I'm a 26 year old man with a cleft-palate scar (scar through my lip). As a result i am completely shy and self conscious and am unable to form any kind of relationship. I feel like women view me as an abnormal person and reject me before i ever have a chance. I have never experienced any kind of sexual contact from anybody - never been touched or kissed and with every year that passes i become increasingly dejected and depressed. I know there are other things in this world to live for, goals to set, things to accomplish etc... but this one issue seems to affect my motivation in all areas of my life. I often feel that there is no point in life if all there is to look forward to is more lonliness.

I am also growing this immense sexual frustration, so much so that thoughts of sex are slowly overcoming my life. I need to have sex, i'm going crazy.

People out there what do i do. I know its strange to ask for such advice on pornography forums, but this seems to be an anonymous place to me where people seem to be honest and mature about all matters. I don't wanna be 27 , 28, 29, 30, etc... and be alone and untouched.

 

All I can offer as advice is try to ignore the scar, if women judge you on that alone they are shallow and most women are not, I have a couple of friends with similar scars, others with much worse ones and they have girlfriends who don't even see the scars.
I myself have a nasty scar from a scald on the front of my right shoulder, it is only visible when I don't wear a shirt, most girls ignore it the ones that don't usually give me sympathy when I tell them it happened when I was two years old.

So don't worry and get out there and change your life manno.

 

well its probably not helping you to tell you that most women won´t care, as you´re already shy about it, so you´ll have to learn to live with it...nobody is perfect....do you see the couples that sometimes walk the streets and you wonder...wow how did she/he get such a good looking partner....the fact is...a scar doesn´t make you unattractive...

women probably don´t approach you, because you´re shy about it and in your head you think they aren´t looking at you anyway, or if they are they are making fun of you, but it isn´t true, and if you don´t change that attitude your body language and aura tell women not to flirt with you....

you have to learn to accept yourself and you´ll see that you´re not doomed to be lonely the rest of your life

 

I dated someone with cleft-palate scar and even though he had that scar it never changed how I looked at him, Be yourself honey for reals, don't let others opinions rule you! Rule yourself and how you live your life, you have to be confident in who you are and how you look. Some women out there are just mad crazy and judge, like you said your not abnormal you are NORMAL and that's all that should matter.

There is someone out there for everyone just be patient and at the right time and place you will have your time of being kissed touched the whole nine yards with a women.

 

Hi sweetie.

My boyfriend was born with a bilateral cleft palate and I find him super hot! He does keep his scar covered with a mustache, but even if he shaved I would find him sexy as hell. I know that being self-conscious can sometimes cause someone to keep people at arms length. Doing that can make you miss girls who may be interested. For now look to form friendships with girls and let them get to know the person inside.

 

I'm with rich. A girl who gives a damn about the scar is shallow.

And in my opinion: if they mind, they don't matter.
*credit is due to me "Uncle" for teaching me that mind over matter phrase*

 

I've got to agree wit most of the other posters.
You've just got to be bold, and if they see you don't care about it, they won't either.
For that matter, you could make up a cool story about it, and turn it into an asset.

 

Thanks to all who posted.

 

First of all I have the sneaking suspision that along with the scar you are overweight and with a grungy face and whiskers.


I could be wrong but people usually like to ignore other bad aspects of themself.


So, if you arne't already, get in shape and look GOOD. do it for other people not just for yourself lol.


don't become obsessed only with sex. think of relationships too. or are you not interested in that?


furthermore why not just have surgery? I was born tongue tied. I had surgery as a baby and I have to say if I had not had the surgery I wouldn't feel as happy as i do today.


I actually still feel like my tongues too short, and plan to get it cut again when I am 30 or so.

 

you just need to have some confidence, like the others have said.

If you believe it's nothing to be concerned about others will get that vibe from you as well.

Good luck

 

I'd just like to add my two penn'orth...

@ the OP... sweetie, try not to worry about it (easier said than done, I know) but you've received some good advice here.

To be honest, you might have to try a teeny bit harder than (for instance) the captain of the local football team, or the guy who lives down the road and has a guitar and plays in a band, but you sound like a really nice, decent chap - I'd be quite impressed by a bloke like you, because you sound like a nice, decent, respectable chap.

Try to stop putting yourself down, and concentrate on the good bits of your personality, because you sound quite lovely

 

Tell them you got the scar in Iraq or Afghanistan, work out, and be confident in your self. Where I come from, the saying goes " Bruises and scars make men more beautiful" Good Luck!

 

the scar makes you who you are.. it is as much a part of you as your eyes and ears.. you have to accept who you are for who you are.. cause no one else can be you.. and if you dont take an active role in yourself then everyone else will shape you into what THEY want you to be..

and thats exactly what youre doing now..

letting them shape you..

once you learn to love yourself.. it will show.. and others will reciprocate.. start with you.. then worry about everything else..

 

I disagree D: I disagree completely.


why are you so romantically inclined kairi? :< the real world is evil and bitchy and only cares about tight asses and smooth stomachs. Not even money can rival these.

 

i'm actually in good shape. And i don't have whiskers. And i am not grungy... i don't know where youre getting this idea from.

 

Are you really that cynical cupcake?
I happen to know for a fact that one doesn't have to be a super model to get laid.
As a matter of fact, if you could see some of the women I've had you wouldn't believe it.
Sometimes I don't believe it.

 

also they can't do much more for me with surgery unfortunately. I've asked around and there are little operations they can do but they can't change much.

 

no actually you agree..

i was a romantic.. at my core maybe.. but i say this out of malice for the 'real world'..

because what it sounds like to me is that the real world managed to take from him the one thing no one should be able to take.. and that is the love and pride you have for yourself.. you cant conquer the world without a sense and love of self..

with out that you have nothing.. you are nothing.. how can you BE loved.. if you dont love yourself..

the only way to love yourself is to first except who you are and the person you want to be.. when you do these things.. it begins to show.. others see that confidence in you and will react.. how is up to them.. and how you react in accord is up to you.. but you cant even get to a place where the possibility can happen without that accepting of who you are..

 

I notice that you're able to type coherently, OP. You also sound intelligent, and able to examine yourself without self pity or whining about it, a good thing. I think scars can be interesting, on both sexes. There are more than a few kinks associated with it. In this age of body modification, your scar isn't nearly the most striking thing out there, I'm sorry to say. But it does sound interesting. I knew a guy with a cleft palate and a speech impediment in college, and I hate to say that he was a bit of a whiny bitch about it, and to be honest, really started to annoy me. (I threw that in to reiterate that personality is much more important than appearance.) As I got older, and talked to women from my high school days, I realized that I was a lot more attractive then than I thought I was. I was pretty sure I was only two steps away from Quazimoto, turns out that I was turning at least a couple of heads. There are probably at least a couple of girls crushing on you right now, and you just don't recognize it. Get out there, be friendly, and ask them to coffee, a bookstore, a concert, a bar, a sandwich at a local deli. Worst that happens is they say no, best that happens is you wake up the next morning and there's a warm body next to you and you've got a shit eating grin on your face that lasts for at least a week. Good luck buddy, now get out there and go sexin'.

 

*refuses to admit she agrees*


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