rhyme
takes time
but want to peep
need to sleep
but need to go and by some thyme

 

Fecking yer lassie yer say
Bet that will sure make her day
Am I right to think
You love kissing the pink
And todgers are not in your play

 

I hope you’re not too dizzy, there,
Could be dangerous for an armed bear
If you fell to the ground
I might “shoot off a round”
Sucking hard ’til I’ve had my fair share

 

I’m glad you went out to buy thyme
I might need it to spice up this rhyme
If I can’t make you hard
I might not be a bard
And might need to try being a mime

 

Think you might need to translate
There are things here I just don't get, mate!
Still I'm thinking you know
There are two ways I'll go
When I'm looking to have a hot date!

 

Sorry for causing confusion
I'm often subject to delusion
I'd be in clover
If I could turn you over
Assuming I had your collusion

 

Why do you think I might mind?
Do you think you might not be my kind?
We can roll in that clover
Then you’ll put me over
The first bed or chair you can find

 

bend you over a chair
joined in a pair
grabbing your bust
lost in my lost
better then the fair

 

The rides that they have at the fair
Simply just cannot compare
To a ride on a man
Who gives all that he can
When he knows what I'm willing to share

 

A angel speads her wings as she sours
a man holds a glass of wine he pours
dancing a special beat
reminds me of a kiss on the street
The princess gets in the boat for a ride, I grab te oars

 

I like to think I can spot 'em
Give me copybooks I'll surely blot em
But with an empty waterbottle
And me on full throttle
We'll enjoy that great bald breezy bottom

 

When you say that my bottom is "great"
Do you mean by its value or weight?
'Cause if that was a crack
You can throttle it back
And not comment on all that I ate!

 

Give me wine, kiss me quick
I might dance with your dick
In the boat
We're afloat
Then we're off on a kick

 

Locked n this dance
Licking you into a trance
bringing on an electric explosion
enjoying the notion
waitng to prance

 

The last verse above was a corker
I don't want to seem like a stalker
Let's put paid to this farce
Just show me your arse
And I'll let you know if you're a porker.


(Only joking)

 

BRILLIANT!!!:excited::excited::excited:

I think you should ask me to dance
For that might give my hips a good chance
To work off all that bread
And bring you on instead
When I make my way into your pants

I think maybe Joe Blobb just blushed
To both of his heads the blood rushed
But that’s really OK
‘Cause it’s such a good way
To arrive in the place I just gushed