Wish i had half your problems. I keep landing in that damn 'friend zone' ><

 

it happens to guys too... i spent a long time trying to settle down, be monogamous... but the women in my life at the time wanted to fuck and that was that.

at some point though it just changes... its kinda inexplicable. but you'll get there!

until then though... wanna hook up?

 

I tend to have more this problem too. I have no trouble getting guys interested and then all of a sudden they discover how great I am to talk to. Maybe I need to be less available to talk to!

Oh, and Goldi? I think that they are out there. And I have no doubt that you will find it. But you might need to look out of state (hint, hint).

 

Ive had this problem in the past. After my divorce I went through a short period where all I wanted was a fuck buddy and that was great but then I started missing the companionship of a relationship. For a while it seemed like all I was attracting were men who wanted the NSA thing, well then this guy at work who I had developed a slight crush on asked me out so I just acted the opposite of how I am for a few weeks. I wasn't proud of it at all but I'm a very sexual person and I'm fairly open about it which tends to lead to the designation of fuck buddy.

I didn't have sex with him for a month until he referred to me as his girlfriend which subsequently led to the sex kitten being released. He was pleasantly surprised. We dated for about 8 months. It wouldve been great if he wasn't such an asshole.

So the lesson I learned: don't paint "dirty slut" on your forehead (which I can be from time to time) and men won't target you as an easy lay.

 

It could be one of a few things:

It could be that you're getting with the wrong type of guy and maybe haven't met the type who isn't like that yet.

It could be that you're making yourself too easily available and being "the cool chick" as you said.

Or.. it could be that you're the type where guys see you as more of a fuck-buddy than somebody who is girlfriend material. If this is the case, you need to ask yourself why and see how you can change that.

 

for once

Try choosing a different type of a guy.. someone not as exciting maybe even shy but not dumb?

Someone who is just driven by things other than just impressing you or women.. Someone you know isn't the hottest guy in the room but sure has a personality inside..

There are many guys who are nice.. but nice guys finish last and thats why its do hard...

many nice guys change into pure cocky assholes because women love it and they get laid...

 

This I don't like. Plenty of guys who are good looking and just as exciting, outgoing, much more interesting than those types, aren't cocky assholes. I know more than a few guys who fit the above description I just gave.

That's the problem. Our society keeps reinforcing this bullshit that douchey guys are exciting, interesting, fun-loving, masculine, etc, but the fact is that they're little boys who act like catty girls. They're not any of the things they try to come across as. That's why they try in the first place.

Women need to be educated on this or else they'll keep going for the facade instead of the real thing, and it'll always end up the same way.

 

do deers get told, "i wanna fuck you and so does my rommate" after 1 date? LoL. no, i don't give in. when they've made it clear all they want is booty, i stop all communication.

yes, i know, it's the guys i am going for-- only the emotionally unavailable ones!!

how does one recondition what they're attracted to?

 

This I can help you with.

It has nothing to do with what you're attracted to. There is nothing wrong with what you're attracted to. I obviously don't know exactly what you're attracted to but here's what's really behind the most common "problem attractions" women tend to list.

1.) You're attracted to guys who "treat you like shit". This is because what you're really attracted to is a guy who isn't always easily available and who is his own man and has a backbone, who won't let you walk all over him. Women never want a guy who they have to "settle" for. You want somebody who you almost feel you have to earn, like he's a prize. The ones who treat you like shit are the ones who have nothing going for them outside of that shit, who need to try hard as hell to get any attention, whether the women who give it to them realize this or not.

2.) You're attracted to "emotionally unavailable, unemotional, etc" types. This is one of the most common misconceptions out there and a very problematic one. Chances are, you're really attracted to guys who are the strong, silent type and who can deal with shit on their own and not feel a need to involve others. The problem is that, most likely, the guys who you think are "emotionally unavailable" are really just douchebags who never don't get their way and are self-centered and childish. They try to use excuses like "I'm a sociopath, a cold, unemotional person, I don't understand feelings, etc" but in reality, they're just people who were never put in their place or knocked out.

