Money. Kids. Sex.

Those are the three non-negotiables. If you aren't compatible with your partner in those three areas you can NOT have a healthy relationship.

So you need to talk to her. Let her know that you need to be intimate more often and that being rejected by her again and again is hurting your relationship.

If she refuses to be more intmate then move on because it won't get better.

 

whatever shes doing its obviously working because you're still with her.

I fucked my ex fiance everyday and whenever he wanted it and he didnt even last 9 months with me.

Admit it you love the challenge and i condone her for doing what she does. it keeps you interested and the one day you do fuck her, you enjoy it that much more. Men don't have a say because we women are the ones with teh say. we expose ourselves to more infection than you do and we are the ones who can possibly get pregnant, not you. That is why we have the say.

 

@culitopeludo-
I understand what you're saying but I think you misunderstood what I meant. I'm not looking for a way to have sex with her at any given time of the day/week I see fit. However, I disagree with you that women should have the complete say on when sex is because they have infections and babies, I don't feel that's a valid statement at all. I do believe that for a healthy relationship, that both people should be mentally and sexually interested in each other and satisfied. Not....seeing if they can tease the person to string them along to extended relationship. I like her enough that I don't need an dangling treat on the end of my nose to keep me around.

I'll look for some way to communicate my problem to her, but as of now I can't see any way that wouldn't either make me appear like an ass, or just start having sex more just because it's my issue. Ideally it'd be nice to find a way to get her to want to spice it up more without my "asking"

 

text her or email her at work sexy messages
get her ready

us girls arent remotes! we cant turn on and off

you must ease us in, unless we are drunk then ravage our bodies

 

Sad to say it's a fact of life

Well it's been a fact of my life with quite a number of sexy women. That excitement does wear off - pherenomes or something give you a sort of animal urgency at the start, something to do with survival of the species, but they are programmed to fade away after a few months. Biology is a bastard. So then you've got to work at it.

Here's a test for whether the excitement is still there. Do you still kiss with open mouths i.e. French kiss? That's usually one of the first casualties.

As for her being the one who decides where and when, my advice, no my plea is to saddle up your horse and head for the hills. Or anywhere away from her.

 

i think you misunderstood me too. i should clarify that i feel women should have more say, but not COMPLETE say in sex. i agree that both parties should demonstrate when they would like to have sex, and it should be exchanged to please the one and the other. It is a partnership afterall, not a dictatorship. I think you should express your feelings to her as you said, and if she can't share her decision making with you, perhaps you should find someone less manipulative.

Cheers.

 

its funny how they always say the signs of an ending relationship will be: less sex, less intimacy, less excitement, however right before my relationships ended, there was no sign of that. hmm strange.

 

You've not been together long and the sex is already rubbish? You two are not compatible. End of. Leave her and find somebody who WANTS to make love to you.
My own situation - I'm a 46 year old guy, my GF is 39 and we can easily make love 3 times a day.
She's either not into you or frigid.

 

This is a generalization, but men do tend to think about sex and want sex more than women- get used to that in life.

It sounds like you haven't had much experience yourself- how much time do you put into foreplay? Have you tried some romance (flowers, making her a nice dinner, etc. to get her in the mood?) How much time have you spent figuring out what she likes? Have you tried, in those times when she is in the mood, waching porn to see what turns her on? Have you spent some time online checking out techniques? Become the most awesome, careing, focused, attentive, giving lover that you can be and she'll most likely want you far more often.

 

Just reread your post - so you were 'together' for 9 months before you had sex? Jesus, we're not living in the 19th century. If it took you that long to 'get it on' then I'd say something is wrong.

 

So I have been with my man for 8 years. It took about seven to get bored with our sex life. I am very kinky and open to whatever he wants. That helps out a lot. It takes BOTH halfs tell eachother what they want in the bedroom.

She has to be open and want it. Be open and honest with her. You may also need to woo her a little. Flowers music... etc. Sometimes it seems like men forget how to do all that shit after they get us.

Good luck.

 

For the sex to be spontaneous and frequent there needs to be a spark between you. But there could be a spark AND intimacy could very well be excluded from it;

Even if you click with everything both of you are sex could be so-so. You could find her to be the most exciting woman on Earth and sex is still so-so. The mental/emotional interaction keeps things going as they are.

And the opposite - you could click sexually with a person that you don't really connect to otherwise. In that case things feel pretty emtpy but the physical interaction keeps things going as they are.

Given the choice I'd pick the first. Despite my insane sex drive.

The day you find everyting in one partner go buy a few lottery tickets. I consider you lucky. Very lucky. You may hang yourself too - there won't be greater luck in your life.

 

You need to change your partner.

 

routine?

...been with my one and only gf ever for over a year now,

The first sentence of your post says alot. Expand your horizons my friend. Its a very small percent of people who find and stick with their first relationship. Without sounding crude or offensive to the people who its worked for, I say that it would be like sampling only one kind of beer your whole life, you don't have anything to compare it too.

 

Because you are a pussy, that's why it has become routine. You have allowed her to take full control of the sex part of your relationship and now you are surprized she calls the shots?

Usually a relationship is shared work, shared responsibility and shared decission-making process, but it seems that in this regard you have no say. If you want to take control of that part of your life here is what you need to do (it is drastic but it is the only way at this point to regain some control)

1- You TELL her, not discuss, not explain, not compromise, but TELL her that sex is very important to you. You need it taken care of regularly and not only on her schedule. Tell her that in order for this relationship to be successful and you to be happy in it she needs to respond better to your needs. Now, you follow up with (and you absolutely must) telling her that if she does not take responsability for making you happy, you will search for and find someone on the side that will give you sex. It is very important that if she does not change you follow through with this threat. You sign up for match.com or plentyoffish.com, you put adds on craigslist and "accidentally" leave them open for her to see. If this breaks up the relationship so be it...

2- Find out what she likes, let's say going out dancing. You tell her 3 days prior that you will take her dancing, emind her every day that its happening in the next few days. The day of the event tell her to look her best. Get dressed, let her get dressed. Then when she is ready to head out of the door, you sit in front of the TV and tell her you are not in the mood anymore and do NOT go through with it. SHe will get the message.

Don't be a pussy...If a woman has become the man in the relationship you either accept you are the pussy and live with it, or take control of the relationship yourself. Alternatively look for a different relationship where you can be the man.