I want sex from him all the time, I find him irrasistable. But he only wants to have sex at night, before we go to sleep. So all the lights are off and I can barely see his face. We've had sex a couple times with the lights on, but it seems like he prefers it with the lights off. And sometimes we don't even have sex, it's been like 3 days since the last time for us. And today he was taking a nap and I even got in the bed with him, completely naked and used my vibrator. I know he was awake, but he didn't move, he just laid there with his back to me. But when I was done he rolled over and kissed me.

He's told me he doesn't think he's attractive, but that he thinks I'm beautiful, and that he even likes the stretch marks on my tummy (I have a 1 year old from a previous relationship).

I know he's tired sometimes, because he works 12 hour shifts, either 6 am to 6 pm or 6pm to 6 am. But sometimes I just feel like he doesn't want me, or at least doesn't want to see me.

 

find a new beau..maybe he did already.

 

I know he's not cheating on me, he gets home like 10 or 15 mins after his shift is over. And then he's here with me for the rest of the time. Plus, we live with my sister and her husband, and she's a busy body so if she even remotely thought he was even talking to another girl she'd bitch him out and tell me.

 

All this really was for was for me to get it off my chest, and I thought that maybe someone had some advice on how to bring my concerns up to him, without making him feel guilty.

 

Talk to him. Frankly, and without getting caught up in emotion.

What other advise were you expecting? We're not you, we're not him, and we're not flies on the wall.

Communicate. It's free.

 

It's the "without getting caught up in emotion" part that I'm finding difficult. The last relationship I was in my partner was emotionally abusive, so I now have problems expressing how I feel without freaking out, staring at the floor, and crying. So I was kind of hoping that someone would be able to tell me how to block those bad thoughts out, or to keep my emotions under wrap.

 

And I seem to have learned the hard way that if you'd really like some advice or help here you're in the wrong place. It seems the only questions that get real answers are about trying to fuck your family members.

 

it may be that he doesn't value sex as an important part of a relationship and that it could ruin what you both have with eachother. Some people of course see sex not as a bad thing but as an expression of love which like the phrase i love you, can lose its power and sex needs to remain strong in an emotional sense... If that helps at all

 

Thank you for some actual insight.

 

no problem, something which may be worth trying if you feel you can is to not even suggest sex, let alone have sex for a long while and see if he says anything or does anything, and if he does you know he does value it, if not then probe a little deeper why i guess, but not everyone is all for sex all the time

 

if he does or doesn't do anything, it could be amazing sex if you haven't had sex for so long on the up side

 

Maybe you are over reacting? It has only been 3 days and he is working 12 hour shifts. He will be slaving like that to build a future with you. You have someone who loves you, a lot of people would consider you very lucky.

 

im with wimmers here, honestly, coming from a guy who works 8 hours a day, im still pretty tired and every 3 days isnt very long, talk to him, it really is the best thing

 

even when i was working 8-10 hrs(retired) a day i still found plenty of time for fucking and still do at my age.

 

2 things here. You said he doesn't think he's attractive, maybe he's embarassed about you seeing him naked or whatever. Could be, never know.

The other, working for 12 hours takes a lot out of you. There have been days when I worked that long, and when I come home I don't feel like doing anything but just going to sleep.

 

I've got agree with this.

Not only that, but if you're going to the point of getting into bed and using your vibrator, he may resent you for being pushy.

 

Does he lie to you about anything else? If not, then most likely what he told you is true. Talk to him.

 

I've actually been on the other end of this before. My girlfriend didn't think I found her attractive. She was a goddess, but had insecurity issues, she never realised how beautiful she was. Anyway, I was always nervous because she seemed out of my league and it seemed preposterous that she could be attracted to me.


This sounds similar to what he's saying. I'd agree with Orion, I'm sorry it's not a quick fix, but you should really talk to him. Explain what you're worried about, and you'll probably see that his concerns mirror your own exactly.

 

it sounds like he really does have self esteem issues girls are not the only ones who arnt in the mood when they dont think they are "pretty" you can either talk to him directly about the issue i.e. tell him that it makes u feel unattractive when he doesnt want the lights on and or doesnt seem interested in sex, just make sure you listen to what he has to say and try and work it out together. or you could just try and stroke his ego and build up his confidence if you dont think ou can approach him head on without letting emotions and or your own hurt feelings get in the way of addressing the issue. p.s. there are people on these forums here to offer real advice but like anywhere on the internet there are going to be some exceptional ass hats, it is the internet home to more trolls than San Francisco California has fairies

 

He sounds exhausted to me. My husband never wants ex if he is exhausted, especially if mentally wiped.