3. You're attracted to "dominant" types. This isn't really a misconception. You want an Alpha Male, as does pretty much every woman on the planet. The problem here is that true Alpha Males and true dominant men are rare. What you're left with are douchey losers who are delusionally convinced that they are Alpha Males because they've never actually had that delusion challenged in their lives and have been allowed to walk around with a false sense of self-importance. This is the most destructive but fortunately the most easily noticed. Guys like this always have to have things be on "their terms" things be by "their rules", only have a sense of humor when it's not turned back at them. They have such a fragile ego and such a fragile little delusional bubble that the smallest poke into that bubble that could risk it bursting unleashes the childish, self-centered.. literally spoiled child part of them.. the part that leads to things like abuse and unhealthy relationships.


Feel free to correct me if I've forgotten any.

Anyway, the problem with this is, the type of guy who is all of those things women tend to think douchey dudes are without having any of their "douchey qualities" is rare these days. This is because what I described above is an actual man. This is something that is rare these days because things are different and people don't have the morals, values, backbone, honesty, or any of those things that they used to, except in certain areas. The guys like this who are left tend to come from working class and ghetto areas, because you have to be a real man in order to make it out of somewhere like that without turning to easy ways out or any of that shit. You have to be a real man to grow up fighting or worse and survive, and you have to be a real man in order to not only do that but make the most of the opportunities you create for yourself. The man you need, unfortunately, is rare, because that kind of man is of the highest caliber, and if not the highest then damn close to it.

Guys like this tend to not waste time playing games or dealing with shit, and thus will avoid a woman they think is a certain type, even if she isn't that type. The best way to land one of these guys is to

A) Get an athlete or some other type who rose from humble beginnings,

B) pay attention to the guys with a confidence and swagger about them who don't try to talk women up or draw attention to themselves yet have women approaching them.. or even if they don't.. so long as that unignorable swagger is present, that draws you to them for the right reasons (dudes who don't "peacock" or any of that other bullshit) or

C) Look elsewhere for a man, somewhere a man would actually frequent, as opposed to places overgrown boys in man-suits frequent.

And remember, they don't put up with bullshit. Not saying you're the type to be like that but they will never tell you what you want to hear, only what you need to hear/what is truth, and they want a drama-free, healthy relationship.

Hope this helps

 

I appreciate the breakdown, Baller.
I probably need to grow some balls and start doing the picking instead of letting guys pick me as well.

 

thats a good idea

 

No problem. It's understandable for most women to not understand these things until they meet a guy who makes it clear for them that he's a cut above the rest, because it's guys and not women who are around these types the most often. It's guys who see the side of them that women tend to only see when it's too late. A big red flag is a guy who always has to try to be seen as "dominant" or "physically superior", the type who will invade people's space constantly, slapping people on the head, trying to grab them from behind, etc. I'm talking about doing it to other guys too.. trying to physically intimidate complete strangers.

It would help to be more active in deciding who you date, yes. Another thing is, and again, not saying you need to.. but IF there are things you need to work on, work on them, and the caliber of guy you attract will be higher. It starts with you, at the center, and moves outward from there. Put your best self out there, and always take care of the things that are under your control.

 

one other piece of advice that falls into Baller's "C" catagory:

either stop looking at the places you frequent already, and go a little out-field... get out of your comfort zone a little bit. you'd be surprised at how many potential matches exist within social circles or entertainment circles that aren't what you would call yourself "into", and because it's outside of your regular comfort zone it will do two things, build your own confidence, and hopefully guarantee that while the people there may be potential matches for you, they're not the same kind of people you would normally meet.
or
stop looking all together.

finding a partner just kinda happens in most cases, and one of the most solid pieces of advice i can give is to just swear yourself off of sex for a little while, a couple of months or something. become confident in yourself and not in your ability to fuck, and you'll have the right kind of man coming after you.

 

I thoroughly agree with Doakes, except for the idea of swearing yourself off from sex for some time.
You can easily find a fuck buddy, but don't go out with him - just your place, or his place, fuck, and than back to your usual activities - no strings attached.

As an example, I remember the ONLY time when I couldn't find myself a girlfriend at the sea side, was when I went with a friend of mine who was permanently obsessed: "Let's try to find some girls"...

And he was also a good looking guy, but you could "read" on his face "I wanna fuck, fuck, fuck!!!"...

And... yes! Change the places you go after your working hours, maybe even your friends for a while - see if it works for you.

We have a word here: "Tell me who you hang around with, and I'll tell you who you are!"
I don't really agree with it, since I've had lots of friends from very varied places and educations, but that didn't change me...

 

as stated by some forum users already, there are some women that just give off the aura of being sex driven. odds are you are one of those females that just gives off the aura of loving sex. no offense meant. odds are one of the things you could try is the timid act. by that i mean don't come out as super confident when you go out on a date but rather the shy quiet insecure girl. don't say much for starters if they spark a conversation first and it involves sex. simple do the *ignore act* and talk about something way left field from sex. if they seem put off by that then you know odds are they wanted you for sex. in some cases though you will get the sly male who will play out to your every trick you throw at him just to get in your pants. this is easily uncovered as well. by simply at the end of the date he seems to want to stick around some more to *get to know* or has some BS sob story. Then there is the infamous well here is my number in case you ever want to talk. I have used this one a few times to seem like the good guy. yeah all we are hoping for is you think exactly that we are the good guy. and boom you will call us and from there we can get you hook line and sinker. not all men who play the good guy card are actually out for sex so you have to be weary of this one. just look for the obvious signs that he is out for sex being a male i know we tend to slip even a small fragment of a hint every time we are looking for a sexual encounter. you just have to learn the signs.

 

First off... never tell anybody to do anything other than simply be themselves. A woman who is playing something she isn't is such a turn-off.

Secondly, you were pretending to be a "nice guy", not a good guy. There is a difference.

I hope this doesn't cause an argument or anything. You were giving bad advice is all and it'd be wrong of me to not counter it.

 

oh no no you fail to understand by being herself she is invited the list you mentioned about to come waltzing right in to her. by playing a different act. which we all have done at some point in our lives she can start to unmask these types and eventually learn which types to avoid. by trying to say that all this is her flaw is incorrect. men arent the sweet loving caring people we try to put on when it comes to dates. in the end most guys are only after one thing and you can even admit to such a thing baller. and no there is no arguing here lol just simply stated not all the flaws fall back on her end. ill be the first guy to admit that hey im an asshole and i play my cards well.

 

But telling her to play games isn't going to help anything. It's the fact that you told her to act shy and insecure that I'm countering mostly. The way you told her to act, changing the conversation if he brings up sex, looking away, acting all insecure and shit.. that's the type of thing that will drive a real man away. Bad advice.

She simply needs to be herself but not be a way where a guy figures dinner will always get him laid. Not saying she is like that but that, and learning to understand why she's attracted to what she's attracted to, why things are always a certain way, is what she needs to do. Your advice is counter-productive because of that.

Also, any guy who masks anything is EXACTLY the type she wants to avoid. A man doesn't mask anything. He doesn't play games. He's direct and is simply himself.

 

2 different points of view...

So, you, Saborg, sound just like a mother giving advise to her daughter - I'm sure your intentions are good and whatever...

You, Baller, sound like a shrink and I'm sure your advise is very reliable.

Now, let the girl have a choice - she can very well act at one date in a way, and at another date, the other way - she shall just see what suits her best...

The main thing, from my point of view, is that she must hide her "sex addiction" - we all say we wish we have a sex addicted girlfriend, but when it comes to long term relationships, we rather preffer a "tamed" girl...

 

hiding a sex addiction is easier said then done. then again your making seem as though she is the one at fault for the men she ends up with. its not just her but rather a combination of men can pick out sex driven women yes and her on her end is her carefree confidence level. it doesn't swing one way or the other bro.